Chapter 4
It didn't take much for Peggy to convince Stan to leave SC&P and he happily gave Jim Cutler the finger on his way out the door on their last day.
They worked out of Peggy's apartment for the time being and scheduled their meetings with clients elsewhere.
Stan was apprised of the situation with Don and he was sworn to secrecy. Peggy also told him about the baby and much to her relief he was extremely supportive. Both he and Pete secretly agreed to help out Peggy in any way that they could.
As the months went on they continued to work out of Peggy's apartment to keep their costs down. Business was in no way booming, but it was steady and they were doing okay. Working in Peggy's apartment made it super convenient for the three of them to work late into the night. Either Pete or Stan usually slept on Peggy's couch...they claimed it was because they were too exhausted to make the trek home but neither one of them really felt comfortable with Peggy staying in that place alone, especially in her condition.
After several months of working grueling hours trying to get the new agency off the ground Peggy eventually found the time to write Don a lengthy letter detailing all that had changed since he'd been away.
December 23, 1970
Dear Dick,
That is the first time I've ever written out your real name and it feels very strange to me. It is going to take some getting used to, calling you Dick I mean. I think in my mind your name will always be Don Draper. I suppose I should wish you Merry Christmas, although it seems impossible that so much time has passed since I saw you last.
I hope this letter finds you well, or as well as can be expected. I can't begin to understand what it must be like there. The only thing I do know is how much I miss you every day.
I have visited with Sally several times now and she is doing well. She also misses you terribly. She is doing well in all of her classes and she even has a boyfriend. His name is Glen Bishop. Sally said that you should remember him, that he was from your old neighborhood in Ossining. She assures me that her brothers are also doing well, and that they miss their father very much.
You needn't worry too much about her Dick, she is a wonderful young woman and she has a good head on her shoulders. I think she's going to be a force to be reckoned with when she's older.
As for me, quite a lot has changed actually. You were right when you suspected that they wouldn't promote me to Creative Director. So I did what you suggested and struck out on my own. Pete and Stan have been willing conspirators and we're making a go of it, working out of my shit-hole of an apartment. It hasn't been easy, but I have to admit that it has been incredibly fulfilling to build something of our own. I think I understand how you must have felt when you started SCDP.
I hope you know that I will always be grateful for what you taught me. You were by no means easy on me, but I learned what I needed to and I'm a stronger person for it. I know I wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for you, Dick.
There is one other major change that you need to be aware of, and that is that I am expecting our child in late May. I hope that you will be happy with this news because I know am. It's an amazing feeling having this child growing inside of me, knowing that we created this life together in a moment of love. Everything feels full of possibilities now, like we've been given a second chance to do things right.
I know you have no idea how long you'll be in there, but I have faith that it won't be too long and that you'll be able to come home and meet your son or daughter sooner rather than later. I hope I'm not presuming too much, wishing that you'll want to live with us and be a family, because that's what I consider you to be Dick, is family.
Please don't worry about me or the baby. Stan and Pete are so sweet. They think that I haven't figured out that they have been trading off nights, sleeping on my couch so that I don't ever have to be alone here. We're going to be just fine and will be eagerly awaiting your return.
I guess I'll close this letter by saying that I think back on our one night together often. The connection that I felt with you was unlike anything I have ever experienced. I miss you dreadfully, but having our child growing inside of me is helpful because it's as if I'm carrying a piece of you around with me everywhere I go. I love you Dick Whitman and I truly look forward to the day I will see you again.
Love,
Peggy
A few weeks later Peggy received a response from Don.
January 10, 1971
Dear Peggy,
Thank you very much for your letter. I don't think you could possibly know how much it meant to me to hear from you. I have re-read your words at least once a day ever since I received them, as they allow me to escape the reality of my situation if only for a little while.
I can only assume that I have Pete Campbell to thank for revealing to you my location so that you could write to me. Once again Bert Cooper's words have proven prophetic: "One never knows how loyalty is born." Truer words have never been spoken.
I need to thank you for giving my daughter this address as well. She has also written and she enclosed letters from Bobby and some drawings from Gene that I have safely hidden away from the prying eyes of my cellmate Brad, a strapping young man who doesn't seem to believe in the right to privacy. Those letters have also brought me immeasurable joy and I read over them every day as well.
Sally mentioned you quite a bit in her letter. She thinks the world of you and I couldn't be more pleased about that. She did insist that she and Glen Bishop are "just friends," but I know enough about my daughter to know that that will not be the case for very long. Glen is a good kid and I would be happy to call him "son" one day.
I understand what you mean when you say that it is strange for you to call me by my given name. It has been so long since I was referred to by that name with any regularity that it was jarring at first for me to be addressed as such. Around here I am addressed simply as "Whitman", which just serves as a reminder that I am so far removed from the life I once knew and took wholly for granted. When I hear the name "Whitman" I immediately think of my father and about what a miserable drunk he was. Then I am reminded that there aren't that many differences between he and I after all. He may have been an abusive son of a bitch who beat the shit out of me, but at least he was never thrown in prison for desertion during a time of war.
Things here are not what I expected. Thankfully the hardened, dangerous criminals are not housed where I am, but there's no pussy-footing around the fact that this is still a prison. I spend a good portion of the day working in the library sorting books and I'm also able to get a fair amount of reading done. During the warmer months there is evidently a baseball team which I'm looking forward to joining. So far the highlight of any week is when we get to go outside and work. It reminds me a little of growing up on the farm, digging holes and working the land. It certainly isn't glamorous but the fresh air is amazing and it just feels good to be doing something physical, rather than just sitting in my cell with my thoughts.
Being here has certainly given me a lot of time to think about the many mistakes I have made in my life. I have been given many more chances than I deserve and it amazes me that you would even consider associating with me after some of the shit I've pulled. But I am so grateful that you are able to find it in your heart to do so. If it weren't for you and my kids, I don't know if I would be able to find the strength to endure this place.
It makes me a little sick to realize that if I had just not been so lazy and finished high school, that everything could have been different. I could have gotten a decent job, maybe worked my way through college and avoided the army altogether. Maybe I still would have ended up in advertising, or perhaps a different field altogether. I suppose there is no point in dwelling on the past now. What is life but a series of missteps that lead us to our ultimate destination? I will say that I could have done without this detour. I suppose there are worse places one could be, like the gulag, but I would much rather be back in New York with you, holding you while you slept in my arms.
I don't want you to think that I am avoiding discussing what you revealed to me in your letter. There is just so much that I want to say to you and I suppose I'm going in the order in which you revealed everything.
Good for you for quitting and leaving them in the lurch. I would be willing to bet that Cutler didn't have any idea just how valuable of an asset you were to the agency until you were gone. They will live to regret their decision to pass you over in favor of some outside hack that they brought in. I am sure that you and your new agency will flourish in time. I know from experience that it will be very tough at first, but trust me, it will all pay off in time.
As for your other, bigger revelation, what can I say other that that's wonderful news! I was certainly shocked to hear that I am going to be a father again but I am by no means displeased with this information. Of course I wish this was under drastically different circumstances and that I could be there to support you and help get you through this. It does bring me some relief to know that both Stan and Pete are looking out for you, and if I am lucky enough to get out of here, I will need to find some way to convey my gratitude to them.
You were concerned that you presumed too much, asking me to be with you and the baby when I am released. I want you to know that nothing would please me more than to live with you and the baby and be a family. If there is one thing that I have learned through this whole thing it's that you should never take anything, especially your loved ones for granted. I have been guilty of doing just that my entire adult life and I plan to remedy that as soon as I'm released.
I too see this baby as a second chance. I wish like hell that I could be there for you when the baby comes but as we both know that simply isn't possible. I am glad that Pete and Stan will be there for you, though I confess that I am a bit jealous that they get to spend all this time with you while I'm stuck in here. But I have no one to blame for my situation but myself. Pete and I haven't always been on the best of terms, but he has proven to be a very loyal ally and friend over the years. Stan is a good man too, and I'm glad he's able to be there for you.
This brings me to another point that I am loathe to address, but I feel that I must. Peggy, we are not married. We are not bound by vows of God or by the state to each other, and I would completely understand if while I'm gone you feel it is necessary find someone who can actually be there to take care of you and the baby. I could be looking at three years in here, although my attorney thinks that with good behavior I could get out in one. In any case I will not be there for a good many firsts in our child's life and I don't want to deprive our child of a father simply because of my poor choices. It is unrealistic of me to expect you to wait for me, when there may be someone right there who could be a good husband to you and a good father for the baby. You have my blessing to move on if that is what you wish. I will always love you and take care of you and our child.
I don't want to end this letter on a sad note so I will leave you with this. In the short time that we had together as lovers, I was finally able to experience what it was like to love someone utterly and completely. Thinking of our night together brings me such joy that it makes my days and nights here almost bearable. I love you more than I could ever express with words.
I will look forward to your next letter.
Love,
Dick