I decided to go for a stroll in the yard after I knew Kurt had calmed down. He wiped his tears and went back to bed just in time as the three oldest ones finally came up to say goodnight. Of course they were allowed to stay up later than the little ones due to age so once they said goodnight to me, all seven were accounted for.
It was a beautiful night. Summer was ending soon and I could tell by the thinning clouds. The nights were still humid enough so I could wear my short-sleeved dress without a coat. My goodness, I don't think I would ever get over the beauty of the lawn at night. The way the moon would shine down on the lake was breathtaking. The smell of the flowers as fragrant as the Baroness' perfume.
Oh, why did I have to stop and think of her? I was trying to calm down; not get all riled up! Heavenly father, forgive me for I fear I fall victim to jealousy. I'm jealous because the Baroness is everything I wish I could be. She was destined to be a lady and that is just what she is. She wears the right dresses, she talks the way proper ladies of her caliber should, she just knows what to do. Who am I? A woman-child who was too nice for the kind of childhood I had and too rough to live the life of a nun. Lord, I am such a mess.
The funniest part of it all? Seriously, I'm thinking about this as I sit on the bench next to the big oak tree. The funniest part: I thought maybe, just maybe, the captain could love me. It crushes my heart as I come to realize that he doesn't. I've swallowed all my pride, came back to his children that I love like my own, and just about sacrificed everything I thought I knew about my life just to be with him. The biggest slap in the face? He doesn't realize any of it!
"Hello," I was shocked to see him standing before me now. " I thought I just might find you here."
Oh my goodness, I did not want his company. My bitterness towards him had quickly subsided as soon he showed up. I now feel like a little girl again as he asks me for the second time why I ran away and came back. I, of course, tried to be as professional as I could be with my answer. He, of course, was not buying it. I guess I shouldn't have expected him to. He ought to know by now I am an open book.
There was something different about his demeanor this time. I have never seen him quite so, what's the word? Nervous. He acts nervous to be around me. There was that time I was fired but he asked me to come back. Yet, even then he wasn't acting as jittery as he is now. What was up with him tonight? It didn't take long for me to get an answer.
There wasn't going to be a Baroness. They had called off their engagement so there would be no wedding, no marriage, nothing. She was gone and he was the one that called it off. I was flabbergasted.
"Why?" I asked him.
"Well, you can't marry someone when you're in love with someone else, can you?"
That was when I knew. Someone once said that the moment you want to give up is right before the miracle happens. Well, it was happening to me right now. God was showing himself through him that my love was not in vain. I was going to be loved back and all my years of abuse, self-doubt, and my own feeling of unworthiness didn't matter anymore. A weight was lifted off my heart and soul as he kissed my face and lips. I really sang out that I must have done something good. Well, the look in Georg's eyes made me realize that I had been and was good all along. I was home now and home I'll stay.