I know i said this was going to be a oneshot but...I couldn't stop myself from writing a second part.
This is it though...i swear it is.
Things haven't been the same.
She remembers a time when things were easier (but isn't it like that for everyone?) she knows there are some people who always remember the good from a failed relationship but she's pretty sure she's not really one of them. She remembers the bad, it's there like a blaring neon sign that flickers but never goes out (kind of like cheap Vegas lights, she hates Vegas).
So she makes arrangements, made in the dead of night so Octavia won't ask her what she's doing and so he won't catch a hint of his leaving.
And when she has lunch with her mother to let her know what she's decided ("a couple of months on my own won't be so bad mom, I'll be doing some good and after doing nothing good I know this is what's best for me") she pretends not to notice how happy her mother's eyes tell her she really is despite the solemn face she wears.
When she goes to bed she pretends her chest isn't caving in on itself. Like there isn't an ocean raging within her desperately trying to get out and drown her.
She loses hours of sleep trying to hold herself together under the covers and ignoring how tear soaked her pillow is.
(This is good Clarke, you're hurting him and he's hurting you…this can't keep happening. You'll kill each other before you ever get your happy ever after.)
She knows this. She knows they fought more times than they loved each other (don't start lying now Clarke it was killing you, every second of every fight was killing you). The truth stings but it does little to ease the pain she feels burning beneath her skin (he's in your bloodstream. Under your skin, in your bones and etched into your very soul, how did he get in so deep Clarke?)
It's logical and smart and if she leaves now she knows it'll take time (a year maybe two…it took 2 years for you to reach a content state only for Bellamy freaking Blake to come back and wreck it all…to begin the slow process of wrecking you like he never had the chance too) but you know (logically) it's worth it.
She breaks up with him on a Monday. He's over worked, tired and she can't take his attitude anymore and it just slips out. She doesn't mean to make a scene, not in front of Octavia and her fiancé Lincoln, but she's frustrated and hurt and so tired.
She'd hoped (foolishly) there would still be the possibility of remaining friends (but then you remember sitting in front of the TV squished between Octavia, Monty and Jasper eyes wide binge watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer and hearing Spike speak some hard truths ("You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love till it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other until it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Love isn't brains children, it's blood—blood screaming inside you to work its will.") and knowing even back then how true those words were).
Things aren't easy (it's a detox. Rage into your pillow, puke your dreams of a future together out, hold yourself through the shakes. You're an addict Clarke, you just never knew it).
She'll probably get drunk and be tempted to call but her pride will steady her hand and make sure she doesn't call him ("Raven I miss him, why do I miss him?" "I'm coming over Clarke, just hold on babe, I'm on my way.")
And when she leaves receiving bear hugs and kisses from her friends and a new adventure on the horizon waiting for her she'll breath in deep and let it all go as best as she can. Wishing him love, peace and the happily ever after Bellamy freaking Blake couldn't find with her.
And if her hands shake while driving away no one can blame her, it's terrifying having to shed the past and start anew.
tadaaaa!
okay you know the drill let me know what you think n_n
~hurrican3lov3