"Yes." I answer absentmindedly and walk over to stuff my things into my bag and throw it over my shoulder once I'm ready. So we head back to the bat cave, hoping that everything will be fine someday…

+XxX+

The next weeks are torture for me. Sam and I are busy most of the time, teaching Dean everything that he has forgotten and he learns really fast. Shooting isn't a problem for him, he aims, shoots, and nearly never misses his target. He also uses the knife like others use a fork and he is really interested in everything we show and tell him. Nothing helps him to remember his past though. He behaves more and more like Dean but still he just knows what we have shown and told him. This is getting kind of frustrating sometimes but I don't let it show, he shall not know how much this gets to me. I guess he knows anyways because sometimes he has a look in his eyes that is just desperate...

One evening Dean and I sit down to read through his journal and I try to answer any question he has and he absorbs it all very well. On some page we come across a paragraph about me and Dean reads it in silence while I just watch him, not aware what is on the page. "I wrote about you, Cas." He says and I nearly fall from the chair I'm sitting on. "'I have to stop searching for those damn blue eyes during our hunts. I want to make sure that he's okay again and again. If he gets killed I don't know what to do. My feelings confuse me so fuckin' much.'" Dean stares at me while I stare at my hands in my lap, unable to meet his gaze. I have tried so hard over the last weeks, I have successfully kept him from sleeping with me though he always sleeps next to me, kissing me whenever he pleases – not that I really mind it. I buried my feelings for him deep inside my heart but they come back up every now and then and I'm not sure how long I can keep this all up. Not as long as I hoped for because something breaks in me. The words he just said were Dean's. My Dean's words. He cared… I stand up so abruptly that my chair falls back and clatters onto the ground loudly, making me wince for a second.

This is unbearable, I have to get out of his presence, I need some space and so I walk out of his room, over into mine and slam the door shut. Only seconds later I hear Dean's voice from the other side of it but I just throw a book against the wood and yell at him to go away. He doesn't.

"I'll come in Sweetheart." He says, then opens my door, finding me standing next to my bed, my fists clenching and unclenching. I feel helpless, vulnerable, like a bare nerve and I will break soon. Dean comes over without saying a word and wraps me up in his strong arms, pressing me close to his body. It feels great, he is warm and holds me firmly, a silent promise that everything will be alright while nothing is alright at all. His hands draw soothing circles on my back, he obviously know what to do to make me feel better. A part of knows that he is here to take his chance but what do I care. I want him so. I have to stop him.

"Dean, don't...!" I mumble but he doesn't listen, his lips already caress the side of my face, over to that sensitive spot below my ear and I cannot help but moan loudly when he gently sucks at my skin. I'm sure he will leave a mark for the whole world to see and I'm sure that exactly is his intention. I'm already his. "Stop it!" With these words I tilt my head to the side to give him better access and he uses the opportunity to bring his hands up to my neck, slowly beginning to open the buttons on my shirt, revealing skin he already knows but hasn't touched until now.

"I'll stop when I'm done with you." Dean drawls into my ear and my knees go weak. I cannot stand it any longer, I'm tired fighting this. I turn my face towards his and he takes the invitation and kisses me hungrily, knowing that he has won. His kiss is promised-laden with sin, he slowly makes love to my mouth and I look forward to Dean making love to me soon.

"Dean..." I whisper when we come apart for air, but my hunter just presses me down onto my bed so that I have to sit on the edge of it and he crawls onto my lap while he lets my shirt fall from my shoulders. He kisses me again, then bends down to trail a line of feather light kisses down the side of my neck, over my shoulder and towards my chest. A low moan rises in my throat for Dean just bit down on my nipple, making my back arch into his touch.

"Shhh... I got you, Castiel." Dean soothes me. Something in the way he says it is odd but I have given up thinking, my brain just shut down and I'm all instincts by now. My mind gets fuzzy and I feel my pants go tighter with every touch of his sensual lips to my skin. It burns where he kisses me, my blood is on fire within seconds, leaving me panting and moaning while Dean crawls deeper, kissing his way down over my chest, down over my stomach, until he kneels in front of me and lazily lets his tongue trail over my waistline, gently biting into my hip bone, making my hips quiver. I think my heart is trying to jump out of my chest, it pumps so fast, so exited because this is all I ever wanted. My gorgeous hunter praising my body with his lips that now nuzzle the soft flesh beneath my navel, licking, sucking, tasting every inch of skin he can reach.

Dean doesn't just go on, his hands linger on the zipper of my jeans and his eyes look up into mine, seeking for permission to go on. It takes a long while but I nod a little, knowing that I have lost the battle against my needs and my lust. Dean gives me a gentle, kind of nervous smile, his face going back to being serious as he zips down my pants and pulls them off my legs along with my boxers. I'm completely naked now and my hunter openly stares at me in awe, his eyes taking in what he has just freed from my pants. When he licks his lips, my breath hitches in my throat. There's no time to think about it, because a split second later a hot mouth is wrapped around my member, sucking me deep down and I fall back onto the bed with a scream torn from my throat.

"Dean..." His tongue licks the underside making my hips buck uncontrollably so that Dean grabs them and holds them firmly pressed against the mattress, his head beginning a slow, breathtaking rhythm up and down my length. This is better than just touching above the waistline and shyly kissing each other and I have to confess that I'm glad I finally, finally gave in. "Ah... Dean, I..." I don't even know what I was about to say because Dean stops, standing up in front of the bed to get rid of his own clothes. His body is gorgeous, slightly tanned and well muscled. He's beautiful all over and I so long to feel him. My own thoughts shock me: I want him in me, I want to feel him move in my body, I want to have him come in me because I want to know that this is as pleasurable for him as it is for me.

"Relax, Sweetheart, I will make you feel even better." He has something in his hand, a small bottle and pours liquid onto his fingers, then they vanish between my legs. What...? Oh shit! One finger circles my entrance, playfully teasing me, while Dean watches me fall apart completely. He takes his time, not rushing anything and he waits until he knows that I'm a little bit more relaxed before he slides one finger in me. It is strange at first, my body tries to work against the intrusion but once he entered a second and third finger it gets better. This is Dean, I trust him completely and he will be gentle. He is gentle. Soon I work my hips in rhythm with Dean's fingers and he grins at me knowingly. Again he gives me time to adjust and relax and after a few minutes it feels good, actually, and he gets a little bit more daring, entering deeper, brushing over a spot that drives me crazy when his fingers touch it.

My body is already working on overload and his little huffs and noises while he watches me are even adding to my pleasure.

"You're fuckin' hot like this, sweetheart." Dean mumbles and bites down into a nipple, making me feel too much at the same time and no enough yet. "Feels good?" He asks and I nod, trying to get my mouth to work and my brain to form sentences.

"Yes, Dean, please don't stop, please..." That is coherent enough, I cannot think of anything else to say and fall back into this blissful state of just enjoying what he does to me.

"...but I have to." He says with a devilish smile.

"No!" I gasp when he pulls his fingers out of my body and I feel suddenly empty, needing more. "Dean, please, please!" his hands fumble with the bottle again, making me wait too long, and when he lies down over me, he silences me with a deep, loving kiss, distracting me from the pain that follows as he slides into me slowly, carefully. I breathe through the pain while Dean waits until I have fully adjusted to him. Finally it feels great. This is Dean, he is so close to me. That is all I ever wished for. When I open my eyes, I find him staring down at me in awe.

"You're so damn beautiful." He whispers with a sweet moan, making my heart flutter in my chest. My mind works on overload, this is too much for me, all these feelings flooding my veins. His smile stuns me, his green eyes show nothing but affection for me. He waits for me to adjust but it takes only seconds for me until I want more.

"Move, Dean. Please." A roll of his hips against mine makes me see stars and my head falls back onto the bed. I don't know how much I can take before I'll just die in his arms. Another move, gentle lips tasting my neck, soft bites, soothing kisses and I fall apart completely apart under his movements. It is great to have him kiss me, touch me, in me... I'm lost, fully at his mercy and when he stops in his movements, my gut clenches. I need more! "Dean..." It is more a moan than a word.

"Look at me, Castiel." I love how he uses my full name, but still it feels a little bit strange. "I wanna see your big blue eyes." He goes on slowly, taking his time, now, driving me insane with his lazy movements against me. I want to close my eyes again to enjoy thoroughly but I keep them open and it gets even better while we stare into each others eyes. A tingling feeling gathers in my groin, I'm harder than ever before in my life, ready to burst, Dean's gentle thrusts against me caressing my member that rests between our stomachs with each movement.

I cannot believe that we are doing this. Having Dean so close to me is like a dream. This is what I really fell for and we both knew it all along. His flawless thrusts against me drive me almost insane, Dean finally has me and it really feels like coming home. I have never felt such bliss before and I was never so fully content as I am now, lying beneath the man I always ached for.

Our lusty moans grow more and more intense, Dean seems as lost as I am but he is unwilling to end this soon and so he changes his rhythm, making me moan when he slows down. It is more intense, I can feel him slide into me carefully, then back out and when I think that he's too far gone he slides back home, hitting that spot in every go. My body, my heart and my soul feel finally complete. I want him for the rest of my life.

Dean's eyes are fixed on mine, his lips are parted and he gasps so erotically that I cannot tear my eyes away from his stunningly beautiful face. Something builds up even further, I won't last any longer and from the slight sheen of sweat on Dean's face and body, he's just as close.

"I – I... Oh God, Dean! So close..." He buries himself deep within my body, his hips stuttering, unable to hold back any longer.

"Come for me, Castiel." Dean pants and his piercing green eyes urge me to obey.

This is it. I fall over the edge and feel my whole body shakes from the force of my orgasm as is pulses through me with utter force. I come all over Dean's and my stomachs but he doesn't notice, he closes his eyes, throws his head back and comes with a sinful groan deep inside me. I will never forget that sight.

Dean doesn't just collapse on top of me, he carefully pulls out of my body and lies down against my headboard to gather me in his arms. I'm totally spent, but this was long overdue. For now I'm feeling well and sated, enjoying the feeling of his arms around me as he presses me deeper into his embrace, his lips touching my temple in a feather light touch.

"You're truly the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." He whispers and again my heart skips a beat in my chest. It is really nice to hear this from my hunter though I'm afraid it is not the real Dean speaking and that fact still tears at my heart and makes me feel uncomfortable. I turn around a bit to hide my face in between his neck and shoulder, inhaling his scent deeply and it soothes me.

"Don't ever leave me." I mumble against his skin, not even sure if he has heard what I said but my eyes fall close and soon I drift off into a peaceful slumber. I dream of nothing but green eyes staring at me possessively.

+XxX+

In the morning I wake up to heavy swearing next to me that indicates that Dean is awake. The next thing I notice that the covers are thrown back and the mattress shifts as Dean jumps out of the bed in one swift jump.

"Fuck, Cas, did we really do this?" He asks nearly hysterically and my heart sinks instantly, leaving a sick feeling in my stomach. No! I feel tears sting behind my eyes but I hold them back and look up at the man who hastily jumps into his jeans, covering himself from view, ashamed even after what we have done last night. "What the hell? Was I drunk?" With a few steps Dean is by the door while I still sit in bed, my lower half thankfully covered by the sheets. "I thought this was some really weird dream." My mouth opens and closes a few times, I don't know what to say, because Dean seemed so happy last night when I finally gave in. What have I done? His hand grabs the door handle and that is when I finally bring out a word.

"Wait." It is barely a choked whisper, I'm afraid that he will leave me just like this. I try to feel the strength I need, but there's only emptiness left within me. "You… you chased me for weeks, since I met you in that night club, you nearly ripped my clothes off of me the first night and only yesterday I finally couldn't stand it any longer and gave in." His eyes widen at my words, he shakes his head.

"It was real?" His question leaves me puzzled.

"What was real?"

"The night club? We really met there? I was dead?" He asks and then it dawns on me: Dean remembers everything. "And I really forced you into this? Shit, Angel, I should never have touched your precious body." With these words Dean doesn't stand it any longer and storms out of my room, slamming the door shut behind him and I can hear his own just a few seconds later. My hands are shaking when I get up from my bed and pull on my own clothes that Dean has literally torn off my body yesterday. It feels strange to wake up like this, I was hoping he would hold me, tell me that everything is okay just like he did before I fell asleep.

Castiel! I stop dead in my movements when I find out what was wrong when he said my full name and now my whole body starts to shake. I never told him my full name and I don't think Sam did either because he always calls me Cas since I have fallen, I'm not an angel anymore, so I'm just Cas. How on earth could Dean know my complete name? He even began to remember when he slept with me… Within seconds I'm in front of his room, urgently knocking because I need to talk to him.

"Dean." No answer. "Dean please let me in and talk to me!" I hate that I'm pleading but my feelings are still on a rollercoaster, just like they are for weeks, now, and I cannot just turn away from him, it would kill me. "Please." I whisper against the door and rest my forehead against the cold wood. I don't dare to just walk into his room and force myself onto him, I feel rejected and don't want to hear more harsh words from him. It takes a few seconds but then he opens the door and I stumble, catching myself before I fall. My face must look really miserable because the second he sees me, his face changes from angry to concerned and he steps aside to let me in. I haven't even realized the tears that flow down my cheeks until he hands me a tissue to wipe them away. I sit down on his bed heavily, this is too much to bear.

"Cas…" He begins, then shakes his head.

"I knew this would happen." I say, my voice shaking with each word.

"What?"

"I knew you would hate me if I gave in to you. I knew you would react like this when you remember everything again. Now you do and…" I stop because my voice breaks again, a sob rising in my throat that I don't want Dean to hear.

"Why would I hate you of all people in this world?" He asks, puzzled. "I should never have forced you into this, you're an angel, you're sacred… You know who I am and what I did in my life all these women and… apparently I even worked as a whore…" He calms down a bit. "You're too good for this. You deserve so much more, a nice wife, a normal life, far away from me and all those sins." Oh.

"But I want you, Dean." I say, looking up to see his reaction. My handsome hunter is stunned, staring at me with an unreadable expression. He takes a shaky breath and walks over to where I sit on his bed, falling to his knees in front of me, resting his head in my lap to hide his face from me.

"I don't deserve you, Angel." He says and I feel his fingers trembling where they rest on the sides of my legs. I have never seen him that torn apart before and I have seen him in a lot of situations that would drive any normal man crazy.

"I'm not an angel anymore, Dean, I'm a man like you." His head comes up and his green eyes lock with mine. They seem haunted, lost and terror stricken.

"No you're not. You're so much better than me…" I hear the hope in his next words and it nearly tears my heart apart that I'm the reason that he's broken like this. We're both broken right now. "Do you really want me?" He whispers, not daring to speak any louder, afraid that I might laugh at him. But how could I?

"Of course, Dean." I break into a smile and dare to grab his face to pull him closer to me, leaning down to seal his lips with mine, gently lingering in an innocent kiss that confirms what I have just said. My hunter gets up from the floor and pulls me to my feet as well, pulling me into a bone crushing hug, holding me as close to him as possible, his face buried in my neck, his hand on the back of my head, holding me firmly in place, reassuring me.

"Forgive me for all the pain I caused you." He begs and I nod against him.

"It's not your fault. I…" Something interrupts me, a noise so strangely out of place that we both look up, both ready to kill whoever the intruder might be. Dean's face shows nothing but surprise and when I turn around as well, I cannot trust my eyes. A man is standing in Dean's room, his hair is blonde like honey framing a grinning face. He's short but still holds his head high, his smirk growing deeper when he sees our expressions.

"Gabriel?" I ask stunned. I thought my brother was dead but there he is, clapping his hands slowly, sarcastically.

"Oh, little brother, never underestimate me." He chides and walks towards Dean and me, eying us with more than a little amusement in his eyes. His mouth opens but the next moment the door is being opened and Sam storms in, weapon ready to shoot. When he sees Gabriel, he lets it sink slowly, his eyes filling with tears so fast that he cannot hide it in time. They roll down over his cheeks, falling onto his shirt but he doesn't even seem to notice.

"Gabriel?" He asks breathlessly, the weapon clattering to the ground. "The alarm went off, I came here as fast as I could but… Gabriel?" He asks again and my short brother finally breaks into a fit of laughter that shakes his whole body. As I look at Sam staring at Gabriel, I realize that it is more than shock on his face: hurt, hope, affection. Is he…? Okay, that is scary. Gabriel comes over to the taller man, invading his personal space, pressing their chests together – Gabriel ridiculously short compared to the tall hunter. Sam gulps and just plainly stares into my brother's mischievous eyes.

"Did you miss me, Sammy?" He wants to know, making Sam's eyes dart towards Dean and me for a second. I guess he actually did, his lips give him away, they're trembling as if Sam's short from crying.

"Why're you here?" Dean inquires, rescuing his brother from Gabriel's piercing gaze and the archangel turns around towards him and me, never breaking the contact to Sam and I can even see his hand sneaking towards Sam's but he hides it behind his back. Gabriel's other hand makes a gesture that includes both me and Dean.

"I just wanted to admire what I have done. I deserve it" His answer is a riddle and obviously he can clearly read it on our faces because he sighs deeply and folds his hands behind his back, now walking up and down in the small room. "Cassie, it wasn't really a secret that you love Dean more than Heaven. I mean you fell for him, how much deeper can love reach?" My cheeks grow red. "But then he died and in such a stupid way that it made you suffer even more. And his last words… Damn, they were so sickeningly sappy that I had to gag when I thought about it." Dean shoots him a death glare. "Never mind, Dean-o. I couldn't see you suffer, Cassie, I knew how much it hurt you. First you lose your grace and powers, then the man who helped you to make it through."

"So you raised him from the dead?" I'm not sure if I understood everything Gabriel just said but he nods, confirming it.

"I made you play a little game… I thought it would make his resurrection a little bit more interesting: I took Dean's memories away from him and left his mind blank. I didn't see it coming that he would work in a night club and sell himself for money." I don't think Dean wants to be reminded of this now and I step closer to him, grabbing his hand behind our backs, pressing it reassuringly. His small smile is more than enough for me. "But it was just as entertaining and I knew you would make it." He snickers. "His memory wasn't completely lost. I built in a backup and that was the best part of it: sleeping with my baby brother here would bring your memory back. It took you long enough… I almost thought that this would never work out."

My mouth hangs open. Just like Dean's. And Sam's. I'm not sure if Sam's hangs open just because of this strange story, but I guess we give a nice picture right now.

"You're kidding, right?" Dean says, finding his voice first. "This was so not funny, you damn motherfu –"

"Dean!" Sam stops him, making Gabriel laugh even more.

"Oh, it was funny, believe me. And there's always a price to pay. You paid and everything will be back to normal soon." He raises his finger, pointing at Dean and me. "So enjoy your time together! Don't die again, there will be nothing I could do then." He says and I nod. Gabriel was always a little bit like me: he rebels in his own way, seemingly rude but often he's more than sweet… Most men aren't able to see it in him but I can and I love him for that. I smile but he doesn't let me say a word. "And now excuse me, lovebirds. I have to talk to your little brother Sammy." Gabriel goes on, throwing one arm around Sam's waist who has the most sheepish and lovesick grin on his lips before they are covered by Gabriel's. Then they are just gone.

"What the fuck?" Dean yells and makes a step towards the spot where Gabriel and Sam stood just a second ago. "Where did he take Sammy?" He looks at me with panic in his eyes but I guess his confusion is caused by the many things that happened today.

"Haven't you seen the look on Sam's face when he saw Gabriel was still alive? I guess you're not the only one who fell for an angel, Dean." I have to laugh at the stare I receive from Dean at this comment, his eyes searching mine, not believing what I just said. With another step towards him, we are chest to chest and I grab his face, my thumbs gently caressing the stubble on his cheek. I could really get used to being so close to him. "Sam was left to believe that Gabriel was dead. I know what he went through." Memories come flooding back to me and I'm not able to hide it from my face soon enough. Dean nods and closes his eyes, his forehead resting against mine. He heaves a deep sigh.

"I still remember the day I died so clearly…" Dean says and opens his eyes to drown in mine. "All I could think of was that I was lying in your arms, that you held me and cried over the death of someone like me. And your eyes…" His hands come up and grab my face, he caresses the skin next to my eyes that wrinkles under his fingers when I smile, I'm so happy that he touches me so sweetly. "They are still as beautiful as on that day." Dean mumbles against my lips before he takes away my breath again with a mind-blowing kiss. This one turns from gentle to hard within seconds and I realize that this is the first kiss Dean shares with me while he remembers everything. I'm so relieved right now, I don't even care that we had to go through so much trouble to get it all back to normal but it doesn't matter anymore. "Wow. That was the first chick-flick moment that didn't feel awkward." Dean says when we come apart for air and we both smile widely, enjoying this closeness to no end.

"I love you, Dean." The words fall from my lips before I can stop them and the way he stares at me I think I have made a huge mistake, but then he's all over me again, kissing me, while slamming my back against the wall with such force that the breath gets knocked out of me for a second.

"I love you, too, Sweetheart." He confesses between two hungry kisses and I think Gabriel might be right: now everything will go back to normal. Though being with Dean will never be just normal to me. It will be precious and I will enjoy every second that we have.

I cannot escape my hunter, he holds me against the wall with his body and I don't mind. He takes me right where we are, not able to control his lust. I just love the way he makes me scream with pleasure.

END

I SOOO hope you liked it. Please leave a review.