Disclaimer: Not mine. Not yours. Not pie !

Be proud of me, my friends, for I have updated twice in the last one or two days! (Not sure when. Too lazy to check.) In fact, I wrote this last night for some friends - it's all about Ayame trying to put Hatori in a dress. It's uber cute !

No, this isn't a pairing.

No, you don't look fat in that dress.

Enjoy. (And please review n.n!)

Dresses hold complications.

All his life Ayame had had a single goal. A goal so amazing, so well thought up that it made Ayame praise his intelligence. And, Ayame was intelligent. He was the smartest person he knew, bar the people that were smarter than him. Yes. His goal was something worth working for, and he'd been working towards it for as far as he could remember.

But he wasn't getting anywhere.

It seemed that there was no way that Ayame could put Hatori in a dress, but he wouldn't stop trying. The only problem was; he'd tried every way he could think of:

He'd put a dress in Hatori's Birthday Cake.

He'd put the dress on a male stripper that was hidden in the Birthday Cake, in hope that Hatori would get blind drunk and sleep with the stripper and then wear the dress – Hatori didn't get out much after all.

He'd tried to tempt Hatori with money.

He'd tried to employ Hatori as a model.

He'd tried to kick Hatori into submission, but Hatori managed to ignore him completely and continue with his paper work.

He'd tried strangling Hatori.

He'd tried tickling Hatori with an adorable pink feather that he'd found from the Hyaku-yen store.

He'd tried crying in front of Hatori.

He'd convinced Shigure to cry with him, and then cried in front of Hatori.

He'd threatened Hatori with everybody's innocence, but when he'd mentioned Yuki, Hatori had calmly reported him to the authorities and it had taken him four weeks to convince the judge that he hadn't been planning to rape his younger brother.

He'd told Hatori that he'd jump off a something made of concrete if he didn't wear the dress.

He'd actually jumped off the 'something made of concrete' and that happened to be the wheelchair ramp at the Hospital that Hatori was working at part time to cover his own home expenses. Ayame managed to sprain his ankle on the jump, and Hatori was far from impressed.

He'd tried marrying Hatori to a man in hopes that Hatori would be the bride and wear the dress. His fiancé happened to "spontaneously combust" only minutes before the wedding, and the explosion wiped out half of Hatori's fiancé's family. It was ironic that the church had been set up for a funeral.

He tried to make Hatori audition for the part of Mary in a Nativity play, but Hatori hadn't turned up. He'd had 'other plans', forcing Ayame to play the part instead – not that he minded.

He'd tricked Hatori into going into a gay bar. Unfortunately, by the end of the night, most of the men in the club had turned straight, and were going to require counselling due to confusion with their minds. Three weeks later, Hatori had earned 2.4 million yen.

He'd tried stealing all of Hatori's clothes and leaving a single dress in the cupboard for him to wear, but, unfortunately, it seemed that Hatori had no problem with walking around with dirty clothes, or, worse, half naked.

He'd told Hatori – during a doctor's appointment – that he'd force himself to spontaneously combust – like Hatori's fiancé – if he didn't put on the dress. And, when Ayame held his breath and pushed in an attempt to catch on fire. Well, let's just say that Ayame's constipation wasn't an issue anymore.

He'd threatened to attempt to drown a cat, so Hatori did it himself. A soaking, wet, and half conscious Kyo emerged from a random river only moments after the two had gotten sufficiently bored.

Ayame had kicked Hatori in the shins for being stubborn, so Hatori had whirled around and whacked Ayame in the head. Ayame had cried until Hatori had dressed the wound.

Ayame feigned insanity – but it didn't work when Hatori forced him to take a lie detector test, and he asked the question: "Ayame, are you insane?" And of course, Ayame had replied; "Yes." and it told Hatori that it was incorrect. But, in any case, Hatori demanded his doctor's fee from the snake, and informed him darkly that he "could not be paid in fabric."

He'd stalked Hatori for a week. But, that was just because he was bored.

So far, nothing had worked. Maybe it was time for a new approach...

"Haa-san." Ayame said bluntly, his chin on the table, looking up at the dragon who was smoking on the other side; "Why won't you wear a dress?"

Hatori took a drag on his cigarette, blew out the smoke, and answered; "Because I'm not a poofter, Ayame."

"And I am?"

"Correct."

"I see..." Ayame, himself, wasn't really a poofter. He was half a poofter, and half a woman, so half and half really. "But, won't you wear the dress?"

"No. And get that high cut, bust revealing dress away from my feet, Ayame."

Ayame sighed. So Hatori did know about the dresses after all.

Damn.

END