There has always been a darkness inside me, but I know the exact moment when it began to eclipse the light.

It was the first time I killed.

The first time I took up a weapon in anger and used it to snuff the life from another. I had come close once before as a boy, but was stopped. Though I still thought Duncan, my friend, died anyway when he was hit by a car after I beat him bloody.

Even so, there is a difference between almost killing and actually killing.

And the man I killed didn't even really exist.

His name was Louis and he was just a figment of my imagination, a malaria delirium.

Or maybe he was a part of me.

He was trying to kill me, so I killed him instead.

When I returned to Smallville, I remember speaking about it to Clark. I didn't tell him I had killed, or the nature of my delirium, but I admitted to the impact it had on me. I still remember the exact words of my reply when he asked what had happened to me on that hellish island.

"Something I didn't know I was capable of. It's ironic. In the most remote solitude I still managed to find an enemy. I suppose I was just hallucinating from malaria, but the enemy I found was real. I got a good look at myself, or at least the part I've always tried to ignore."

Clark's answer was surprisingly thoughtful. I learned later he had quite a bender over the summer as well. "Lex, I guess we all got to take a look at our dark side sooner or later."

"The problem is if you stare at it long enough, it can get hard to tell the two sides apart."

Even now, I'm not sure what part of me was the true killer. What I did know was that if any part of me was to be saved, I needed to find a light.

I knew it was a false hope even on that god-forsaken island, but I still hoped it would be Helen. Then when she tried to kill me yet again, I even turned to my father.

I couldn't have chosen two worse people to lean on.

It was only by following another lost soul down a rabbit hole of secrets and lies would I finally start to see the light in me again.

I got "Welcome back from the Dead" flowers, messages, and invitations from everyone from The First Bank of Switzerland to the Kents. But not a peep from Chloe. We weren't exactly friends; in truth, we were only slightly better than casual acquaintances, but I still remember being rather disappointed. Not hurt, just...disappointed. I thought she would be glad of my non-death. She was one of the few people in Smallville that I thought saw me for myself and not my name.

As it turned out, it was my allying with my name that was the reason for her radio silence.

Upon my "death," my majority shares in Lexcorp were willed to my father. He promptly returned my company to Luthorcorp. The outstanding Lexcorp shares that had been purchased by my employees the previous year were also bought back, and the employees' jobs were returned back under the Luthorcorp umbrella.

Upon my return, I could have chosen to tear my company away from Luthorcorp again since it had been wrongfully dispersed, but I didn't. The betrayal of my wife, and my near-death had left me somewhat rudderless.

Overall, my company was actually performing better under Luthorcorp than it had been under Lexcorp. I didn't see the point in a drawn out legal battle when things had been managed well in my absence. There was no more talk of closing the plant. Lexcorp employees had been well compensated for their shares and their mortgaged properties cleared of debt.

I admit to a certain weakness at this point. Even if the company had been doing poorly, I don't know if I had it in me at the time to go against my father. Bruised as I was, I wanted to belong, not to fight. I wanted to see everything work out. I wanted to be a part of the family business again, not a rival. I thought I could find peace there.

I was wrong.

What I didn't think about, was how the employees I had left behind would see my return to the family fold. I had only looked at the financial aspect and saw they were above board. It never occurred to me to think they would still expect more from me. I had been removed as their ally and leader, why would they would still want me to represent them? Why would they still expect loyalty from me? It was such a foreign concept, it didn't cross my mind once. But then, I didn't think anyone ever expected anything from me but the worst.

From Chloe's point of view, my nostalgic return to the Luthorcorp fold was a betrayal. From the very beginning, her father Gabe had been one of my strongest supporters both under Luthorcorp and then Lexcorp. In fact, he was one of the main parties that convinced other employees on my Lexcorp buyout plan. He had successfully run the Lexcorp plant for me, and when the company reverted to Luthorcorp, he had been quietly reabsorbed. I don't know how Gabe saw it, but when I returned from the dead and chose to work for my father instead of breaking Lexcorp free, Chloe saw this as traitorous to the employees that had stood with me. They had fought to break free with me, but I had returned to the Luthorcorp fold without any fuss.

I know now that I went about it all wrong. I should never have submitted so easily to my father. He only saw it as weakness. For Chloe's part, I wonder now how she would have reacted if I had fought. Even if I lost.

As it was, with my capitulation, came the end of my independence. And the independence of those working under me. We were now all subject to the whims of my father. Including Gabe.

What I didn't know was my father was applying no little pressure on Chloe because of that. Lionel had also come to discover what I had the previous year. Chloe Sullivan was an invaluable resource for the weird and unexplained of Smallville.

What neither my father nor I ever could have guessed was the exact direction one of Chloe's investigations would take.

Me.

A week or so after my triumphant return to Luthorcorp, I was attacked outside the office. Clark saved my life (again), this time from a bullet fired by a disturbed kid. Clark explained I was on the kid's - Van's - hit list because he thought I may have some sort of meteor ability. What he didn't say was why anyone thought I was meteor altered.

Turns out, one of the many research projects Chloe was working on was identifying possible meteor infected individuals. I had made her list.

It seems her interest in me went beyond a Torch article.

On my way back into Luthorcorp headquarters after meeting with the police, my phone rang.

Chloe Sullivan showed on the caller ID. I was surprised...but strangely pleased. Few people were as unintentionally stimulating as the young blonde. She hadn't reached out to me since before my disappearance, and I found myself missing our interactions. I was unsure what would finally bring her to contact me weeks after my return, but I forced myself to let the phone ring three times before answering.

"Yes, Chloe?"

"Lex. Are you alright? Clark told me about the attack."

I was surprised by her concern, but didn't let it come through the mocking tone I employed. "I'm fine, Chloe. I've been through much worse recently than a deluded adolescent." I paused a moment, but she didn't reply immediately. I could almost hear her thinking. Probably about how much to tell me of her real reason for calling. I decided to prod her. "Was that the only reason for your call? Concern for my welfare?"

"Ummm...no."

I waited silently. Interesting thing about people, most hate silence. If you use it well, they will tell you almost anything just to fill the sound void. Chloe was no exception.

"Lex, he went after you because of me."

I froze in my tracks. She had my full attention now. "Explain." I said in a clipped voice. I didn't like being threatened.

"I was...researching you."

"Researching?"

"Yes. I have a...list. I thought you may be meteor infected."

"Why would you think that?"

"You're kidding, right?"

"I've never been more serious, Chloe."

"You survived the meteor shower, a near-fatal car accident, and a plane crash. You heal extremely fast and never get sick. You have a white blood cell count that is off the charts. How does all that happen without some sort of boost?"

I paused. She had a point. I didn't think to question how she knew my medical details. Chloe had incredible resources for someone just 17 years old. That wasn't important right then anyway. The important part was...she may be right. I had never thought the cause of my surviving so much might be because of...me.

"I'll take your theory into consideration, Chloe."

"Do it or don't. I gave you the warning about you being on the list Van is using. My obligation is fulfilled."

"Your obligation? Is that how you see me?"

"What else would I see you as...Mr Luthor?"

I didn't miss the switch from Lex to 'Mr Luthor.' Or the coldness that entered her tone at the words, though I didn't understand it. We had been casually friendly before I left. What changed? Something to do with my being a Luthor, which was new for Chloe.

Before I could spend anymore time pondering, one of my security people waved for my attention.

"I need to go, but your warning has been noted...Chloe." I was very careful to emphasis my use of her first name. We were battling over something, and I knew that the casual use of her name wouldn't be missed as a sally.

I hung up without letting her get out another word.

That night I started a new investigation. Or rather, an alternate to an existing investigation.

Could the reason for all my close calls and near-death escapes be found within my own DNA?

Shortly after that my mind is blank.

I lost seven weeks of my life thanks to the electroshock my father had me subjected to in the mental hospital. I only have short snippets and impressions of that lost time.

Interestingly, though I have almost no memory of those lost weeks, I still have feelings about what happened. My intellectual connection to the events during that time may be gone, but not my emotional reactions.

Trust doesn't come easily for me. I also don't understand when people give me their trust without my earning it.

So it was the strangest thing when I found myself trusting Chloe Sullivan without knowing why.

Though that didn't stop me from firing her father from Luthorcorp when my father requested it.

A few weeks after I got out of the mental institution and had resumed work under my father at Luthorcorp, I became the surprising shelter for Chloe Sullivan. She summarized it well when she said my mansion was the last place anybody would look for her. I had just fired her father and I knew Lionel had him blacklisted as well. I felt a little bad about that since Gabe was a good man, but I wasn't willing to battle my father over it.

On top of that, my father had taken back the Torch computers, which were how the email killer was selecting attackers to go after Chloe.

So when Clark called and asked me to hide Chloe while they tracked down the email killer, I agreed. As to be expected from any story of Chloe's, it proved fascinating. Even more important, Doctor Garner and Summerholt gave me hope for recovering the lost seven weeks of my memory. Sadly, that part never came true, but like so many leads in those early days, I had Chloe to thank.

Though, again, she didn't know about that.

At the time, I don't know why I was so surprised that Doctor Garner would go to such lengths to attempt to silence her. I was equally dismissive of Clark's initial guess that my father might be been behind the attempts on her life.

Chloe did have a way of pissing off the high powered and morally challenged, even while she was still a minor.

I know, for me, there were days when I didn't know if I wanted to kiss her or kill her myself. Maybe it was the mix of the two that made her so irresistible.

After seeing her safely into my care, Clark left to talk to Doctor Garner, leaving me alone with Chloe. I remember looking up at her and being struck by her strange expression. She looked...lost. It was such an odd look for her. It made her seem scared and naked and very young.

The look brought forth an equally strange response in me. I felt...protective. As a rule, I don't shelter people in their weak moments. I take advantage of them.

That wasn't what I felt watching Chloe. I wanted to guard her.

I found it an uncomfortable sensation.

I gave a quick excuse and abandoned her alone in the library. Though I did tell her to make herself at home.

Huh. Maybe I should have chosen my words with more care. Now I wonder where she decided to snoop since I gave her such a perfect opportunity. I have no doubt she did.

As it turned out, I really shouldn't have been so concerned for Chloe's safety. Over the course of two days, the little blonde fought for her life against four determined attackers and won.

I should have been concerned about all the digging she would do left alone in my library.

After securing our cyber killer, I confronted Doctor Garner myself. The research that Chloe had done for her article on Summerholt was very impressive. I could now see why he was willing to kill to keep it suppressed. I decided to use it as leverage to force Garner to cease his attacks against Chloe, as well as help me try to recover my lost memory. I even employed a classic blackmail technique to do it. I took the moral high ground while forcing him to my will.

The attacks against Chloe stopped immediately. As a further balm, I had the computers returned to her beloved Torch.

Unfortunately, the memories I sought of those lost seven weeks remained elusive, but other, older, ones would come to light.

Not even I can always win.

Next time around it would be Lana in need of protection. That was considerably less unusual. I actually thought of Lana as a friend, in part because she was one of only a handful of people completely at ease in my presence. Lana was also easy to understand, and her damsel-in-distress manner was appealing. She was warm, kind, uncomplicated, and always saw the good in people.

This made her a born victim.

Enter Adam Knight.

I like puzzles. I always have. I like them even more when those puzzles are people.

I like them less when they threaten someone I care about.

Adam Knight. His behavior and records didn't match even under the most cursory investigation. The warning signs were all there. I just needed to know if he proved a threat.

I was starting to form my own suspicions about "Adam Knight" when I saw I wasn't the only one thinking to solve the puzzle of the mysterious new man in Lana's life.

I wasn't the least bit surprised to find Chloe also on the case. She is fiercely protective of those she cares about, and quickly saw the irregularities in Adam as well as I. During a concert at The Talon, I watched her covertly enter the apartment above and followed. I couldn't resist watching her for a moment. She was clearly an old hand at snooping, because she bee-lined for one of the most common places people think they are clever to hide things. Under the bed. If I hadn't interrupted her, I'm sure her next stop would have been the underwear drawer. As it was, I let my eyes roam over her curvy backside as she crouched to look under the bed. The backside was sweetly rounded and very distracting. I thought idly about what kind of underwear she might have on under the snug pants she wore. I was only brought back to my senses when she got up from the floor. Surprised by my train of thought, I went on the attack to cover my silent ogling of her.

"Last I heard, breaking and entering were still against the law," I told her.

"I could say the same thing to you," she replied without a trace of guilt.

I've always enjoyed our riposte, and this was no exception. We exchanged what little we knew about the new boy in Lana's life. Then, knowing we had reached a tacit agreement to work together on this one, I left her to her snooping.

Delegation was how I looked at it. Chloe was one of the best investigators that not even money could buy. I would let her follow the trail and she would come to me if and when I was needed.

I knew she'd uncover the truth.

And of course, she did. And it was more than I ever could have dreamed.

She easily outpaced my own half-hearted investigation and traced a serum from Adam's apartment, investigated his records, and tracked down a high-level researcher at Metropolis University before hitting a brick wall and bringing me back into the loop.

That's the thing about Chloe, she doesn't ask favors. She collaborates. Maybe that is why we had never become friends, even though we shared so many people in common. She never needed me like Clark and Lana did.

I didn't know it at the time, but she had learned about debt and obligation from the same hard tutor that I did - Lionel Luthor.

Only when we were allies did she come to me. Like she did with Doctor Tang.

Chloe was right, my name and connections did get me in to see the good doctor. Then I used those same tools to blow the lid on her illegal research and get her fired when she refused to play nice with me. Unfortunately, Doctor Tang chose to shelter under my father's wing instead of mine. Even so, I had a new piece for my puzzle.

Then both Doctor Tang and Adam Knight disappeared.

Chloe had found answers there too - both the who and the where. Luthorcorp.

She really is quite amazing, isn't she?

However, that is where I decided I had to step in. Both for her sake and mine. I couldn't risk her making my father aware of our investigation or have her put in danger.

Stupid protective instinct.

Looking back, maybe I should have let Chloe handle it. I overplayed my hand, and my father put me on the hook for the murders of Doctor Tang and her research staff.

Things suddenly got much more complicated and I had to cut a deal with the FBI to escape the setup. That fateful agreement would set off an unstoppable chain reaction that would start the first cracks in my friendship with Clark, make an enemy of my father, and lead to my unexpected rescue by the little blonde.

But that came later.