Chapter 9

"But he did not understand the price. Mortals never do. They only see the prize. Their hearts desire, their dream . . . But the price of getting what you want is getting what you once wanted."

Neil Gaimen

Vader tightened his grip on the controls as he piloted his shuttle through Rakesh's atmosphere. He easily avoided the flashes of lightning as he glided through the heavy storm clouds that hung low over the Dakur mountains.

His skill was evident as he banked to the right, easily avoiding the jagged rocks that jutted up into the sky. Watching him, one would never guess that he was only giving his flying the bare minimum of his attention. His skill was more habit than the result of any real effort. Instead, his thoughts were focused on the reason for this trip.

Padme had been unwilling, or unable, he conceded, to tell him what had happened to her. He knew from experience that pushing her would profit him nothing. Her stubbornness rivaled his own. But then again, he could not just leave the matter lie. He needed to know what had happened to her, if only to still the niggling fears and doubts that taunted the edge of his consciousness. If she would not tell him, he would find out for himself.

Even knowing that Padme would be well cared for, he had been hesitant to leave her. Some small part of him feared that, if he let her from his sight, she would disappear once again.

His ship shuttered slightly as it touched down on the landing strip, where the acting head of the Rakesh facility, Lieutenant Tirche, was waiting.

The ramp slowly lowered, revealing Vader's imposing figure. The howling wind caught his cape as he made his way down the ramp.

"Good day, Milord," Lieutenant Tirche said politely, bowing at the waist.

"Have you done as I requested?"

Tirche nodded before falling into step beside the Dark Lord. "Yes, Milord. I have searched our database for the files you requested. Unfortunately, there does not appear to be any record of the prisoner ever being interred here. In fact, none of the files mention her at all."

Vader stopped and turned to face him. The dim light cast odd shadows on his mask.

"Explain this, Lieutenant."

"I'm not certain, Milord, but it is possible that the files were lost or destroyed during the reclassification. Five years ago, this facility was changed from a political detention center to a maximum security facility. I was not party to the reasons behind the change. The only person who was here during the time of the transfer was Commander Gaversom."

Vader gritted his teeth in frustration. Of course, Commander Gaversom- the one he had killed in a fit of temper.

The Lieutenant jumped backwards as the glowlamps shattered, leaving the corridor in darkness.

Moments later, Vader's voice growled out of the darkness.

"You may return to your duties, Lieutenant."

"Yes, Milord. Might I enquire as to whether you'll be needing anything else?"

"No, I know my way from here."

Vader disappeared down the long corridor, the disconcerted Lieutenant still staring after him.

As Vader stepped into the antechamber of Padme's pit, a cold chill swept across him, followed immediately by a sharp constriction in his chest, as though the very air in his lungs had frozen to ice.

The room was much the same as he had left it, aside from the addition of a drainage pump and a small hoverlift. Vader brushed off the disquieting sensation as he stepped onto the small platform of the hoverlift. The sound of his boots clanking on the metal echoed hollowly in the dark chamber. As the lift slowly lowered into the pit, he could not put off the feeling that he was sinking into the very depths of hell itself.

His skin crawled, and a cold chill crept down his spine, as an overwhelming wave of pain and sorrow washed over him. It was an old echo of the misery, contained within the very walls of the facility. For a moment he thought he could hear the sounds of weeping, a child's voice begging for help. Then, as soon as it had come, it was gone, and the only sounds were the repulsors of the lift, and his own steady breathing.

The lift came to a stop, and Vader simply stood for a moment, examining the dank little pit with the impersonal eyes of his mask. The problem he faced was that he was not impersonal at all. Thinking of Padme here filled him with an intense mixture of anger and guilt. The pit was a bitter reminder of how badly he had failed her. He forced himself to step off of the lift, ignoring the sound of his boots squishing in the mud that now covered the bottom of the pit.

Vader wasted no time in examining the pit, searching for some clue or hint as to what had occurred here.

What he saw filled him with disgust. The idea of Padme, his Padme, living in these miserable, squalid conditions increased the blind rage that howled within him, clawing for release.

He walked around the pit again and again, his steps becoming more hurried as his frustration increased.

Nothing! There was nothing here! Nothing in the bare little cell but the threadbare pallet and fresher. He had been so certain that the answer lay on Rakesh. He had felt it.

He continued his circuit of the pit, knowing that there was something he was missing. There had to be.

He moved faster and faster, until he came to a sudden stop, slamming his fist into the harsh stone with a primal cry of rage. The sound of his cry echoed up through the chambers, sending thrills of terror through all who heard it.

He stood, his head bowed, his chest heaving violently as he fought the terrible beast within himself.

Then something caught his eye, a darker patch against the rough blackness of the wall. He crouched lower, the optic sensors of his mask adjusting to make out the rough scratchings in the wall.

His heart clenched painfully as he read the roughly hewn words-"I am Padme Amidala Skywalker".

His hand shook slightly as he reached to trace the rough letters. The moment his gloved fingers made contact with the stone, he was assailed by a barrage of feelings and images. He stood in the midst of a raging river of sensation, the last desperate imprint of a mind prepared to die.

Images and sensations swirled around him. Occasionally they would coalesce into something understandable but most of them were too fragmented to grasp.

The images coalesced once again, and Vader went still as the image forced everything else to the background, an image that filled him with a cold, deadly rage that threatened to consume him. His Master, Palpatine, laughing gleefully, his warped face twisted into a grotesque parody of mirth, as he stood over his prey. Padme . . .

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I felt the warm sun caressing my skin, and the feel of soft grass beneath me. The sound of a child's laughter broke the peaceful stillness. I opened my eyes, searching for the source, and was confronted by a pair of laughing blue eyes, eyes set in the face of a sweet little boy who once asked if I was an angel.

"Come on!" Anakin cried as he grasped my hand and tugged me to my feet.

The moment I was standing he began to run, pulling me along behind him.

"Where are we going?" I asked breathlessly as I tried to keep up.

He simply laughed ,as he looked back at me, his blue eyes twinkling with mirth.

Anakin began to run faster and faster. The ground flew beneath our feet as I struggled to keep up.

A mountain loomed in front of us ,blocking our path, but this did not deter Anakin in the slightest. He simply began to climb the rocky trail that led to the summit, still pulling me in his wake.

A sense of disquiet filled me as the path beneath our feet became more narrow and treacherous the higher we went.

"Anakin, slow down, we need to go back!" I cried breathlessly as I tried to keep my footing.

"Go back? We can't go back! Look, we're almost there!"

He gestured to the summit, which was indeed becoming dangerously close.

Suddenly ,the rock lurched beneath our feet and I was thrown to the ground as the whole mountain shook violently.

Anakin screamed and my heart leapt into to my throat as he slipped over the edge.

He was hanging on desperately. The only thing keeping him from plummeting to his death was his desperate grip on my hand.

I tried to pull him back onto the path, but it seemed the more I pulled, the heavier he became. Tears coursed down my cheeks as I desperately tried to keep my grip on him.

As I felt him start to slip from my grasp, I felt his other hand clamp over my wrist. I watched, stunned, as his eyes changed from the frightened eyes of a small child, to those of a battle hardened man.

The ground crumbled beneath me, and I was falling, his hand still grasped in mine.

I awaken with the disconcerting sensation of falling pounding in my chest, the voice of a lost child echoing in my mind.

"Are you an angel?"

A gentle hand touches my shoulder, and I force myself to smile slightly as I look up into the concerned face of my nurse, Zallia.

"Are you all right, Milady?" she questions softly.

"I'm all right. Please, do not concern yourself. It was just a dream."

She makes a low sound of discontent. "Hmm, dreams often have hidden meanings, Milady. Memories or portents."

"It was only a dream."

The words of denial slip from my lips, even as a shiver crawls down my spine in remembrance.

"I won't let this dream come true. I won't lose you the way I lost my mother!"

I learned the hard way that dreams do not always pass in time.

She looks at me for a moment, before settling into the chair beside my biobed once again, only to leap to her feet as the door slams open with more force than is natural.

Vader strides through the door, crossing the distance between us in two long strides. Power crackles around him, electrifying the air. I almost feel the hair on my arms stand on end.

Zallia wisely retreats, backing away toward the door. A strong sense of self preservation...she's a wise woman.

Vader's gloved hand reaches out to grip my chin, forcing my gaze to meet his. His thumb runs over the now fading scar below my lower lip. His caress is soft, containing the intensity of a lover. Unbidden, a thrill of desire courses through me.

I snap my head back in shock, glaring at the source of my annoyance.

His voice is soft, low and dangerous. "Did Palpatine do this to you?"

I do not know what I was expecting, but this was not it. I simply stare at him, surprise written across my features.

"Is Palpatine responsible? Answer me!"

I look at him, my eyes searching for some hint of the man I once knew. I can feel the terrible violence and rage swirling within him. I close my eyes, in a futile attempt to block out the memories that hound me.

That was a mistake.

The moment my eyes close, painful memories wash over me, and a single word slips from my lips.

"Yes."

It is enough.The moment I confirm his Master's treachery, a cold calm overcomes him, like the stillness of a predator before it strikes. I know the violence bubbling beneath the surface will erupt and Palpatine will pay with his life.

For the first time, the contemplation of my husband cold-bloodedly murdering someone does not bother me in the slightest.

"How long? How long were you down there?"

The words feel like lead on my tongue, as I force myself to say what I can barely admit to myself.

"Ten years."

I sit, staring down at my clasped hands, so I do not notice him moving toward me until I feel his arms gripping around my waist and beneath my legs.

A gasp of indignation escapes me as I feel myself lifted into the air.

"What do you think you are doing?" I demand cooly as I pin him with one of my best glares.

The effect is ruined somewhat by the disconcerting closeness of his mask.

"There is no longer any need for you to stay in the medical bay. You've been cleared for release."

"That still doesn't explain why you are carrying me around like a child!"

He ignores me as he uses the Force to open the door, before pushing past Zallia with a curt reminder that he will call her if her services are needed.

"You are still weak. You would not be able to walk to my quarters."

"I would prefer to try."

"And perhaps I would prefer to carry you, Milady."

He says the last with a slight mocking edge, and a lance of pain stabs through my heart in remembrance of far more innocent times, times when he used to tease me, his blue eyes sparkling in amusement.

I clench my eyes tightly, forcing the memories back down inside my heart.

Vader pauses before the exit to the medical bay, and I clutch at his shoulders as he reaches one hand to adjust the clasp of his cape.

I can feel his amusement. He is still gripping me quite easily, his arm like a band of steel around my hips, burning into my flesh. Even so, I can feel the slight cushion of Force energy around me. He will take no chances with my safety, so my concern was unfounded. The dark material of his cape swirls around me, a small shield, as we step out into the brightly lit corridor.

The trip was oddly hypnotic: the sound of his breathing, the swaying sensation, the rhythmic clipping of his boots against the floor, the cocoon of silk that surrounds me.

The sound of the door whooshing open snaps me back to reality. He pulls the cape away from me as he gently sets me on a small couch.

I blink as my eyes adjust to the dim light. Even so, there is not much to see. The room is sparsely furnished. The couch I am sitting on is immediately to the right of the door we came in through. A low table and a holo viewer occupy the rest of the corner. To the left is a small kitchen area, which is separated from the rest of the room by an L shaped counter. Other than that, the room is bare, the standard Imperial grey walls gleaming dully in the dim light.

"I know these quarters are not quite what you are accustomed to, but they will have to do until I can arrange something more permanent."

My first thought, as I register his words, is that I am not 'accustomed' to much of anything anymore. The second was his deliberate use of the word permanent.

So, he is planning to keep me with him after all.Truthfully, I had expected as much. I knew that he would not let me go.

'And you really don't want him to,' A small part of my heart whispers mockingly. I squash it ruthlessly, and instead, allow my gaze to roam the room, searching for something to hold my interest. Something other than the oddly disquieting presence of the Sith Lord, who was currently occupied in staring at me intently.

This is one of the many little things that reminds my aching heart that Vader and Anakin are one and the same. From the first day Anakin came back into my life, all those years ago, he watched me. Whenever we were together, I could feel his eyes on me, devouring me.

I once told him that it made me uncomfortable. It did, but not in the way I implied. I liked it, and some perverse part of me still does.

Even so, the fact that I cannot see his eyes behind the opaque lenses of his mask increases the feelings of disquiet that churn in my belly.

A sigh of relief nearly escapes me as my eyes light on the large viewport.

The reason for my relief is twofold. The first being that examining the stars gives me a wonderful excuse to avoid the gaze of my somewhat estranged husband. The second is that, after being locked in that pit, the sight of the open vastness of space is like a soothing balm on the scars that riddle my psyche.

I lean forward slightly and begin to ease myself onto my unsteady feet. Vader moves forward, as if to help me but the warning glare I shoot him stops him in his tracks. Instead he crosses his arms across his chest and I fancy I can almost see the tick of his jaw beneath the helmet, the same expression of barely contained annoyance Anakin wore whenever he felt I was being stubbornly foolish.

My knees almost give out beneath me as sharp tingles of pain burn through my legs. Each step is an agonizing effort. I ruefully admit that he was right; I would not have been able to make it all the way to his quarters.

Still I am determined to do this, so I laboriously make my way toward the viewport, ignoring the sharp stabs of pain that jolt through my legs with every step.

The journey across the room feels like it takes an eternity, but in actuality it takes only a few minutes. By the time I reach the viewport, my whole body is shaking, and I am sweating from the effort.

My fingers grasp the ledge, my knuckles white. For a moment, the stars seem to spin, fading into black dots. Then I feel the presence of a steadying hand against my shoulder. Instinctively, I lean back against his chest, a place I still subconsciously associate with safety and comfort.

He is momentarily surprised by this, but he recovers quickly. His arms wrap around me tightly, and we stand, both of us staring out into the vast array of stars that are slowly moving past us.

Part of me wants to push away from him, but I don't, because right now I need to be held, need to feel his arms around me, and know that I am not alone, need him to keep the shadows and nightmares at bay.

Nothing has changed. We are both still poised on the edge of a deep ravine, a ravine of our own making. It was cracked with absence, lies and betrayal: Palpatine the one with the chisel. Each of us, poised on opposite ends of the precipice, wanting to reach for the other but knowing that the gap that lies between us is far too wide to jump.

I don't know what will happen now, or where we will go from here. I feel a single tear stream down my cheek as I realize that as much as he cannot release me, I cannot let go. I need him, as he needs me, and that is both my salvation and the crux of my destruction.

I love him. Heaven help me, I wish I did not, but I do. So, where does that leave me now?

In Time

by Mark Collie

I can hear what you're thinking,
All your doubts and fears,
And if you look in my eyes, in time you'll find,
The reason I'm here.

And in time all things shall pass away,
In time, you may come back someday.To live once more, or die once more,
But in time, your time will be no more.

You know your days are numbered,
Count them one by one,
Like notches in the handle of an outlaw's gun.
You can outrun the devil, if you try,
But you'll never outrun the hands of time.

In time there surely, come a day
In time all things shall pass away,
In time you may come back some say.
To live once more, or die once more,
But in time, your time will be no more.