I didn't see Felix for most of the last two weeks that I was in Volterra. I would catch glimpses of him around Aro, or when I was out on the street at night, but he would always manage to vanish before I could get close enough to talk. I didn't know what I would even say to him, only that I missed our time together. I hadn't even been aware of how much I expected him to be in my life until I was suddenly alone. I felt hollow again, even with the spark of hope that Alice had created. The only person cheered by the situation was Jane, who seemed to always have a smug expression on her face.

The night before my flight back, I opened the door to my room to find a small package on my bed. Opening it up, I felt a strange pang in my chest as I recognized the E.T. DVD and a handwritten note. It read:

Bella,

If you ever need me, I am here.

F.

I clutched the note tightly in my fist, unsure of the emotions that flooded through me. A part of me was torn about leaving Felix behind, although I knew I would never have the same intensity of feeling for him that he had for me. But knowing the truth of the situation didn't make me feel any better. I packed up my belongings, tucking the note inside the DVD case before putting it in my suitcase. I didn't go for my customary run that night; instead, I sat on my bed, my arms wrapped around my knees, and thought about the mess that my life still seemed to be.

The next morning, I was out before dawn. I moved human-slow toward the city gate, and the rattle of my suitcase over the cobbled ground seemed too loud as it echoed off nearby buildings. The sound seemed to mock my departure: I had come to Italy hoping for answers, and had ended up with more questions, more uncertainty. As I neared the city gate, I turned to look behind me one last time, and was surprised to see Felix in the shadows of an alley way. We stood looking at each other for a long moment, then he raised his hand in a final salute, trying but not succeeding to mask the unhappiness on his face. I smiled gently in return, my eyes full of hope that we would one day be able to just be friends again. Felix nodded once, then slipped back into the shadows, a dark void where his figure had just been. I sighed, and turned towards the taxi that had pulled up at that moment. Time to go home, I thought, my heart heavy, full of mixed emotion.

...

So, it turned out that part of the reason that I hadn't seen Anna during our time in Italy was that she'd managed to acquire an Italian boyfriend within her first week, and had spent every free moment with him afterwards. I was glad I had been spared their teary separation, although most of the plane ride back consisted of Anna chattering non-stop about everything they had done, everything he had said to her and done for her. Finally, apparently needing to breathe after all, she turned to me, "So, did you meet anyone, Bella? How was Volterra?"

I paused thoughtfully, unsure of exactly how to answer. Taking my silence for some sort of confession, her eyes brightened. "You DID meet someone! Tell me, tell me, tell me!"

I smiled and replied, "No, not really. I mean, there was a guy that I kind of liked, but he wanted more than I was willing to give, you know?"

"Oh, I get it. That's what was so nice about Angelo. We always knew this was supposed to be fun, nothing serious," she paused, "although, I will really miss him. But, really, what are the chances that I'm going to see him again, right? So, don't think about it any more - I bet you won't ever see this guy again."

I had a strong feeling that wasn't true, but there was no reason to say so. "Yeah, you're right," I replied. Turning to safer topics, I went on, "Volterra was great, though. It was, uh, really a learning experience." I smiled at the ridiculousness of the reality of my experience compared to the completely generically benign descriptions that I was offering to Anna.

"Oh, did I tell you about the paintings that Angelo took me to see in someone's private villa?" Anna began, her stories once again picking up speed.

Relieved that I wouldn't have to try to explain the unexplainable, I sat back in my seat and pretended to listen intently. Inwardly, though, my mind was on other things. I realized that I was going to have to come up with a plausible story for Edwin, one that would deter him from making any more inquiries into the Volturi, but that wouldn't totally dismiss the loss of his mother. I had no delusions that he could somehow take on the Volturi and win, and I really didn't want to see anything happen to him. I had tried to avoid the reality of the Volturi clan and their practice of bringing in "food" as much as I possibly could. I felt guilty for avoiding the problem, but I knew that I was nowhere near to being able to influence such a group. Some of the vampires had occasionally asked me about my diet, and I hoped that my beliefs had planted a small seed of interest in them. I felt, realistically, that I was the best I could do.

Otherwise, though, I was surprised to realize that for the first time that I was aware of, I felt more comfortable in my own skin. For as much as I couldn't reconcile myself to the traditional vampire diet, simply being around other vampires had given me a measure of peace, one that I didn't notice until I was thrust back into the human world by myself. So, maybe this trip wasn't entirely a loss, I mused. I hadn't been anyone special in Volterra - well, not until the end, at least - just another vampire among the rest.

I also thought about how different my relationship to Felix had been compared to my relationship with Edward. It was my first experience, really, with anything like that: vampire to vampire. Ironically, it came with just as many problems as my human/vampire relationship with Edward, just different ones. It was really nice not to have needed to watch how I interacted at all, no concern that Felix was going to irrevocably hurt me somehow. I hadn't even been afraid when we trained or sparred, since I always trusted Felix. And, he never had done anything to betray that trust. In fact, our interactions - hanging out, training, sparring - were so different than my time with Edward that I almost didn't know how to compare the two. Felix treated me as an equal, I realized suddenly, with no small measure of surprise. Edward had always been the dominant one in our relationship; there had been very little compromise. I had loved him so much, though, that I had been willing to do anything to stay around him. It wasn't just how Edward treated me, I also realized, it was how I treated myself. I never saw myself as equal, never thought I was good enough, had always questioned why he would have any interest in me. I can't do that again. I WON'T do that again, I repeated to myself more emphatically. I didn't know if I would ever see Edward again, but if I did, I was determined to meet him as an equal. I made that promise to myself.

...

The first thing that I did when I finally got back to campus was send an email to Alice. I wasn't sure what to say exactly, but I really wanted to see her again, to have a friend again that I could be totally honest with, could be totally be me with. I ended up jotting a short note inviting her to visit. I really hoped she would.

While I was staring off into space, lost in my thoughts, her response showed up:

Bella!

I have been checking my phone maniacally for your email. I was afraid you wouldn't contact me. I didn't tell anyone other than Jasper that I saw you in Italy. He's good at keeping a secret, so don't worry. After we talked, I realized that you should be the one to choose how you want to tell everyone else. Or if you do. Carlisle and Esme know something's up, and they keep giving me strange looks. Like, right now. Emmett and Rose are oblivious, since Rose has been rebuilding a vintage Camaro and Emmett has been, well, Emmett. Anyway, I want to see you again! Can I come visit now? Please, please, please say yes.

A

PS - You didn't ask, but just in case, I haven't heard from Edward since I saw you.

I sat back in the chair, spinning back and forth absently. It was technically spring break at Dartmouth. I had opted to come straight back here rather than trek all the way to Forks and back. So, I had almost a week to kill before classes started for the spring. I wanted to see Alice again. I sent back a brief reply, telling her to come whenever she wanted. Knowing Alice, she'd be here in under an hour. I decided to go sit outside and wait for her. It was dismal outside, heavy clouds and bone-chilling dampness promising snow before the day was out. The breeze felt good on my skin, though, and after the claustrophobia of a long plane ride, I had no desire to spend a lot of time in my tiny single.

Sure enough, about 55 minutes later, a lemon yellow Porsche 911 Turbo came screaming down the road near my dorm. I shook my head in astonishment. A few moments later, Alice came bounding up, a large bag slung over her back.

"Bella!" She chirped, "I'm so glad you invited me!"

"Me, too, Alice. That was fast."

She looked down with a slightly guilty expression, "Well, I might have already been on my way here ..."

"You were texting and driving? In THAT car? Are you insane?"

"Vampire reflexes, Bella," Alice chided.

"I guess so, but, holy cow. And where did you get that car?"

"I gave it to myself as a gift. Things have been so miserable since we left Forks ... I needed some cheering up. And it is cheery, don't you think?"

I glanced over to the parking spot that Alice had spun the car into, stunt-driver style. "Cheery ... yeah," I said absently, vowing that I would avoid being in that car with her if at all possible.

"So, what do you want to do? I brought nail polish, movies, clothes that I'm sure you could use, magazines ... well, tons of girly stuff. No boy talk allowed," she added, following me up to my dorm room. "Nice room, Bella," she said once we were inside. "You scored a single - lucky you!"

"Yeah, I'm not sure how that would have gone otherwise," I smiled, "but you don't have to be nice - it's tiny."

"Still ..." she said, pausing for a moment while she took in the entire room before turning back to me. "Okay, I sort of lied," Alice began abruptly, flouncing down on my bed. "Actually, I do want to have a little bit of boy talk." I groaned in response. "Not about Edward," she added quickly at my expression. "You know, ever since I saw you getting beaten up," she began, stopping to look at me balefully.

"I was not getting beaten up!"

"I know what I saw, but, whatever," Alice continued, "Anyway, I've been seeing you a lot since then. And some of my visions have also included that hot vampire who was beating you up." She looked at me expectantly, one eyebrow slightly raised.

Oh no, I thought. "Um, what did you see?" I was afraid of her answer.

"I am a lady, so I won't repeat it here," she began, as I thanked god profusely that I could no longer blush, "and the visions kept flickering in and out, so I don't know if they actually happened." She stopped to peer intently in my direction, as I had slowly backed up into my desk as she spoke, "So, spill. Was it good?"

I stopped for a moment, confused. "Wait, you aren't mad at me?" I was sure that Alice had been about to reprimand me for cheating on Edward. Even though I technically hadn't.

"Mad?" Alice laughed. "No way. I saw that guy with his shirt off. Listen, I know you love Edward. I can see it, clear as anything, even if you don't want to talk about it. But I can also see that he hurt the hell out of you, that idiot, and he still hasn't made things right. It's been over a year, for god's sake, so you're entitled to some happiness as far as I'm concerned. And boy, did you pick a good one," she added wistfully.

"We didn't do anything!" I yelped in embarrassment. Taking another moment, I added, "Not that he didn't want to. And I guess there was a moment when I ..." I trailed off into silence. "But I couldn't do it. It wouldn't have been fair to him. I realized that I still ..." I trailed off a second time, not feeling like hashing out all my feelings again with Alice. "He was my closest friend there." I finished, feeling a slight twinge at the loss of our friendship at the end of my trip.

"Was?" Alice looked at me in confusion, "What happened?"

"He wanted something more than I did. He actually pleaded with me to stay in Volterra, although there's NO way I would have stayed near Aro, Caius, and Marcus longer than I had to. They really, really wanted to keep me there, and I knew it was only a matter of time before they figured out how to do it. I guess it wouldn't have worked anyway, because there's no way he would have left the Volturi guard. But I hurt him when I left, and it killed me a little, too, because I knew what he was going through. But I couldn't fix it."

"Boys are so stupid," Alice sighed, "I mean, they really are sometimes. I hope he realizes that having you for a friend is way better than not having you at all. And don't even get me started on Edward. I swear, that boy ... I think it would actually be a kick in the ass for him to see you with someone else. But I'm proud of you, Bella. You've gone through some serious stuff, and you've made it."

"I don't know about that." I certainly didn't feel like it.

"You have, even if you don't see it yet. Don't worry," she added at my skeptical look, "everything's going to be fine. It really will be. And I'm not saying that because I've seen some glimpse of something. It's because I know you, so I just know."

I didn't want to tell Alice that I still had that fracturing pain inside of me that struck at the oddest of moments ... even if those moments were farther apart than they used to be. Or that there was a furious flicker of hope in my chest, thanks to her visit. I wanted desperately to move to another topic of conversation. "Okay, enough boy talk - seriously."

Alice jumped up from the bed and smiled broadly, "You got it! What do you want to do first? Mani/pedi, movie, or something else?"

...

Alice stayed through the next afternoon, and true to her word, she didn't mention Edward again. I was about to ask her how long she wanted to stay, when her cell phone rang. I momentarily froze, my mind racing as I realized it was without a doubt one of the other Cullens.

"Carlisle," she chirped cheerfully into the phone. "Yes, I'm, um, just off doing some stuff. No, I'll be back soon. Wait, Rose and Emmett went where?" she paused while listening to Carlisle's response. "Hmmmm," she said thoughtfully, looking in my direction, "I'll be back in a couple of hours or so." Making her goodbyes, she danced over to where I was sitting on the bed.

"Bella," she began in a wheedling tone that I associated with most of Alice's requests, "Carlisle is home alone right now. Esme is off doing some house-hunting for a few days, Jasper is hunting, and Rose and Emmett decided to go on a road trip to Maine this morning. Even though he doesn't know what I'm doing, I know Carlisle would love to see you. Do you want to come back with me? I'll bring you back here whenever you want." She waited, looking at me hopefully.

My night with Alice had reminded me so much of old times, and for a moment I felt like I was a kid again, at a sleepover that I didn't want to end. For that instant, the thought of seeing another one of the Cullens didn't seem like such a bad idea. Especially if it was Carlisle. Out of all of them, I knew he'd appreciate the most what I had just experienced with the Volturi. I had really missed Carlisle, acknowledging to myself that the feelings I harbored about the rest of the Cullens up until this point had been buried under the tangle of issues that I had with Edward.

"Um, okay," I said hesitantly, "Are we leaving right now?"

Alice jumped up, clapping her hands excitedly. "Yes, yes! I thought I was going to have to work way harder than that to persuade you!"

"Apparently, I'm becoming a pushover in my old age," I responded dryly.

"Grab what you need if you want to stay overnight, and let's go!"

I wasn't sure how long I wanted to stay, but I threw a quick change of clothes into a bag anyway. Walking out into the frigid evening with Alice, I had a moment of trepidation when I looked at the yellow Porsche.

"Do you want to drive?" Alice asked, glancing at my expression.

"I can't believe you're offering," I responded incredulously, "But no thanks. You know the way a lot better than I do."

"Well, then, get in, slowpoke!" Alice slid into the driver's seat in one smooth motion.

The ride that followed was ... well, let's just say I had a feeling Jacob would have really appreciated it. Crap ... Jacob, I twinged internally. I hadn't called him since my return from Italy, unsure of how to broach recent events. He's probably going nuts wondering what's happening. I made a promise to myself that I'd call him whenever I got back to my dorm room.

I was brought back to reality by the sharp turn that Alice made into a driveway. The car fishtailed slightly, but she expertly pulled out of it. I released a breath that I didn't know I'd been holding as we pulled up to the front door.

Alice bounded out of the car, pulling me along with a firm grip on my hand and a giant grin on her face. I couldn't help smiling at her exuberance, although my insides were in knots. Putting a finger up to her lips, she motioned for me to keep silent. "Caaaarliiiiiisle," she yelled, pushing the front door open.

"Alice, what in the world -" Carlisle broke off as he rounded the corner, stopping suddenly as he caught sight of me. The shock masking his features broke after a second, and he swiftly crossed the distance between us, pulling me into a tight hug as Alice giggled maniacally behind me. "Bella," I heard him breathe out, his words muffled by my hair.

I was glad at that moment that I couldn't cry. "Hey, Carlisle," I responded, my voice hoarse.

Carlisle took a step back from me, keeping his hands braced on my upper arms. His very serious gaze met my own relieved one. "Bella, you have no idea how happy I am to see you." He broke off suddenly and turned to face Alice, who was hopping back and forth on each foot with excitement. "Alice, I can't believe you kept this a secret -"

"Carlisle, wait - I asked Alice not to say anything."

"Bella," he said to me more gently, as he looked at me again, "I'd like to hear what happened, if you're okay with telling me."

"Sure," I replied, the idea of talking to Carlisle about everything remarkably not so abhorrent. "It's a long story, though. Maybe we should sit down?"

Carlisle led Alice and myself into a comfortable sitting room, complete with roaring fireplace. It was homey and informal, and we settled into a couple of oversized armchairs, while Alice curled up on the couch, her legs tucked beneath herself. The corners of Carlisle's eyes crinkled as he smiled at me. "I have to say, Bella, you look good. I'm impressed that you're doing so well - not surprised, mind you, but impressed nonetheless."

"Thanks. Well, I guess I should start at the beginning ..."

Alice forestalled me suddenly with an extended hand. She turned to Carlisle, "Before she starts, do you know what Edward said to her before we left?" Alice's voice had risen in pitch, ending in an angry screech. I flinched. "He actually told her he didn't love her or care about her in any way, that she was just a distraction. THAT is how he explained our departure."

Carlisle looked at me in horror, but Alice spoke before he could, "Now go ahead, Bella."

"Okay," I started, "Well, what Alice said is true ..." I spent the next couple of hours telling my story to Carlisle. He was a good listener, only interrupting me occasionally for clarification. He was surprised by the involvement of the wolf pack, although he appeared increasingly grateful towards them as my story progressed. He also displayed approval at Victoria's demise. I think he was morbidly fascinated by my stories of the Volturi, and he validated my concerns about Aro and his invitations to join them. He said that I had done a good job in how I had handled myself in Volterra. He was also able to fill in some history as well, which better explained some of the things I had seen and heard. The only thing I skimmed over was my friendship with Felix, although I saw Alice give me a knowing look.

When I was finished, Carlisle was silent, looking pensively into the fire. Finally, he spoke quietly, turning towards me. "Bella, I am really proud of you. You have overcome massive hurdles to get here, and you've obviously done so with strength and grace. There are no words to describe how sorry I am that you've had to go through all of this, though. If I had known exactly what Edward had said to you, I would not have let us leave the way we did. I hope you will forgive us."

"Where is my idiot brother?" Alice interjected, the tapping of her foot against the floor telegraphing her irritation. I did my best not to flinch, although I couldn't help the small twinge of pain that rippled across my chest.

"Still in South America, I think," Carlisle replied, carefully watching my face as he spoke.

"Bella doesn't want you to tell him that you saw her," Alice said.

Carlisle's brow creased in concern, "I won't. But Bella, I have to tell you that I know for a fact that Edward loves you, and that he's never stopped loving you. I don't agree with the way he chose to express it, but you have to know that much, at least. He has been a ghost since we left Forks. He tried to stay with us for awhile, but it seemed too difficult for him to be around. I want my son to come home, and I believe that you're the key to that happening."

The pain in my chest was an angry counterpoint to Carlisle's words. "Carlisle," I murmured, "Edward said some really ... harsh ... things to me, and he abandoned me in the woods. That sent a pretty clear message. It ripped my life apart. Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy to see you and Alice. I really missed all of you. Vampire or not, though, I can't go through something like that again with Edward. I barely made it through the first time."

Carlisle frowned, but remained silent. Alice looked at me with something that I chose to identify as compassion instead of pity.

"C'mon, Bella," Alice piped up, breaking the somber moment, "Let me give you a tour of the house. Then we can watch TV or something, unless you want to go back to the dorm."

I stood soundlessly, and followed Alice out of the room. As I stepped into the hallway, I turned briefly back towards Carlisle, only to find him staring again into the fire, in deep thought.

...

I did end up staying overnight with Alice, although we didn't see much of Carlisle, who had retreated to his study at some point during the evening. I had mixed emotions about our reunion, since I had no desire to cause Carlisle pain. However, I tried to convince myself that it wasn't my fault that everything had worked out the way that it had. I had only moderate success.

The next morning dawned gray and heavy, again promising snow, and Alice brought me back to my dorm. Before we left, I sought out Carlisle to say good bye. His returning farewell was gentle and somewhat sad, although the final hug that he gave me was fierce. He didn't bring up Edward again, but made me promise that I would come back to visit again when Esme was back, since she would be really upset that she'd missed me this time around. Alice attempted to fill the silence in the car with inane chatter, and I was happy to let her do so. When she pulled up in front of my dorm, she turned to me, suddenly serious.

"Thanks for coming over, Bella. I know it wasn't easy. And even though Carlisle seemed sort of bummed out at the end, I know he was really happy to see you. He loves you, you know. We all do. Hang in there - I know that everything's going to be okay." After her farewell, I hugged Alice, promising that we would get together again really soon. I then jumped out of the car and headed up to my room to dump my stuff and change into my running clothes. By the time I made it back downstairs, Alice was gone. I turned away from the road and started jogging, darting into the woods as soon as I was sure that no one was around. I was feeling emotionally overwhelmed, and while I was grateful to have time with both Carlisle and Alice, I realized that I had come to rely on being alone, too. I headed off with no set destination, although when I found myself at the pond, I wasn't surprised. There, under the ominous sky, I closed my eyes, trying to center myself amid the maelstrom of my thoughts and emotions. I felt the first tiny snowflakes brush my cheeks, their soft touch reassuring, and slowly, I found a measure of peace.