Ludwig was troubled. Something had been bugging him all day and would not leave his poor brain alone. It was nagging at him, it was something important. Lately things have been weird too. Gilbert would look at him with this face that just spelled out the definition of pity and guilt. Was there remorse there too?

Every since he came home from the car accident that killed their grandfather, Ludwig readjusted to his life fairly well. After all, he had been doing the same thing everyday for the past however many years. Why should some missing time matter anyway? The most he might've been upset over was the World Cup results. He and his brother would always watch the games together. He celebrated with a beer when he googled who won the game over the last year, Germany had apparently destroyed everybody.

Months passed.

Nothing really changed for him. He reread his favorite books, talked small talk when needed during errands, worked out. Everything was back to normal for him. He didn't really grieve for his grandfather anyway. He was never home anyway, he rarely saw him since the last...what year was it?

Ludwig sighed and shook his head. Some things were still cloudy and the nagging feeling was becoming ever so annoying. It was as if it were right below the surface of his mind, just swimming in his thoughts to annoy him personally. He really should've brought his dogs with him on the walk he was on. He could use the company and the day was nice, a clear day, birds were out singing in the trees. He could faintly smell the ocean and suppressed a shiver and premature fear that bubbled up in his chest. The humidity today, thankfully, was low.

He could even let his dogs off their leashes for a while, they would really like that. So long as they didn't go jump into the pond this time. The last time the larger one had caught a fish with his teeth and killed the poor thing. He had to take it away and throw it in the trash, the dumb dog tried to eat that. Wait a second.

Ludwig froze. The memory of the splashing dog brought something forward in his mind. Something that had been bugging him for the entire day.

Shiesse. Oh, dammit.

He was suppose to take the dogs to the vet today!

How could he forget that? He would have to pay extra now for missing the appointment.

He sighed on turned back to head home. It was a long enough walk now and he wanted to make sure that the stupid albino brother of his hadn't burnt the house down.

One thing he didn't expect when he opened the door was the fact that Gilbert was shirtless on the couch. Well, it didn't totally take him by surprise. Gilbert would sometimes go shirtless on a very hot day, (who wouldn't?) but this was far from a hot day. And when the white haired man heard him enter, he stood.

He was wearing a swimsuit.

"Gilbert, no."

"Ludwig," Gilbert sighed. "Come on, we should go down to the beach. You've been over the fear for like the past year!"

"I don't remember that and refuse to believe that I would willing go down to the beach everyday. Why do we even live so close to the ocean?" Another thing that Gilbert had tried to do for the past few months was get him to go down to the beach. "I hate water, in case you forgot."

"No, you forgot. Ludwig, please. I won't say awesome for an entire day. A week!" Gilbert exclaimed. "A month!"

Ludwig turned to his brother with a shocked expression, yet underlining it was an annoyed frown. "Why are you so obsessed with getting me down there?"

Gilbert hesitated then sighed. A look of pain and disappointment crossed his face. And as soon as it was there, it was gone and a look of fresh anger came in it's place. "Awesome. You know what? Forget it."

Ludwig was left in the room by himself as Gilbert stomped away, even Gilbird was chirping in surprise.

Two: thirty-two in the morning.

It was what lit up his room. Those numbers who glared their overpowering meaning, taunting him with the joke of not being able to sleep. Lately he hadn't been able to sleep at all. Whenever he did, he would find himself at a beach, then a boat would appear. A killer storm, consuming the bodies of both his parents. And something more. A flash of something. Something like scales?

He would always wake up shaking, alone, confused, and scared. So scared, sweat dripping down, heart pumping wildly from fear. That word. Scare, fear, terrified, the feeling of unpleasantness that consumed him. He hated the word and he despised the feeling. He was tormented by the way that the word could influence so much of him. He hated this.

He hated being alone like this. He swore he was over the nightmares long ago. No more waking up scared, no more shivers in the night, no more.

He sat up and brushed back the soaked hair from falling forward onto his face. He couldn't help the tears that ran down his face at the same time. The sniffle that came from his nose didn't sound like him. It sounded like the child who owned the nightmare. That seven year old version of himself that was tormented from the nightmares. Gilbert's footsteps should be coming down the hall to help him any second now. He would bring comfort and the needed company that only a loved one could provide.

No footsteps came. No human comfort. No loved one.

That nightmare. That fresh nightmare that just played before his eyes haunted him yet.

What started out as the normal thing, the waves, the bubbles surrounding him and his family, the muffled sounds, then, suddenly. The beach. Sand shined from the sun, reflecting it with both light and warmth. The warmth fought the fear away and calmed him down enough to see clearly. His dogs were running around and barking happily. He was sitting on the sand. But it wasn't his perspective. It was from far away, from the waves themselves. He could see him sitting there, almost as if waiting for something.

Then, suddenly, he was closer. The perspective so close he could see his face and how he was wrestling with one of his dogs. How the blonde human on the beach was letting the dog think it was winning and was smiling softly. Something happened, all sounds stopped for a second, like a voice cut through them all. But Ludwig didn't hear a voice. The version of him must have because he looked up. He never looked so happy. He himself felt that happiness that spread out through him like wings. Like when you take a sip of cold water and you feel it race down your chest.

Pure joy.

He wasn't sure what to call this feeling. He hadn't ever felt like this before. Ludwig would remember it if he did. This was too amazing not to forget, with or without amnesia plaguing him.

A laugh filled his mind. It was so familiar, but yet, it wasn't. It was like it was a distant memory that he forgot. It was entirely possible, but it was far from being able to make him go to the beach everyday. And why would somebody be out in the water that far out?

But just like the waves crashing over him, everything was gone and replaced Instead of the bubbles, there was glass flying everywhere. He was rolling in the car again, not being held by the seat belt in the driver's seat like he was. Nobody could've survived otherwise, this flopping around proved that. He flew out of the car, from an open area or something and was able to see the car stop upside down. He was able to see a dead arm hang out from the window; his grandfather's.

Then the pain from the car accident that never happened hit him. It hurt so badly, who the hell created this false pain because it was nothing like he felt before. It paralyzed him and he couldn't breathe for a second. Then a minute. He looked over back to the car again and scrunched his eyes in pain.

But when he opened them, the arm changed. It had been changed to a tanner arm, one with a blue streak or something down it because something was sticking out. He couldn't place what it was, but when he saw it, he became so scared. Everything began to shake in his vision and he didn't know what to do. He was unable to move. All he could do was turn over onto his back and gag. It hurt, it hurt, it hurt, it hurt, it hurt, it hurt, this pain, IT HURT.

When he opened his eyes, everything was still shaking and he saw brown eyes that reflected his fear.

That's when he woke up and shouted from the fear. He took hyperventilating pants and began shaking all over.

No footsteps. No concern. No comfort.

This had been an hour ago and he still wasn't better. Even after he threw up.

Whatever happened to him in the last few years must've been bad because he was now living in Hell.

Weeks went by without improvement. He was now dealing with the pain of seeing the dreams during the day when something sparked them. He avoided the pool at all costs, refused to go anywhere near the ocean, even avoided the dogs at times. If he saw something that triggered them, he would have flashes of something.

Ludwig didn't even know what to call it. It would be a flash of scales, a flash of the brown eyes again, a flash of laughter. He could piece together a body at times, but never a face. He could only see the brown hair that framed it if he was really lucky. Otherwise it would look like a male version of a mermaid.

And he swore he was going crazy.

And what was worse, he couldn't tell anybody what he was going through otherwise they would think he was crazy too. After all, nightmares were one thing. But having them about a male mermaid and seeing them in the daytime were a complete other thing. Ludwig was pretty sure that Gilbert would be able to hear whatever screams he casted while he was asleep, or him panting when he woke up from the nightmare. But he never said anything.

Actually, Gilbert was pretty nonchalant these days. He didn't really talk to Ludwig much anymore. He would just watch in concern if he jumped back from water or something of the sort. It was driving him crazy, the fact that his big brother was letting his little brother suffer in this hell all by himself.

All by himself.

Ludwig never felt so alone.

Even more so when he felt that pure feeling when the boy was in his dreams. He was beginning to feel truly alone in this world. Like nothing would ever be there for him. The only company he had were a pair of brown eyes in his dreams.

Who was that boy?

Enough was enough.

The dreams were getting more fierce, more aggressive, sentences were pouring out of the boy's mouth now. He couldn't hear them anymore. Just the chime. The chime of the beautiful man that didn't exist outside of his dreams. Unknown to Ludwig, he did exist outside of his dreams at one point, but he didn't any more. He now only existed in Ludwig's dreams and the memories shared by the loved ones of Feliciano.

But if the dreams kept showing him the beach, maybe that was the answer. He would go to the beach. Maybe then all this madness would stop. Maybe then he could remember something about the boy...his name...his face, anything. Anything would be a blessing to this never ending hell that he was suffering in.

So one day, when Gilbert was out of the house, Ludwig took his chance and left. He didn't want his annoying older brother breathing down his neck when he did this. He wanted to this alone and he wanted to do this now. That's why he ran down to the beach. It was a simply jog really and he didn't waste anytime flinching when he saw the water. He had a mission to accomplish.

And that mission impacted him already. When he saw the water, memories began to hesitantly spill in. He would get a glance at things every now and then, but when he saw the water it was almost as if he was dreaming. That feeling of hope finally surfaced to him in reality and for that he was grateful. This was really weird for him. He wasn't one for emotions, but right then he wanted nothing more than to get more of that wonderful feeling. He wanted nothing more than to share it with somebody.

Maybe that's what the feeling was, maybe that was love.

He did see glimpses of a kiss or two, after all.

More than anything though, he wanted this mystery to be solved. He wanted to know, no. He NEEDED to know. This was killing him and he needed to know who he was, who this wonderful, mysterious boy was. He was desperate to get rid of the nightmares, desperate to get to know this man again. Maybe if this was where he was whenever they met, this is where he was now.

Ludwig walked down the sand, closer and closer to the shore. He watched as the clear blue water washed up against the sand and shells and swirled them around in the water. He watched them in envy as they didn't ever have to stop and think about what these horrible, wonderful, feelings were or how the affected him or what happened in the last years. All they had to worry about was the water that surrounded them and how the currents swirled them around.

All at once, it was quiet. That clear water was beautiful. That clear, innocent, murderous water had killed his family. But it also was giving him reason to be here. It was giving him reason to go through and search for whatever it was that was haunting his dreams. And yet, they were now dreams. No longer nightmares.

"Ludwig! Luddy!"

Ludwig shot up at the nickname. He searched the water, looking for the owner of the voice. But nothing was there. No hand shooting up through the water, no brown hair. No brown eyes.

Instead, white hair behind him. Gilbert's hand rested on his shoulder. "Luddy, can't you hear?"

Ludwig said nothing. He felt the hand, a different hand, on his chest. On his face, on his hair, on his back as they kissed, he felt the angel like lips on his. Through his fingers he felt the soft scales, the warm unwashed hair, the pure skin that coated a pure boy.

He felt him. He felt so much more than it's possible to describe. He felt the boy there, he felt love.

"We used to meet somebody here." Ludwig commented, hinting at what they both knew was the merman.

"Yeah." Gilbert turned to his brother and sighed. " I think they felt though. I can't find him anymore." Ludwig looked crushed by that, even closing his eyes tightly, like he would when he was about to cry.

How could he be gone without him even knowing his name? It didn't seem fair to Ludwig. It wasn't fair. He had to be here, whatever his name was, he had to be here. He HAD to be. Ludwig didn't know what he would do if he wasn't. He also needed the name, if he had the name it would be a lot easier to find him. He could rent a boat or something, go scuba diving and hold up a sign that read who he was looking for a show it to whatever lived down there. Anything for the boy.

"Gilbert." Ludwig breathed out. "What was his name?"

Gilbert didn't know what to say. While he was proud of his brother finally getting over himself, he was scared that he wasn't allowed to say it. It was far from his place. But who else would? They others hadn't been there for months. He went down to the beach everyday to try and find the others who were in the water. But he didn't ever find anything. He assumed they left.

How would his baby brother react?

"Wh...who?"

"Don't give me that, Gilbert!" Ludwig turned towards him with a desperate look. "I lost it all, I've only just begun to see it. I see his eyes, his hair. I can't see his face, goddammit, I want to know!" He had to swallow the lump that's been growing in his throat. "I need it."

"Ludwig." His brother sighed. "I-" He closed his eyes and swallowed hard. "I can't tell you."

A pause.

"What?"

"I won't tell you. It's for you to figure out." Gilbert looked at the look of desperate and fresh pain on his face. "When you do, I have something for you though."

"I don't want any of your shit!" Ludwig growled and shoved him. "I just want to know his name!"

"Don't push me," Gilbert said gently, but firm. "Chill out, bro!"

"Don't call me that!" Ludwig shoved him harder. "Don't call me bro, I am not your brother!"

Gilbert's face twisted into one of pure fury and he swung his arm back. If Ludwig was going for violence then he would be too.

Ludwig landed in the water on his butt from the force of Gilbert's punch. He was about to retaliate when Gilbert threw himself onto Ludwig. The two struggled in the water for a few minutes, wrestling and pinning each other down on top of the other. The taste of water filled Ludwig's mouth, filling his head with more and more small glimpses into his unexplored past.

He brought the boy to live with him in their pool. He looked hurt with his tail being cut all over. Did something happen to him? He and the boy sitting on this beach. The boy was laughing that wonderful laugh of his that brightened up everything, his face unseen still.

Gilbert shoved his head under the water.

Ludwig being dragged down in the water by an unseen force. Another brown haired boy, blurred by the water, holding him there.

Gilbert punched his jaw.

His grandfather punching him as they wrestled in the pool.

Ludwig pushing Gilbert's chest off of him.

Ludwig carefully bringing a chest closer to him in a hug.

Gilbert's snarl in his ear as he pushed Ludwig down. His face twisted in anger and fresh blood dripping off a cut.

A strikingly beautiful face of a young merman. Soft brown hair framed him, with brown eyes to match perfectly. Those brown eyes that brought him so much joy and fear, finally able to bring him nothing more than pure joy. The rest of his face shown now, a button nose that seemed snug in the face surrounding him and a mouth that never seemed to be able to stop smiling. The teeth were straight despite the man never knowing what a dentist is. His smile was one of a angel, maybe even a demon with how beautiful it was.

A name.

The two kept going at it until Ludwig scrambled away and stumbled in the water. He held his stomach tightly and began hacking, as if he were going to hack up something. In which, he did, vomit filling the ocean water that laid before him.

His name.

"Ludwig? Ludwig, are you alright?" He heard some splashing behind him, probably Gilbert making sure he was okay.

"Gil, Gilbert," he threw a hand up to his mouth. "Oh my god."

"Ludwig?"

Ludwig began to throw up more, through the gaps in his fingers and cough violently. Gilbert was by his side in a second, support him to make sure he didn't fall into the sick infested water.

"Ludwig, are you okay?"

"Gilbert," Ludwig couldn't bring himself to look up at his brother, or anything of the sort. He could only focus on the water now.

The water, he once thought destroyed his life, but created him a new one.

"Gil," He sobbed. Tears streamed down his face now. "Gilbert."

"What is it, Ludwig? I'm here, it's okay, I'm here." A hand rubbed up and down his back for comfort. Finally, some comfort.

"Feliciano." Ludwig cried into his hand, leaning on his brother. "Feliciano! His name was Feliciano!" He turned towards his brother, now, looking at his face. "We called him Feli sometimes!"

Gilbert nodded and hugged him tightly. "Ja, we did."

"Where's Feliciano? Where is my Feli?" He sobbed and gripped tightly onto his brother. His hands were beginning to shake and he felt really light headed. Ludwig didn't even try to stop crying, nothing felt like it mattered now. He experienced the relief of a lifetime, remembering the face and the name of somebody who plagued him peacefully for months now.

Only to find he was gone.

"I don't know, Luddy. I don't know."

Only the epilogue left :D