Disclaimer: I wish I owned it, but I don't. I wish I were Akito, but I'm not. I wish I could live in an igloo, but that is impossible.

Gooooooooooooooooood evening/afternoon/morning - what ever time it is where you are x3! It's great to be writing again, although this is a list more than writing. In fact, I dont' think this even counts as a one shot, I was just trying to get out of writers block so that I can write more on He is my Master. So far, however, that has not worked ..; HOWEVER! I do have really important, fanfiction unrelated news:

I WON A TRIP TO JAPAN!

That's right. Read that sentence again. I have won a trip to Japan for 10 days x3. (Heh. You thought I was going to italic the '10 days', didn't you? Fooooled you!) I'm so excited. Horrah for me!

Now... more focused on this one shot. This is really just a bunch of drabble... and not all of it is based off of the manga/anime, it's more what I would do. 'Cause I rule. The end.

Read and enjoy x3 (And please review!)

Warning: Slight spoilers.

20 things that I would do if I were Akito

1. Put Yuki back into "the room." And then tell him ten reasons why Tohru will end up with Kyo and not him.

2. Tell Kyo that he's entitled to a lawyer, but then inform him that if he wants to play that way you'll dress him up as a clown for your amusement. The humiliation should be enough to send Kyo to the cage without any incidents. (Inform Kyo's hired 'Lawyer' that he can come by any time to play scrabble.)

3. Order anybody who's curse is lifted into solitary confinement, that way they can not abandon me in any way, how or form.

4. I will define my sex to the Sohma Family by getting pregnant with Shigure's child, and I will not decide that I am really a male half way through labour.

5. I will do the sensible thing and dispose of Tohru, rather than just having her memories erased. Getting rid of the problem once and for all seems a lot more intelligent than just erasing the girls memories and letting her live in oblivious bliss until something jogs her memory.

6. I will not seek love from cursed members. They are simply there for my amusement.

7. I will find a way to kill Ayame, the stupid insufferable snake...

8. I will not decide that my life is meaningless and therefore give up all hope. I have Zodiac members to torture – that is enough meaning for my life.

9. I will not keep the box with the remains of my father in an obvious place, nor will I leave it where conned Zodiac members can find it. It is better to be safe than sorry.

10. I will make the Zodiac pledge life long loyalty by holding a gun to their head, if I fire by mistake – oh well.

11. If ever pushed by an air-head at the high school of the Cat and Rat, I will not just leave, I will say something witty about the lines of; "Oh no you didn't!" and bitch slap the heck out of her.

12. I will not leave ways to break the Zodiac curse in obvious places, nor will I reveal any of them to warm hearted brown haired females with an affinity for cats.

13. When revealing Kyo's true form to some poor individual, we will both be arm with perfume, deodorant or air-fresheners.

14. ... On second thought, I will be armed with perfume, deodorant or air-fresheners. The poor individual can suffer.

15. I will not let the Zodiac members learn to drive. (It's a miracle that Hatori hasn't driven off yet.)

16. Tohru will not, under any circumstances, be allowed near the main house as it holds vital information to finding a way to break the curse.

17. Number 16 will not be enforced until Kyo is caged to add dramatic tension.

18. Yuki will be pronounced gay. Hey, it's true, isn't it? If he tries to convince me he's not, he's just in denial.

19. When making threats to Tohru in the forest, I will not leave because I'm begged by a certain dog. I will make sure that I crush her once and for all before leaving in a porch. (Note: She will wash my car the following evening.)

20. I will put my Mother into a mental hospital.