Chapter 2

Something in the way

Upon retrieving the book, Ellie zipped his bag back up and slunk over to the couch. When she heard Joel coming back down the stairs she quickly stuffed the book under one of the couch's cushions, a wave of panic washed over her. Oh god, what if he needs to get something out of his bag before he goes to sleep, she bit her lip and watched him pick up the CD player, toss it onto the couch next to her and push the mattress down. It hit the floor with a soft, quiet, thud. "You gonna ever finish that soup?" Joel asked, stretching out onto the mattress and eyeing the mug, steam still rising from it in short, faded, swirls. "Yeah" she said, picking it up. Her stomach growled when she brought the mug to her lips, she took a rather large mouthful, it burned her tongue and throat a little as she swallowed the soup, grimacing, she blew into the mug softly, creating tiny red waves. She brought the mug up again, taking a much smaller amount now. It wasn't as bad, she took another couple swallows of soup before she heard another loud crash of thunder. She jumped a little, the mug shook in her hand, a bit of soup spilled onto the carpet, making 3 tiny red splotches near her feet. When Joel came up and sat on the couch, comforting her, it made her remember what she had almost said to him moments ago, I was gonna tell him I loved him.

She felt a pang of sorrow deep inside when she thought this, he's been with me every step, would it make things weird if I told him that?. The sorrow she felt deep inside began to bubble up to the surface, the only other person I've expressed that to was Riley….. The sadness grew when she thought of Riley, but she hoped that things would be different with Joel, he would never leave her alone, she couldn't go through that again. "Joel….." she said softly, looking up at him with her crushingly beautiful green eyes that were now beginning to fill with tears. "Promise you'll never leave me", Joel stared down at the quivering girl in his arms. "I promise" he said, "How do I know you're not lying to me again?" she sniffed, small tears were rolling down her red cheeks. She took a long drink from the mug and put it back on the floor. "What?" Joel started to get a bit nervous, "Oh don't pull that bullshit on me Joel, I know you lied" she sobbed. Joel stared at her for a long time before saying "Look, Ellie I only lied to you then because I knew you wouldn't be able to handle it, and you'd end up hating me, I didn't want that. Christ, Ellie they were gonna have to kill you. I couldn't let them do that, I wouldn't let them do that, you mean too much to me" She buried her face into his shirt and cried, she cried harder than she thought she would. Everything she had held in since the day the Fireflies had "stopped looking", she let out then and there, in his arms, wrapped in the light of the fire. I could tell him right now. She thought, Joel rested his chin on the top of her head, I really fucked up, but I did it for her. They sat there, holding each other for the longest time, until Joel finally broke the silence "Do you trust me when I say I'll never leave you?". She let go of him, wiped her eyes and said "If you cared enough to kill so many people just so you wouldn't have to leave me then yes, I trust you" She said that with an almost sick sense of affection, killed so many people just so you wouldn't have to leave me. But that was the truth, and he knew it. The wind screamed on outside and the snow swirled around, almost dancing to the screams of wind. But she didn't seem scared, she knew she was safe with Joel, and she wouldn't have it any other way

"Oh shit, I forgot to get blankets" Joel said, starting up the stairs, he heard extra footsteps behind him, he turned to see Ellie walking into the room that housed the giant bookshelf. "I'm gonna read in here for a while" I've got a lot to think about, reading could clear my head, at least for a little bit. Joel went back downstairs and tossed a thick green blanket on the couch, and another one onto the mattress that lay next to it, Ellie was still upstairs. I should probably leave the poor girl alone. He once again stretched out onto the mattress and listened to the wind howling out side and the occasional crash of thunder. He hoped deep down that she would come running and jump into his arms again, he wanted to make up for everything he felt he'd done to her. He didn't move, he just listened to the screaming wind outside. She'll come down when she's ready. He propped himself up on his elbows and saw the CD player sitting on the couch, sunken down into the right side of the couch. He reached out and grabbed it, sitting up he held it, staring at the medium-small, bulky, blue, CD player. "She put the CD in it and didn't even turn it on" he muttered. Another crash of thunder erupted outside, making him look at the stairs and hope that she'd eventually come down.

Ellie sat with her back against the gargantuan bookshelf reading Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, while trying to shut out the crashes of thunder and howls of wind that made her want to run down and jump into Joel's arms, she wanted to let him know that she loved him and didn't care what he did, not anymore, she just wanted to be with him. When did you even start having feeling like that for him, She supposed they started around the first time they went to Tommy's dam. When they were at the university she definitely felt something for him. Another hard crash of thunder made her whisper his name and look towards the door, she looked back down at her book and kept reading, the wind raged on outside, filling her with unease. Just go downstairs, what's the harm? She thought he needed time to think things over. She felt safe when she was with him, but when she was alone, she felt vulnerable and scared. I hope I'll never be alone again. More hard shrieking of wind made the decision for her, she grabbed her book and headed downstairs.

Joel was lying on the mattress, half asleep, when he heard Ellie making her way downstairs and shuffling over to the couch. He heard the pages of a book turning and he smiled. Smellie sure does like to read, then he heard her move towards him, Ellie planted a gentle kiss on his cheek. "Goodnight Joel" she mouthed the last 3 words, I love you, she repeated them over and over. liking the way the words felt to say, even when she wasn't sure if he was ready to hear them. She curled up on the couch with her book listening to Joel's soft snoring over crashes of thunder and howls of wind, How can he sleep through this? she wondered and then thought Wait a minute…..he's asleep. She reached under one of the couch cushions Yes, it's still here, she opened Fifty shades of grey and began to read.

It reminded her of a lot of the romance novels she'd read over the course of her journey with Joel. It also reminded her of Riley and the things they had done. It's just experimenting, no big deal, she remembered her saying, Even thought she hardly knew how to do most of that stuff, she couldn't help but giggle quietly at the fact that she was getting away with reading this while Joel was right there. Joel's not a bad looking guy. She knew that much, He hasn't really had a woman in his life since Tess, Maybe I could be….. The thought stood in her mind for a minute or so, I could be the woman that he needs. She liked the thought, she kept reading.

She read for a long time, she didn't know how long, but she knew she'd definitely been reading for a while. A grunt startled her as she saw Joel turning over on the mattress below her, "Get away from her.." she heard him mutter. Holy shit, Joel's dreaming about me! she bit her lip. This opened up 2 doors in her mind, one door held the possibility that a relationship could blossom from this information that he has dreams about her. That depends what kind of dream it is.. she grinned. But that's what door number 2 had in store, What if it's just a dream about him saving me and nothing else? She hated the second thought, she shooed it away to the back of her mind, she liked door number 1 way better. So from then on as she read Fifty shades of grey curled up on the couch in the firelight cloaked cabin, during the steamier parts, she couldn't help but picture Joel in the role of Christian Grey and her as Anastasia Steele, I should try this lip biting thing on Joel. She giggled again.

Thunder crashed loudly outside, the cabin shook a little, Ellie, who had been deep into Fifty shades of grey whimpered a little and hid under the blanket, she decided that if things got too scary that she'd sleep down on the mattress with Joel, she closed her eyes tight and tried to not think about the shrieking wind outside. My Mr. Grey will protect me, Ellie thought. She came out from under the blanket and looked at him, he was lying on his side with his back turned to her. She imagined herself laying down next to him and wrapping her arms around him, " Joel, I love you" she whispered into thin air, she was sure he didn't hear here. So she said it a little louder this time. "I love you", she waited, nothing….she would hopefully get to tell him how she really felt tomorrow. God, I hope I do.

She heard him mumble again and she quickly stuffed the book under the blanket, holding it between her knees. She heard him get up. His feet gently thumping as he walked over to the sink, grabbed a glass, filled it, and took a long drink. All the while Ellie watched him with one eye open, Tell him, come on, tell him now. He was returning to his spot on the mattress when she heard him stop, she shut her eyes. Does he know I'm still awake? Fuck. He softly patted her head "Goodnight Smellie" she felt his lips connect with her temple, his beard tickled but she remembered not to react. She felt a warm feeling inside her that she hadn't really felt before. Once the snoring started up again sometime later, Ellie stared at the sleeping giant for almost an eternity. The warmth was still there, and it was making her very hot, she silently unbuttoned her jeans and slid them off, she nudged them down with her feet and uncovered her now bare legs That's better. she also heard a noise, a noise like something hitting the mattress. she looked down. Fifty shades of grey was sitting right next to Joel's left arm. shitshitshitshitshit. He turned over and now the book was almost covered completely by the man, it stuck out just below his armpit. Oh fuck no, Ellie thought.