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Crossroads

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Setup: Season 2, Episode 10, Raging Fae. Bo's past has caught up with her and the family of the first boy she killed is looking for her. She becomes overcome with guilt and while she's undercover with a case, she allows herself to be severely beaten as a way of punishing herself. Bo refuses to let Dyson heal her. Dyson brings Bo back to his place where Lauren is waiting to treat her injuries. Bo and Lauren are sitting on Dyson's bed as Lauren tends to Bo's wounds. 100% canon up to this point. Dialogue from the show (owned by Showcase/Prodigy) is in bold italics.

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L: I heard about your encounter with your past.

B: Great, does everybody know now?

L: No, just the people that care about you.

B: It is not just my past, it's my present. For a long time, I've forgotten what I am to humans – a monster.

L: Bo you're not a monster. I know that. And whatever happened back then it wasn't your fault!

B: I KILLED a boy! And then what, then what, I ran away. I ran away. I didn't take responsibility for what I did. And his poor family – I never gave them closure!

"And how exactly could you have done that, Bo?" Lauren interrupted sharply, hoping to grab Bo's attention before she completely dissolved into hysterical sobs. Slightly startled, Bo stopped her self-loathing rant and just stared at Lauren as tears silently dripped down her cheeks.

Lauren immediately softened her tone as she gazed into Bo's watery eyes. "So, what – go to the police and confess? Sweetie, they wouldn't even be able to determine the cause of death. Even if they believed you were guilty and you were sent to prison for life, you wouldn't have found the Fae, and you wouldn't have gotten help to control your feeding – so the bodies would still pile up."

Bo looked down at the floor, as her lip and chin started to tremble.

"And if that didn't tip them off, you'd inevitably give yourself away by not aging. Then at best you become a lab rat for the rest of your days and at worst you expose the Fae, which could eventually lead to a war."

Lauren reached out and gently lifted Bo's chin so she could make eye contact again. "No real justice is served by punishing you for something that was beyond your control."

Exasperated, Bo flinched away from Lauren's hand. "Alright, alright! I get it! My hands are tied! Nothing I can do! It's all pointless so let's just chalk it up to 'shit happens' and go on our merry way!"

"Bo, your power to control your own actions was unfairly taken away from you. You're not guilty any more than you would be if Vex made you do it!"

"So maybe I couldn't help it. Big deal, the results are the same. Why should I have the right to exist if so many people had to die in order for me to live?" Bo snorted bitterly and angrily tossed the ice pack on the bed. "Maybe I should go to prison and be a troublemaker so I can be put in solitary and starve."

Lauren sighed melodramatically. "Well that's an inefficient way to kill yourself. And much too easy, you'd be unconscious during the worst of it. For maximum pain I suggest you be flogged and then drawn and quartered." Lauren deadpanned.

Bo gaped appallingly at Lauren's amused expression as if she had sprouted an extra head.

Lauren picked up the ice pack and gently held it to Bo's jaw. "Bo, you don't really think you should die – you just want to be punished and made to suffer, because you think that's the only way to balance the scale. Because your life isn't worth enough, right?"

Bo grabbed the ice pack out of Lauren's hand to get it away from her face. "My god of course it isn't! How can you possibly compare the value of my life to the lives of hundreds of my victims!"

"It's not such a simple equation as that Bo." Bo looked away and rolled her eyes, subtly shaking her head at what she thought was a lame copout.

"Alright, fine…" Lauren grasped Bo's hand that held the ice and lifted it to her swollen jaw again, not letting go until she was sure that Bo was willing to hold it in place. "Let's say for the sake of argument that your right to exist is determined by this great cosmic scorecard. Bo, you are nearly immortal. Think of all the people you will help – the people you might save in such a long lifetime. Ten years is less than a blink of an eye for you. And I have no doubt that you will do an immeasurable amount of good in your lifetime, because that is your true nature – you are compassionate, selfless, brave and protective, and you are driven to help people who have nowhere else to turn. It's just so sadly ironic that your compassion is what's causing you so much pain right now. Bo, you can't possibly be a monster because you care too much. A real monster wouldn't give a damn."

Bo could feel Lauren's kind, passionate words pierce through her armor of anger and regret; it was so tempting to just give in and let Lauren soothe her heart, but her refusal to forgive herself just tightened its grip. "So I'm just supposed to forget about it, let it go like it doesn't matter – because ten years is insignificant to a Fae?" Bo harshly accused.

"I didn't say forget about it, but it's ok to let yourself move on! Drowning in self-hatred is a pointless, empty gesture. The most meaningful thing you can do is to keep striving to be the person you want to be – and consider yourself lucky that you have a lot longer to get it right compared to most people. You were given a fresh start, Bo – please don't waste it on self-flagellation."

"But all those senseless deaths…I don't know how to…" More tears overflowed onto Bo's cheeks as she gasped and sniffled. "Why doesn't the innocent blood on my hands horrify you, Lauren?!" Bo blurted, as if demanding Lauren to condemn her. "How is it so easy for you to forgive? How do you see past the mountains of body bags I've left in my wake? How can you –"

L: You're a different person than you were then and the person you are now I absolutely love! [Bo looks stunned, snaps out of her rant]…I didn't mean that –" [sighing] I don't know what I mean…

B: Forget it. I know you're all mixed up over Nadia.

L: I don't even know what I'm even feeling these days.

B: How's that going?

Lauren looked at the ceiling and forcefully exhaled an exasperated breath. "Confusing as hell." With a vulnerable smile, Lauren bravely looked Bo in the eye. "No, that's not entirely true. I know exactly what I'm feeling, there's no confusion there. I just don't know what to do about it. I'm feeling different things for two different people – things that I shouldn't be feeling at the same time. I don't know how to reconcile them, but I do know how I feel."

Lauren grabbed a piece of gauze from the first aid kit and began to gently wipe away the blood that had leaked from Bo's nostrils. Bo remained quiet, sensing that Lauren had more to say. As she continued to attend to Bo's face, Lauren finally broke the silence. "I still don't know what the future will bring if Nadia wakes up, so I haven't said anything because I didn't want to risk hurting you later."

Lauren's eyes grew watery as she discarded the gauze and shrugged in defeat. "But I let it slip and I just can't deny it anymore." She sniffled a couple times and finally looked directly at Bo again. "I do love you Bo, so much," she declared with conviction, "I absolutely love you. And it tears me up that you can't see yourself the way I do."

Bo's glassy eyes stared at Lauren in wonder. Her raging disgust for herself clashed violently with Lauren's declaration of love, leaving her emotionally disoriented. Bo wanted to return the loving sentiments, but she too was afraid of it leading to more pain later; and at the moment her own self-concept was being challenged and that was confusing enough to process. Bo sniffled and took several ragged breaths. She closed her eyes to collect herself, causing her eyelids to press out a new wave of brimming tears that had pooled inside her red-rimmed eyes.

"I've never been able to figure out how you have been so sure about what you see in me. Before you even knew me very well, you seemed to see something I couldn't."

Lauren smiled tenderly and gently stroked Bo's hair. "Then trust me to be your eyes, until yours heal enough to see it for yourself." Lauren's loving kindness left Bo speechless, so she just closed her eyes again and focused on Lauren's affectionate touch. Lauren leaned in and placed a feather-light kiss on Bo's forehead, and then she picked up a new piece of gauze and carefully blotted the tears around Bo's eyes and down her cheeks, taking care not to irritate her cuts and bruises.

"But in the meantime, Bo… there's something I need to ask of you. It's just a little thing, but it would mean the world to me."

"Of course, what is it?" Bo asked curiously, as she opened her eyes and focused them once again on Lauren.

"Just let me love you, Bo. Please, let me give you some of my chi. It won't be much, but I can at least heal these superficial cuts on your face."

"Lauren, I can't do that to you." Bo protested softly.

"You wouldn't be doing anything to me, Bo. There's nothing predatory about this. You aren't taking, I'm giving. And it would mean so much to me if you accept my gift. It's an intimacy I've wanted to share with you for quite a long time now."

"Seriously? But why?"

"Because I love all of you, Bo – including the succubus." It took a moment to fully process Lauren's answer, but once she did, Bo was quietly awe-struck.

"Besides, I also have a selfish ulterior motive – the sooner I can heal that split lip, the sooner I can kiss you properly!" Lauren smirked as Bo chuckled softly and blushed. "Please, Bo."

After a few moments, Bo shyly nodded her head. She leaned forward and held Lauren's face in her hands. "Are you sure about this?"

"Absolutely." Lauren said breathlessly. She closed her eyes and opened her mouth slightly, keeping her lips and jaw relaxed. She felt Bo's lips lightly graze her own and then they pulled away as an oddly pleasant tugging sensation grew from her chest. The sensation quickly became euphoric as it spread through her body, until finally she was pulsing with arousal. Bo stopped the flow of chi and Lauren almost drunkenly fell over into Bo's lap, but thanks to Bo's fast reflexes, she grabbed Lauren's shoulders to keep her upright.

Lauren erupted into a fit of giggles. "Holy shit, what a rush!"

"Are you ok? Did I take too much? Do you feel like you're going to pass out?" Bo asked frantically, growing more paranoid with every second.

"Oh, baby I'm fine! A little loopy, but in a good way. No worries, sweetie. So how do you feel?"

"My face feels normal now, but the rest of me still feels like I was run over by a truck."

Lauren sighed heavily. "Yeah, I'm afraid those ribs are going to require more chi than what I have at my disposal right now."

"Don't worry about it, I'll handle it eventually. So check out my face. Take a look at your handiwork."

Lauren lit up like a kid on Christmas as she inspected Bo's face. She picked up the damp cloth that was wrapped around the ice and began wiping away the dried blood, revealing flawless glowing skin underneath. "There's my girl." Lauren just couldn't contain her excitement. "Oh my god, Bo!" Lauren laughed gleefully. "I actually did that! My chi did that! Oh, Bo…" Lauren stroked her hands all over Bo's grinning face. "My god, you're beautiful!"

Despite the little voice in her head warning her that it would make things more complicated, Bo instinctively pulled Lauren into a greedy kiss. Lauren moaned as her eager tongue explored Bo's mouth, luxuriously sliding her tongue all over Bo's and nipping and caressing her lips. Now that she had stopped worrying about how much chi she took, Bo settled into the kiss and basked in the erotic high that Lauren's chi had given her. Lauren had been right; feeding from her was intensely intimate, something Bo had never felt when feeding from anyone else.

Bo pulled back to catch her breath, and the unbearable beauty of her emotions just spilled out before she could censor herself. "I love you."

"Oh, Bo…I love you too, so much." Bo smiled demurely as she looked at Lauren's beaming grin and affectionately stroked an errant lock of hair and tucked it behind Lauren's ear.

"I didn't want to make things more confusing for you, but you have the right to know." Bo said sheepishly.

"You're right, it does muddy the water, but it means the world to me that you told me."

"Lauren, when Nadia wakes up – and she will wake up, because we will not stop until she's freed from that living hell – when Nadia wakes up and you need to make a choice, there's something I want you to keep in mind." Bo swallowed audibly as she tried to relax the huge lump that had suddenly formed in her throat.

"Nadia and I both love you, so no matter who you choose, someone is going to get hurt." Bo's voice cracked as she felt the mild sting of new tears starting to pool in her eyes. "So please, don't let the hurt be in vain – it's crucial that you listen to your own heart and do what makes you happy." Bo paused to sniffle a few times; Lauren lovingly stroked Bo's face while she tried to hold back her own tears.

"Don't even consider our feelings, Lauren. Don't think about who needs you more, or who will get hurt the least or anything that has to do with Nadia and me. This needs to be a completely selfish decision."

Bo took a few rapid, deep breaths as she fought to keep her composure. "After five years of subjugation, you haven't had a lot of practice making choices about your own needs, everything you do has been in service to others. So please, make sure you make your choice for the right reasons."

The tears finally overflowed and silently poured down Bo's cheeks, but she continued to hold Lauren in a steady gaze. "Consider yourself and no one else, ok?"

Lauren cradled Bo's face in her hands and kissed her softly. After nearly a minute, Lauren pulled back gently, keeping her leaking eyes closed. Her brow furrowed and her throat tightened, but finally she replied in a trembling whisper, "Ok."

FIN

A/N: Hi everybody, I just wanted to let you know that I just posted a new story called New Again; it's separate from this collection. It is a re-posting of a story I wrote for LGFaenatics fan fic challenge. You can find the rest of the stories from the challenge on LGFaenatics profile page under the title Massage Envy. I've made few minor revisions that I didn't have time to do before submitting the story, so the version I'm re-posting under my account will have a few small differences. If anyone out there has already read it and voted for my story, thank you so much for your support! New Again was the top ranking story in the challenge and it was an honor to get such warm fuzzy love from my readers! :-D Thanks again for reading! :-)