Disclaimer: I own pudding. Not Furuba. If it was a combination... oh dear god...
I have a single word to say to this one shot: PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!
That's right, folks, this one shot is all about the effects of Pudding on a certain dragon-doctor-person-thing! That being said, Hatori is extremely out of character, so read if you dare! I wrote this (surprisingly long) one shot to get out of writers block so that I can write more He is my Master, but is far it hasn't worked ..;
The one shot was fun to write though !
Enjoy! (And please review n.n!)
Why one should never give Hatori pudding
The day started out as per usual. Kyo, Tohru and Yuki woke up – in that order – while Shigure woke up sometime around... midday? Well, sometime when the sun was well and truly up, and the birds had worn out their vocal cords – or... been caught and eaten by Kyo. Either, all. But, in any case, the day continued normally; Tohru, Yuki and Kyo went to school – in that order, Kyo had to be dragged by his no-existent cat ears by Yuki, they ate lunch, they attended classes – except Kyo, who only attended homeroom – and then came back to Shigure's house.
There was only one thing that was unusual, and that was the attendance of Hatori at dinner.
"I'm so glad you could come!" Tohru said happily; putting out all different kinds of western styled food that she'd attempted to cook, which, of course, came out quite near perfect. "It's been so long since we've had company!"
"Blame Shigure." Hatori said stoically, using his knife and fork to cut the meat, then swirled it in gravy before eating. He swallowed and said; "He forced me here."
"Now, now, Haa-san. You know it's been forever since you last stayed for dinner, and of course, we haven't had a sleep over since... second grade? And now we're older, we can do more fun things." Of course, nobody – except Tohru – missed the suggestion that was in Shigure's voice as he looked almost seductively over the table.
"Who said I was staying the night?" Hatori said coolly, now pushing his finished plate away.
"Really?" Tohru asked, sounding rather down with the world; "... I guess you won't have time to stay for desert then? And I worked so hard on the pudding..." she blinked, "why is everybody looking like that?"
And, it was rather strange. Hatori had gone strangely quiet, while hackles had risen on the other three in the room; not to mention the fact that Shigure looked like he was about to jump up and restrain the dragon, but from what, exactly?
And then, with some edge in his voice, Hatori said; "Did you say... pudding?"
Tohru blinked, but replied happily; "Yes!"
"Shigure, get me a bed ready."
"Eh?"
And, there was a thought that went through Kyo, Shigure and Yuki's mind: Oh dear god...
The tension in the room was high – and it was Hatori who was making most of it – in fact, it seemed that most of them – except Tohru, who remained oblivious to the raising danger – was trying desperately to keep as far away from Hatori as possible.
And, when the tension got too much for little Tohru, she went in to retrieve the pudding. "A-A-Ano, I'll be out w-with the desert in a second." She said, standing up and excusing herself under the almost possessive gaze of Hatori's eyes.
Shigure followed.
"You know, Tohru-kun;" he said, watching as she extracted the pudding from the fridge; "I don't know whether giving Hatori that pudding is such a good—" Shigure felt a sturdy hand on his shoulder.
"You aren't, by chance, trying to disrupt Tohru in extracting that pudding to put on the table, are you, Shigure?"
Shigure jumped out from under the hand, staring up at Hatori with wide eyes. "U-Uh, n-no..."
"Good. Here, Tohru, let me take it." Hatori continued, seemingly forgetting about Shigure, and attempted to convince Tohru that she didn't need to do all the work, and to let him take the pudding for her. While that was going on, Shigure slyly slid over to the cupboard, extracted three pots and slipped back into the living room.
Once back in the living room, Shigure stuck one of the pots on his head, then one on Yuki's and finally one on Kyo's before announcing; "BATTLE STATIONS MEN!"
Two hours passed, and Tohru had learnt a valuable lesson: Never hand home made pudding over to boring, work obsessed doctors. It only brings pain.
And, pain it was bringing. Shigure, Kyo, Yuki and Tohru were using Tohru's over-turned bed for a barricade. Yes, somehow, while Hatori was making trying to convince the tree outside to battle him 'Ninja' style, the three of them had managed to drag out Tohru's bed into the hall way to use for a barricade to stop Hatori entering any of their three rooms.
"Okay. Here's the plan." Shigure said surprisingly stoically, as if he'd faced this all before; "We need to find a way to tie Haa-san down until he calms down."
"Trust you to have gone through this." Yuki said mockingly, peeking over the side of the bed to keep a look out for the currently mentally unstable doctor.
Tohru was still bewildered. "Ano... I don't... understand what's going on."
Shigure sighed, but explained regardless. "It's like this, Tohru-kun, ever since Hatori's been little, there has been nothing that can set him off and make him act like... would you call it a child?"
"It's called mental." Kyo muttered, but was ignored by everybody but Yuki, who took time to whack him across the head. "DAMN RAT!" Kyo whispered, though loudly; "I DARE you to do that again!" Yuki did it again. "OH THAT'S I—"
"Save it for another time." Shigure glared; "But, let's just say, that the one thing in the world that makes Hatori act like a... uh... drunk is pudding. Never feed the dragon pudding. Never, for the love of god, feed Hatori pudding. It only brings a lot of pain."
Tohru looked extremely apologetic. "I-I'm sorry, Shigure-san. I didn't know."
Shigure sighed, rubbing his hair back from his face; "It's okay. I just wish he hadn't eaten the whole thing... KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Shaking from surprise, having jumped three metres backwards, and temporarily strangled of air, Shigure gripped the front of his shirt, looking up with terrified eyes at Hatori, who was just staring happily – too happily – at Shigure.
"LOOKY WHAT I GOT!" Hatori's voice seemed to have become high pitched and scary – and it seemed he couldn't speak at a normal tone of voice. "BUTT BISCUITS!" And, in front of Shigure, he held up a three-pack of Arnott's crackers that he'd obviously sat on and seemed overly happy about.
"Oi!" Kyo glared; "They were supposed to go in Tohru's lunch tomorrow, you stupid dragon!"
Hatori blinked, looked at his Butt Biscuits then apologetically at Tohru. "I'M SORRY! YOU CAN HAVE THEM BACK IF YOU WANT, I THINK THEY STILL WORK!"
"A-A-Ah, n-no, Hatori-san, they're all yours."
Hatori shrugged; "YOUR LOSS!"
"Heh? Really? He really said that? Mwahahahaha, talk about black mail material! THE BATHROOM IS GOING DOWN!"
Yes, now, Hatori was a raving maniac bent on world domination – and, with Butt Biscuits by his side, there was NOTHING he couldn't do!
... Except go to the bathroom, because he couldn't for the life of him figure out a way to open the door, and he really needed to go. Yes, life was horrible – at the moment, it hadn't been three seconds ago when he'd found a fish stain on the table – and Hatori was bent on rectifying it; one bathroom door at a time.
"Butt Biscuits, some paper, if you please." Hatori said, extending his hand in the direction of the crushed packet of crackers, and, when nothing happened, he glared at them and announced; "FINE! I'll do EVERYTHING my SELF!"
And, the moody, menstruating – wait. How does that work? Oh well. – Hatori had shown its presence, not to mention the fact that he made sure to stand on Butt Biscuits on his way out in search of paper. Past the bathroom door... wait. Why not tell the bathroom door what he wanted now, anyway? He had just been about to write to it.
So, standing up proud, Hatori glared at the door and screamed; "I DECLARE WAR! YOU WILL LET ME IN THERE OR FACE THE CONSEQUENCES!"
He didn't even notice Shigure poking out the side of Kyo's room with a video camera.
Shigure grinned, making sure to keep it rolling on Hatori. The dragon waging war on a bathroom door was just too funny, and way too good to pass off putting onto tape. Everybody was going to watch this. Everybody!
"U-Uh, Shigure-san..." the tentative voice of Tohru came from behind, rubbing her thumbs around one another in nervousness; "Shouldn't we be stopping Hatori-san?"
Shigure waved a hand in response, although because he wasn't looking, he waved it on the opposite side to Tohru. "Nah. He'll crash in a minute. The pudding works just like alcohol. He'll faint soo... wow. Talk about timing."
And, Hatori had just randomly collapsed, his hand still on the door handle; his thoughts just before fainting... You may have one this round, Bathroom, but don't think you'll win the next!
The night had been long – too long – for Kyo, Shigure, Tohru and Yuki. They were exhausted. Before Hatori had lost consciousness he'd chewed through six pieces of furniture, eaten Shigure's entire manuscript, drawn on his blank manuscript papers and installed so many different viruses on Shigure's computer that the novelist was sure it would never run again. He'd eaten Kyo's school shoes, pulled the brushes out of Tohru's hair brush, convinced himself that tree's were the enemy, tried to map out an educated plan of World War 356.4, tried to eat his way through the fridge but was turned off by the broccoli, and just caused basic chaos in Shigure's house.
But, when Hatori was fed pudding, all of those things were normal and to be expected.
It was the aftermath that the four of them had to worry about. After they'd put Hatori in Shigure's bed, they'd had to move Tohru's bed back into her room – which did Shigure's back, which unfortunately meant that Kyo and Yuki had to clean – because they refused to let poor, shell shocked Tohru do any of the work. Unfortunately, they'd all crashed from exhaustion before they could do any work of any sort, and the same went for Shigure. No doubt they'd be out for the next day or so.
Hatori awoke the next morning with a massive headache. "Urgh..." he rolled up. Where was he? He felt drained... had Shigure fed him laxatives again? When he focused he realised that this was... Shigure's room. Blinking, he looked around to see of the dog was around, but, thankfully, he wasn't. No, he was all alone. Wait. What had he been doing, anyway?
Ah, right, the pudding.
Some idiot had fed him pudding, and he'd eaten the whole thing. Correction – he was the idiot. The aftermath was always consisted of Shigure's video camera and a headache; wouldn't he ever learn?
But... pudding tasted so damn good...
Hatori looked out to the sky through Shigure's window and vaguely wondered whether the cake store was open.
END