Chapter 7 - Interludes

The next day started uneventfully, although I was gaining a deep appreciation for my new vampire multi-tasking ability: in my Art History seminar, I had been called upon by the instructor and was able to answer coherently and correctly, even though I had been mentally focused on my meeting with the mysterious "E". I let myself enjoy just a bit of my instructor's chagrin at my answer, since I knew he had called on me because I was staring - most likely, completely unmoving - out the window. However, I also knew that it meant I needed to be more vigilant about maintaining the smaller aspects of my human charade.

Around dinnertime, there was a knock on my door. I froze for an instant, nonplussed, since I was rarely, if ever, approached by anyone of their own free will. I peered through the door, and then threw it all the way open as I discovered Matt on the other side. I was back against the wall again by the time the door hit the doorstop, just a little too hard. I inwardly winced. Thankfully, Matt did not appear to notice.

Almost instantly, though, all thoughts of my inadvertent demonstration of unnatural strength fled as I took in what Matt was wearing. He was in all black - long sleeve shirt, jeans, with a headband that had two pipe cleaners stuck out of it, each with a foam ball on the end that had been painted blue. I could also just see the tips of a pair of diaphanous wings peeking out above his shoulders.

"Are you dressed as ... a butterfly?" Although my brain was still trying to process Matt's outfit, I could barely contain the giggles that threatened to burst through.

He blushed slightly, looking at me sheepishly. "Uh, yeah. I'm on my way to a costume party and I didn't have a costume, so Sarah - that girl that lives two doors down from you - lent me these."

Who carries around a spare pair of butterfly wings? was my first thought, but then remembered the girl that Matt was talking about. Sarah was another freshman. She had shoulder-length chestnut-colored hair with so many color striations that it always reminded me of burl wood. She also seemed irritatingly perky, and in some indescribable way reminded me of Jessica back in Forks. The first time she had seen me, she took a minute to simply stare, then had promptly turned on her heel and walked in the other direction. The waves of jealousy coming off of her had been almost palpable. It was not a new reaction for me, as most people either, after the initial shock of taking in my inhumanly perfect physique, stared openly in fearful curiosity (I remembered having the same look on my face when I was small and saw the tigers at the Seattle zoo) or visibly closed down, reacting with immediate rejection and jealousy. Sarah fell clearly in the latter category, as did most girls. Unsurprisingly, the guys tended to fall in the former one. The fact that I had noticed that Sarah clearly had a crush on Matt did not help, either, since it had been becoming more and more apparent to both her and myself that he was interested in me.

"So," he quickly continued, "I was wondering if you wanted to come along, I mean, if you weren't doing anything else."

My first reaction was to say no, but there was something about the hopeful look on his face that stopped me. You have no other friends here, my mind scolded me, you shouldn't throw away the one person who's trying to make a connection with you. I paused to think. I had fed the night before, as part of my preparation for my Sunday meeting, so the pull of human blood wasn't as strong as it could be. In fact, Matt's scent had clearly wafted its way to me at this point, and I hadn't even reacted. Still, I knew a party would be something different, worse than going to class, even. I was tired, though, of spending so much time alone.

Here goes nothing; I really hope I don't cause a national news story. "Um, okay," I responded, "but I don't have a costume."

"Oh, I'm sure that's fine. Hey, I'm sure Sarah wouldn't mind if you wore this instead of me!"

"Oh, no, it's okay," I quickly responded, although the corner of my mouth twitched at the mental image of Sarah's face when she saw me walking in wearing the butterfly wings. "I'm fine going as is." I'm already in costume, I silently added.

...

It had been a while since I had been to a party - a long while. The last event I could remember attending was the graduation party that Mike and Jessica threw. I had gone, but it was an effort to look happy and seem to have fun for such an extended period of time. I had tried to get Jacob to come with me, but he said he didn't want to "intimidate" my friends, although that might have been the one thing that would've made me smile for real.

It was a relatively short walk, and by the time we got there, the house was jammed with people, the ambrosia of human scent mixed with stale beer, cigarette smoke, sweat, and a hint of vomit. I think the combination alone would have kept me on the wagon, even if I had less control. I had almost turned back several times on our way over, mentally berating myself for such reckless behavior. So, I was expecting the worst-case scenario when I walked in, either from my reaction towards the partiers, or their reaction to me. For the most part, though, not many people noticed when we walked in - everyone seemed to be wrapped up in what they were doing - dancing, drinking, talking. I had worn a long sleeve shirt, since I figured the temperature of my skin would be more noticeable than its color, especially here, where many people had stripped down to the bare - and I mean bare - essentials. The thick, damp heat radiating from the room felt good, though, reminding me of days in Arizona when the sun re-emerged in full force after an afternoon thunderstorm.

"Can I get you something to drink?" Matt yelled over the thumping bass.

"Um, sure - a beer would be great," I replied, subtly scouting for the best place to sit where I could inconspicuously pour it out as I "drank" it. There was a couch against one wall that was mostly empty - so I turned in that direction. "I'll wait for you over here," I said, pointing at the couch, as Matt waved and walked towards what I assumed was the kitchen. As I sat, I was briefly amused by the fact that the couple sitting on the far end of the couch instinctively scooted farther away. Man, people should take me to clubs, I thought, I would always be able to score us some seats.

It wasn't yet late, but this party had obviously been in full swing for awhile. There was a whole range of costumes - some creative, most not, though. It seemed like a whole section of girls thought that "as little clothing as I can get away with" constituted its own category. Or maybe it should be called it the "sexy prefix" category - like "sexy witch" or "sexy cat." There were at least five vampire costumes, but only one werewolf, since apparently that costume took a little more effort - with very little payoff in these hot, close-packed quarters.

I was glad that people were drinking, as I watched the Christmas lights used as decoration reflect oddly on my exposed skin. I figured that if anyone really noticed, they'd probably think I had put on some sort of makeup, even though it would have seemed incongruous with my regular street clothes. Good thing drunk people usually weren't up for two-step logic.

As I examined the dull glitter of my skin, I couldn't help but think about the first time Jacob had seen me step into the sun after my change.

...

"Um, Jake, I think there's something I should tell you before we go outside."

"Bella, we've been going outside all week! What's the problem? You know I wouldn't let you go out if Paul and Embry hadn't given the all-clear. Come on - this is the first nice day we've had in a long time!"

I suddenly was fascinated with drawing patterns in the dust under my feet. "That's kind of the problem ... well, it's not a problem, exactly ..." I broke off, fidgeting from habit. If I could have still blushed, I would've.

Jacob finally looked at me, eyebrows scrunched in confusion. "Bella, what's going on?"

"Well, before we go out there -" I thought about the best way to phrase what I was going to say, but couldn't think of anything better than simply blurting it out. "I have to tell you that my skin does funny things in direct sunlight."

Jacob skipped a beat, an unreadable look on his face quickly covered by a smirk. "Funny haha, or funny strange?"

I cringed. For some reason, while Edward's skin had seemed the most breathtakingly beautiful thing I had ever seen, I could only see it as yet another freakish difference that set me apart from everyone else. "Ah, funny strange, I guess? Although I have a feeling that you're going to think that it's both."

Jacob's eyes lit up. "I should get Quil and Embry over here - this sounds like it's going to be good."

"JACOB BLACK, DON'T YOU DARE." I gave my best steely-eyed stare-down, which was undermined by the burst of laughter that escaped from his lips.

"Sorry, Bells - I'm teasing. You just look so uncomfortable - embarrassed, even!"

I sighed. "Let's just go out there already, okay?"

"Ready when you are." Jacob stepped aside, sweeping his hand across in a grand gesture as he motioned for me to go first.

I took a step forward, pushing open the screen door. I was at the edge of the shadow cast by the house's roof before I realized that Jacob had not moved past the doorway. I looked back in puzzlement. "Jake? Are you coming, or what?"

He motioned me onward with his hand, a ghost of a smile still on his lips. Great, an audience, I inwardly moaned. I took a deep breath and stepped forward into bright sunlight.

Although Jacob didn't react at first, I knew what he was experiencing. When Edward had stepped out from the shadows that one, perfect day in the meadow, I had been so shocked, so overwhelmed that I couldn't react. I quickly suppressed the deep-seated pain that was now bound with the memory, the crushing longing to go back to that moment. I refocused on the present, and grimaced, "As if you needed another reminder that I'm not human anymore, huh?" I knew what Jacob's unreadable expression at the beginning of our conversation had meant, before he had covered it with his usual flippant humor.

"Um, Bella - you're saying that to someone who can suddenly grow fur and run on four legs." Jacob's eyes were somber, but his quick smile was genuine, not his usual teasing smirk. He deliberately stepped forward, never breaking gaze with me. When he reached the light, he gently took my hand, its heat scorching against my frigid skin. We looked at each other for a moment, the distance that we had both come since that walk on First Beach never more apparent. With Jacob, though, seriousness could never last. "Come on - let's go catch some lunch," he grinned. "Besides, this will make hunting so much easier - you'll stun prey with your incredible sparkliness, and then I'll catch them unawares while they are momentarily blinded."

I laughed, grateful for Jacob's never-ceasing ability to diffuse difficult situations.

He continued, "Plus, you're going to be a hit at our next bonfire. Do you mind if we aim some colored lights at you?"

"Jake - I'm not a party trick!" I exclaimed, only half-indignantly.

"What a waste," he sighed with mock solemnity, "I swear, you're missing out on a whole side-career."

I groaned. "Here we go," I muttered to myself, rolling my eyes. More loudly to Jacob, "Come ON." He grinned as I pulled him forward with our still-interlaced hands, and we ran together into the trees.

...

"Bella? What's so funny?"

I snapped to the present, realizing that I had been staring off into space with a silly smile on my face. Matt was standing in front of me, with a beer held out in my direction. I took it and he sat down next to me. Turning sideways on the couch to face him, I used the moment to really look at him. I had always been so overwhelmed by his hair color, (really, Bella, you're obsessed with his hair color?!) that although I had looked at him, I hadn't really seen him. Aside from the artfully unkempt swath of bronze locks, Matt looked nothing like Edward, which was probably why I was able to continue carrying on a conversation with him. He was slightly shorter than I remembered Edward to be, and his skin was golden tan dashed with freckles, which spoke of many afternoons outside - probably playing some sport. His nose was straight but broad and short, and, under prominent brows, his eyes were a hazelly-shade of gray. Now that I was really looking, I realized he was good-looking - in an all-American kind of way.

I was never very good at making up lies on the spot, so I lamely replied, "Oh, nothing - this party just reminded me of something back home."

Matt raised an eyebrow. "Oh yeah, anything good?"

"Nah, not really - nothing that would make for an entertaining story, at least." Unless you like your stories freakishly frightening.

Matt turned towards me, folding one leg up on the couch, mirroring my body position. His gaze turned mischievous. "So, I finally got you to come out ... is your boyfriend going to be pissed?" Some uncontrolled emotion must have flitted across my face, because he quickly added, "I mean, I'm not going to get you in trouble, am I?"

Almost as swiftly, I realized that he meant Jacob, whom I had been using as the "boyfriend excuse". "Oh, Jake? No, we, uh, decided that we were better as friends. And we are - I talk to him all the time."

Matt laughed, "You must be. I don't see any of the barely-veiled hate that most girls show when talking about their exes."

"Yeah, that's me, all about healthy relationships." I hoped he wouldn't catch the sarcasm undercutting my tone.

If he did, he didn't show it, although he did change the subject. "So, are you ready for some colder weather? I still haven't forgotten that dinner you promised me."

"Promised you? Wait a minute, we have a bet! And it's not until February!"

"Oh, so you DO remember!" His eyes were gleeful.

I almost felt bad for what I was going to say next. "But maybe we should move it - I won't be here in February."

His face fell slightly. "Oh really? Why not?"

"I'm going to Italy - it's a program offered through the Art History department."

Matt gave a half-hearted smile. "Wow, ready to get out of here already, huh? It takes most people at least a year to reach that point." His tone was light, but I could see that he was pretty bummed out.

I smiled like I didn't notice, even though I felt strangely sad as well. "Well, it seemed like everything was falling into place for me to go - and who am I to second-guess fate?"

"I suppose if I had a chance to go abroad, I'd call it fate, too." He looked up from where he had suddenly been compulsively peeling the label off his beer bottle, "So, what are you going to do in Italy?"

"Well, there's a family there that has a partnership with the school - they have a big private collection of works that the art history majors can go and study. It actually sounds pretty cool."

"That does sound nice - I wish my department did something similar. Unfortunately, they're content with chaining us up in the basement of the engineering building."

I chuckled. "Well, I officially give you permission to make fun of me when we graduate, and you have a kick-ass job, and I'm working at McDonald's. I figure I better enjoy what I can while I can."

Matt laughed, an easy sound over the humming din of background noise. "So, since you're leaving us, I apparently cannot waste any chances to talk to you. Tell me more about yourself - I barely see you outside of our dorm."

I shrugged. "Well, there's not much to tell -"

Matt made an exaggerated sigh. "Well, there goes my theory that you're a secret crime fighter, and that's why I never seem to see you outside during the day. But seriously, you must like to go out and do something?"

I took an instinctive breath, about to answer that no, I didn't go out and do very much, when Matt interrupted me before I could begin.

"Wait, wait, let me guess ..." he blurted out, a mischievously calculating look in his eye, "I bet I can figure it out."

"Go for it, Sherlock." I looked expectantly back at him, my eyebrows raised. After all, it had taken Edward lifting a car off of me for me to even start thinking in the right direction, so I wasn't exactly concerned that Matt would stumble upon the truth.

In response, Matt closed his eyes, and slapped the now-liberated label from his beer bottle onto his forehead, keeping it in its ridiculous location with the back of his hand.

"What are you doing?" I broke in. "I'm pretty sure this is not standard detective methodology."

"Shhhhh!" Matt replied in an exaggerated whisper. "I needed more than an everyday investigative technique. Since it's Halloween, I'm communing with the spirits!"

"Ok, Miss Cleo - but, with a beer label?"

"NOT a beer label. My focus object."

"Uh huh," I could feel my lips twitch as I tried to keep a straight face, "I don't want you to psychically strain yourself - let me help you." I looked up at the ceiling in mock reverence, raising my hands and calling out, "O great spirits of alcoholic consumption, hear me!"

"A-hem." Matt cracked one eye open, a pseudo-frown in place. "Don't break my concentration."

"Ok, ok, I'm shutting up now." I once again fought the almost uncontrollable urge to giggle that had suddenly overtaken me. That's twice in one night - must be a new record. I was relaxed, well, as much as I could be in a room full of humans, but it was a feeling that I was not used to experiencing outside of my interactions with the wolves. For a second, just one fraction of an instant, I forgot what I was, and was just a girl sitting on a couch at a party, flirting with a boy.

"Okay, you ... like being outdoors." Matt intoned.

A choked back a laugh. "Uh, you had a 50/50 shot at that one, bub."

"Hold on. I'm not done." Matt scrunched his face in mock concentration. "You enjoy hiking. And you like to run. At night. And," he made a dramatic pause, "This is all because you are really in hiding in the witness protection program, and you cannot risk your secret identity becoming known ... so you have to do everything at night ... IN THE SHADOWS," he finished melodramatically.

I made a small choking sound.

"Ah!" he exclaimed triumphantly, "I'm right, aren't I?"

I couldn't react. He wasn't right, but he was right enough to make me uncomfortable. And how did he know I went running at night? That part just creeped me out.

Matt's face was split in a wide grin, but he froze when he opened his eyes to see why I was suddenly silent. "Wait, did I say something wrong? I mean, you aren't really in the witness protection program, are you?"

"Are you seriously asking me that question?" I recovered quickly.

"Ok, just making sure I didn't just blow your cover." He laughed, letting the moment go, for which I was grateful. "And," he added, "before you think I'm a stalker, I've seen you come out of the woods at night with your running shoes on, so it wasn't that far of an extrapolation."

I did my best to look aggravated. "Hmmmm ... so much for your spiritual connection, then, cheater?"

"Ouch!" he laughed.

We chatted easily for another hour, at least, talking about music, our friends from home (a severely curtailed discussion on my part), our parents. I found that I could relax around Matt, and push the angry, upset, screaming voice inside of me so far back in my head that just echoes remained. As the party got louder, though, I decided I had pushed my luck long enough, and decided to excuse myself. Matt offered to walk me back, more than offered, really, I had to actively dissuade him from doing so. Oddly enough, I was saved by Sarah, who had finally seen an opening to wedge herself into. With Sarah's hand firmly guiding him on to the dance floor, I caught a glimpse of Matt's disappointment as he turned to look at me one last time. Pretending not to notice, I raised my eyebrows and winked at him, pointing at Sarah's back and ignoring the twinge I felt as I gave him a thumbs-up. He rolled his eyes, but there was a smile on his face as he turned back around.

My conversation with Matt, the party, everything was quickly shoved into the recesses of my mind as soon as the cool night air caressed my face. It had been a nice break from obsessing over my meeting with "E," but now there was really nothing standing in the way between myself and it. I've amped myself up way too much over this, I thought, but another part of me couldn't suppress the tingles of excitement at the idea of somehow reconnecting, even in the most tangential way, to a life I had thought was gone. I'm ready, I thought, smiling to no one as I moved into the deepening darkness.