Chapter 8
April 16, 1971
Dear Peggy,
I am writing this shortly after your visit today. I don't know if I adequately expressed my delight at seeing you today, but the unexpected sight of you waiting for me brought me a feeling of happiness that I haven't felt in a very long time. My circumstances here are pretty bleak and I am without much to look forward to. I have been feeling very sorry for myself lately, but seeing you today raised my spirits tremendously.
At the risk of repeating myself I wanted to reiterate just how beautiful you looked today. I have to admit that I was too wrapped up in my own bullshit to have noticed you when you were pregnant the first time around. But sweetheart, I am not exaggerating when I say you are truly radiant. You looked like an angel while you were sitting there waiting for me. I would have loved to have had some time alone with you so that we could get reacquainted but obviously that wasn't possible. I am grateful that the guard was so lenient with me, essentially turning a blind eye when I touched your stomach so intimately, I know there are rules for visits and that I crossed the line but I simply couldn't help myself. Seeing you standing before me, with your face aglow and you belly swollen with my child moved me deeply. Even now, the idea that you and I made love is quite shocking to me. I don't want you to think that I have any regrets about being with you because I absolutely don't. I believe that because it was you Peggy, I finally felt what a man is supposed to feel when he makes love to the one woman he is supposed to be with forever. The fact that that woman is you made the experience that much sweeter.
One of the few good things to come from being locked-up in here is the fact that we have gotten to know each other so well over the last few months. Obviously it would have been preferable to not have ever been here, but I believe the distance has allowed us to cut the bullshit and get to know each other for who we really are. What I mean is, even though I have known you for years, but I don't think I really "knew" you until we started writing to one another. You are my best friend Peggy. I have told you things that I have never told anyone and I trust you with my life. I hope that you feel the same way about me.
I realized today that I need to stop sitting on my ass feeling sorry for myself and begin doing what I can to get out of here so that we can move forward with our lives together. My hope is that I will be able to convince the parole board that I should be released early. My sentence was for one to three years, but I have never given the guards any trouble. Hopefully they will at least consider my petition. I am probably fooling myself so don't get your hopes up, but I figured I might as well give it a try. I know there is no conceivable way for me to be there for the birth of our child, and I'm sure you know that I would do anything to be able to be there for you.
The fact that you have decided that you want me to make an "honest woman" of you has made me very happy. You will never have to worry about my fidelity, Peggy. Once I am released I plan to never leave your side again.
I love you more than words can say. I will eagerly await news of the baby, and please know that you are always in my thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Dick
May 15, 1971
Dear Dick,
I apologize for the delay in writing this. Things have been very crazy around here and I have hardly had any time to stop, let alone craft a nice letter for you. I hope that this letter finds you well. I am so glad that I was able to come see you, although it made being parted again that much more difficult.
We have been exceedingly busy here over the last month. My upstairs tenant moved out so we decided to move our operations up there and now my apartment will be strictly residential. My former tenant was a junkie and it has taken quite a bit of work to clean up the mess that she left. But Stan and Pete (believe it or not) were willing to get their hands dirty and I think it's going to be a nice office. I have also spent the last few weeks getting everything squared away for me to take my maternity leave and that has been pretty stressful. We are hiring a freelancer to fill in while I am out and depending on how things this person may stay on permanently.
It's actually pretty amazing that we're in the position to hire another copywriter. Business has been steady which is astounding considering we just started the agency eight months ago. I have found though that as my pregnancy has drawn to a close, that I'm definitely beginning to slow down. I'm exhausted after walking up the flight of stairs to the new office and all I really want to do is sleep anymore. I was only twenty-one years old the last time I did this, but I don't believe it was this hard. Anyway, I would imagine that by the time you receive this letter, I will have had the baby. My doctor seems to think that even though it's early, that the baby could come any day now. I have to say that I am ready to be done. My back hurts, I'm barely sleeping at all, and I'm not fit to live with. I may try to hurry things along a little bit by rearranging the office furniture upstairs.
I know we didn't speak of this in person, but our time together was so short and it just didn't seem like the right time or place. Anyway, I wanted to thank you for telling me about Anna Draper and about your brother Adam. It sounds like Anna was a wonderful person and I'm sorry that I never had the chance to meet her. I'm glad that you did have someone in your life with whom you could be totally honest. That must have felt nice after having to pretend to be someone else for so long.
I wish that I knew what to say to assuage your feelings of guilt over your brother. I'm sure on some level he understood your feelings about your family and your upbringing and why you did what you felt you had to do.
I want you to listen to me...you are not bad person, Dick. Yes, you have done some very shitty things and you hurt a lot of people, but you are making a real effort to be a better person and that does matter quite a bit. I do believe that people are capable of change if they really commit to it.
I must confess that as the baby's due date approaches I am beginning to feel quite anxious about the idea of giving birth and becoming a mother. Am I really going to be able to handle this on my own? Stan and Pete will do their best to help but they have their own lives too. I just don't want to be a burden to them. I'm sorry to be rambling on like this. Sometimes I think it just helps me to write some of this stuff out so I can get if off my mind. I suspect that you do the same thing yourself with your letters to me. If that's the case then I'm glad I can act as a sounding-board for you.
I completely understand what you were saying about being shocked when you were confronted with the reality of what happened between us. I have seen the evidence of our night together in the mirror every day and I still have a hard time believing it. It is still amazing to me that we were together in that way, especially given the fact things had been platonic between us for so long. But we were, and it was the most amazing experience of my life. I felt things with you that I had never felt before. I am not embarrassed to say that you are the greatest lover I have ever had.
So am I right in believing that we are now engaged? If someone had told me years ago that I would be marrying you someday, I never would have believed it. I must confess that I am very excited about what the future hold for us. I hope this is okay with you, but I plan to give the baby your surname-your real surname on his or her birth certificate. I figure that I will take the name Whitman too when we are married and it will just be easier this way.
I love you Dick Whitman. I know this is not realistic, but I hope you are able to hurry home soon. I need you.
Love,
Peggy
Peggy gave birth to a seven pound eight ounce baby girl on May 26, 1971. The birth was uneventful much to everyone's relief.
Pete sent Dick a telegram with all of the important details which he gratefully received. A few weeks later he was delighted to receive the baby's newborn picture, as well as a lovely picture of mother and baby in the hospital. Dick teared up when he saw the first pictures of his beautiful daughter whom Peggy had christened Anna Elizabeth Whitman.
June 14, 1971
Dear Peggy,
Thank you for sending me those pictures of yourself and the baby. She is absolutely beautiful, just Like you.
Sally wrote to me and told me that little Anna is even more adorable in person. She wanted me to let you know that she would be happy to come by and help you with her baby sister anytime. I guess Betty has been pretty understanding about the whole thing which surprises me. For all the trouble that I caused Betty in the past, it amazes me that she has apparently forgiven me for most of my infractions. I think it helps that Betty always liked you too. Anyway, please feel free to give Sally a call.
I don't know how you are managing this all on your own. You are stronger than I ever imagined. Our daughter is very lucky to have you as her mother and I am so proud of you.
I'm sorry that this note is so short. I know your time is limited these days and if you actually do have some time to yourself you probably want to take a nap. I remember those days well and I wish I could be there to do my part. Hopefully it won't be too much longer before we can see each other again and I can meet the little girl who was already stolen my heart.
I love you,
Dick