A/N: First and foremost, thank you guys so much for the awesome feedback on the last chapter. It was another one of those that was very easy to write, and I really hoped you would like it. I have to say, Richonne shippers are seriously some of my favorite people on this earth. You guys just get it, I swear. KK, I legitimately cracked up reading your review - mainly because I feel like you might be me? These are also the exact reasons I love me some Rick Grimes. That walkkk. I get happy just thinking about it! He might look like a dirty hobo right now, but... dat walk tho.
And I appreciate that y'all caught the shade I threw through Martin. It was, indeed, cathartic! But BabyKay47, it wasn't solely for that reason. Martin is a smart dude, he sat there listening to them for a while, and figured he could rattle them if he went for the emotional jugular, so to speak. Much in the same way he tried to get to Tyreese on the show. And of course he needed to do it before the guy that bites throats out got back. So I apologize if it seemed to come out of left field. But unlike freaking Tyreese, Michonne was here for exactly none of his shenanigans and got rid of that threat before any of that panned out, lol. Hope that makes sense.
Anywho, on to the next one. (Some of you may find that your predictions came true. Oooh.) Haha, hope you enjoy! -Ash
9 – Don't Take This Personal, But You're The Worst
"I'd like to propose a toast. I look around this room and I see survivors. Each and every one of you has earned that title. To the survivors," Abraham Ford proclaimed, raising his glass to his friends, old and new. "Is that all you wanna be? Wake up in the morning, fight the undead pricks, forage for food, go to sleep at night, two eyes open, rinse and repeat? 'Cause you can do that. I mean you got the strength. You got the skill. Thing is, for you people, for what you can do, well that's just surrender. Now we get Eugene to Washington, and he will make the dead die and the living will have this world again. And that is not a bad takeaway for a little road trip. Eugene, what's in DC?"
"Infrastructure constructed to withstand pandemics, even of this FUBAR magnitude. That means food, fuel, refuge. Restart."
"However this plays out, however long it takes for the reset button to kick in… you can be safe there. Safer than you've been since this whole thing started. Come with us. Save the world for that little one. Save it for yourselves. Save it for the people out there that don't got nothin' left to do except survive."
Rick looked around the small room, filled with the people he loved most in the world. Carl, Judith, Michonne, Glenn, Carol… everyone was back together. And they'd even managed to bring some new ones into the fold without having to threaten to kill them. But now they wanted to run off to Washington, DC to supposedly save the world, and he wasn't sure if he believed in such a mission. Even if, by some miracle, Eugene wasn't full of it, the world might have been already too far gone to save.
He didn't know what the answer was, and he could tell by the looks on everyone else's faces that they didn't either. He turned to Abraham and gave him as genuine answer as he could. "I don't know what to think. I don't know if I believe in this dream you're sellin'. Right now, we've got four walls and a roof, and even some food to put in our stomachs, and I'm not one to leave that behind so quickly. But… we can talk about it. We can all make a decision together in the morning."
Everyone seemed fairly satisfied with that answer, even Abraham, who was itching to get back on the road. But he sat down, and they continued their festivity. They'd found each other, as well as an abandoned church to hole up in for a while, and that was worth celebrating.
Daryl and Sasha sat in a corner together, sharing a plate of fresh carrots they'd taken from Terminus, while they watched their friends interact. Beth and Maggie were talking on a pew, a few feet away; Glenn, Bob, and Rick sat near the altar with Judith; Carol was making sure Carl had a full plate; Tyreese was introducing Michonne to their new friends – Tara, Abraham, Rosita, and Eugene. It was a beautiful sight, having the gang back together.
"I still can't believe we all found each other," Sasha sighed in amazement. "Stuff like that just doesn't happen anymore."
"Guess that place was good for somethin'," Daryl agreed, referring to Terminus.
"I thought you were dead," she admitted, feeling almost bad for giving up on him. "We were just trying to find some place to escape to."
Daryl was never one to give up on something or someone, no matter how low the odds, but he understood why she had. The way she and Beth were taken, it was truly hard to fathom ever seeing each other again. "What happened out there?" he had to ask.
She shook her head, not wanting to relive her kidnapping. "I still don't really know. One minute, Beth and I were killing a bunch of walkers that had come up on the funeral home. The next minute, I was in this car, with a man and a woman dressed as police officers in the front seats."
"That was the car with the cross on it."
"Yep," she nodded slowly. "They said they were taking us to their camp in Atlanta. I could barely walk, but I knew I wasn't going to anybody's Atlanta, so I told them to let me out."
"It was that easy?"
"Absolutely not," she scoffed. "They wanted to keep Beth. So when the guy gets out of the car to release me, we killed them." Daryl glanced up at her, obviously not expecting to hear that; but he didn't speak, so she continued. "I was able to get the woman quick, but Beth had to stab the guy to stop him from strangling me. Then I finished it."
"Goddamn…"
"It was surreal."
"Were they your first?"
"Killing the living?" She nodded. "Thing is, I didn't even hesitate. When they said they wanted to take Beth, I knew that that was what had to happen."
"That's usually how it is," he shrugged. "Ain't no time to stop and think anymore. That's how you end up locked in a boxcar."
"You're right," she smirked. "I knew Terminus was fucked up when we walked in there. But we had already driven back to the funeral home and you weren't there. I didn't know where else to go. Where else would I find you?"
He held back a smile as he looked over at her again. "So you hadn't given up on me then."
She couldn't hold back her smile as she realized that he was right. "I guess not."
They fell silent for a while, continuing to watch everyone around them. The place was small, but it was more than enough for them to utilize while they rested up for a while. They needed to figure out their next move. Would it be Washington? Daryl could tell from Rick's face that he wasn't into the idea at all. He wondered how Sasha felt about it. "What you think of this whole DC thing?"
She let out a long, frustrated sigh as her eyes fell on Eugene and his group. "I don't know what to think, honestly. If he's telling the truth, we could actually save the world."
"But if he ain't…"
"We could die trying to get him there, for no reason."
He nervously bit at his bottom lip, trying to figure out the logic of this supposed scientist's plan. "If we're all infected, is it even possible to fix this?"
"I don't know." She slouched down so that she could rest her head on his shoulder, and then let her eyes fall closed. She was tired. "Maybe we all die anyway. Maybe we die trying to make something of this world."
He closed his eyes too, knowing he would sleep well for the first time since they'd lost the prison. "Maybe."
Rick found himself watching Michonne from across the room. She looked happy, he noticed, sitting there laughing with Maggie and Bob. Considering everything they'd been through in the past 24 hours, it seemed insane to have anything to laugh about. Between Joe, Terminus, and Martin, it was a wonder they were still even standing. But that was the thing – they were still standing, and when he thought about it, that was certainly something to be happy about.
When he finally caught her eye, he nodded towards the door with a playful smirk on his face. She narrowed her eyes, wondering if he was serious, but amusedly hopped up from her seat when she saw he was already headed for the exit. She thought he might've been avoiding her, for reasons she was unable to come up with, so she was glad to know it was just her imagination being overactive.
She found him standing on the church steps, seemingly staring into oblivion. "Hey, stranger."
"Hey, gorgeous," he turned to greet her, offering a grin that mostly showed in his eyes, and then grabbed her hand. "Come on."
"Where are we going?" she chuckled. It was dark and she didn't have her katana, which was not her favorite combination.
"Let's get lost tonight."
She smiled at his choice of words, and even the very idea, but she wasn't so sure that was the best course of action. "Rick, we can't just leave."
"Why not?"
"Because…"
He looked back at the church, fading into the distance the more they walked, and couldn't think of a single reason not to leave. Everything was finally fine again. "We've spent every second of the last few days worryin' about other people, Michonne. But our people are safe. My kids are goin' to bed on a full stomach with a roof over their heads. There's nothin' left to worry about. Let's take care of ourselves tonight."
She looked down at their intertwined hands, recalling how he'd let her go when she tried to hold onto him that morning. But he was right – they should enjoy this moment while they could. "Okay."
"All right?"
"So long as we don't get attacked by a gang of rapists again."
He shook his head, playfully annoyed by her statement. "I'm tryin' to take a romantic walk with you through the woods, but sure, let's bring that up again…"
"I'm kidding," she smiled, squeezing his hand. "I didn't realize this was about romance."
"Well that's 'cause you didn't let me get to that part." He stopped walking, causing her to do the same, and gave her a quick kiss. It was so soft, it felt like a butterfly against her lips, causing her to smile again.
"Mmmm," she sighed as they pulled apart. She ran a hand over his curls and then rested it on his face as she looked into his eyes. They were as dark as the sky in that moment. "If you really wanted to be romantic, you could've shaved, you know."
"I dunno," he replied as he felt his face as well. "I'm really startin' to like it."
"I'm starting to hate it."
"You know, Rosita told me it was badass, and I tend to agree with her."
"Rosita has spent the past three months with two men that have seriously questionable taste in body hair, so that makes sense."
He chuckled lightly as they continued their stroll. "You're better than this, Dillard."
"Okay, maybe it looks a little badass," she admitted hesitantly, smiling up at him. "And I might even like how it feels against my thighs. But it's hiding a very attractive face, and that's not okay."
He laughed louder this time, utterly amused by everything about her. "Is that right?"
"I think so. I almost remember what you looked like when I first came to the prison."
"Oh, you liked that look, huh?"
"Oh for sure. Crazy as hell and all." She wrapped her arm around his waist, letting one of her fingers hang from his belt loop as they walked. "Of course you're still crazy…"
"And more importantly, I'm okay with it."
"And most importantly, I quite like it."
"Which makes you equally as crazy," he grinned.
"Well I put my sword through someone today because they were talking too much, so I would say that's probably accurate."
"We both know that's not why you killed him. He was a threat, and he had to go."
"I keep telling myself that he wanted me to kill him, but… I think that's just to make myself feel better."
"Maybe he did," Rick offered diplomatically. He stopped at a giant boulder, deciding that would be a good place for them to hang out for a while. They could keep an eye out for their enemies, dead and alive, from up there. They quickly climbed the huge rock and got settled on their mini mountaintop, sitting as closely as they could while facing one another. "There you are," he smiled, finally catching her face in the moonlight. The night was beautiful and so was she.
"I never went anywhere," she grinned back. "I'm always with you, you know."
"I do," he nodded. "Even when you were runnin' off to look for The Governor, I knew that."
She rolled her eyes at the fact that he still considered it to be 'running off,' but she let it go for the sake of their conversation. "Good."
"Did you just roll your eyes at me?" he chuckled uneasily.
"No…"
"I just saw you."
"It wasn't you," she shook her head absently as she glanced down at her feet, avoiding his gaze. "Just… ignore me."
"Hey." He wanted her attention, but she seemed to be stuck in her own head all of a sudden. "Hey," he said again. Shaking her thoughts away, she looked back up at him. "You okay?"
She nodded.
"What were you just thinkin' about?"
"I don't know. I guess it just bothers me a little that you don't understand why I was leaving." So much for saving their conversation.
"Michonne, I've told you a million times that I understood."
"And yet, you still consider it 'running off.' I haven't gone anywhere; I've been here for you, one hundred thousand percent, and still, you can't stop yourself from bringing up the fact that I left."
He frowned at her tone, confused by the sudden turn things had taken. "What the hell are you talkin' about?"
"I dunno," she conceded, leaning back so their faces weren't so close anymore. "Ignore me. I'm tired."
"Michonne…"
"Seriously. Just pretend I didn't say anything."
"I know it's been a rough couple of days. Which is saying a lot, considering. But if you got somethin' on your mind; if I've said or done anything to make you think I don't appreciate you, I need you to tell me."
"No," she shook her head adamantly. "Never once have I thought you ungrateful or anything like that."
"Then what?"
"I just wish you… knew me better, I guess. Or that we were closer…" She sighed. "I don't know what I'm trying to say."
"Well I wish you'd figure it out, 'cause you're kinda ruining our night out here," he joked.
She smiled in spite of herself and hit his leg playfully. "I'm sorry."
"You don't have to be sorry. I just wanna know what's bothering you."
"We don't have that much time," she winked.
"We've got all night, baby."
"Oh god," she giggled, more charmed by him than she ever wanted to be. She stared at him for a moment, wondering if he could handle what was really on her mind. "Gimme a kiss."
He narrowed his eyes at her, knowing she was avoiding something, but unsure of what it was. So he obliged with a kiss on her cheek, then her neck, finishing with a long one on her lips.
She sat on her knees in front of him and wrapped her arms around his neck. "One more."
He went in for another one, letting his tongue roam into her mouth to do its usual dance with hers. His hands slowly unzipped her leather vest and then went up her shirt, freeing her breasts from the captivity of her bra. They were so plump and soft, he couldn't wait to have them in his mouth. "One more?" he asked, his lips already traveling across her collarbone.
She nodded, thrilled by the feeling of his tongue on her skin. She quickly felt her way through unbuckling his belt, grazing his already growing erection in the process. She realized she didn't need the foreplay; she just wanted him inside her as quickly as possible. "Come on," she whispered into his ear. "Fuck me."
I don't need you, I don't need you, I don't need you, I don't need you
But I want you
I don't mean to, I don't mean to, I don't mean to, I don't mean to
But I love you
As their evening reached a climax, Rick tiredly fell beside Michonne on their boulder, licking his lips as he caught his breath. "God."
"You okay," she smirked, feeling sated as well. She could have fallen asleep right there next to him.
"I wish we could just do this, all the time."
"Really? Just this?"
"Just this," he sighed happily. "You are, by far, the best I've ever had."
She could only shake her head at the compliment. He said something to that effect nearly every time they had sex, and it never bothered her before. But now, it conjured up images of the guy she'd killed earlier that day, and she had to shake them away.
"I've missed this," he added, turning on his side to look at her.
She closed her eyes before speaking again. "What is this?"
"What?" he chuckled.
"What are we doing here, Grimes? Is this just sex, or…"
"Or… what?"
"I have to spell this out for you?"
He pulled up his pants and sat up, understanding that a serious conversation was back on the table. "It's not just sex," he promised genuinely. "I don't know what else it is, but it's not just that."
"Then why is it that we're still sneaking around like fifteen-year-olds?"
"I thought that was part of the fun," he defended, running his hand along her bare stomach.
"It's not fun anymore, Rick." She pushed his touch away and began to get dressed again. "When things were safe at the prison, and nothing was serious, sure. But shit got real, and it seems like all these catastrophic events should be bringing us closer. I feel like you're running away from me."
"I… don't know what to say," he admitted. "I mean, I don't wanna run away from you. But making this anything more than it is… I don't know how to do that."
"Why?"
"Scared…" He said it as if it were a question. As if he were wondering if that was a valid reason to keep someone at arm's length.
"I am, too. But I'm not your dirty little secret. I'm real. I have feelings. And some of them are for you."
"This isn't about keeping secrets, Michonne. I'm tryin' to protect you, and fourteen other people back there."
"Don't use them to justify this. You're trying to protect yourself."
He exhaled heavily as he tried to think before he spoke. This was obviously something that had been bothering her, while he'd done everything in his power to put it out of his mind. He couldn't afford to focus on this. On her. "I can't… be in love with you."
She could feel tears burning in her eyes, but she did her best to keep them from falling. "I'm not asking you to fall in love with me, Rick. I just want a definition. I wanna stop having to run to the woods to fuck you. I wanna be able to hold your hand in front of your son and you not look at me like I'm crazy."
"I get it," he promised. "I do. But I don't think you understand how… I mean, you've already crept in here," he tried to explain, with his fist over his heart. "And the further you get? The less I'm able to control my feelings? It terrifies me."
"And what if you're in mine, too?" She was powerless to stop her tears. She felt them roll down her face, which made her want to cry even harder. "Am I supposed to just ignore this? How do you do that?"
He shook his head in defeat. "I don't know. I didn't plan for this."
"I know you didn't." She wanted to understand so badly. And on a surface level, she did. But deep down, she knew that she wasn't alone in her feelings. The man that found her after the prison fell was a man that was in love. He was just too scared to actualize it. "But I wish you hadn't fucked with my feelings just because you're unsure of your own."
"I wish I hadn't either." He held his hand out, wanting to take hers, but she was the one to decline this time. "I hope you know I would never do anything to purposely hurt you."
"Of course I know that," she sniffled. "Which is what makes this even harder. I can't be mad at you for being scared."
"But you are."
"But I am."
He felt more helpless than ever. How is it that loving her would be their downfall? They were good together, and he knew that. He'd known that since their first time in the tombs, and it only got worse, and better, as time went on.
Hershel had warned him to be careful. Be careful with lust, is what he said. Paired with good timing and a few sentimental words, it regularly transforms into love. He also said that Rick would never find anyone better than Michonne to love. And Hershel was right. Hershel was always right. But how could he love her when the world wanted nothing but to take away everything he loved? "Michonne…"
"I'd like to be alone now," she declared softly, doing everything she could to avoid his gaze. She needed a minute to cry this one out.
"Yeah," he nodded in understanding. He pulled his gun from his holster, prepared to hand it over to her, but she immediately began to decline. "You shouldn't be out here without a weapon."
"Stop trying to save me, Rick." She wiped away her tears as she shook her head. "You can't be my Superman if I'm your kryptonite."
He didn't want to argue with her anymore. He'd done enough damage, he knew. So he simply hopped down from their mini-mountain and left her to her feelings.
His walk back to their camp was slow, his thoughts filled with questions about what their relationship would turn into. Could they still be friends? Would they be enemies? And what would her relationship with Carl turn into? He knew she wouldn't abandon him, but he also knew that things would inevitably change. He felt like he'd just agreed to a divorce.
And though I don't need you, I don't need you, I don't need you
I still want you
I don't mean to, I don't mean to, I don't mean to, I don't mean to
But I love you
Just as he turned off of the road to head for the back of the church, he noticed a dark-colored Toyota go barreling past him, a simple white cross adorning its back window. It was certainly odd to see a car going so fast these days, but he thought little of it as he headed inside to check on his kids.
Lyrics: "The Worst" - Jhene Aiko (Sail Out)