DELETED SCENES
"Don't you have some work to do?"
As if he could concentrate at the moment. This was the end, he was sure of it. Little Doctor Fitzy was out of the office. Retired. For life. That first afternoon's existential crisis, which had faded to a dim, still frame tucked away in his consciousness, came roaring back in a spiteful crash. How could she expect him to think about his Robotics paper when he'd now gone seven hours without the use of his favorite engineering tool?
Simmons raised her eyebrows, unamused. Fitz put the rolled magazine up to his face like a microphone and turned to an imaginary audience, speaking under his breath. "We've been lucky enough to get an exclusive scoop with Dr. Jemma Simmons, the Boner Burner herself. Let's get her thoughts." He leaned forward. "Dr. Simmons, how do you respond to allegations that you viciously emasculated your colleague Dr. Fitz, in your misguided and frankly maniacal pursuit of science?"
Her face was as flat as a gravestone. "If you're not going to do any work yourself, you could at least let me finish mine."
Hmmph. The world had been robbed of his sexual prowess, and she wanted him to leave her be? Not likely, sister. "Is it true that the attack on Dr. Fitz's manhood was due to a professional rivalry? Was he outshining you in the lab? Were you channeling Tanya Harding?"
Simmons let out a short breath. "You're not funny, you know."
"Oh, I know that, Jemma. There's nothing funny about the bleak, shagless life you've sentenced me to, but I'm tryin' to soldier on as best I can, and sometimes I use comedy as a defense mechanism."
Rejected Limpstick Name Options
The Balldozer
The Pickle Spear
The Wrecking Ball
No Bones About It
The Unstarcher
The Flat Tire
The Cigar Cutter
The Hard-Off
ET Bone Home (credit badscienceshenanigans)
Amy Pornds you didn't get to see
- wearing a fez
- straddling the TARDIS
- with a speech bubble that says, "It's bigger on my insides!"
- giving new meaning to the phrase "sit on my face" by trampolining that one flat pancake lady who's all face
- licking whipped cream off the egg-beater arm of a Dalek (with a speech bubble that says "Sexterminate!" - I would also accept "Ex-sperminate!")
(Please bear in mind that I've watched a grand total of about three Doctor Who episodes, and nothing with Amy Pond actually in it, so I have no idea if I've gotten this right.)