He did it. He had voluntarily signed the papers, and now he was here... At a mental hospital. He walked slowly down the hall, trying to hide from the eyes of others around him. For once in his life, people were noticing him. And he didn't like it one bit.

Matthew slipped back into the room where he was staying and sat on the bed. He pulled his knees to his chest and stared at the wall, forcing himself to calm down. He was safe here. He knew that. No one was going to hurt him... He was going to get better. And then... Then he would be happy. Matthew's head dropped between his legs and he giggled. The support group today had been primarily about depression. Those who had it shared their stories if they wanted. Matthew stayed quiet, not ready to share yet. It was only his second day. He still needed time to get used to this.

And he giggled because some people's lives were better than his, some worse. One girl was abused by her boyfriend. Another girl found out she was pregnant and out of shame had tried to end it all. They'd had one big event that had been it for them.

But Matthew, his story was different. His was a series of small events. Being ignored, forgotten, then pushed around and bullied. The stresses of high school, of making friends, keeping friends, trying to seem happy. He frowned now. He would never tell his story, or maybe he would tell it tomorrow. Who knew. Everyone had told him- the nurses, doctors, psychiatrists, patients- that if he wanted out, then he had to want to get better. He had to want to make an effort. He had to eat, participate, play by the rules.

There were so many rules here. No touching other people in any way, don't go into other patients rooms, take your medicine when you are supposed to, follow the daily schedule, don't have any sharp objects or anything you could harm yourself with. Then there was don't try to escape, try to make friends, try to open up and share... Eat at every meal. There were a few special rules for Matthew. Being a minor suicide risk, he was checked on every 15 minutes. Being anorexic, he had to be supervised at meals to make sure he ate, then sit outside his room in case he decided to throw it up. Like he would ever do that. Gross.

"Hey, Matt," a voice said from his doorway. He looked up to see a 10- year- old girl named Emma peeking her head in his doorway. She held up a deck of cards. "Wanna play war?"

He smiled slightly and nodded, getting up. He followed her to the open area where there were a few tables. On shelves there were decks of cards, a few safe board games, and lots of books. In the area was the nurses station, with the patients rooms lined on the other side. In the open area were also a few comfy chairs and one TV. One. But no fighting was allowed, though most people could easily agree on a program peacefully. Down the hall was the cafeteria, and down the other way was the bathrooms and showers.

Emma sat at one of the tables and dealt the cards while Matthew sat on the other side. She slid the cards over and smiled. "Okay flip!" she said and they flipped their cards at the same time. Matthew had a 7 but she had a Jack, so she won the round.

She giggled, "I'm gonna beat you this time."

"I don't know about that," Matthew said. They had played twice yesterday after he had arrived and settled in. He'd beaten her both times, but she didn't mind.

"Ha, king!" Emma said, taking the cards again. They flipped their next cards and as Emma won another round she looked at him. "Why are you here? You haven't said anything in group, but you don't eat much. So is that why you're here?"

"Partially," Matthew said, finally winning a around. He slid the cards over the table to his side. "There's a lot of things that have happened to me, but I'll get better."

"You should eat more, or they won't let you go."

"I know. I'm trying, it's just so hard after not doing it for so long," he explained.

She nodded. "You should say something at group tomorrow, it will be good for you," she said.

"I might," he said noncommittally, and won another round.

Except right before they started they were going to flip the last cards in their decks, she stared intently at the wall then started screaming.

"Emma?" he had asked and turned to look but only saw the wall.

She only screamed and started crying, running away. The nurses quickly got to her and took her to her room to calm her down.

"She's schizophrenic," another girl who looked about 15 said. Matthew looked at her and noticed she flinched when he turned so quickly. He found out today at group that she had been abused by her boyfriend.

He learned that everyone here was different. Everyone had a story, and no one's was the same. He didn't know why, but it interested him. Maybe he could do something like this. He could study psychology and help kids like himself in places like this. He could make a difference in people's lives. The nurses and doctors here were so nice to them. Matthew, being 17, was the oldest here. Another few months and he would have been put with the adults. He didn't think he could deal with that. But most of the kids here were very kind.

When he got here, he expected nothing like this. He'd expected them to be isolated in their rooms, people screaming and attacking others. But no, everyone here seemed fairly normal. Sure there were a few instances like Emma's, but the nurses always got everything under control within seconds. They saw everything. He kind of liked it, being watched, noticed, someone having an interest in him. Even though it had only been two days, he liked it here. He was actually getting help. True, he wasn't participating in group or individual therapist discussion, and true he wasn't eating much, but he felt almost happy. The stress of the outside world had left and all he had to focus on was getting better.

He started putting the cards back in a stack, thinking about the game. War was a game of chance. You don't know what you have until you flip it over. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, and sometimes you tie. When you tie, you flip another set of cards and do this until there is a tie breaker. Then one person wins all the cards and the other is left with nothing. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, but you can always try again. Life is exactly the same, Matthew realized.

Life is a game of chance. And sometimes you're not going to like the outcome but... There's always the chance to change that. You can shuffle the deck, deal the cards, and hope you got all the good ones. But you won't always have the good ones. Matthew reshuffled the deck of his life, and he was hoping for the good ones. And maybe, just maybe, he got a few.

Later that day was visiting hours. Not everyone got visitors, and certainly Matthew was not expecting any, so that was why he was surprised when a nurse got him from his room, saying he had a visitor. He followed her curiously and saw Alfred sitting at a table, looking around in astonishment. Matt sat in front of him and his brother stared at him.

"Bro, this place looks so cool. Not scary at all. Except I was interrogated before I was allowed in, but hey, I'm clean... Well they took my phone but I'll get it back when I leave," he said and smiled, "Oh and I brought some clothes so you don't gotta wear hospital stuff or whatever." He slid a few pairs of clothes across the table. "So how are ya?"

"Um, better, I guess..." Matthew said quietly, setting the folded articles in his lap, "I'm on some meds, they're making me eat, and go to therapy sessions."

"So, pretty good. You'll be out in no time, probably the end of the week."

"I guess. But it's kind of nice here. I mean, it's different, there's all these things I can and can't do, but I actually feel pretty safe here."

"No mean, scary nurses?"

"Well, there is one nurse like that but the rest are really nice," Matthew said.

Alfred smiled. "Cool. Do they have electric shock chairs and padded rooms and straight jackets?"

"No, no, and no," Matthew said, "There is shock therapy, but they don't kill you. And there are restraints if you try to hurt yourself or someone, but I haven't so I don't need them." A nurse walked by so he had to lower his voice even more. He wasn't sure if he could get in trouble for talking about that, but he wasn't going to chance it.

"Weird," Alfred said and looked around, "everyone looks so normal."

"Everyone is normal, Al. Just some have issues they need to sort out," he said and Alfred nodded, "So where are dad and papa?"

"They're, um, busy," Alfred said.

Matthew sighed, "They don't want to see me, do they?"

"They do, they're just not sure how you'll react. They don't wanna upset you or anything, I guess."

"Tell them to come tomorrow," Matthew said, "I won't be mad, because I'm not."

"Can do," Alfred said and proceeded to tell him about the outside world and what he'd missed for two days.

Soon, Alfred had to leave and his brother hugged him tightly, earning a sharp look from a nurse, which they both ignored.

After visiting hours, he returned with his clothes to his room then settled down with a book. He was allowed three books in his room at once and his door was never allowed to close fully. He had a roommate, but he was gone at the moment. So Matthew read peacefully for 15 minutes, until a nurse poked her head in. He looked up and offered a weak smile. She nodded, checked something on her clipboard, and walked to the next room. If he kept this up, checks would get extended to 30 minutes.

After half an hour of reading, and another group discussion on today's rules, they lined up for their medicine. Matthew received 4 pills, but he had no idea what they were for. He guessed one was to help stabilize he sleep schedule. Without complaint as he had on the first night, he swallowed the pills with a glass of provided water, and slipped back to his room, where he curled up with his book and fell asleep within the hour.

Wake up at 7, get ready for the day, make the bed, etc. 7:30, get vitals checked. 8:00, eat breakfast while a nurse stared. Matthew stared back, slowly eating his cereal. Every bite had maybe two pieces of cereal on it and the nurse makes a note of this. He isn't sure if this counts as progress or not. 8:30, sit outside his room with a book while the nurse continues to stare. He must keep those 20 pieces of cereal inside him. 9:00, morning group meeting to discuss goals for today. Matthew chooses to finish his book and eat more at lunch. 10:30, one-on-one meeting with his psychiatrist. Usual routine of questions: how are you feeling, how much are you eating, have you had any suicidal thoughts since yesterday, did you have any dreams? Et cetera, et cetera. 11:30, lunch. Pizza, which he ate most of. Once more he sat outside his room for half an hour, reading.

12:30, group activity and talking about problems. Today they had to "sculpt their feelings" with play dough. Matthew rolled it into a hollow ball and when asked what it meant he said, "It's how hollow I feel inside and how pointless this activity is." He then smashed the ball flat and stared at the therapist with cold eyes. He was 17, he shouldn't be playing with freaking play dough. He was here for actual help. 1:30, a lady comes in to talk about bipolar disorder in what Matthew has learned to call the Common Area, or the Commons for short. He can hear her from his room but mostly ignores her since he doesn't have that. 3:00, snack time, in which Matthew actually ate half an apple. 3:30, exercise, where everyone went outside to the playground if they were deemed stable enough. Matthew sat on the swings the entire time.

5:00, dinner, where Matthew ate a salad and some weird tasting spaghetti with short noodles. 6:00, visiting hours on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday for 2 hours. His parents showed up this time. It was very tense and awkward.

"How are you doing?" Arthur asked.

"Better."

"You're not mad at us or hate us, right?" Francis asked.

"Nope."

"Will you come home after this?" Arthur asked.

"Yes."

"We love and care about you," Francis said.

"Thank you, but maybe you should show it more often."

"We're sorry this happened. Especially the way it did," Arthur said.

"It's fine."

"Tu nous manques," Francis said.

"Vous me manques aussi," Matthew replied. He was happy his parents showed up... Well as happy as one can get when they're in a mental hospital for depression. Yet he wished Alfred could have come too, but seeing as it was a Saturday, he was probably busy. They talked a little more, but they didn't stay the full two hours like Al did, which didn't bother him too much.

8:00, end of the day group meeting. Discuss if you met your goals. Matthew ate more, but he had a few chapters left of his book, which he would finish tonight. 9:00, medication. Lineup and get your drugs after a long day. Then enjoy some free time. 11:00, lights out. Sorry insomniacs.

That was generally what Matthew's day consisted of. There was a lot of structure, but also a lot of free time to be bored and do as you please, as long as it is safe. There were no surprises because of the schedule, even a few outbursts here and there weren't too worrisome. But on Monday, he received a call.

The nurse called him over to the phone, which he picked up curiously. "Hello?" he asked, thinking maybe it was Al. The line was silent for a few moments before the caller started speaking. When they did, his heart skipped several beats. And suddenly he was having a panic attack.

Translations (Helped with by my friend fangirl103)-

Tu nous manques- We miss you

Vous me manques aussi- I miss you, too

So here we have Matthew in a mental hospital, trying to get better. Now, I've never been in one, but I do know that all are different from each other. I have friends that told me about their stays and I've read other accounts online. Does it seem realistic enough? Because that's what I was trying to accomplish. Anyways, I leave you with a *gasp* cliffhanger. Who could it be!? I know who it is, but you'll all just have to wait to see! And on that note, this is the second to last chapter! There will be one more chapter, plus an epilogue. Thank you all for staying with me thus far and I hope you will for the end!

One last thing. I did a thing with this chapter title and the last one, so look at that if you wish!