Chapter 2

Several minutes later, Nathan returned, a firewood carrier in his hands filled with logs, which he set near the hearth. "That should hold us for a while."

Kristin nodded quietly, almost afraid to move or speak for fear she'd scare him off again.

"You're warm enough?" he asked.

"Yes, thank you. This was a lovely idea."

"I'm just glad we can spend some much-needed alone time together," he told her, standing up once again. "Now I'm going to see what I can do for dinner." He hesitated as though he wanted to say something else, but instead he just gave her a nod before leaving her alone in front of the fire again.

Once alone, she sighed heavily, unsure of how to relieve the tension between the two of them, and it seemed Nathan didn't either. She stood and paced in front of the fire for a few minutes when she suddenly realized nothing was going to happen unless she made the first move; she made up her mind to march into the kitchen and demand that he tell her what the problem was.

She frowned, realizing she didn't know exactly where the kitchen was, but then she decided it obviously couldn't be far. As she walked out of the living room, she noticed a patch of light coming from a doorway on the other side of the dining room. She walked towards it and stood in the doorway for a few moments, watching him.

He didn't notice her presence, obviously engrossed in his cooking. She wasn't sure what he was preparing, but it smelled delicious; she also didn't want to startle him for fear he'd burn himself, so she tried to make a bit of noise, tapping gently on the door frame.

When he looked up, he looked surprised at first, but he offered her a smile. "I was hoping you'd come find me."

A brow rose as she walked towards him. "You never said anything. You know I'd have helped you if you'd have asked."

"I just thought you'd like to rest for a bit."

She shrugged. "You keep saying that, but I'm fine, really." She motioned to the food. "It smells amazing. What is it you're making?"

"I can do some unique things with canned goods," he said. "It's sort of my specialty, though it doesn't really have an official name. We'll call it Pasta Ala Bridger. It's pasta with canned vegetables, chicken, and the ever-important spices that are my secret. We'll go shopping for some real food tomorrow, if that's all right. As you might imagine, I don't keep fresh foods lying around since I never know when I'll be back to use them."

"That's understandable. And it's perfectly all right with me." She paused, glancing around. "Is there anything I can help with?"

"Not really. Dinner should be ready in about five minutes. I thought it would be nice to eat in front of the fireplace; what do you think?"

"That sounds wonderful," she replied. "Um, can I get out the plates and silverware?"

"Oh, sure." He nodded towards the cabinets. "Plates are in the far one on the left, glasses next to that, and silverware is in the drawer right below."

She moved to get out plates, but when she moved back to set them on the counter, Nathan had moved to get a spoon, and they bumped into each other.

"Sorry!" they both said at once.

"I should have told you I was behind you," he said sheepishly.

"It's all right. No harm done," she said, placing a hand on his shoulder.

He gently removed her hand and went to get the spoon he needed. "I need to finish dinner."

"Are you angry with me?" She hadn't meant to blurt it out quite like that, but she couldn't hold back any longer.

"No, of course not. Why would you think that?"

"I can't help but notice you seem a bit uncomfortable. Every time we get close, you look like you're ready to run."

He moved towards her. "I...I'm sorry. I never meant..." He sighed. "I just want to make sure everything's perfect, and I guess I was just so caught up in worrying about not making a mistake that I..." He kissed her softly. "I'm sorry I made you think I was upset with you. Far from it."

"I can't say I'm not relieved to hear that. But you needn't be so worried about perfection. I already think things are perfect. We're here together; let's just make the most of us and see where it takes us, hm?"

"You're absolutely right," he said with a nod. "Now what do you say we eat?"

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"That was the best meal I've had in ages," Kristin said as she finished her last bite and then wiped her mouth with a napkin.

"Now I know you're just saying that to be nice," Nathan replied. "Surely, you've had better meals than this lately."

"It's the company that makes it rank up top," she assured him with a smile, nodding towards his empty plate. "And since you did the cooking, the least I can do is the cleaning up."

He shook his head. "You're a guest. I can't expect you to-"

She placed a finger to his lips. "I told you I want to help."

"At least let me dry," he offered.

"Oh, all right," she replied. "Especially since I know you won't stop until I give in. You're very stubborn, you know." She turned to walk towards the kitchen as he followed behind her.

"I think that's a bit of the pot calling the kettle black, don't you think? You're just as stubborn, if not more."

She turned back to him with a grin. "Don't tell me we're really going to argue about which of us is more stubborn. How about we call it a wash? I don't want this weekend to be ruined by arguing."

"Sorry," he muttered. "I wasn't trying... I was just pointing out..."

Kristin nearly burst out laughing at how agitated he'd suddenly become and placed the dirty dishes in the sink before walking to him. "Nathan, it's all right. I know you were just making a true statement, and I'll give you that we are both incredibly stubborn. I guess that's one thing we have in common." She placed a hand on his cheek. "You don't think I'm upset with you, do you?"

He shook his head, but she couldn't help but notice how red his face became. "Uh, the dish soap and sponges are under the sink...unless you'd like me to do the washing and you can do the drying..."

She turned back to the sink. "No, I said I'd do the cleaning, and I meant it. Besides, it won't take long."

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After the last dish was dried and put away, Nathan took her hand and led her back to the living room, where they sat on the sofa, but tension seemed to flood the room again. Kristin decided to try and break the ice a bit.

"Uh, so," she began awkwardly, "we haven't really discussed what both of us hopes to get from this relationship."

A brow rose. "I'm not really into casual romances. I hadn't planned on... I was hoping... I don't plan on ending it any time soon...that is, unless you're looking for a short-term thing?"

She shook her head. "I'd rather not. At my age, I think I'm a little too old for the casual scene. I was hoping for something more permanent. Not necessarily marriage, but I don't want to break up in the next couple of months either."

He smiled softly. "I'm glad to hear you say that...because I'm hoping we're together for quite a long time." He pulled her close to him and kissed her tenderly to prove his point. "When did you know?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

She knew exactly what he meant; he wanted to know when she'd fallen in love with him. In reality, she loved him the moment she met him but hadn't admitted it to herself. That didn't come until later. She stared into his eyes. "I'd say it was when I saw you put morals over the military," she told him.

He smiled softly. "You mean when I refused the order to take down Max Scully's whaling ship?"

She nodded. "It was harder than you know for me to say goodbye, but I was relieved when it was only temporary."

"So was I," he replied. "You're part of the reason I came back, you know?"

A brow rose. "I...I was? I thought you'd returned because you'd had a job to do? And to teach Lucas a lesson?"

"That was part of it, but you were the rest."

She blushed slightly. "Is that when you knew?"

"When I knew or when I started to believe it?" He shrugged. "It took me a while to be honest with myself about that. As the song goes, you had me from hello."

"You never said anything."

"Neither did you," he pointed out. "And I wasn't sure the feeling was reciprocal. But I didn't really admit it to myself until you'd gone to Malcolm's island. and the green-eyed monster reared its ugly head."

"If I'd have known you were interested, I would have never..." She sighed. "I hadn't known you'd wanted more than a friendship then, but Malcolm was... He wasn't you."

"I was very relieved when you sent him on his merry way," he confirmed, brushing her hair behind her shoulder. "Can I kiss you again?"

She laughed softly. "You never need to ask," she replied, moving closer and offering him her lips.

He eagerly closed the gap, and neither of them wanted to stop. They began exploring with their hands, and suddenly, it was just like the night they'd been on Nathan's bunk. Except this time, there was no risk of anyone interrupting.

Nathan gently nibbled on Kristin's earlobe while she started unbuttoning his shirt. He then began to ease her sweater up her torso as he found her lips again. After a brief moment, he suddenly pulled away, gasping for breath.

Kristin assumed it was just that his need to breathe outweighed his desire for a brief moment, so she moved to softly kiss his neck. But he placed a hand on her shoulder and pushed away before standing. It was then that she noticed his face was etched with worry, and his eyes were glassy, almost as if he were on the verge of tears. "Nathan?" she choked out in concern as she moved towards him.

He put his hands up and took a step back. "I just... I need..." He ran a shaky hand through his hair and nodded his head to their bags, which were still sitting near the front door. "I never did bring those upstairs; I should probably do that..."

Before she could utter another word, he grabbed their bags and bounded up the stairs, leaving her cold and alone. She felt like sobbing, since she had no idea what in the world happened. Why did he seem so frightened? Had she been too aggressive? She bit her lip, thinking for a moment.

She shook her head, as if answering her own question. He'd been just as eager as she was; or at least she thought. Yet again, he acted as though she'd hurt him. Did he suddenly have regrets? She sighed, deciding she needed answers. He'd been upstairs for several minutes anyway. She expected he was avoiding her. She quietly made her way up to the top of the stairs, noticing a path of light coming from a room down the hall; she walked towards the room and saw him sitting on the bed, his head in his hands.

"Nathan?" she said, moving towards him.

He held up a hand. "I...I'm sorry; I just need..." He sighed. "Your room's right across the hall. Maybe we should call it a night? I'm really tired, and I'm sure you are as well."

"Nathan, please, don't shut me out," she said quietly.

He shook his head. "I don't... I can't talk right now. I'm sorry; I just can't."

She crossed her arms over her chest. "So that's it then?"

"I just need some time to think."

"I don't understand what there is to think about. Did...did I do something wrong? I-"

"N-no, it's nothing like that. You...you didn't do anything. It...it's me." He motioned to the door again. "We'll talk in the morning, okay?"

Kristin didn't quite like that answer, though. Not that she'd had a lot of relationships since she and her ex-husband divorced, but there was one mistake she was hellbent on never making again: allowing another man to shut her out the way her ex had done. Tears pricked the corners of her eyes at the memory of it all, and she decided she was not going to slink away and leave Nathan to his own devices until she knew what the problem was. "Nathan, please talk to me," she begged, swallowing hard to suppress the cry that threatened to escape.

"I...I can't, Kris; not right now. I need you to understand..."

"No, you don't understand, Nathan!" she cried, finally losing the battle with the tears that rolled down her cheeks. "Charles did that to me, and I'll be damned if I'm going to allow it from you! I'll be glad to leave you with your thoughts as soon as I know what the problem is." She brushed the tears from her cheeks with her hands, softening a bit. "Please? If you're serious about a relationship, then we need to be honest with one another." She cautiously approached the bed, pleased he didn't make any attempt to move away from her. She then sat next to him and put a hand over his. "You don't need to be afraid. Maybe I can help? Have...have you changed your mind about us? I thought you wanted this?"

"I...I do, but every time... Whenever we..." He shifted uncomfortably, wringing his hands together.

Kristin could feel him trembling, so she rubbed his arm, trying to put him at ease. "Whatever it is, it can't be that bad," she whispered.

He took a deep breath before speaking again, "You're the first woman since Carol that I've had feelings for..."

"I already told you we can move as slow or as fast as we need. I...I understand, Nathan. If you have any doubts that I'm upset, know that I'm not. I just want you to tell me when it's too much for you."

"You don't understand," he replied, sighing. "It's not your fault, it's mine. I don't want to hurt you."

Her eyebrows knitted together. "Hurt me? You weren't hurting me. Why would you think you were?"

He shook his head. "No, I didn't mean now. I meant later...in the future. I...I've never told anyone this, but Carol... When she got sick, it...it had happened so fast." He shuddered at the memory. "But she had begged me to help her, to get her to a doctor. Don't you see? She had depended on me to help her, and I...I couldn't do it. She...she lost her life because of me, and I..." He looked at her with red-rimmed eyes. "I don't want that to happen to you."

She squeezed his hand. "Nathan, what happened with Carol... No matter what you think, that wasn't your fault. There wasn't any way you could have-"

"I appreciate your certainty, but I'm not sure that's true. You weren't there; you didn't see the look in her eyes when..." He trailed off, wiping at his eyes. "I just worry you could end up in the same situation, and you'd be depending on me... And I wouldn't be able to help you. Maybe...maybe you should go, save yourself. It might already be too late, but you might stand a better chance now if-"

"Would you listen to yourself?" she blurted out in shock, shaking her head. "Do you really think Carol blamed you?"

"Her fever was so high... She was delirious," he said quietly. "The closer she got to death, the less she made sense..."

"All the more reason that it wasn't your fault. It's not as if you gave her the illness that killed her."

"But I brought her here. If we'd have stayed in Pearl... After we lost Bobby, I'm the one who told her I had to get away. And she gave in, left everything she loved. The day she got sick, there was a terrible storm. I couldn't even get her off this damn island to get her some proper help. The decisions I made are what killed her. I'm cursed."

She sighed. "I refuse to believe that. I know I didn't know her, but if she didn't want to do something, would she?"

His brow furrowed. "What?"

"If she had really wanted to stay in Pearl, would she have moved here?"

He shrugged. "I'm not... She never really argued when I told her I needed to get away. In fact, she'd agreed."

"So she wanted to leave just as badly as you did?"

"I suppose..."

"And if Carol had known what would happen to her, do you think that would have changed anything?"

"Kristin, I don't see what-"

"Just answer the question," she urged gently. "Do you really think that would have stopped her from dating you, marrying you, living her life with you?"

There was a long pause before he answered, "No."

She nodded. "I didn't think so. What happened was unfortunate, but it wasn't your fault or her fault. It wasn't anyone's fault. It was just...life. And I'm not going to let the fact that you may or may not be cursed stop me either. If my life is nearing its end, so be it. I want to live my last days with you. I'm happy. And I wouldn't change the fact I know you for anything." She paused, kissing his cheek gently. "But...I also love you enough that I don't want to force you to do anything you don't want to do. So if you feel it's better we're not together... Well, I'd leave you be if you asked me to." She felt a wave of sadness wash over her at the thought of never seeing him again, but she tried to force it away for the time being. She took a deep breath. "Now it's time for me to hold up my end of the bargain. I promised I'd leave you alone once I knew what the problem was, and I said my piece. Now I suppose you need to be alone to make your decision. When...when you're ready to talk, you know where to find me."

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Once in her room, Kristin shut the door behind her and broke down. She'd been trying to hold it in, but the thought of actually having to start over again... It was very overwhelming. She loved Nathan with all her heart, and she had meant it when she said she could let him go if he wanted her to do so, but it didn't mean it wouldn't hurt her. Blinded by tears, she somehow made her way towards the bed and buried her face in the comforter, the thought of never seeing him again cutting her to the core.

After several minutes, she pushed herself up, deciding she ought to at least attempt to get some sleep, especially if she was leaving in the morning. She noticed her bag sitting on a chair in the corner of the room and quickly searched through it to find her nightgown. She then undressed and slipped it on before climbing under the covers.

Though she had ever intention of going right to sleep and trying to forget everything else, her intentions quickly fell by the wayside when she started thinking of never seeing Nathan again. She cried softly into her pillow, feeling lost and alone. She was so busy wallowing in self-pity, she never heard the door open. In fact, she had no idea she wasn't alone until she felt Nathan's hands on her shoulders.

"Kris? Please, don't cry, sweetheart."

"It...it's not your fault," she choked out. "I told you I was prepared to leave...and I meant it. I'm sad about it, but I'll heal..."

He lay in the spot next to her and pulled her into his arms. "Shh," he soothed, gently rubbing her back. "You don't need to leave."

She looked up at him. "What?"

"I don't want you to go," he said again. "I...I thought about what you said, and you're right. I was just letting my insecurities get the better of me. I'm so sorry I hurt you."

She buried her head in his chest. "It's all right. As long as you promise you'll be honest with me from now on."

"Always," he promised. "I'll never hide anything from you again. I love you, Kristin."

"I love you, too," she replied, moving to kiss his lips softly. "Now why don't we get some sleep?"

He frowned. "Already? I was hoping for a little more..." He kissed her again. "Of that. That is, if you want. And perhaps..." He whispered softly in her ear.

She laughed, blushing hotly. "Are you sure?"

He nodded. "I think it's time, don't you? I don't think we should put it off any longer. After all, we never know what tomorrow might bring."

She pressed her lips to his. "As long as I'm with you, I don't care."