Trigger Warning: **This chapter discusses a panic attack, there are some details. This story initially focuses on an assault. The actual assault isn't described, but the after effects (injuries, etc.) are discussed. If these things will bother you, this may not be the best fic, or chapter, for you to read. Be safe. Be healthy. Be kind to yourself.

AN: Thank you to everyone who is sticking with this story. I love seeing the comments, follows, favorites, reads, etc. Significant gratitude to INeedYourGrace for her marvelous help figuring out the semantics of parts of this chapter – she is seriously great.

This chapter could be a bit rough, but sometimes these things are necessary. Break ups are messy, we say and do things we don't mean, or at the wrong time, etc. I by no means intend to make either Callie or Arizona the bad guy.

Anyway, Enjoy!

Chapter Five

Sofia was dressed in her favorite princess dress hosting a tea party with her stuffed animals and her Mom. Callie had been trying to be very intentional with spending extra time to play whatever game Sofia wanted since Arizona had moved out not quite a week before. Sofia hadn't made too many comments about Arizona since she had left. However, Callie wasn't sure whether she was grateful for the lack of tantrums and questions, or heartbroken that, in some ways, it seemed as though Sofia was used to her parents appearing and disappearing for long periods of time without obvious reason.

Callie wasn't even sure if Sofia had seen Arizona since she had been dropped off in daycare six days ago. Callie knew that Arizona sometimes had lunch with Sofia. She also knew that she could check Sofia's log at the daycare to know if Arizona had visited or taken her for lunches. But Callie didn't want to check the book. She would much rather live in the possibility that Arizona was seeing Sofia, rather than the high probability of the opposite. Callie didn't want to face the reality that Arizona didn't mean all those things she said while lying on the couch drugged up – how she wanted to be involved with Sofia, how great Sofia is, how much she missed Sofia. Callie didn't want to admit to herself that she was right, that without Callie to tie her to Sofia, Arizona wasn't tied down at all. Callie knew Arizona loved Sofia. Love was never the question. But commitment, responsibility, and priority were all questions for Callie. Arizona wasn't a bad person, but these weren't her dreams. Callie wouldn't hold it against Arizona if she walked away – kids were a big commitment. But Callie will not let Arizona become undependable for Sofia. Callie's own heart has been crushed far too many times by people, who she thought she could count on, walking away.

"Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom." Sofia's insistence pulls Callie out of her thoughts. "Will Mama come play today?"

"No Sofia, not today."

"Why not? When will Mama be home?"

"Mama doesn't live here with us anymore, Sof."

"But she was here a few days ago."

It is at this point that Callie realizes that Sofia still thinks Arizona is still living with them. Sofia probably just thought that Arizona was working nights and thus didn't see them. It had happened occasionally that one of their schedules would get messed up or crazy and they wouldn't see much of each other. Callie tried to figure out how she wanted to have this conversation with Sofia, again. This was a conversation she never imagined herself having to have, but now she's done it countless times.

"Yes, Mama was here a few days ago, but she was hurt. She was here to see you and have you help her feel better with your special powers. Remember before when Mama was living with Uncle Alex, not with us?"

Sofia nodded.

"It is like that again. Mama loves you very much, but she doesn't live here. It is just us. And I love you very much kiddo." Callie struggled to explain. She wished Arizona was around to tell Sofia she loved her. It shouldn't be Callie assuring Sofia that both her moms loved her, especially when Callie was questioning Arizona's commitment.

"Okay. You and Mama love me," Sofia looked like she was thinking trying to figure something out.

"Yes baby."

"Do you love Mama?"

Callie was taken aback. This was a new question for Sofia. They'd had this talk before and she had asked many questions, but this was not one Callie was prepared for.

"Um. Yes. I care about your Mama. I want her to be happy. I love her, because she loves you. Okay, Sof?"

Sofia nodded and crawled into Callie's arms for hug. Callie wasn't sure which of them needed the hug more at that moment, but she held Sofia tight. Too soon Sofia let go, picked up most of her toys and walked into her room.

Tears started running down Callie's cheeks as soon as she was sure Sofia was in her room and out of sight. Did she love Arizona? That was the question wasn't it? Of course, she loved Arizona. A part of her would always love Arizona. Arizona had thought that she didn't love, or miss, her enough. But love wasn't the question and neither was quantity. She wasn't sure if either of those would ever be the real question for them. But the rest was complicated. And the rest might not matter in the heat of the moment when they were consumed by love, but when too many things added up the complicated rest could overcome them. Callie and Arizona needed to be happy and healthy and that just didn't seem like an option if they were together. Callie couldn't handle it if in ten years Arizona realized she couldn't handle all that she had given up for Callie's dreams. As much as it hurt the break was easier now.

But Callie couldn't explain any of that to a four year old. Hell, she could hardly explain it to herself.

Arizona walked into her room in Alex's house and took off her shoes neatly placing them under the end of the bed. She always kept the room pristine, partially because she had grown up with the Colonel and military precision was expected, but also because this arrangement was never meant to be permanent. She told herself that the first night she stayed when Callie had been drinking with the group in living room, and she had been telling herself that it was temporary for every night she had stayed here for the past almost 7 months. She knew she couldn't keep living like this. In the meantime, she would keep the room neat with minimal stuff –almost as though she wasn't actually living there. Most of her things were still in the closet in the master bedroom of her...Callie's house, untouched.

Arizona was exhausted she had been on her foot for the past 36 hours at the hospital. She started preparing for bed when she heard rustling from the bushes beneath her window. She froze. That awful night went through her mind. She wasn't safe. Her breathing became quick and shallow and she couldn't think. Arizona slowly sat down on the floor as though she didn't have any other option. She had learned to quiet the waves, but this wasn't pain. This was panic. On some level Arizona knew that her second floor bedroom offered safety to someone prowling in the bushes, but logic and panic didn't speak to each other.

Suddenly the phone was next to her ear and it was ringing.

"Arizona?" Callie asked confused why Arizona was calling her. They hadn't spoken in a week, since Callie had kicked Arizona out.

"C-Cal… I… What if he's here? I'm not safe. I can't stay here. Callie" Arizona struggled to explain.

The quick breaths. The fear in her voice. The hesitation. The struggle. Callie realized Arizona was having a panic attack. This wasn't the first call she'd gotten from Arizona like this. The first one was a few weeks after they'd decided they were girlfriends. The stress of the merger had caught up to Arizona and she called Callie. Arizona didn't have panic attacks often, but they were nearly always stress induced. They were unpredictable and scary. Callie immediately grabbed her keys prepared to run to Arizona. Then she remembered Sofia asleep in her room, and her own need for distance. Arizona wasn't hers. Callie knew she needed to try to help Arizona over the phone, without any real contact.

"Where are you Arizona? Where are you right now?" Callie asked softly knowing she needed to soothe Arizona.

"I'm at Alex's. In my room. On the floor. Callie, I heard something. What if it isn't safe?"

"Is Alex there?" Callie knew that sometimes if she could give Arizona a small temporary solution to the problem creating the panic she could help pull Arizona out of the attack. The stress and issues surrounding the attacks weren't always so logical and those often meant just sitting with Arizona until they passed. It always made Callie feel so helpless to watch Arizona practically drowning beside her without anything Callie could do to make it better.

"No. Maybe. I don't know."

Callie put Arizona on speaker and quickly texted both Alex and Jo to ask them to check on Arizona for her. She thought if there was someone Arizona trusted in the house she might be able to calm down a bit.

"It will be okay, Arizona. I'm here."

Alex knocked on the door to Arizona's room calling "Robbins, you okay in there? We've got some beer downstairs, want to join?"

"Alex is here," Arizona told Callie.

Callie waited on the phone while she heard Alex show Arizona the locks on the window were secure. He promised her he would double check the house tonight and be sure everything was secure. He encouraged Arizona to join him and Jo downstairs for a beer, but she declined. Callie knew she would. After a panic attack Arizona didn't like to be in the company of others.

"Callie, are you still there?" Arizona asked into the phone.

"Yeah, of course. Feeling better, Arizona?"

"Yes. Thank you." Arizona sounded more in control, but also distant like she wasn't sure how she had gotten here.

"Arizona, can we talk a minute?

"Um. Sure, Callie. What do you need?"

"I care about you Arizona. I'm okay with helping you when you need it, or when you are scared. But I cannot be your only support system, the only person you go to. We aren't together. You need to expand your support system and maybe consider going to therapy again to help you deal with the past few weeks, okay? I'm your colleague, your daughter's other mother… y-your friend. But I can't be your only friend and your only support. It isn't healthy."

"Yeah. Okay, Callie. Good Night." Arizona sounded even more distant than before.

"Night Arizona, sleep well."

Callie hoped she made the right choice. She didn't want Arizona to be in pain or to make things worse. But the back and forth, blurred lines would kill her. She needed a clean break.