Staring at the food made him feel sick. Smelling the food made him feel sick. Just being near the food made him feel sick. And that's exactly how he felt as he sat in the lunchroom. He would much rather not be here. But Gilbert and Alfred were hounding him, forcing him to eat.

And he hated it. He hated it so much. They couldn't do this to him. They didn't understand.

He tore his thoughts away from the offending meal and thought back to just a few days ago. Two days after Alfred found out, he was looking at himself in the bathroom mirror. He had his shirt off, looking at his body.

Alfred said it made him look sick, and Gil had basically said the same thing. So then... why did he like it? He liked how thin he was, able to see where his ribs ended and his stomach went flat. He breathed in and his stomach expanded slightly. It made him look fatter. He breathed out and still saw it. He wasn't thin enough yet, he told himself. Thinner, I need to be thinner, he thought, standing on his tip-toes to get a better view of his hips. They jut out slightly, giving him more of a feminine look. But that didn't matter because he wore loose shirts and over sized hoodies all the time.

Maybe he could get past the watchful eyes of them. He would just have to eat, right? But then, if he started eating, he would get fatter. And he didn't want that. He figured that if he consumed as little as possible to please them, then exercised and drank a lot of water or tea, he could get even skinnier.

His dull eyes lit up at the prospect. That was brilliant. The idea formed quickly in his head. Wake up early for a morning run, maybe have a granola bar for breakfast, then eat something at lunch. Then he could run after school, yes, he could run the long way home. Skip the snack, and eat some dinner. He thought that if he did that, it would leave him with consuming approximately 1,000 calories, plus or minus some with the exercising.

Finally, he was getting himself together. He had a plan, a goal. He put his shirt back on and walked out of the bathroom. He retrieved the scale from the closet, and placed it in his room.

Might as well weigh himself now... 123. They'd made him gain a pound. Well, he could just lose that. And more. He could lose 10 pounds in just a month, if he worked hard enough.

"Okay, I can do this," he pep talked himself with a quiet determination. Kumachima stared at him sadly from his place on the bed. "They don't control me, I do. If I do this right, it won't be unhealthy. I'm not the unhealthy one. Alfred is, the fat, piggish, slob. I'm doing the right thing. I'm supposed to be skinny."

And thinking about that made him finally take a bite of his sandwich. His stomach rumbled, thankful for the bit of food. He couldn't just completely starve himself. He would die that way. At least this way he would live.

But still, the smell of the other food around him made him feel a bit nauseous. His stomach clenched and his heart sped up with the pain of it. If he needed to throw up, he was certain he could make it to a bathroom in time. But he'd much rather not do that. It always burned his throat and left an acidic taste in his mouth.

"I'm glad you're eating, Birdie," Gilbert said, as he had for the past few days. He nodded and took another bite, feeling the pieces drop like heavy stones. He drank some of his Smart water. He figured he could get most of his vitamins this way with no calorie intake. Like he said, he had total control with this.

"So I was thinking we could go see a movie after school," Gilbert said.

"What movie?" Matthew asked, putting his half eaten sandwich down. He picked back up his water.

"Whatever you want, Birdie," Gilbert said and grew a wicked grin, "50 Shades of Gray sounds good." Matthew choked on his water in surprise and coughed hard, clutching his chest. Gilbert patted his back. "Sorry. Maybe I should have waited until you were done," he said, not sounding the least bit sorry.

"You're mean," Matthew coughed, but wasn't mad at all.

"So is that a yes?"

"It's a no," Matthew said, blushing slightly, "I don't think you in a dark theater with a porno movie is a good idea."

Gilbert laughed, "you might be right."

Matthew nodded, "Look up what other movies are playing."

Gilbert did as told, although his phone refused, loading the web page as if it was using dial- up. "Service sucks in here."

"I know," Matthew agreed, but his mind was elsewhere. He was adding up calories in his head. The granola bar from breakfast was 120. Half of his sandwich was maybe another 200. That added to 320, which is what he needed. That left almost 700 for dinner. Unless Gilbert wanted him to eat popcorn. Which wasn't too many calories and relatively healthy without butter. But it might be hard to convince him out of butter...

Gilbert nudged him out of the world of crunching calories and he blinked. "What?"

"I said, do you want to skip classes and go now?"

"No," he said. Gilbert should already know he wouldn't do that.

"Can't say I tried," Gilbert grinned. Matthew nodded with a small smile but frowned as he looked back at the sandwich. He would not be eating the rest of that, he decided, and went to throw it away.

In, out. In, out. He breathed, jogging down the street. His backpack was heavy, pulling him down. In, out. His entire body felt like it was on fire, but he kept going, trying to remember to breathe.

His vision clouded for a moment, his knees buckled, and he was falling to the cement. He unsteadily caught himself with his hands, scraping them badly. His knees banged on the ground and his backpack jabbed into his back. His arms wobbled as he stared at the ground, trying to figure out what happened.

He tried to control his racing heart, he'd only run five blocks. Slowly, he pushed himself up. His vision wavered and he stumbled, shifting his backpack. He had three more blocks to go. He could definitely run that. He'd done it for the past few days, after all.

Matthew set to jogging again, but this time his pace was a bit slower. He stumbled a few times but didn't fall. He slowed down as he came up to the house and walked up the steps, trying to control his harsh breathing.

He reached for the door handle and leaned his weight against it for a moment, his head spinning. After his heart rate slowed and he could see straight, he walked in. He trudged to his room, feeling maybe too tired. School was quickly wearing him out and he couldn't wait for graduation. He flopped on his bed and groaned into the pillow. It was only October. He only had seven months left in this hell hole. He'd already endured 17 years, he was sure he could manage. Now that he was getting his life on track anyways.

Gilbert would be picking him up at 4:15 to go to the movies- hopefully not the one he'd suggested- so he decided to take a quick, hour long nap. Immediately as he thought it, he fell asleep.

"Birdie, do you want to wake up now?" A voice asked that sounded like Gilbert. He groaned as a 'no', feeling as if he'd slept for mere minutes, and he needed hours. "Come on, your awesome boyfriend has been waiting for an hour and wants to watch a movie." A kiss landed on his forehead then on his nose, cheek, and finally lips. He woke up more, kissing back until the lips fell away and pulled into a smirk.

"Gil? Is it time to go already?" he asked and rolled onto his side from his back, his body feeling stiff and tired.

"Well I got here, let myself in, and found you were sleeping, so I waited for you to wake up. I was going to let you sleep longer but I'm pretty impatient and easily bored. Not that I don't mind staring at you as you sleep," he grinned and winked.

He blushed slightly then frowned. "How long did you let me sleep?"

"About an hour," he shrugged.

"Why didn't you just wake me up? We missed the movie."

"You've looked really tired lately and I just wanted you to sleep for a little. Plus we can catch another movie still."

"Oh, okay," he said and sat up, his muscles screaming in protest. He swung his legs over the bed and stood up too fast. His knees gave out and he fell, Gilbert barely catching him.

"Whoa, careful," he said and sat him back on the bed.

He nodded and blinked, his vision spotting. "Thanks," he said, rubbing his eyes.

"Maybe you should stay in bed," Gilbert said, worried.

"No, I just stood up too fast. I'm going," he said and stood once more, able to stay standing.

Gilbert looked ready to catch him again but nodded when he stayed upright, "Okay. But if something's wrong, you better tell me."

"I'm fine. Promise," Matthew flashed him a reassuring smile and walked out of his room. He didn't look back as Gilbert followed him, but he could practically feel the worried expression on his face. It bothered him that Gilbert worried about him so much. He shouldn't have to.

Minutes later, Matthew was trying to convince Gilbert on a more trivial matter.

"Spongebob is more family friendly."

"I'd like to be more than family friendly with you," Gilbert said.

"Gil!" he said and blushed, "you're not actually thinking about doing anything in public, are you?"

"I've been thinking about it," Gilbert smirked.

"Please stop," Matthew muttered and covered his face with his hands. People in the ticket line were watching. How embarrassing.

"You know you like it," Gilbert said.

Matthew peeked out from his fingers and lowered his already quiet voice, "You can watch people making out online for free."

Gilbert laughed, "there's making out in this movie? I heard the plot was awesome and well developed."

Matthew rolled his eyes, "Fine, but next time we're seeing a kids movie."

"Yes sir," Gilbert smiled and Matthew ducked before he could kiss his cheek.

"N-Not in public," he stammered.

Gilbert was about to respond when it was their turn to get tickets. "Two for 50 Shades of Gray, please." he said, showed the man his I.D., then paid. He handed Matthew his ticket and they walked across the lobby. "As I was going to say, does sitting in a dark theater far away from other people count as public?"

"Yes!" he gasped and shook his head.

"I wouldn't have thought so," Gilbert said and waited in the concessions line. "I'm getting popcorn, do you want extra butter?"

"Actually, um, could we get no butter?"

"No butter?" Gilbert asked, feigning shock.

"Yea, well, um, it's healthier," he informed a bit nervously.

"If I get no butter, will you actually eat any?" Gilbert asked.

"A little," he said, thinking a few pieces couldn't hurt too much... he could just eat less dinner. Hopefully Al wouldn't notice.

"Okay. I'm getting a pop," Gilbert said, seemingly pleased with Matthew's words.

"Water for me," he said softly.

Gilbert nodded and ordered. Matthew stared up at the colorful menu, feeling empty and how hunger pulled at him. But he looked away and ignored it. That salted pretzel looked gross anyways.

Gilbert carried the popcorn and his pop to the theater where they picked a spot, second row from the top. Perfectly awesome placing to see the movie, in Gilbert's opinion. "Not that I'll be doing much watching," he smirked and Matthew blushed, thankful for the low lighting. The lights dimmed even more as the last announcement played, and Matthew sipped on his water.

"This isn't too bad," Gilbert said, eating some popcorn. He offered it to Matthew and he took a few pieces, eating them without complaint. Gilbert looked satisfied and sat back as the movie started.

It started out pretty boring, the plot listless and poorly executed. But pretty soon, the sexy scenes started. Matthew shifted a bit uncomfortably in his seat, wondering what kind of people came to see a movie like this. Right, Gilbert.

Speaking of Gilbert, he was currently placing his hand on his knee. Matthew was quickly distracted as his hand slid up his leg. He didn't stop it though since Gilbert would just keep doing it. He bit his lip and let out a squeak as Gilbert made it the whole way up. He heard Gilbert chuckle and suddenly he was very close to him, leaning even closer to kiss his neck. His eyes closed slightly as Gilbert kissed down his neck and sucked on the skin above his collarbone. Gilbert started rubbing him over his jeans and he held in a gasp, trying not to give Gilbert the satisfaction of knowing he didn't particularly hate it.

"G-Gil," he whispered helplessly, "Y-You can't do this here."

He left his neck alone for the moment to respond. "You know you like it," he smirked and captured his lips. He seemed very insistent on taking advantage of him in a theater and Matthew soon decided that making out couldn't be too harmful.

He gave Gilbert entrance to his mouth and he slipped his tongue in, exploring inside as his hand knotted in his hair. Matthew blushed hard and had no idea what to do with his hands so he settled on placing them on the back of his neck, albeit forcing Gilbert even closer to him. Gilbert knew exactly what to do with his hands, sliding over Matthew's body with soft but needy touches.

Moments later, he heard a particularly loud moan from the other side of the room. He gently pushed Gilbert away from him, not wanting it to get quite that far. "So you want to do this in private?" Gilbert said a bit breathlessly.

"Um, uh..." he blushed even more, his face already red, and glanced at the screen, where everyone had their clothes on for the moment. "Why don't we just watch the movie?"

"Sure, Birdie," Gilbert said and settled back in his seat, "But that just means I get to ravish you later."

Matthew shook his head and fiddled with his hoodie to fix it as yet another hot make out scene started. This was going to be a long movie.

Gil is here to lighten to mood! Does the title make sense now? Puns, haha. But I don't mean any disrespect or hate on the 50 Shades of Gray book or movie, it's just my opinions. Anyways, what do you think will happen next? Will Gilbert finally get to "ravish" him? Or will Matt continue in his downward spiral? Things can get better guys, trust me! This just can't happen in a day! (I suppose they could but what kind of writer would I be?) Until next time, my wonderful readers!