Chapter 6
Peggy and Don corresponded regularly, writing to each other usually once a month. Peggy used these letters as an opportunity to learn all she could about the man who up until recently had fiercely guarded his privacy. Though he sometimes revealed past misdeeds, Peggy did not think less of him. It was as though he was using these letters to confess his sins to her in a silent plea for understanding and absolution. She was very aware of the fact that she was no saint herself and was in no position to be giving morality lessons to anyone.
She also used these letters as an opportunity to reveal more about herself to Don, feeling it was only fair that he learned the truth about her baby with Pete.
March 4, 1971
Dear Dick,
So February 4th is your actual birthday? Good to know. This means you are now forty-five right? I certainly won't make a fuss over it in the future if you don't want me to, but there will be a birthday cake to mark the occasion at the very least so be prepared for that when the time comes.
My history with Pete Campbell is very complicated. Pete and I slept together on the evening of my first day at Sterling Cooper. We fooled around one other time in his office before work and that was pretty much the end of it except for the fact that unbeknownst to me I was carrying his child. So to answer your unasked question, yes Pete Campbell was the father of my baby.
I told him about the baby a few years later, and while things were strained for us for a while, we got over it and have worked well together ever since. Neither of us is carrying a torch for the other if that is what you're wondering. We are just good friends.
You asked how this pregnancy compares with my first one, and I can honestly say that this one is completely different which is why I suspect that this baby is a girl. This may not be completely fair since I was in such deep denial the first time and I don't recall having any symptoms. I just told myself that whatever I was eating off of the lunch cart at work wasn't agreeing with me and that explained away how sick I was feeling. I'm probably offering up details that you'd rather not have, but I've been much sicker this time around and I think I've actually lost weight as a result. Last time I borrowed clothes from my sister as I gained weight, having convinced myself that I was simply letting myself go in order to ward off unwanted attention by men at the office. I told myself that good things only started happening for me at the agency once I started gaining the weight. You and Freddy noticing me for my talent and giving me the opportunity to write copy only cemented this opinion. Denial can be a very powerful thing.
Anyway, I'm carrying the baby completely different this time. I'm still relatively slim but my stomach looks like I swallowed a small basketball. There is no denying that I look pregnant this time around. I'm very aware of every subtle change in my body, as well as every movement of the baby. This baby is very active and I wouldn't be surprised if he or she is a natural athlete like you. You may not believe this, but I was quite the little ballerina in my day so I suppose the baby could be taking after me as well.
I know it can't be helped but I do so wish you were here to feel the baby kick. I also wish that the baby could get used to the sound of your beautiful voice. Did I ever tell you that your voice is one of my favorite things about you? It is so deep and resonant and masculine and I could listen to you read from something as mundane as a phone book for hours. I'm quite fond of your face and your body too, especially now since I know what is going on beneath all of those well tailored suits. I'm not ashamed to admit that I am shallow. I'm quite grateful that I have a few pictures of you in my possession and that I can still hear your voice in my mind. It goes a long way on a lonely night.
I can't believe that there are less than three months to go before the baby comes. In some ways the time has flown by and in others it has been interminable. I can only imagine how slow things have been moving for you in there. I love the names you suggested for the baby and would be happy to use one of them when the time comes. I will look forward to hearing all about the two people you wish to honor in this way.
I feel a little like a broken record when I say how much I miss you, but that doesn't change the fact that it is true. Please take care of yourself and I will look forward to hearing from you soon.
Love,
Peggy
April 5, 1971
Dear Peggy,
So you like the sound of my voice? Would "sexy" be another word you would use to describe it? I will definitely have to make use of this knowledge and find a phone book to read to you when I return. You admitted to being a tad bit shallow. Well I will then do you one better and say that not only do I think you a beautiful, intelligent woman, but I also think that your breasts are lovely and that you have a great ass.
I would never in a million years have guessed that Campbell was the father of your first baby. He was such a little weasel back then so I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. I am in no way passing judgement, but you really do have appalling taste in men (myself included.) I must confess that I always assumed it was Paul Kinsey, if only because of the way he looked at you. How that guy was with Joan I'll never understand. Listen to me, I'm gossiping like a little girl.
I must thank you for the picture you enclosed. You have always been a beautiful woman Peggy but right now you are positively radiant. I look forward to receiving many more pictures of you and the baby and watching him or her grow and change. Of course it isn't the same as being there, not even close but it will have to suffice for now. I have to admit that not being able to be there myself is killing me.
I promised to tell you about Anna and Adam. I will start by telling you about Anna Draper because the story of my brother is infinitely more painful for me.
As I have said before, Anna Draper was the wife of Lt. Donald Francis Draper, my commanding officer in Korea. I did not know the man long and he never mentioned having a wife. I never would have done what I did if I knew he was married.
Anyway, Anna came and found me after I used her husband's serial number to get a a driver's license. She could have easily turned me in but for some reason she chose not to. We became good friends and I remained married to her in name only for several years. She granted me a divorce so that I could marry Betty under her husband's name. I bought her a house near the beach in San Pedro, California and provided for her up until her death in 1965.
She was the first person who showed me what it meant to be loved unconditionally. She was also the only person for the longest time who knew the real me, not the facade I had created using her dead husband's name. I was always 'Dick' when I went to see her and it was such a great relief to just be myself around her. As I said before, Anna was one of the most selfless people I have ever met. She didn't care about appearances or material things. I think she must have seen that there was some good in me, despite the awful thing I did and she chose to love me anyway.
As for the story of my brother Adam, this story is much more painful. I treated him very badly and I will be haunted by this fact for the rest of my life.
Adam was technically my half-brother. He was the son of my father Archibald Whitman and my stepmother Abigail. He was born after my father died and we left our farm to go live with Abigail's sister and "Uncle Mac", the proprietor of the whorehouse in Hershey Pennsylvania.
We were as close as two siblings can be who were born ten years apart. Adam looked up to me and I always let him tag along wherever I went until I jumped at the chance to get away from home by volunteering to fight in Korea. I left for service in the war when I was twenty four and Adam was thirteen.
After the accident and my recovery in the hospital, the army commissioned me, thinking I was Lt. Donald Draper with the task of delivering the body of young Private Dick Whitman to his family. I rode the train back home in a panic, not sure what to do when we arrived at the station and my family would see that I was very much still alive. So when we arrived at the station, I begged off delivering the body in person, claiming that it was simply too hard for me and I hid on the train. I was such a coward.
Years later Adam came to see me at Sterling Cooper after he saw my picture in a copy of Ad Age. At first I pretended that I didn't know him, insisting that he had made a mistake. But eventually I agreed to meet him at a coffee shop so we could talk. He could barely contain his excitement at seeing me. He told me that he had seen me in the window of the train, but that he was convinced he had seen a ghost. I didn't allow myself to take any pleasure in seeing him and I remained cold and distant through our entire meeting. I was convinced that he wanted something from me...to extort money in order to keep his silence. But all he wanted was to have family again but I couldn't allow that to happen. I couldn't run the risk of anybody finding out who I really was. So gave him five thousand dollars and I sent him away to build a life for himself anywhere but where I was. Months later I tried to contact him, but I found out that he had killed himself.
Of all the terrible things I have done, and I have done a lot of terrible things, sending my brother away was by far the most despicable and I am heartily ashamed of my actions.
I will say one thing that is positive about being here is that I feel like I'm being given the opportunity to atone for my sins. You are given the gift of time to reflect upon the choices you made that led you to be incarcerated in this shit hole. They make no bones about stripping you of every ounce of pride you may have had when you first walk in the door. They literally stripped me down to nothing, shaved my head, sprayed me with what honestly felt like a circus hose and deloused me before marching me through the halls as naked as the day I was born. It was humiliating but I knew deep in my heart that I deserved nothing less.
From that experience I feel reborn. Please pardon the cliché, but I honestly feel like a phoenix rising up from the ruins of my previous life. I was forced to shed the last of the disguise I'd been wearing for so many years and now I am finally able to be myself, or perhaps even a better version of myself. I was not a good man before Peggy, but I shall endeavor to become one for you, our child and my kids.
What started out as a light-hearted letter full of flirtation certainly turned out to be anything but. But I'm glad to have told you about my past. I need for you to know everything about me and that includes disclosing all of my faults and discretions. I relish the chance to have a fresh start with you and the baby and I shall strive to be the kind of husband and father that you both deserve.
I love you,
Dick