Chapter Three
Good again
"Sssh, Miranda it's all right, everything is going to be all right, I promise" Gary told her softly.
Miranda didn't answer him but Gary felt her grip on him tightened. He did the same instinctively.
The fact that she was holding on to him so tightly told him that he had been right after all. She was just as scared as he was though she would tell him I love you whenever she felt the need to. Using words was an easy task for Miranda. Gary hoped, that one day soon, he would be able to tell her just how much he loved her.
After a while, she slowly pulled away from him, but only just enough to be able to look in his brown eyes. Miranda didn't say a word, she just stared at him. Gary's breath was taken away, by what he saw in them. Miranda was telling him so much by just looking at him; she was so scared that she might have lost him for good because he thought she couldn't trust him, his heart broke, at the realization, he had hurt her. Her eyes were also telling him something else entirely though just how much she loved him. She loved him unconditionally.
He wished she would see the same in his eyes, because he loved her just the same way, unconditionally.
Gary had never in his life seen so much love for him, shine in the eyes of any woman he's ever been with. Jacinta was just a fling as he thought of it, he wasn't even sure now why he'd started dating her and as for Rose… Rose had tried to change him. He didn't need and didn't want to change for someone else. He was who he was and if Rose couldn't accept that well, he just couldn't stay with her.
He had known his relationship with her was over the moment she said that he must have been glad his thing with Miranda was over, Rose had not understood or better said didn't want to understand that no matter what could happen, Miranda would always be a part of his life. Rose really thought, he was ready the say goodbye to his best friend to stay with her.
Hong Kong couldn't keep him away from his best friend so how could she think she would. His friendship with Miranda's the most precious thing he owned.
Their story was entirely different… he knew her for fifteen years already, and they hadn't split up so what wouldn't this not development in their already strong relationship not work?. She accepted him just the way he was with his flows, his insecurities, and his physical butt that was close to none according to her. Yet she loved him anyway.
A slow smile appeared on his lips at that particular thought. The smile reached his eyes a moment later as he understood that he was finally, where he was supposed to be with Miranda.
Wherever Miranda is that's home to him.
He slowly bent forward and pressed his lips against hers. For a split second, she didn't respond, because she hadn't expect it to be so simple. She'd been so afraid she'd lost him because she'd pushed him away and yet, here he was back holding her in his arms and kissing her. She wanted him in her life forever, wanted to marry him, have his children, but she wanted them to start on clean grounds, because she never wanted to feel as miserable as she had felt while they'd split up if only for a very short time.
When he pulled back from her lips, he pressed his forehead against hers and smiled saying, "We can't even split up properly."
Miranda chuckled softly. "Thank goodness for that."
"Yes, you're right."
He reached for her hand and pulled her towards the sofa. They sat close to one another but when he wanted to pull her to him, she put a hand on his chest. "Gary wait..."
Not understanding her reaction, he looked at her questioningly. "Miranda, what's wrong?"
"Before you say anything, let me explain. I still want to marry you, Gary, more than anything in the world, but before I do, I also want to apologize to you for pressuring you in telling me that you love me. I shouldn't have because deep down, I know you do." She trailed off and looked down at her feet for a moment. She took a deep breath then and lifted her gaze up again to meet his eyes again.
To her surprise, Gary's eyes were smiling, and he was smiling at her when he reached out. Slowly Miranda placed her hand in his and let herself be pulled back to him and ended up sitting on his lap.
Not the best way to concentrate on what I want to tell him she thought as images of the night they had spend together flashed through her mind. Miranda felt her cheeks reddened.
"Gary, I'm serious, we need to talk."
"I know. I do know when you are serious, Miranda."
She sighed heavily. "Yeah, you do…sometimes, I have the impression you know me better than I know myself."
"Possible, but right now, I'm not sure of what's going on in that pretty head of yours?" He said to her as his hand reached for her cheek to caress it lightly.
"I'm really sorry for what I did, Gary. You have your reasons for not being able to tell me the three words. I should have understood that, I should have giving you time so that you could get used to the change in our relationship. I should have been patient with you. Damn it, I've been able to wait for you for years and now I'm almost managed to pushed you away because I want you to tell me you love me not as if I don't know it already anyway you show it to me all the time. I know it and yet I had to jump to conclusions — the wrong conclusions, of course, when would I start to do something good, huh?" She sighed heavily, resting her head against his shoulder.
"You do lots of good things, Miranda. And the best one of all, you love me." Gary told her softly.
"I do, do I?" She said smiling.
"You are the best thing that's ever happened to me, Miranda."
"Really?" She asked him, lifting her head from his shoulder so she could look at him.
To answer her, Gary leaned in and kissed her lips tenderly.
After a moment, he slowly let go of her lips and press his forehead against hers, his eyes still closed. "I'm so scared, Miranda."
Surprised, she asked him in a small voice. "Of what?"
He took in a deep breath before exhaling slowly. Then the words blurted out of his month "of losing you."
Miranda couldn't believe her ears, how could Gary be scared of losing her? She pulled her head slightly back from his so she could look at him. She stood up from his lap then and Gary opened his eyes when he felt her move away from him and panicked for a moment that he had said something wrong. He looked up at her, wondering what she was going to do, and sat up straighter as he watched her. She came to stand in front of him, then placed a hand on his chest and pushed him backwards before straddling his lap. Miranda reached for his hands and placed them gently on her hips after that her arms snaked around his neck.
"Why are you scared of losing me, Gary?" She asked him seriously.
"I don't know really."
"Try again, Gary, you might know better than myself, but the same goes for me knowing you better than yourself, I think."
"I'm scared that if I tell you what you want to hear, you'll realize that I'm no good for you and that'll you'll run away from me..." His voice trailed off.
"Oh Gary…" She leaned in and placed a kiss on his lips before pulling back again and saying: "How could you think that even for one second?" She asked him.
"Miranda…" Gary started but she silenced him with a kiss.
"I won't, I promise. Fifteen years of friendship and we haven't split up, remember?" Miranda told him with a touch of humor in her voice, when she pulled back from the kiss, but she could sense that he wasn't telling her everything so she waited for him to elaborate.
Moments passed but she didn't say a word, she just pulled him closer toward her and hugged him in a way a mother would hug her child to try and reassure him that everything would be okay.
She really hoped that he would understand that she wasn't going anywhere. She had waited too long to be with him just to give up on them, she had never done so before, except maybe for those five minutes earlier when she thought, she'd lost him, but she would never allow it to ever happen again.
When he pulled slightly away from her though and he removed his hands from around her she felt certain Gary hadn't told her everything. Something was still bugging him, but apparently, he didn't trust her enough to tell her.
Miranda felt cold suddenly, she wanted him to put his hand back on her hips, the loss of warmth was almost unbearable. He pushed his hips upwards, which surprised her, was he really thinking about sex in such a moment? Miranda pushed on her feet just hard enough to give him more room for whatever he wanted to do.
"Gary, as much as I would love to do things with you, I'm not sure this is the right time." She started.
Gary looked at her strangely then, it took him a moment to realize what she was talking about.
"Huh? Oh… Oh no, Miranda, that's not… what. Not that I do want to but this isn't the right time. He showed her his wallet. "I just want to show you something."
Miranda's cheeks turned pink.
Gary thought she looked cute when she looked embarrassed.
Miranda was back on his lap, but she didn't put her arms back around him. She simply watched between them as he opened his wallet to retrieve something in it. Her eyes followed his movements has he took a picture out of and closed it again before placing it on the couch next to them.
He handed her the picture, he'd taken out of his wallet. Miranda smiled down at the picture when she saw it.
"That's you, isn't it?"
A sad smile made the corners of his mouth go up as he answered "Yeah, and my best buddy... Miranda."
Miranda looked up at Gary then; you called your golden retriever, Miranda?"
"Yeah, a strange twist of fate, I guess."
"We didn't know each other then, did we? How old were you back then, 6, 7 years old?"
"7. She's the only one that I ever told the three words to..." His voice trailed off once again, and his eyes filled up with unshed tears.
"Gary..." Miranda murmured, and then, she understood. Her arms went around him again.
Miranda heard him take a deep breath before he continued in a chagrined voice. "She died in my arms the following day, bitten by another dog. I haven't told anyone that I loved them ever since."
Tears rolled down her cheeks now, no wonder he couldn't tell her the words she so longed to hear from him. Miranda cursed herself, she felt stupid and guilty. Adults could be really sad and sick when they lose their pets, but with kids the emotional bound is even more important.
Gary had been traumatized by his dog's death. Poor thing …
"I'm so sorry; I brought all those painful memories back up." She said tightening her embrace around him. Maybe it was time for her to explain why she needed him so much to tell her the words. Right now though, she would enjoy holding him for a little longer.
Gary's hands were on her hips again, slowly she felt one of them move to another place, his hand came to an halt in the small of her back and waist as he was holding her against him.
"You won't ever lose me, Gary, I promise, and I mean it."
At her words, his hold on her, tightened even more. "I wanted you to tell me the words because I couldn't tell them to Mike while we were together."
"What are you talking about?" Gary asked her softly.
"The reason why I did need to hear the words from you, Gary…"
He pulled back to be able to look at her.
"What does Mike have to do with it?" Gary wondered.
"Everything actually." She said.
Miranda saw Gary make a strange face.
"I don't understand. Mike and I are nothing alike."
"I know, but you see, Mike told me that he loved me, and I couldn't say the words back to him. Well I did say them to him but only because I thought it was you."
"Wait a minute… was that what you want to tell me during the picnic before we were chased by geese when Stevie suddenly appeared as well?"
Miranda nodded her head.
"Is why you said to Raymond Blanc that is was ruining your life?"
Miranda nodded her head again.
"I just figured out I was in love with you. Stevie helped me understanding it."
"I wanted to tell you straight away, but I wanted to clean things up with Mike, but I couldn't. Then he said he was going to Africa so I thought I was safe… I needed need to break up with him anymore… and then Rose was back and I panicked… all that to say: I needed you to say to words because I never really could tell them to Mike because loved him, but I wasn't in love with him. It's always been you Gary. I thought you couldn't say the words to me because deep down you weren't in love with me."
Miranda felt as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders after she had told him the reason why she needed to hear the words so desperately from him, though now that she had said it out loud and that she knew what prevented Gary from actually telling her how he felt, it didn't seem that important anymore. What really mattered was that Gary was in her life and that they were back together, that they were getting married, soon.
"Oh Miranda, you always to put things in your head, don't you?" He smiled and kissed her again.
"You are the one for me too. No one can match up to you remember?"
She nodded. That was close to a love declaration Miranda decided.
"I'm proud of you," Gary said suddenly.
She looked at him with a raised eyebrow, surprised by his words.
"Thank you, I guess."
He chuckled at her visibly troubled expression; she had no idea what he was talking about.
"Your mother." Gary clarified.
Miranda's eyes widened. "You... you know?"
Gary simply nodded his head affirmatively. "Wait a minute, if you know... how long have you, exactly been standing, in my apartment. And where have you been hiding?"
His smile widened "You were so busy telling your mother to get out of your life that you didn't even notice that I entered the flat, so I hid in the bathroom and when you were alone again, I came out."
"Stevie isn't gone looking for something for Tilly, is she?"
"No, she's not."
Miranda laughed and hit him playfully on the chest, careful not to hit him too hard.
Her laughing slowly died then and she looked at him seriously, her eyes flickering from his to his mouth and back to his eyes again. She leaned into him and pressed her lips to his softly. Miranda pulled back again kissed her lips again, and again and again. Each kiss lingering a bit longer than the previous one until the kiss turned into a passionate one.
Their tongues caressing one another before they started dueling with one another, she couldn't help the moan that escaped from her throat then. She loved kissing him so much. Miranda wondered how she's ever been able to live so long without it. It wasn't like she hadn't kissed men before because she did, but none of them had ever kissed her the way Gary did, when he kissed her she felt sexy and wanted. When he kissed her, she knew he was enjoying it as much as she did.
It never felt as if it was an obligation like her first kiss had been, the guy who'd kissed her had done it because he had lost a bet with his friends. Miranda had felt used back then and she had sworn to herself that she would never again feel that way again, ever.
They broke the kiss in much need of air, their foreheads pressed together, breathing heavily. When Gary could breathe enough to speak, he told Miranda in a seductive voice she had never heard before. "You should check if the door is locked.
"You're planning on having your way with me?"
"Oh yeah."
At his words, Miranda felt a thrill of anticipation run through her whole body, so she stood up and went to check the front door.
TBC...