A/N: So yeah... Sorry about that unplanned hiatus, lol. December just got super busy, and time got away from me. But I did want to update before the year is over and say THANK YOU ALL so much. I just started doing this in August, but the love you guys have shown me since Day 1 has just been such a wonderful and surprising bonus to writing about my favorite show and its characters. Thank you, thank you, thank you for helping to make my 2014 a special one. You're all so awesome, and I'm so happy for the friends I've made on here, and those of you that have made me smile and laugh and cry and all those tiny ways that we affect each other's lives. So thank you, and I'll see you in 2015! Have a happy and safe New Year, y'all! - Love, Ash

6 – Just Because I'm Losing Doesn't Mean I'm Lost

Carl found himself reaching the edge of the woods, unsure of which way to go. He'd followed the footsteps he found in the leaves, but it had gotten dark, and there were no more footsteps to follow. Just the empty asphalt road.

If his dad had Judith, which was the assumption, he would be looking for a place to hole up for the night. Nothing outside, but a nearby home or even a car to sleep in. So he decided to take a right, in the direction opposite the prison, hoping it wouldn't be long before he came across something. Anything. He held his flashlight in one hand, his gun and the other, and moved swiftly. Even if he didn't find his dad, he would have to find some place to stop within the next few hours.

As his footsteps pounded against the pavement, he tried to keep an ear out for any other sounds – particularly that of a walker, or some other nearby threat. What he heard was the unmistakable sound of his baby sister crying. It wasn't loud, but he knew it well, and could tell it was close. He stopped in his tracks, closed his eyes, and tried to pinpoint where the sound was coming from. He had gotten so used to the stillness of the new world, he forgot how loud nature could be. Wind blowing, leaves rustling, snakes rattling, crickets chirping. He couldn't place the cry, so he just called out to it.

"Dad?" He made sure to be clear, but not unnecessarily loud.

The crying stopped and a voice responded. "Carl?" It was a female voice. Michonne's.

"Michonne?" A tear fell from his eye before he knew what was happening. Relief.

"Are you okay?" Her voice sounded cautious. But she was more concerned with the fact that he was looking for his dad. He's supposed to be with him, she thought.

"I'm fine," he answered quickly. "Where are you?"

He saw two flashes of light, a few hundred feet ahead of him, and he ran towards it as quickly as his body would allow. A small sliver of moon was the only light they had, and it wasn't very helpful in the moment. It wasn't until he was inches away that he could actually see her and Judith's faces. He pulled them both into a hug as wide as his arms, feeling completely comforted in that moment.

Michonne was relieved too, happy to see that he was alive and well. He didn't appear to be devastated or anything, but then, she knew he had a similar detachment when he had to watch his mother die. "Carl, where's your dad?" she asked apprehensively. On the one hand, she wouldn't be able to handle hearing that he was dead, but on the other, she needed to know.

His blue eyes looked up at her sadly. It killed her how much he looked like Rick. "I dunno," he shook his head.

She exhaled and then swallowed hard. "Okay."

"No one was left when I left."

"Okay," she repeated, feeling a bit frazzled. She was thankful Judith had stopped crying, but now that was all she wanted to do. The plan was to get the kids and meet at the bus. Somehow, she ended up with the kids and no bus. And even worse, no Rick.

"What do we do?"

That was certainly the question of the day. If Rick was alive – and she had to believe he was – she couldn't think of a lot of places he would go to look for her. There was only one area close enough to walk that they'd been to together. He was smart, he was quick on his feet. So she had to believe that he would think to look for her there first.

"Okay," she sighed. "You ready to walk?"

Carl nodded. "Are we gonna look for my dad?"

"Or he's gonna look for us." She turned him around and did a quick search through his backpack for anything they might need. She had to pause when she saw one of Rick's shirts and realized Carl had brought clothes for his father as well. She shook her head to clear her mind of him. She needed to focus. "Would you rather carry your bag, or your sister?" she asked him.

"I can handle this."

"All right. Keep your flashlight in your hand, but don't turn it on unless I tell you to."

"Okay."

"We've got a long walk, and you know these things come out at night; but we're going to be fine."

He nodded again, just as a dark Dodge station wagon came speeding down the empty road. It was an odd sight, as seeing other cars on the road was such a rarity, but they thought little of it. It was going much too fast for them to stop it even if they wanted to. "Too bad we don't have a car," he commented absently as they began their trek.

"Maybe we'll find one once we find your dad."

"You really think we'll find him?" he wondered hopefully.

She had nothing but blind faith to go on, but sometimes, that was all you needed. She remembered when Rick told her that's all he had when he found Lori and Carl. So she was going to use the same. "Yes."

A couple of hours later, in the pitch black of night, the duo were approaching the steps of a house Michonne hoped was still clear from the last time she'd been there. As she turned on her flashlight, she noticed the spot where she'd broken the hinge of the door, and silently hoped that this was as fresh in Rick's mind as it was in hers.

"You stay behind me," she told Carl, handing over Judith. She needed to have her katana at the ready.

He took his sister into his arms, careful not to wake her, and followed Michonne, though not too closely, as she skulked towards the kitchen. He noticed a lone corpse at the kitchen table and felt compelled to poke it to make sure it was good and dead. He noticed that she didn't seem quite so concerned with it. "Have you been here before?" he inquired quietly.

"On a run, not too long ago."

"With my dad?"

"Yes."

"That's why you chose it," he gathered, using his free hand to shine light on the rest of the immediate area.

"It's the last place we've been together, outside of the prison."

Carl nodded, suddenly feeling a bit more hopeful about their chances of finding him. If he was still alive, of course. "How long do we wait?"

Michonne looked over to Carl, but without any idea of the answer to his question, all she could do was shrug. She didn't want to think about it. Because the truth was, if Rick didn't show up by morning, she wasn't sure what she would do. They certainly couldn't wait endlessly. A day, maybe two. But if Rick were alive, where else would he go?

"We'll just do whatever feels right," she finally offered softly.

Carl was okay with this. He had done what felt right and it led him to Michonne and Judith. "I trust you," he intimated seriously. "Whatever you want to do is what I'll do."

She smiled at him warmly, knowing he had to be insanely worried about his father. But the kid played it cool, and she admired him for that. And she appreciated that he was willing to depend on her to get them through this. She just hoped she didn't let him down. "Let's finish clearing this place so we can try and get some rest."

So come along, it wont be long 'til we return happy
Shut your eyes, there are no lies in this world we call sleep

It took a while for Michonne to find sleep. Her body was run down, but her mind was running rampant. She had been avoiding thoughts of the others for hours, knowing she needed to concentrate on what she needed to do. But as she laid down to rest, it was all she could think about. Were they alive? Where did they go? Would she ever see them again? She knew the answers would elude her, but they kept her up for hours, until finally, her body forced her into a slumber.

Let's desert this day of hurt
Tomorrow we'll be free

She awoke to the sound of Judith crying, thankful that she'd waited until daylight to disturb the peace. By the time her eyes opened and fully adjusted, she realized Carl was already taking care of her. He'd made the baby a small bed at the end of the couch and he was using it to change her diaper. Michonne couldn't help but smile at the sight.

"Where are we gonna get more of these?" he asked when he noticed Michonne sit up. "We had so many at the prison, but now it's just a handful."

He was referring to Judith's diapers. And he was right, she would be through their supply by the next day, at the latest. And she knew they'd already cleared out the neighborhood, so pickings were certainly slim. "Well, back in the day, they used to use cloth diapers, you know."

Carl made a face to express his extreme disgust. "That sounds gross."

"It is," she smirked, "but we make due with what we have. Right?"

"The minute she can walk, we're potty training her."

She knew he was joking, but was not averse to the idea at all. The sooner, the better. Especially if she was going to be on her own with the two of them. Stopping to change diapers while on the run was not high on her list of things she wanted to experience.

On her own. The words echoed in Michonne's head like a gong, finally registering what that meant. To be alone in the wild was one thing. But to do it with these kids relying her was a completely different story. And not just any children, but Rick's children. She would have to take care of them as well as Rick would, and she wasn't sure she could do that. There was a reason children weren't running rampant in the apocalypse – it was hard to keep them safe. Her eyes fell closed as she realized the weight that was on her.

Carl felt it too, seeing how troubled his friend suddenly appeared. "No sign of my dad, huh?"

"Not yet," she admitted hesitantly. "But it's still early."

He nodded as he finished up with Judith and pulled her pants back up her little legs. "So we just keep waiting?"

"You two should eat something."

"I'm not hungry."

"Eat," she insisted, rising from her spot on the floor. "Not too much, because we have to ration this. But enough so your stomach isn't growling."

"Okay," he nodded again. "What are you gonna do?"

"I'm gonna head out to the main road and see if I see any signs of anyone."

"You don't want me to come?"

"No, I want you to keep Judith safe," she instructed as she swung her katana over her back. "You yell if you see anything. I should be able to hear you from out there."

"All right."

"I'll be back within the half hour."

"Be careful," he told her seriously. "We can't lose you, too."

She didn't want to respond to that, so she offered him a small smile on her way out the door. It was quite warm out already, considering the sun wasn't very high in the sky yet. But she could tell it was going to be a beautiful day, aside from the stench of death in the air. She looked back through the empty neighborhood, knowing that it would've probably been littered with kids on a morning like this back in the old days.

As she passed by the house she and Rick had used for their little rendezvous, she decided to go on inside, thinking it possible that he might've stopped there first. It was her last hope of finding him in this area, really.

She entered the home cautiously and immediately noticed that it was different from how she and Rick had left it. The place was clean the last time she'd been there, but now, empty cans were strewn throughout. Mud was tracked across the beautiful dark wood floor. She pulled her katana from its cover and listened for the sound of someone else. Silence.

"Hello?" she called out cautiously.

Silence.

She looked around for bags or clothes, or any sign that someone was still holed up there. She found it in the form of a large duffel bag, filled with guns, as well as a few cans of fruit cocktail and chopped spinach. Two things she could really, really use at the moment.

She did a quick calculation in her head and figured that she should leave the bag for the time being. If no one showed up to claim it before she left the neighborhood, she would take it. That seemed fair.

As she took one last scan of the room, she couldn't help but think of the last time she was there. She and Rick were so happy then, and they didn't even know it. They probably even took it for granted. But things had changed so drastically in just a couple of months, she would've killed to have that little insignificant moment back.

"Where are you, Grimes?" she asked out loud, hoping the universe would give her some form of an answer.

Turn around
I know we're lost but soon we'll be found

Something obviously heard her loud and clear. When she opened the door, prepared to head out to the road, the top of Rick's curly mane was staring back at her as he trudged up the steps to the porch. It was him. He'd found her. "You found me," she declared, almost in disbelief, grinning at the sight of him.

He looked up at the sound of her voice, finding himself immediately overcome with emotion. She was really there, in the flesh. This wasn't some illusion or figment of his imagination. He'd found her. He slowly approached her, his striking blue eyes welling with tears, and dropped to his knees. He pulled Michonne close, holding onto her waist, and let the calm wash over him. He'd found her.

Unsure of how to react to his reaction, she just stood there, stroking his hair. She cried too, feeling as though that weight of the world was slowly lifting from her shoulders. "We're gonna be okay," she recognized, saying it for both him and herself. She felt his grip tighten and her tears came harder. She knew that he had been low before, and had probably almost given up again. She was so glad he didn't. "It's okay," she promised him. "You found me."

Well it's been rough but we'll be just fine
Work it out yeah, we'll survive
You mustn't let a few bad times dictate

"I found Carl," she told him, hoping that would bring him to his feet so she could look him in the eye. "Well he found me," she smiled through her tears. "And Judith. They're next door." She heard him sigh in relief, but he didn't move, so neither did she. "Everything's gonna be fine, Rick."

He believed her, as hard as it was. But he wanted to. He needed to. He nodded against her and then pulled back so that he could look up at her. Without words, his eyes relayed just how grateful he was, how relieved he was that this part of the fight was over. He wouldn't have to search high and low for his kids. Michonne took care of them.

He still hadn't spoken – not that there were any words that would've sufficed. But something leapt to the surface at the sound of her voice, at the sight of her face, and he'd been rendered speechless. He wasn't sure what the feeling was, but it had certainly taken him by surprise. Was it relief? Was it joy? Or was it love? He couldn't tell. Perhaps because he didn't want to know. Perhaps because falling in love with Michonne had never been on the agenda, and even less so now. But that didn't stop it from creeping up on him anyway.

Turn away, it's just there's nothing left here to say
Turn around, I know we're lost but soon we'll be found

Perhaps because, sure, he'd found her… but she was the one saving him.

Lyrics: "Soon We'll Be Found" – Sia (Some People Have Real Problems)