A/N: So... hopefully everyone hasn't abandoned ship after last night's clusterfuck of an episode. I know they're trying it right now, but I'm just gonna try and write my way through it. I hope everyone else does, too!

In more positive news, I just can't say enough about the kind feedback from you guys on the last chapter. I always hope I'm doing these people justice (more than we can say for a certain set of TV writers!), and it really means the world to know that you're all with me. jollybelucky, you put such a huge smile on my face, so thank you so much for that. I will be here as long as you guys are!

Madison188, as for Daryl and Sasha, that was never something explicitly stated, so you didn't miss anything, lol. I liked having it implied in the background, but Sasha only confirmed it in the last chapter. Sorry if that was confusing. But I do have a bit more interaction planned for them in the next chapter, so yay!

And lastly, Beth is not gonna die, so worry not, DarylDixon'sLover. In fact, I'm fairly certain no one else will in this story, in case anyone was concerned, haha.

Anywho, I'm talking a lot. Let me let you get to reading! -Ash

17 – Isolation

It was nearing noon when Rick walked into the hospital cafeteria with Judith in his arms. He found Carl, Daryl, and Sasha sitting together at a table, sharing fruit and a few laughs, which he was glad to see. Maggie, Glenn, and Beth were at the other end, pouring water from jugs into bottles, which he found odd, but not enough to mention. And in the kitchen, Carol, Tyreese, and Bob were filling their plates with food. It seemed that everyone from his core prison group was in attendance. Everyone but Michonne.

"Good morning," he greeted the trio that included Carl. "Surprised to see you up before noon," he glanced down at his son. The day before had been insane, but he was handling it so much better than expected.

"I couldn't really sleep," Carl admitted. "I was pretty much just staring out my window all night."

"I was the same," Sasha added tiredly. "I don't know if I'm just not used to having so much space or what, but it feels weird here."

"It is weird here," Rick confirmed with raised eyebrows. "Whatever went on here, it wasn't good. It almost feels like spirits are roaming the halls."

Daryl stared up at Rick, wondering what had him feeling so macabre all of a sudden. Death was everywhere now. Life was what mattered, and he knew that Rick needed to be worried about his with Michonne. She was not a happy camper when they spoke the night before. "You seen Michonne yet?" he asked him nonchalantly.

"I was hoping she was in here," he answered, gazing at his daughter. He knew she didn't want to see him, but thought he may be able to see her if she was up and roaming around.

"She was here earlier," Sasha informed him with a bit of an apology in her eyes. "She decided to leave once people started filing in."

Rick nodded. He hoped she wasn't doing that antisocial thing she did when she first joined the prison. It took a lot for her to pull herself out of that. "I… guess I'll go check her room then."

"Dad," Carl called after him, worried. "Remember what I said, okay?"

He frowned at his son, unsure of what he was referring to. They often said a lot to one another. "Said when?" he thought it best to ask.

"Back at the church…"

Again, they'd said a lot of things back at the church, but he could guess that Carl was referring to when they spoke of whether he loved Michonne. Carl said not to respond the wrong way, but they were past the point of no return by then. He just smiled and nodded. "I'll keep that in mind, son."

He headed out of the cafeteria and down the rather quiet corridor towards Michonne's room. Through the window, he could see her talking to Noah, sharing what he assumed was a much-needed laugh with the teenager. It made him smile to see. He also didn't want to interrupt another moment where she actually seemed to be enjoying herself, but it was Judith who decided to start softly banging on the door upon seeing Michonne.

"Well that's a dirty trick," he grinned down at the infant, as he stepped away from the window. He could see Michonne coming towards them, causing him to look down nervously. He still had no idea how he was going to fix things, but perhaps, standing awkwardly at her door was the only way to start.

She pulled open her door, somewhat surprised to see Rick staring back at her. She thought he understood that she didn't want to be bothered with him for the time being. "Yes?"

"Hey," he greeted her apprehensively as he repositioned Judith in his arms. "I umm… was hoping we could talk."

She glanced back at Noah, who was already shuffling towards them to give them their moment alone. "You don't have to leave," she told him. "We were in the middle of a conversation."

"No, I said all the important stuff," he smiled back at his friend. He gave Rick an oddly encouraging nod and patted him on the shoulder as he made his way between them. "Besides, you said I should go mingle. I think I will."

She nodded as she watched him head down the halls, leaving her in uncomfortable silence with the man she so desperately wanted to not be angry at. But the fact remained, she was, and whatever he had to say likely wouldn't change that. But she would let him try. "Come in," she offered quietly, pinching at Judith's fat little thighs as they passed by.

"I thought you would be at breakfast with everyone," Rick commented, taking a seat in the chair Noah had previously occupied. "Like back at the prison."

"This isn't the prison," Michonne deadpanned, slowly climbing onto her bed. Her body still hurt as much as her soul. "And I know you didn't come in here to make small talk about breakfast, so just spit it out."

"Michonne, I'm sorry," he announced confidently. His eyes scanned hers for any sign of a willingness to forgive him, but he knew he needed to say it whether she did or not. "I reacted badly to a lot of things, and I know that's why you ended up here. I know I didn't do right by you. By us. And I'm sorry," he nodded. "I will never fail to be there for you again."

She scoffed at the idea that he could make such a promise. "Rick, I don't fault you for not being there when I was taken. That could happen to anybody. It happened to Sasha and Beth," she knew. "But it was those moments that came before. When I needed…" Her words trailed off into silence as she truly processed the sequence of events that led them to this place.

"I know," he said softly. "It's all of it."

"It is," she agreed. "And it's just too much." She covered her face with her hands and sighed through her fingers in exasperation. She was so tired. Tired of fighting. Tired of feeling. Just tired. "It's just so much," she said from behind her hands.

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

Rick looked down at Judith, and then back at Michonne. He hated knowing that she had been through this, and that he was in part to blame. He still didn't know what they did to her, but whatever it was, nearly broke her. He nearly broke her. And for someone as strong as Michonne, that was a giant and cruel feat. He was so scared to ask, but he needed to know. "What… happened?" he inquired as cautiously as he could.

With another exhale, she removed her hands from her face to look back at Rick. Her head tilted slightly as her mind decided how she wanted to answer that question. "What happened." She shook her head, not wanting to relive the insanity that was the hospital. Being kidnapped was one thing, but fighting a whole army of deranged people on her own… "What happened," she decided to say instead, "is that I was taken because I let my guard down. I was too busy thinking about you to be concerned about myself. That's what happened."

He rubbed his own face now, becoming frustrated. "So you do blame me."

"I blame myself," she made sure to clarify. "I made my own mistakes, and I'm paying for them."

"Michonne…"

"What, Rick? What do you think you can fix with your words?"

"I don't know," he admitted with a sigh. "I… I mean, nothing, really. But I hoped we could talk through it."

"What you hoped is that you could come in here with a well-worded apology, and your cute little baby to make me smile, and all would be forgiven. That's not how this works."

"Then tell me how it works," he retorted, his voice suddenly full of fire. "What do I do to make you understand that I love you and I am sorry?"

"Show me!" she shouted, startling both Rick and his cute little baby. "Where is this love? I can't see it, I can't touch it. I can't feel it," she spouted passionately. "I can hear it. I can hear some words, but I can't do anything with your words. Not when you've shown me that you're too scared to actually do it."

He hopped up from his chair, more upset than ever. "I came when you needed me!"

"You come when everyone needs you! That's you, Rick. And that's why I love you," she admitted with a sniffle. "But when I really needed you, you sat there and told me that you couldn't. You broke my heart, Rick."

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

A stray tear ran down his eye before he knew it, and Judith had begun to whimper herself. The tension in the room was uncomfortable for everyone, and manifesting through her. "I don't know how to show you how sorry I am."

"I don't either," she shook her head sadly. Her eyes studied his feet as he paced around the large, bright room. "Noah told me… that you and Sasha spoke on the bus," she revealed to him.

His eyes narrowed at the information, unsure of where she was headed with it. "Yeah…"

"He said you called me 'a distraction.'"

"That's not exactly what I said…"

"I'm not saying you said it cynically," she submitted, "but I know that's what you feel. Because I feel it, too. Maybe we are a distraction to one another. Maybe everything is working out the way it had to. The way it was always going to."

"Michonne, no," he contested, moving closer to her. "I said a lot of other things too. Did he tell you any of that?"

"He told me everything he heard," she assured him. "Some things that made me think…"

"Think what," he pressed.

"That maybe… I don't know."

He watched the tears stream down her face and wished so badly that he knew how to fix this. "Tell me. Please."

She shook her head and laid back in her bed. She was done with the conversation. "There's nothing else to say," she answered softly.

He nodded in understanding, not wanting to push her any further than he already had. He couldn't force her to talk. And what would be the good in that? It would only make her dig in. He headed for the door, but not before turning back to watch her for a moment. She didn't hide her tears. She was sad. Or more accurately, she was hurt. And it wasn't by what the people at the hospital had done to her. This was on him.

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try, you'll never know
Just what you're worth

"Can I ask you something?" he requested hopefully. He swallowed hard as he waited for her answer.

"What?"

"When we lost each other after the prison… Did you have any doubts that I would be able to find you?"

She looked back at him with a frown, confused as to what that had to do with anything. "I don't know. A few doubts, but..."

"But you went to that house, knowing that was where I'd look."

"Yeah…"

"And when you ended up here, you knew I would find you, right?"

She wiped at her face as she nodded begrudgingly. "Yes." She heard his footsteps begin to move across the tile floor until he was standing over her. "Get away from me, Rick."

"I just wanted to give you this," he said softly, pulling her gold chain from his pocket. It was one of few clues he had as to the fact that she was taken. It was the thing that made him truly understand how badly he'd fucked up. "I failed you," he declared sadly. "I did. But even then, I didn't give up. I don't give up." He placed the necklace in her open hand and squeezed it shut. "Just remember that."

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes

Her instinct was to snatch her hand away, but his touch brought her a comfort that she hadn't felt since that night. The comfort she'd been longing for when he walked away. And that was when she remembered snatching the necklace off of her neck as she fought for her life. She threw it to the ground, knowing Rick would need something to trace in order to find her. Another reminder of how connected they always were.

"Noah said you wondered why I gave them your name," she started before he could leave the room. "I told myself that it was because I didn't want them to know who I really was."

He turned back to her with that squint in his eyes, obviously wondering what she meant by that. "But you could've given them any name."

"I could have," she agreed. "I also wanted to see if they had you, or Carl. See if they recognized the name at all," she went on. "But mostly? I just wanted to feel like you were with me."

His heart smiled at the small glimmer of hope she'd just given him. He knew that that meant this was salvageable. "I won't let you down, Michonne."

With that, he headed out of the room to leave her be. He understood that he couldn't just make it right with a conversation. And maybe this was a test. Maybe she was trying to see if he would walk away or try harder. But even if it wasn't, he had no intentions of leaving. Last time he did that, he almost lost her for good.

With Judith babbling over his shoulder, he went into the adjacent room and grabbed a chair for himself. He pulled it into the hallway, and placed it right outside of Michonne's door. He took a seat with his daughter, and decided that he would wait. When she needed him, he would be there. And even when she didn't, he would be there. Waiting.

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Lyrics: "Fix You" – Coldplay (X&Y)