Chapter Seven
Arizona was painting the top edge of the wall bright purple like the rest of this bedroom in her new apartment. Edging the walls before rolling on the purple paint was difficult for Arizona, but she was going to do it all herself. She and Tim spent a summer cutting lawns, painting and doing random chores for other people living on the military base. Arizona usually did the majority of painting for the jobs – her attention to detail had been better than Tim's. Arizona needed to paint this room for Sofia herself. It had to be perfect and she wanted the time to think.
Arizona had eaten lunch with Sofia yesterday while she was at daycare. They had spent the time eating sandwiches and coloring. Arizona still loved the girl with the sandwiches, even if the girl was now her daughter instead of Callie. Arizona missed her time with Sofia. She hadn't seen Sofia since she stayed with Callie. Even though, Arizona missed Sofia, this lunch date had ulterior motives – Arizona wanted to make sure she still knew her own daughter's favorite color. Sofia changed her favorite color on a daily basis, but she usually ended up back at purple within a few days. If Sofia was given a princess coloring page the princess' dress was nearly always purple. Arizona had long despised all of the Disney movies. She could quote every single one from her years as a peds surgeon – and her enjoyment of them prior to residency, but she still avoided them. Sofia loved them though, and Sofia's happiness always outweighed her own distaste. Callie could really sing something she didn't let on to very often. But since Sofia was born Callie sang more and Arizona loved that. She loved hearing Callie and Sofia giggle, sing and dance to Disney movies. Those moments alone nearly made Arizona love Disney movies. Her first instinct on hearing the torturous music was no longer to cringe, but if the music wasn't shortly followed by Sofia's giggles or Callie's singing her favor for the movies quickly disappeared.
Sofia still loved purple and princesses. Arizona was relieved – she hadn't missed out on too many major developments for her daughter. Sofia said she preferred pink, but the princess' dress was still purple. Sofia hadn't asked Arizona where she had been, when she would see her Mama next or any of the multitudes of questions over her absence that Arizona had expected. It was nice to not need to answer the questions, but she was worried about what Sofia actually thought. She made sure Sofia knew she loved her, but Arizona also knew she needed to prove it. Arizona had realized she had spent almost as much time out of Sofia's life than in it. She practically disappeared after her leg did – from both Callie and Sofia. When Callie left when she cheated the custody slowly moved from equal to Sofia spending most of the time with Callie. Arizona had never meant for that to happen, but some nights it was hard to look at a mini-Callie. Sofia looked so much like Callie. Arizona always loved Sofia, but often when she couldn't bear to face Callie, and own up to her mistakes, looking Sofia in the eyes was often equally difficult. Then, when they split the last time Arizona hadn't even asked for a custody agreement. Arizona knew she needed to make it up to Sofia, to be there for her.
With the paint finished and drying, Arizona began to construct the princess bed she bought for Sofia. Arizona had been living essentially rent-free for the past six months. Alex had never asked her to pay – it was supposed to be temporary so an agreement was never set up. Arizona had ended up saving a lot of money. She wanted to use it to make Sofia's life better. She knew that between Callie, Mark and Carlos Sofia was set for the future. Sofia may never need to work a day in her life between the different trusts set up for her. So Arizona poured some of her recent savings into making a home for Sofia. She needed Sofia to like it here. It needed to be a home for Sofia. Arizona had never spent so much at a children's store – and she had bought toys, etc. for the peds wing before. Arizona knew that if she asked Callie would likely split much of Sofia's stuff with her, but Arizona wanted to do this for her daughter. There was so much she had missed and so little she could do to make it up to Sofia.
Callie and April had both told her that she needed to step up to the plate with Sofia. Arizona had decided to prove to them, and her parents, that she could be the mom she wanted to be, but had never thought she would be. Arizona could be a great mom; she tried to convince herself, even if she was doing it without a partner. Arizona needed to prove her skill as a mother to herself as well – this was just step one in getting her life back. But it was the biggest step – Sofia needed to be her priority. Arizona knew she needed to prove that she could be the mama that Sofia needed and deserved to Sofia most of all. Sofia was the only innocent one in all the tragedy and drama, yet she kept suffering.
Arizona's apartment wasn't much – a two bedroom garden, ground floor, apartment. It was in the same part of the city as Callie's house, but not the same neighborhood. Arizona was hoping that the proximity might increase her Sofia time.
Princess bed finished and made up, Arizona started to put together the craft corner she wanted for Sofia. The room had to be perfect by tomorrow. Arizona had asked Callie if she would bring Sofia by tomorrow afternoon. Arizona hadn't told Callie she got her own apartment; though Callie probably figured something was up – Arizona had been to the house to get some of her clothes and other things she had never bothered to move out previously. Arizona told April she still wanted Callie, but she wasn't sure if it even mattered. Callie likely would never want her again. They were free – whatever that meant. Arizona's freedom just made her long for Callie. Sure she could pick up anyone she wanted at the bar, and not have to answer for her late nights at the hospital, but all she lost was not worth the gain for Arizona.
More than proving to everyone that she could be a good mom – Arizona wanted to prove to herself that she could be a person she was proud of. She wanted to build a life that she didn't want to tear down. She didn't want to have to shakily admit to her failures when others asked anymore. She wanted to be proud of her own accomplishments outside of the OR. Arizona knew that meant her life needed to focus on her greatest accomplishment and source of pride – Sofia.
Callie double checked the address Arizona had texted her against the building she had just pulled up in front of. Callie had been expecting a park, or something, not a mid-level apartment building. Callie had been confused when Arizona had asked her if she could have Sofia for the night and if they could meet her at this address. Callie wasn't about to begrudge Arizona wanting to see Sofia for the first time in months, though. A few days ago Sofia had excitedly told her many, many times that she and Mama had lunch. Callie was glad, but hesitant to hope that Arizona would make any real commitment to their daughter.
"It looks like we're here, Sof. Let's get you out of your seat and find Mama, huh?" Callie said after she had sent a quick text to Arizona letting them know they had arrived.
"Hey girls!" Arizona called excitedly.
"Mama! Mama! Mama!" Sofia took off at a run toward Arizona. Arizona quickly scooped Sofia up giving her a hug and kisses all over her face.
"Uh. What are we doing here, Arizona?" Callie asked once she had caught up to them.
"I got a new apartment and I wanted you both to see it. I want you to be comfortable with where I live Callie. I want you to be comfortable with where I hope Sofia will start spending some time. I need us to work together on this parenting thing, and part of that is having you see where I live and what I've set up for our daughter."
"What?! You've got an apartment and a room for Sofia and you want this?"
"Yes Callie. Let's go in."
"I packed Sofia an overnight bag, since you said you would take her tonight. It's in the car. I'll go get it."
"Don't worry about it. I've got it all taken care of."
"But she'll need pajamas, and clothes for tomorrow, and an extra pair of socks, and her favorite stuffed animal, and"
"Callie, I've got it covered. Let me show you. If I'm missing something we can grab the bag later. Okay?" Arizona began to walk toward the building while carrying Sofia once again. Callie had no choice but to follow.
The living room the apartment opened into looked like an Easter basket – typical Arizona. Though, Callie noticed that the apartment had been child proofed – there weren't any breakables on low ledges or anything moderately dangerous looking.
"Sofia this is where I live and when you stay with me this is your bedroom." Callie heard Arizona explaining as she opened a door down the hallway on the right. Arizona set Sofia down to let her explore her new room. Sofia made sounds of glee and excitement as she took in her purple princess bedroom and all of the toys.
Callie followed them standing in the doorway as Arizona explored the room with Sofia. Arizona hadn't forgotten anything. There were clothes and shoes for all seasons and types of weather in the closet. There were probably more toys in this room than Sofia had at Callie's house. Arizona hadn't neglected educational games or an extensive craft corner either. Everything one could ever want to make a 4 year old paradise Arizona had put in this room. Callie was impressed. She hadn't expected this to be the reaction from her conversation with Arizona. She had expected anger and Arizona to eventually un-commit to Sofia.
"I live with you Mama?"
Arizona looked to Callie who slowly nodded before Arizona answered. "Yes big girl. You live with me sometimes and Mommy sometimes. Is that okay with you?"
"YES!" Sofia squealed.
"What do you say to your Mama for putting this room together for you, Sof?" Callie asked her daughter.
"Thank you Mama," Sofia threw her arms around Arizona. Huge smiles filled both Arizona and Sofia's faces.
After a bit Callie interjected "Hey Sofia, you want to play in here for a little bit while Mama and I talk?"
"Uh huh," Sofia answered barely looking up from coloring at her craft corner.
Arizona followed Callie into her own kitchen.
"Arizona, you thought of everything."
"I know. I love our daughter. I know we aren't together. But I want to be her Mama in more than title. I want this and I want to prove it. I know you probably don't believe me, but I want to be involved in Sofia's life, Callie. I know this is probably a lot. But I'd like to set up a custody schedule soon. I know Sofia needs stability, but I want that stability to include both of us." Arizona began speaking more and more quickly trying to answer Callie's concerns before they were voiced. Arizona wanted this to work, she didn't want to have to fight Callie for Sofia – and she didn't really expect she'd have to.
"Yeah, Arizona. This is good. How about you plan to have her tonight and tomorrow night and we can talk at lunch tomorrow? Work out a plan?"
"Yes. Thank you, Callie."
Callie walked back to Sofia's room, Arizona hung back to let Callie say goodbye to Sofia.
"Sofia, are you okay here?"
"Yeah Mommy. Look at my picture."
"Oh wow, what a pretty butterfly. I'm going to go and you can stay here with Mama. Is that okay?"
"Uh huh." Sofia was engrossed in her coloring once again.
Callie dug around in her purse to find a card.
"Hey Sofia, here this is a card. Okay?" Callie placed the card on the top of the filled bookshelf. "If you need me you can call the number on the top, okay?"
"Yes Mommy."
Callie knew if something really went wrong Arizona would call her. But Callie always left a card with her cell phone and pager number with Sofia. Sofia was used to this routine by now. She wanted Sofia to feel like she could always call her. She may have to work long hours and be gone frequently, but Sofia was her priority. The card was usually in a small zipper pocket in Sofia's backpack, but with the bag in the car Callie wanted to make sure that Sofia had access. Callie wasn't sure if Sofia even really cared at this point about always being able to contact her, it was more of a security blanket for Callie than Sofia. Ensuring Sofia always had the ability to reach her was a way of absolving her guilt of needing to leave so often. Her father had always ensured that she and Aria always had one of his business cards when he left with his personal number on the back. Callie had often forgotten about it as a child, but liked the ability to contact her Daddy if she needed, even if the adult she saw the most often was a nanny for much of her childhood. Her dad had absolved his guilt over leaving her so often as a child in the same way – being physically gone, but always leaving a way to be there for her.
"I love you Sofia." Callie said taking Sofia into a hug. "Be good for Mama. She'll take you to daycare tomorrow and I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
"Okay Mommy. I love you."