Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket

Hello... it's been over a month, but I have another update! Horrah! I almost forgot how much fun it is to write just, random, stupid one-shots like these... ah... I missed the feeling of laughing my sides stupid and the idiotic things that I came up with, and imagining the faces of my friends as they read it...

So, yes. This one shot contains a very OOC Haru, Kyo burning babies, and Yuki getting slow cooked. An hilarious mix, yes? And all in 1,050 words! One-shots aren't supposed to be long after all.

And... OH MY GOD! A Series of Twisted One Shots: Furuba Style has reached 100 reviews! I'm so happy! Now two of my fanfictions are over the 100 mark... which is actually a very big milestone for me oO; So, like, if you've been lurking and haven't told me what you think... I really want to know n.n! Even if you completely hate me for what I do to the characters, and you just have a rant about how corrupt my writing style is... I wanna know! I don't mind n.n!

So yes, anyways, enjoy this one shot, and please review n.n!

Kyo and Haru make Pie

"Hey, Kyo, let's make a pie." Haru said randomly one day to the teenager who had been trying desperately to hide himself, for obvious reasons, seeing as he had a pink dress that Ayame – who happened to be in Shigure's study, with Shigure, doing god knows what – had forced him in.

The teenager bristled, and turned around to face the stoic looking, and pointed a finger accusingly. Why? He had no idea, but it just seemed like a good idea, and ideas that were good just worked in that instant. "You!" He said, "You brought that beast here!" Of course, he was just trying to pass the blame to Haru, as Kyo often did to... well... everybody.

"That's all nice and all," Haru said, "but can we make pie?"

"What is it with you and pie?" Kyo glared, before realising that Haru hadn't said anything about what he was wearing, in fact, he didn't even seem to have noticed. He also didn't notice when Kyo blushed red and grabbed himself protectively as if the poor delusional Haru was about to violate him. "..."

"I like pie." Haru continued, seemingly taking no notice. "So let's make pie."

"What if I DON'T want to make pie?" Kyo said triumphantly, grinning to himself. There was no way, no way that he was going to make pie with Haru. Ha! He couldn't make him!

"I'll take pictures of you in the dress and put them in all the girls' lockers."

Okay. So, Haru could make Kyo make pie with him. Kyo's triumphant look faded into a frown, "But who's going to eat the pie?"

"We are." Haru said happily, "Because I-"

"Like pie." Kyo finished for him. "Yeah, yeah, I know."

Haru just beamed.

"Get out the pot." Kyo instructed Haru, having managed to actually get changed once Haru brought down a suitable change of clothes for him. He'd stashed the dress in the cupboard under the downstairs bathroom's sink, and horrible things were going to happen to it... horrible...

"Got the pot!" Haru sang, snapping Kyo out of his trance and holding up stainless-steel object to Kyo's eye height, and that shaded Haru's head from Kyo. "Now let's make pie!"

"Okay, first, Haru," Kyo said, reading from the cook book, "you have to add the steak cubes, water, two tablespoons of flour, the beef stock cube, some salt and pepper, the thinly sliced onion and a table spoon of Worcestershire sauce."

"Okay!" Haru said happily, deciding to add the steak last. After all were added, he picked up what he thought was one of the steak cubes – and the steak cube started squeaking and wriggling. Shrugging, he presumed it was just stubborn, and prepared to throw it in the mixture…

"Wait! Haru! That's not a stock cube that's Yu… wait, on second thought, never mind."

And, thus, Yuki – who had transformed from exhaustion after being chased by Ayame, and was seeking a place to hide – was thrown into the mixture that was… slowly cooking.

"Okay, now to prepare the base." Kyo said, looking down at the cook book again. "Got the base?"

"Yes!" Haru beamed, holding up the frozen pie bases, "Pre-packaged pie bases are the best!"

"That's nice." Kyo sighed, "do you heat it up?"

"I don't know!" Was Haru's optimistic and highly intelligent answer. Kyo made a mental note not to let Haru anywhere near Momiji for at least six months. He sighed, and chose a random number on the microwave, shoved the pie base in, and turned it on and waited.

"You can do the rest." He told Haru, who simply pouted, but turned around the watch the microwave that seemed to be mesmerizing.

"BURN, BABY, BURN!" Kyo told the dress that was burning to ashes in front of him, outside of Shigure's house, just beyond the door on the path. Kyo had decided that he didn't want the dress to live any longer, had fished it out of the cupboard he'd stashed it in, somehow pinched Shigure's cigarette lighter, and had set it alight in front of the house.

"Who's burning babies?" Ayame asked absentmindedly, opening the front door to the house, and starting a Kyo's back – who was shielding the fire from him. "Well now! Kyonkichi, what horrible vendetta do you have against an innocent baby? This will simply be a sight to see! Kyo burning a baby." Grinning, he walked up behind Kyo, now being able to see the flames. Finally, he stopped behind the boy and looked at the heap. "That's not a baby... that's my... MY DRESS! MY MASTERPIECE! NOOOO!" And, thus, Ayame became a sobbing wreck, and bent down, mourning the loss of $500 worth of lace and specially made material.

"So what is it that you wanted?" Kyo asked, standing up, ignoring the tears that were flowing down Ayame's face.

Aya sniffed. "I came to tell you that," sniff, "the pie's done."

Kyo turned, walking back to the house when he heard Ayame scream; "WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN A BABY, KYO!"

"Isn't this a lovely pie?" Shigure sang, "and I never knew that two princes could make such an amazing pie all on their own. You two simply must be women at heart."

"We are not!" Kyo snapped, Haru, who was too busy eating his pie didn't reply, so Kyo spoke for him too.

"Oh, Kyo-kun, don't lie. You wound people by lying."

"You wound people by not burning babies too." They heard Aya mutter from across the table. Seeing as he hadn't touched his pie, Haru pinched it. Both Shigure and Haru had decided that they didn't want to know.

So, Shigure continued. "So, when's the change?"

"What change?" Kyo glared.

"The sex change! To be women, you can't possibly be in a man's body. Oh, I so pity you Kyo, and you too Haru. Women's souls, trapped in a mans body... loving men... rejected by everybody because of what you are... ah... it has the great makings for a novel. I'm sure that Aya could even make you dresses! Right, Aya?"

"What does it matter..." The group sweat dropped again. Obviously, Ayame was on the less happy side, so, Shigure decided to change the subject.

"So, has anybody seen Yuki recently?"