Chapter 3: Conversations

One of my first thoughts after my change was that I could go find the Cullens - now that I was no longer a liability. Almost as swiftly on the heels of that thought was the painful recollection of Edward's outright rejection. He doesn't want me ... so, what's the point?

And so, here I am, I thought. Passing the first of many, many years alone. My sole comfort was that Jake had confided in me that the wolves did not age as quickly as normal humans, so I would at least have him around for awhile. You're stuck with me, Bells, were his exact words, giving me the human version of his wolfy grin. I wouldn't be able to return to Forks after a certain period of time, though - at least, not while Charlie was still living - unless I wanted to have some really uncomfortable conversations.

As evening progressed, I decided not to go to the party - I was doing fine around the humans, but I wasn't ready to tempt fate. Maybe I could try after a little while, once I was more used to their scent. Edward had always said that it was easier to be around me the longer he was exposed to me, so I hoped that this would work the same way. Even though the comment about calling my boyfriend had just been an excuse, I decided to go ahead and call Jacob anyway. It was now pretty late, but I knew, especially with the time change, that Jacob would still be up.

He answered on the first ring, in fact. "Heeey, Bells! How's my little genius doing?"

"Shut up, Jake - I'm still waiting for someone to knock on my door and tell me this whole thing is just an elaborate prank."

"Well, at least you know that you'll have plenty of time to study and play catch-up."

"Yeah, vampirism - waaay better than coffee as a study-aid," I drawled sarcastically.

"How are you doing, though? I haven't seen anything on the news about a Dartmouth massacre, so I'm assuming you're doing fine, or else you've gotten really good at hiding bodies."

"Jake!"

"Seriously, though - you OK?"

"So far so good ... 24 hours down, only, what - an infinite number of hours to go?"

"Well, I could come and visit - I could bring Quil and Embry! They already miss you. We could go for some runs in the woods up there ... and to some sorority parties!" he finished enthusiastically.

"Um, I appreciate the offer, but I'm trying to blend in, and I'm not sure how adding some 7 foot tall Quileute boys into the mix would help." Inwardly, though, I wished that they would come - I was surprised to discover that I longed for anything familiar. "Maybe in a little while, though." I added, "I have been telling the boys here that I have a clingy boyfriend."

Jacob chuckled. "Clingy boyfriend ... well, I would have to wear noseplugs, but I think I could pull it off."

"Har, har. How are things in Forks, though? I know I haven't been gone that long ..."

Jacob's voice became guarded, "Things are fine here! Nothing new to report, really. Quil ate about 30 hotdogs at the bonfire tonight, but that's nothing new."

I heard the change in his voice and was instantly on alert. "Ah, Jake - you know I have perfect hearing - better than perfect, actually - right? So, I know there's something you're not telling me. Spit it out!"

"No, nothing going on - nothing to worry about at least. Charlie's fine, Billy's fine."

"You know how I used to be a bad liar? -"

"Used to be?" Jacob broke in.

"Ok, well, I'm not as bad as I used to be! Wait! Stop trying to sidetrack me ... Anyway, now that I can really hear your voice, I know when you're lying. And you're lying now. Like I said before, spit it out."

Jacob paused for a moment, then sighed. "Okay, but you have to promise first - you won't do anything after I tell you."

This was sounding worse and worse. "Fine," I snapped. Like you could really stop me if I wanted to.

"Well, for the past week or so, we've been finding traces of vampire."

"And I assume they aren't from me, if this is some big secret."

"Hey, hey - you ARE a genius!"

"Shut up, Jake. Continue."

"Well, they aren't from you ... but they aren't unfamiliar either."

I felt suddenly lightheaded ... They came back! Somehow, they heard what happened to me, and they came back! My brain shouted. And then I realized with growing dread who the more likely culprit was.

"Victoria's back." I said flatly.

"We think so."

My mind started racing. "I have to come home, Jake," I said frantically. "She's probably trying to figure out what happened to me, and once she realizes I'm not in her reach, she'll go after Charlie!"

"We're on it, Bells. We have someone at your house 24/7, and someone who trails Charlie during the day. We aren't going to mess this up twice."

"Plus, she's mine," I growled. I was a little surprised at the amount of hatred welling up in my chest.

"I know." Jacob replied quietly. I was glad he understood what I was feeling ... so different than Edward, who I'm sure even now would try and protect me from anything bad happening. "Don't worry," he continued, "everyone agrees that she is your kill - but I'm not sure that this is really the best time for that. She's too close to Forks. I think we should go after her when she's farther away, to minimize the collateral damage. Wilderness would be best. For now, we'll just chase her off. We've never tried tracking her far once she's left the area, but I might do some recon this time. As long as we don't spook her into the water, it should be easy." I could hear the excitement in his voice as he continued, "Once we know where she's holing up - because I don't think she'll actually leave until something happens with you - we can go in and get her."

"Wait - we? This is a group hunting party?"

"Not a group - just you and me ... and maybe Seth. He still feels so guilty about what happened to you, I think that helping you out with this would take a big weight off his shoulders."

"I think I should do this alone, Jake. You guys are flesh-and-blood - she might hurt you! I would never forgive myself. I can't lose you!" I hoped he didn't hear the note of desperation that flavored those last few words.

Jacob laughed, "Seriously, Bella. No offense, but we're made for killing vampires - it's the reason for our existence, remember? Besides, exactly how many vampires have you fought? There's going to have to be some strategy involved, at least. It'll be just like hunting in the woods - fun."

I wanted to argue with him, but I could see the logic of it. He was right - I had never fought a vampire. I had never really fought anyone, actually. Plus, I trusted Jake to stay out of the way once it was time.

"OK." I said. "When are we doing this?"

"When's your next break from school?" Jacob replied.

"What? I thought this was going to happen soon! I'm not done until the first week or so of December."

"That'll be perfect. You can't just jump on a plane and ditch school for this - who knows how long it'll take. Plus, you can always tell Charlie and Renee you're going skiing or something, so they won't think it's strange you've just disappeared. You've told me how crazy Renee gets when she doesn't hear from you."

"True, but if I tell her I'm going skiing - she's going to worry even more. I mean, can you imagine me on skis? Or, I guess, could you have imagined me on skis? Renee knows that I'm dangerous enough in sneakers."

"Well, snowshoeing, then." Jacob laughed. "Come on - you're in New Hampshire? There has to be some sort of appropriately woodsy winter activity that'll pass muster with Renee."

"Fine. Ugh. December."

"Think of it as an early Christmas present."

In the background, I heard the sound of a truck engine approach, and faint laughter.

"Listen, Jake - I think I hear Billy ... you better go. Call me again soon, k?" Even though the wolf pack had adopted me in a way, the tribal elders had not been so thrilled with my presence, to say the least. I think it was really Billy's longstanding friendship with Charlie that had kept him from outing me or doing anything that would ultimately hurt Charlie. But when I could, I tried to minimize the strain between Billy and Jacob.

"Creepy, Bells. Even I didn't hear them until just this second."

"Maybe you're starting to go deaf in your old age, huh?"

"Funny, funny. Who knew vampires were such comedians? I'll call you as soon as I can."

"Bye, Jake."

"See ya, Bella."

When Jacob hung up, my heart wrenched a little. Although I would never really feel the same about him as I did about Edward, he was still my best friend. And being in this strange place with all of these new people, I missed him more than ever. The news of Victoria, though, was exciting. Finally, I thought, something to really look forward to.

...

A few hours later, there was a knock on my door.

I had been laying on the bed, totally immersed in daydreams about the thousands of ways I would like to kill Victoria. Before I even got up, I heard a quiet voice on the other side of the door.

"Bella? Are you still up?"

I recognized the voice from earlier. Matt, hmmm ... interesting. I turned the lock, opening the door and moving back in the same moment.

Matt's head peeked around the doorframe. "Hey, I hope I'm not bothering you or anything."

"No, not at all - I was just listening to music. How was that, ah, party?"

He stepped further into the room. "Oh, ok I guess. There were a lot of people there that I hadn't gotten a chance to see since coming back. It's actually still going on, but I thought it would be more fun to talk to someone new."

He was still a good distance away from me, as I had moved back by the window when he came in. I could smell alcohol, though, laced on top of his otherwise enticing scent. "Oh yeah? So, that meant, um, coming back to talk to me?"

He blushed a little. It was more appealing than I thought it should be - and in all the wrong ways. "Well, yeah, I hope you don't mind. I saw your light was still on, so I figured you were still up."

Oh, I'm definitely still up. "Oh, uh, sure ... um, do you want to sit?" I gestured to the chair at my desk, which was luckily on the far wall from where I sat on the bed.

"Thanks. So, how's the boyfriend? He has to be bummed you're out here, and he's ... er, where are you from?" The light glinting off of Matt's bronze hair was sending lances of pain through my chest. Don't be so pathetic, Bella ... you can't let yourself get so upset over hair! I took a deep breath to calm myself, and was subsequently overwhelmed with Matt's almost-irresistible scent. Uh, that was a mistake. Thankfully this all took place over a few milliseconds, or else Matt might've started wondering if I actually just escaped from the loony bin. I mentally steeled myself, simultaneously trying to look more relaxed.

"Washington State."

"Oh, Seattle? I went there once - saw the Space Needle, the original Starbucks. It was pretty cool."

"Yeah, uh, Seattle is nice. I'm from a tiny town called Forks, though - on the Olympic Peninsula. It's kinda in the sticks."

"Forks? As in ..." I could tell he was trying not to laugh.

"Knives and spoons? Yeah." I smiled.

"What made you want to come all the way out here for school? Trying to get as far away from the family as possible?"

No, just being pathologically unable to subconsciously let go of my vampire ex-boyfriend. I'm not sure what expression flitted across my face, because he hastily added, "I mean, that's what I was thinking ... I'm from California."

"Oh really? What part?" Although I wasn't sure if having this conversation was a good idea, Matt seemed really nice, and was definitely the first human to really appear comfortable around me. I hadn't realized how lonely I already felt without the wolves or Charlie around. Or without the Cullens around, my brain slipped in. I mentally smacked myself. I can do this, I thought, and I am NOT going to be all weird like Edward was when we first met. I better get used to being "normal" anyway, since it's either that or hiding under a rock somewhere for the rest of my existence.

"San Diego ... I was, uh, tired of all the sun and perfect weather, you know?" he commented wryly.

"Hey, I'm with ya. I moved to Forks from Phoenix, Arizona. Coming here is actually kind of nice, in comparison." And I can't ever really live somewhere sunny again, so I might as well get used to this, I mentally added.

"Oh, it's nice now, but just wait until mid-February, and then tell me that again."

"Sure, sure."

"I'm telling you, you'll see." Matt regarded me with a bemused expression on his face. "In fact, I'm willing to bet that you won't be able to make it through February without complaining."

"Oh yeah? And what's the bet?" I smiled again. It was nice having a regular, normal conversation that didn't involve vampires or werewolves, or actively trying to avoid speaking about vampires or werewolves. However, Matt's scent, which had been bearable at first, was really beginning to fill the room. Time to go, I thought, and I need to hunt.

"Um ..." he paused nervously, although it was a different sort of nervousness than most people had around me, "one dinner with me."

And what if you end up as dinner? I thought wryly. But I did remember that first dinner date with Edward, and that had gone okay.

"Fine - you have a deal." I smiled easily, noticing that I was tapping my foot along to the rhythm of Matt's heartbeat. My fleeting moment of normality was apparently slipping quickly through my fingers. I shifted uncomfortably, realizing I was going to have to stop breathing in a minute if he stayed any longer. Bella, if you eat your first friend here, you'll be scarred for life, I reminded myself, although quickly on the heels of that, I thought, Wait, you consider him a friend?

I yawned dramatically, taking care to not actually inhale. "Oh, wow, I think I'm more tired than I realized - I better get some sleep. Thanks for stopping by, Matt." I looked at him expectantly.

Well, maybe I wasn't being as suave as I should be, since he looked a little surprised at my sudden dismissal. "Oh ... uh, sure, well, maybe I'll see you tomorrow." He got up and moved to the door. "'Night."

As the door shut, I felt unexpectedly lighthearted, although I knew this could never - would never go beyond the "casual friend" stage. Besides all the practical reasons, there was still one tiny sliver of my heart that held out hope I would see Edward again. With all the time in the world, I guess it was more than likely I would run across him at some point ... someday. It could be lifetimes from now, though, I rationalized, there's no reason I need to be in self-imposed exile from other people. I briefly thought of Carlisle, and how he had managed to not only integrate himself into regular society, but make himself an essential and beneficial part of it. I just had to find the right place for myself. Where's the Vampirism for Dummies guide when I need it? I thought sardonically.

I waited until I could hear that Matt was in his room. I turned off all the lights, realizing that in this kind of residential college community, having a light on late at night really was an invitation for someone to knock on the door. I slipped into my favorite pair of old sneakers, dark jeans, and a dark t-shirt, since even though it was late, there was always the chance of running across someone - and I wasn't the most fastidious hunter yet.

I eased out of the dorm and walked until I was no longer illuminated by outdoor lighting. Then I took off at a slow jog, slowly increasing my speed until I hit the tree line, at which point I released all pretense of being human, and just enjoyed the sheer exhilaration of flying through the inky forest. The wind across my face was cooling, and I could feel the residual dampness held in by the blanket of boughs above. Moonlight slanted in intermittently, giving the texture of the treebark an unearthly glow. I could hear something moving loudly through the trees somewhere up on the right. Deer? No, it's too loud ... must be a moose. Wow - a moose! I subtly adjusted my trajectory and sprinted forward, staying upwind and slowing carefully when I knew I must be within its hearing distance.

Sure enough, a large bull moose was grazing in a clearing. It was possibly the biggest forest creature I had seen yet - excepting the wolves, of course. Still, that thing could give Jake a run for his money, I thought. Its antlers were enormous, falling apart like massive jaws that slanted ponderously down its head. As it moved, I saw that its shaggy coat covered a colossal musculature, indicating an intimidating amount of sheer power. I stayed very still, watching as it slowly raised its head to look around. The moonlight glinted off its antlers, and I could see bright pinpricks of light reflected in the sloe-eyed gaze that calmly regarded me. Even though I knew that I could ultimately win the fight, I backed away slowly. There was something magical about the moment that I didn't want to spoil with violence. Deer it is, I sighed, and took off into the night.