Disclaimer: oO; If Takaya-sensei knew I was writing this, she'd kick my ass for sure. So, obviously, I don't own it.

A double whammy! Whooo! Well, okay, I posted to soon to get you all over the shortness of the last story. Also, I don't know if the info in this story is true or not (I don't know much about the growing workings of cats), so excuse anything that might be wrong. I just wrote it to be funny. Oh, and thanks to Anna-buddy for the inspiration in the car ride home!

Neutering the Cat

Hatori sighed, his eyes skimming over the information that he'd gathered over the last three weeks. Some of the hardest weeks of his life. Groaning, he turned back to the information he'd gathered in the month about one particular cat. In a month, Kyo had been on all "all mighty" street. He'd began pissing erratically, and although the house (and Kyo) had gotten used to it, poor Tohru didn't like living in a house where the smell of urine was everywhere. Even less inviting was Kyo's room, in where he peed his bed at least once a week. It wasn't only erratic peeing though, he seemed to be taken into random gusts of hypnotism, that Hatori could only guess was being caused by the cat demon, in which he'd "mark his territory". He'd also proclaimed Tohru as "his feline", and kicked the shit out of Shigure for attempting to say otherwise. That wasn't the only problem. Kyo was becoming more and more disagreeable, it was almost as if (besides Tohru) he just wanted to be left alone. He'd also started trying to pick out Shigure's study resident Gold Fish from their bowl, and so Shigure's study had been bolted shut with voice registry that only Shigure could open. Kyo had also started to meowing in front of Tohru's door at 5 o'clock in the morning, demanding to be fed (milk and sardines.) Tohru had eventually gotten used to the routine, but Yuki didn't appreciate Kyo's meowing sounds that early in the morning. It didn't help his annoyance when he heard the sound of Kyo fighting it out with neighbourhood cats, and Yuki assumed that the sound could be heard for miles. Kyo had also taken to sleeping on top of the Kotsu instead of below it. He'd curl himself up in a ball, and just doze off, even when the group were in the middle of dinner, and when Shigure tried to poke him off, Kyo would turn around and punch the novelist square between the eyes. When even Yuki failed to put Kyo in his place, Hatori was brought in.

Hatori sighed, looking through the pictures that Shigure had taken. The first was of Kyo with his hand ready and waiting to be dunked into the fish bowl at the unsuspecting goldfish, the second was of Kyo with the fishes tail hanging out of his mouth, and the third was him obviously swallowing it. Shigure had also taken pictures of Kyo at 5 o'clock in the morning, Kyo sitting in his own pee looking disgruntled, and Kyo curled up on the Kotsu sleeping happily.

There has to be some way to stop this. Hatori thought angrily, looking through the other set of pictures that Yuki had taken of Kyo at school. It seemed that the cat had been courting random girls at school, and (Hatori had put his head in his hand with embarrassment), Yuki had even taken a picture of Kyo attempting to court a random stray. That was when he'd delved into the family records of previous cats, as well as got the Sohma Vet to have a look at the evidence.

"… There's not much in here." Hatori admitted, slipping the written information and photos back into their cases, "Only embarrassing pictures."

The Sohma Vet, Sohma Susumu grinned in response. "Those embarrassing pictures could have all the information that I need to make my analysis." Susumu resembled a wolf. He had more than one scar from irritable animals, as well as dog-related canines. It wasn't any surprise to Hatori to learn that Shigure and Susumu had gotten along from their first meeting, which still not surprisingly, was looking after one of Ralph's sudden illnesses. "Give me a look."

Hatori, irritated, lifted the photos just out of Susumu's reach when he walked forward, causing Susumu to stumble and fall flat on the ground. He rubbed his face, and glared up at the Dragon. "Ha'ri, you're so cruel!"

"When did you start calling me that?" Hatori asked, trying to distract the Vet from the photos. Unfortunately, he was holding it out of his reach in many different angles.

Susumu ignored the question. "I'll keep calling you Ha'ri, Ha'ri, until you give me the evidence."

"I don't care."

In the end, Hatori had forked over the photos, and Susumu had had a fit of laughter looking through the written evidence, then had fainted from it after looking at the photos. The picture of Kyo in his own mess was his favourite.

"Well, Hatori." He said finally, wiping a final tear from his eye, "We see this actions a lot with adolescent cats. Tell me, Kyo is around 18, correct?"

"Correct."

"Well, if he was a real cat, he'd be boarding on 9 months. Now then. How is the best way to deal with an adolescent male tom cat?"

After Susumu explained what exactly a Tom Cat was, the pair of the concocted a plan. Hatori smirked. This would teach the feline for pissing all over his office.

"Oh, Kyoooo!" Shigure sang, grinning hyperactively as he swung around the lounge room door, "Hatori's here to see you… oh, Kyo, not again!"

"Hey, shut your face you damn mutt! I'm cleaning it up!"

Shigure had found Kyo with cloth in hand, bent over a yellow patch in the carpet. A bottle of vinegar was sitting on top of the Kotsu.

"Honestly, Kyo, I might have to toilet train you all over again."

"SHUT UP AND PISS OFF, YOU STUPID MUTT!"

"Kyo, you should really learn to watch your language." Hatori said, pulling out his deck chair. Hatori, Susumu and Shigure had decided to sit outside, just in case Kyo had another accident inside Shigure's precious house. Kyo had just been dragged along.

Of course, Susumu went into a fit of laughter the moment he saw Kyo, the same boy that was in the photos.

"Now then, in all seriousness," Susumu said finally, wiping the last tear from his eye, "I don't believe we've met. I'm Sohma Susumu, resident Sohma Vet."

"What in the hell would a vet want with me?" Kyo asked roughly, glaring daggers at all three men.

"Ah, about that." Hatori spoke up, after a moments silence, "How much do you know about cats?"

Kyo didn't speak for another few seconds. "I haven't been bloody bothered to learn, okay, stupid dragon?"

"Well," Susumu continued, "Let's just say that the demon inside of you –" Kyo tensed at the mention of the demon "- is just growing up. Cats do lots of things as adolescents, although erratic urination is more of a rare occurrence."

All three men (besides Kyo, Shigure didn't want another deck chair ruined) had their chairs set up, and were sitting quiet happily to form an arch way in front of the sitting Kyo.

"So, in other words, to silence your shitty behaviour which will probably go on until you're 50 – although the urination should stop in a few months – we're going to have to neuter you."

"Neuter…? What's that?"

Shigure sighed. "You really hate animals, don't you, Kyo?"

"So what? You got something to say about it, you damn mutt!"

"Kyo," Hatori butted in, "It means to get ones balls cut off."

Kyo blinked. Letting it register, before gripping his manhood protectively. "No way you shit faces are getting your hands on these!"

With that, he ran to the edge of the shrubbery, jumped over the nearest bush, and fled into the forest. Susumu chuckled. "Just like a cat, to try and get away from the Vet."

Tohru knew she should be worried. Kyo had been gone for over three weeks, and she knew that she should probably be crying all over the place for his return, but the house was beginning to lose it's smell of urine, and she'd actually not been waken up from scratching and meowing at her door. It wasn't like she didn't care about Kyo or anything, it was just that he… was butting his head against the kitchen window, asking to be allowed in.

Sighing, Tohru opened the screen, watching Kyo bounce down, check for Shigure, and shut the kitchen door, before turning to look towards Tohru. "I'm hungry."

"Ah! Kyo! I'm so glad to see you!" Tohru said, flinging herself at Kyo, "Welcome home!"

Unfortunately, she connected with Kyo, and a loud POOF was heard all throughout the house, as well as Shigure's hurried footsteps. Hastily, she shoved Kyo behind the fridge.

"Was that a poof I heard, Tohru-kun? Kyo's not here is he?"

"N-No, Shigure-san. I haven't heard from or seen Kyo at all. Do you suppose he's alright?"

Kyo, who was getting the ends of his fur electrocuted by the refrigerator wire, glowered evilly. If Tohru wasn't Tohru, the moment he got out of here, he would have scratched her square between the eyes.

"Oh, very well then." Shigure sighed, he sounded extremely disappointed. "I guess I'll go and write my manuscript then."

"Write your manuscript? That'll be a first!"

"Huh? Tohru-kun, I could have sworn I just heard Kyo's voice."

Both Tohru and Kyo bristled. Kyo twitched. How could he have been so stupid?

"Ah, no, Shigure-san, I was just trying to put on a voice!" Tohru laughed sheepishly and repeated the sentence in as much Kyo-ness as she could muster. Shigure simply shrugged.

"You did it better the first time."

With that, he left.

Tohru plucked Kyo out of the back of the Fridge, getting a heck of a lot of static shocks from his fur, and set him down.

"Forget this." Kyo stated, glowering at the refrigerator. "Tie my clothes around my neck."

Tohru did as she was told.

"Good. Now I'm going away, and I'm never coming back."

Kyo bounded up onto the sink, then out the open window, leaving Tohru bewildered and a little guilty.

Eventually, Kyo did come back to Shigure's house. It turned out that he preferred Tohru's cooked meals to dead birds, but surprisingly, he got to keep his balls. Hatori decided that as long as Kyo attempted to tone it down, he'd allow Kyo to keep his manhood, at least until graduation. If he could prove by then that he was going to calm down, and take the 'Tom' out of Tom Cat, Hatori would forget about the neutering surgery all together. Susumu wasn't too happy about it, and Hatori had warned Kyo not to go to any strange places with him.

So, all in all, everything turned out all right. Kyo's erratic peeing stopped completely in a few months, and eventually, Shigure's house lost the urine smell to Tohru's deodorant, that although it wasn't pleasant for the boys, it smelt a lot better than cat pee.

Oh, and before you all ask; no, Kyo won't be affected in future stories by this one, and no he didn't get neutered at the end at all.