Chapter 4
"True Love burns the brightest, But the brightest flames leave the deepest scars."
Anonymous
I think I blacked out for a little while. I find that highly disturbing. I shouldn't really be disturbed, I suppose. I mean really, I'm likely going to die soon, what are a few lost moments here or there? But I don't want to die in my sleep. I want to face it head on. I want to know that I'm dying when it happens. I can't say why. I guess, I was just never one to take things lying down.
I wake, choking, and for a moment I'm back on Mustafar, watching the man I love more than life choking that same life out of my body. The moment passes, and I'm back on the ledge. My body is racked by bouts of coughing. I sigh painfully as the spasms stop. I black out again, and, when I come to, my hands and feet are so numb I can barely feel them.
I curl more tightly into myself, trying to conserve what little warmth I have left. It's maddening-the waiting. I'm not a patient person by nature. I prefer action to inaction every time. My past experiences with waiting do not endear it to me. It's funny but, many of the most difficult times I've spent waiting, have pertained, in some way, to Anakin. When we first met, I waited for him to prepare for the race, and I waited for him to win it. Later, I waited for him to come back from his search for his mother. After we wed, I spent many sleepless nights waiting for him to come back from one mission or another- waiting for him to come back to me. The last time I waited for him was when he left for Mustafar. And, well, we know how that ended.
I've always hated waiting.
My life has been full, really. I have had many experiences that most people never do. I was 24 when I was arrested. It's odd, thinking of how much I really did accomplish in the short time I had. I was precocious, I suppose. I did everything young. I was a queen when I was little more than a child. A senator not long after. I married young, foolishly and impetuously. In retrospect, I was too young. I was just too young.
Regrets? I have many. I regret going into politics so young. I regret foolishly aiding Palpatine in his ambitions. I regret, at times, giving in to Anakin. I regret not paying more attention to his state of mind. I regret keeping our marriage a secret from the Jedi Council. I regret not stopping him when he left for Mustafar. I think I regret that most of all.
It's funny, and perhaps... no not perhaps, it's most definitely foolish and stupid of me, but I still love him. I would give anything, anything at all, just to have him here with me again. I want to see him, one last time.
The truth is, of all the regrets I hold in my heart, I do not regret loving him. Not even a little.