Hellooo, Guys! Thank you for all the nice reviews lately I decided to keep writing in chapters because I felt that a one-shot could never fully address everything. I don't plan on updating like 20 more times, I'm just going to do some time-jumps instead of going day by day. These next chapters are going to get darker, since we're getting closer to Heather's suicide attempt and Naya is going to spiral. It won't get too dark, but either way… Trigger warning. I'm still going to make it humorous every now and then. And if you guys do not like where it is going, you can tell me. I just want to address the grief the characters feel. Short transitioning chapter. enjoy!

(Late- March, 2011)

Apparently Naya had signed a sex contract with Heather that afternoon in the blonde's apartment. They continued to make love, or at least that's what Naya wished they were doing, every afternoon for almost two weeks. They'd do their thing, they'd cuddle for a little while, and then Taylor would call Heather to catch up on each other's days and Naya knew it was time to go. On very few nights he wouldn't call; those were the best afternoons because she got to sleep over. But that had only happened twice, so it wasn't enough. Taylor, on the other hand, hadn't talked to Naya during the time he was away, obviously because he was convinced he had won. The last conversation the two had had made it pretty clear that he knew Heather wouldn't come out any time soon. He just underestimated his girlfriend's needs.

And Heather seemed to be pretty pleased about the agreement. Sure, deep down the guilt was eating her alive, but she knew that she couldn't make any decisions that March. Her boyfriend was about to move in with her, her mother kept waiting for a proposal, and all of his family was thrilled for his career and his relationship. It just didn't feel right to leave him at that time. And besides, she did want him to move in because he gave her a sense of security. But Naya… Naya was her best friend. She knew her better than Taylor ever did so everything with the brunette felt more intimate. And Naya seemed to always listen to her, something the tall guy never did. But she couldn't just come out as gay, her mom even hated the fact her character was bisexual. She wanted more than anything to make her proud. And she knew that if she actually dated Naya, the word would spread faster than I Can't Believe it's not Butter and the life she liked to maintain private would automatically become a scandal. Not only would her mother disapprove, but also thousands of strangers. And that was something she wasn't strong enough to handle. So she couldn't be with her, she had to be with Taylor. But she couldn't just forget about Naya either… So she thought of this sex arrangement… and at the moment it seemed perfect, making her pleased.

But Naya on the other hand…

She was… sort of happy. She got to kiss the beautiful blonde every afternoon. She got to feel every inch of her body with both her hands and her mouth. She could even cuddle with her, even if just in silence. But the minute Taylor called was the minute reality would slap her. She was just a fuck buddy. And sure, she would feel how much Heather cared about her whenever she'd look at her… But she was still a secret. They would never talk about feelings. They would never talk about Taylor. And out of their apartments, no physical contact could be made. And maybe Heather was okay with it, but she wasn't. Naya didn't have anyone who would listen to her day. She didn't have anyone to tell her how much they loved her. While Heather spent her nights sleeping with Taylor on the line, Naya would toss and turn until her body was exhausted beyond belief. She just felt so dirty. So guilty. And she knew that having a part of Heather should be enough… But… It wasn't.

She felt empty every night on her way home. She just didn't know what to do. Those hours with the blonde were her safe haven, her anchor, but as soon as she left, she would just float away. Those wonderful, wonderful hours never seemed to be enough to make her feel whole. She had no idea what she was going to do once Taylor came back because that meant no more sex; no more Heather. But she didn't want to think about that; it was too overwhelming. She tried to handle her emotions day by day. But trying didn't always mean succeeding.

And Dianna and Lea weren't making things any better. The day after they had sex after their talk, her two friends went over her apartment for "the deets". Naya, who felt too ashamed to tell the truth, decided it was best to say that they decided to stay friends. Lea and Dianna didn't believe her though, so they kept trying to get her to talk, but Naya couldn't. She wasn't able to handle the disapproving comments and looks they'd give her. Her friends thought so highly of her… and now not only was she gay, but also a side bitch. This was a secret she had to keep to herself because deep down, she thought things could get better. She thought it would get easier. She thought one of those nights, Heather was going to realize how crazy in love she was with Naya. And then, she was going to break up with Taylor and everything was going to be alright.

She genuinely believed that with all of her heart.

And maybe things got fucked up because she never voiced how it was hard for her to do that. Or maybe, because she never said no to Heather, fearing she could lose her. Or maybe because she made the wrong decision over and over again.

But at that time, she never even considered any of the things above because she was convinced that before Taylor came back, Heather's heart would be completely hers.

But one afternoon, after getting ready to see the one person that made her days a thousand times better, she got a text from said blonde that read:

Naya… Taylor surprised me… He's over here with his stuff… Like unpacking… So, um, we'll reschedule. I'm sorry:/ We'll talk about it later…

Looking back at everything, Naya remembers that moment as the one that changed her life completely. Because it wasn't a game anymore. It didn't feel like a dream, where anything could happen. That was the moment that reality really swept in and reminded her that no matter how hard she tried, she would never be enough. That was the moment in which she became so dependent on the blonde, that just being her friend wasn't enough. And as she remembers every detail of their sad yet comforting story, she recognizes that it shouldn't have happened that way. She should have interpreted the text as a sign to just talk about it with her friends and stay away from the girl. But she didn't. She used it to lower herself in this pain she called life. She used it as an excuse to let go and lose herself in her beautiful, blonde thoughts because it seemed easier to just settle with nothing than to fight for something. Because as she read the text, she finally accepted that she had lost… for now.