It took some effort to open his eyes. He wondered why, when he slowly remembered. He'd been given a sedative because he was having a panic attack. And a bad one at that. He had dropped the phone and fallen on the floor, clutching his heart, panting and shaking. He couldn't get himself under control, he couldn't even see straight. It seemed like it lasted hours, but it may have been barely a minute before a nurse gave him a shot in the butt and he was out cold.
He sat up and noticed his door was wide open, so the nurses could see him. One noticed he was awake and was at his bed in seconds, asking how he felt. He felt fine, calm. He remembered then what caused the panic. It was the person on the phone. He made sure to keep calm and breathe. He hugged himself and exhaled. "Gilbert," he whispered, then looked up at the nurse, "I want to see him. I'll be fine."
The nurse nodded and told him that it was almost dinner, so he should be getting there. He realized that he'd been out for over an hour. By the time he dragged himself out of bed, dinner was starting, so he grabbed some food and sat. The usual nurse sat with him and told him that he was doing very good on eating. He knew he was. This morning during vitals, he found he weighed a whooping 124. Two pounds he had gained in 5 days. He knew there was weight gaining stuff in his food, but there wasn't much he could do about it. There also wasn't any full body mirrors he could look in, but he could tell that he was getting fatter. He could feel it every time he swallowed.
But if this is what it took to get better, then he would do it. He would play by the rules. And he'd win this round of life.
He went through the day, thinking about what he would say to Gilbert. 'I'm sorry' didn't seem like enough, no matter how many times he could say it. 'I didn't mean it' was just lying. At that time, he had meant it, but now he regretted all of it. He figured either Gilbert would talk, or Matthew would have word vomit and tell him everything. Hopefully something like that.
He didn't even know why Gilbert would want to see him after what he said, then ignoring him, and then basically breaking up with him by letting Natalia have him. One of the worst mistakes he'd ever made was that. He hoped Gilbert wasn't coming just to yell at him, because even though he was now 'stable', he felt like he could fall apart all over again if Gilbert yelled and said he hated him. But the way he sounded on the phone didn't sound like he was mad. He seemed in shock, nervous, confused. But not angry. Matthew contemplated this during group and free time.
He kept checking the clock, yearning to see him, but at the same time terrified. The clock ticked closer and he fought an internal battle. Hurry up time, go! No, no slow down, stop! His mind was yelling back and forth.
As 6 pm rolled around, Matthew waited for Gilbert to show up. Every time the elevator opened, he leaned forward expectantly, only to see another person, another stranger. No albino with red eyes. No Gilbert. He looked at the clock on the wall. 6:27. There was still an hour and a half. He made himself calm down before he freaked out again.
And finally, finally, at 6:34, Gilbert stepped off the elevator.
Matthew watched as if in a dream. He couldn't believe it. Gilbert looked around then finally locked eyes with him. And slowly, he walked over, Matthew standing still.
They stood in front of each other for a minute, Gilbert beyond nervous, and Matthew trying not to panic again. He heard Gilbert take a steadying breath. "Matthew..." he said then looked down, wringing his hands together nervously. Matthew watched him, not moving, not saying a word. "I'm sorry."
"What?" Matthew whispered, his voice tiny and breathless. Gilbert shouldn't be apologizing to him! It should be the other way around.
"I... I tried to understand what you're going through, I tried to help. But I didn't know what to do to help you. I didn't- no, I don't understand," his eyes scanned around the room, avoiding Matthew's gaze, "I don't think I ever will. So you were right, I am an 'egotistical, narcissistic asshole'... I remember exactly what you said to me, because you're right... And I'm sorry."
Matthew shook his head, tears in his eyes. "No, don't say sorry, it's my fault. I-I'm an idiot. I yelled at you a-and I shouldn't have and I'm the worst person ever," his voice was rising but he tried to keep it down. If he got too worked up, they would make Gilbert leave. "I'm sorry, Gil. I'm so so so sorry and I can't say it enough. I know you tried to help but I was too stupid to know I needed it. A-And..." He broke down and started crying. If they wanted Gilbert to leave, they would have to pry him from his cold, dead fingers. He closed the few steps between them, flinging himself into Gilbert's arms. He was completely violating the no touching rule, but he didn't care.
"Shh, Birdie, don't- don't cry," Gilbert said, sounding like he was holding back his own tears.
"Gil, I-I love you," he confessed, holding him tighter, afraid he would leave, and at the same time overjoyed that he was here.
"I love you too, Birdie. My Birdie," Gilbert said and laughed a little as he finally let the tears go, but they were happy tears.
It must have been quite a spectacle, really. The nurses stood nearby, but no one actually tried to pull them apart. And if they did, if anyone tried to take Gilbert from him, he would probably need to be sedated.
After a few minutes, they let go of each other and wiped their eyes. Matthew glanced around and saw that the entire room had been staring. He blushed slightly and quickly sat at a table with Gilbert. Pretty soon, everyone went back to their own business as the boys talked.
"Will you tell me what happened? I want to know everything since after school that day, if you're willing to tell me," Gilbert prompted gently.
Matthew nodded and stared at the table as he recounted everything that happened. When he decapitated his bear, when his family tried to have an intervention. Then when he saw Natalia, when he stayed the night in the park. When he woke up in the hospital, talked with Alfred, when the nurse was kind and the doctor was cold. When he was transferred here, what he'd done, when Al and his parents visited. And every single panic attack and breakdown, including from when Gilbert had called.
Gilbert listened silently the whole time. It was a change. When they'd first met, Gilbert did all the talking, and Matthew listened. They had both agreed to help each other and unknowingly, they did. Matthew talked for nearly an hour, trying not to leave out any details, Gilbert not even interrupting once. By the time he was done, he was sure that was more than he'd ever talked throughout his entire life combined.
Gilbert cracked a smile when he finished. "So that's why Natalia thought she was with me," he said then his smile dropped, "Wait, so by telling her she could 'have me', does that mean you broke up with me?"
"It doesn't have to mean that. I-I still want to be with you. I need to," Matthew said, "It was a mistake. A really bad, really stupid mistake."
"Okay, Birdie," Gilbert said, "And she won't bother us anyone. I took care of it."
"Took care of it? You didn't kill her, did you?"
Gilbert laughed. "No, I hired a hit man, obviously," he grinned and Matthew's heart melted at the look. He had missed Gilbert's teasing grin so much. "Kidding. Remember how we talked about Ivan? Well, I talked to him and after he threatened to hit me with some pipe for hurting his sister, he agreed, and I haven't seen her since."
"He threatened you with what?" Matthew gaped.
"It was like this water pipe that he just had stuffed into his bag. And let me tell you, that family belongs in here more than you do."
"I actually kind of like it here," Matthew said, "It's safe. No one has tried to hurt me or call me names."
"That's good. I just don't want you to stay here forever."
"I won't. I think I'll be out in a few days."
"I'll visit you every day I can," Gilbert promised. Matthew looked at the clock and realized it was almost 8:00 already.
"I don't want you to leave at all," Matthew protested, willing the clock to slow.
"I know, Birdie, but I'm getting the evil eye from those nurses, so I should get going."
"Bye, Gil," Matthew said and they lightly brushed their fingers together as they stood. Matthew wanted to hug him and kiss him, but they couldn't, so this would have to do. He stood and watched Gilbert walk onto the elevator. Gilbert turned and formed his fingers into a heart, holding it out in front of him and grinning. Matthew smiled and did the same, forming his fingers into a heart. Then the doors slid shut and Gilbert was gone.
He decided that during group time tomorrow he'd open up. He'd share his story. He told Gilbert and should tell others as well. He also decided that he would really make an effort to get better. For Gilbert.
He went to the end of the day group meeting and all he thought about was Gilbert. Right after that was free time, so he played cards with Emma.
"Was that your boyfriend?" she asked, dealing the cards.
"Yea," Matthew smiled. He was aware that since he'd started coming here, he'd been smiling more. Actually smiling.
"The nurses and everyone was watching you two. I heard one say that they were going to break you apart but the other told her to just wait cause you were working some stuff out and that was important. Was she right?" Emma asked as she picked up her cards.
"She was completely right," Matthew said, picking up his own cards, "He's the reason I want to get better."
"You'll be together forever, I just know it," Emma smiled happily.
"How do you know?" Matthew asked.
She looked around suspiciously and leaned over the table, cupping her hand on one side of her mouth. "I heard it. It was the shadowy guy with a weird hat that was next to me when you two were hugging," she whispered, "don't tell anybody about him, I think he's nice and I don't want him taken away like all the bad ones."
Matthew nodded and she sat back. He felt a little bad for her, but knew one day she would be better. It was only a matter of time. They played a few card games talking about random things and distracting themselves from thinking too much.
At 11:00, Matthew lay in the darkness, thinking since there were no distractions. Tomorrow during group, Matthew knew he would share. And everyone would listen and care because everyone's story was different and important. He knew some would feel bad for him, while others would try to one- up him, like it was some kind of sick competition for most messed up. He cuddled up with Kumagyro- one of the few things he was allowed to have in his room- and fell asleep.
"I guess... I guess it all started when I was born. And I know that's a really cheesy thing to say, but it's true," Matthew spoke in group. He was here, he was going to tell his story. His voice was clear, confident, and he sounded just like a normal person. "I'm a twin and our mom gave us away when we were just a few days old. We don't know why, but in any case, we were put into the system. We went from foster homes to temporary homes. Many people looked at us for adoption, but no one wanted twins. Alfred grew up faster than me because he wanted to protect me. He was loud, confident, and protective. I was quiet and shadowed him. When we were 5, we were being adopted by a gay couple. By that time, I only spoke to Alfred. We knew no one cared for us, we knew we would be gone in days. But for the first time, someone wanted both of us, and we stayed with them.
"Throughout school, since I barely spoke, I was ignored and invisible. By middle school, Alfred was picking fights, and I got beat up because we looked almost identical. Then in high school, freshman year, I gave an effort to try. I wasn't used to speaking in front of people, I didn't have any friends, so I stuttered. And I got beat up for that. Alfred started playing sports and quickly became popular, forgetting about me like everyone else. The last two years, Alfred's grades fell because of all the sports he was playing. He messed around with the guys and still got into fights occasionally. I don't know how but I was beat up every single time. And then one day this year... one day I met Gilbert. The one person that cares for me. The one person that I love. And he thought he could make things better..."
Matthew spoke, crying through rough parts of his life, recounting repressed memories. Since he kept everything so bottled up, it all just poured out. No one complained as he spoke for the majority of group, no one interrupted. Emma looked on sadly, watching him, reminding him there were good people in the world.
And to think, all this started with a wrong number.
The End! Aww look how things turned out! Matthew is getting better, he has a more positive outlook on life because of Gilbert. But we can't just leave it here, right? Of course not! There will be an epilogue, yes, one more chapter, how exciting. It's weird how I originally had planned to kill Matthew off but then I realized I had to see him get better. So, yay for all of you! And if I had this would have been like 12 chapters long at most.
Also, I never actually said who Emma was. It's Belgium! How cute! I think she plays a very small but very important part of this story. Aaand it's the two month- anniversary of this story! Thanks to everyone who has read from the beginning, or is reading as of a chapter ago, and even those who are discovering this two years in the future! You're all awesome!