Chapter 2
It never occurred to me that a zipper could be that dangerous
12-15-23-0-19-21-7-1-18-0-12-5-22-5-12-19-0-13-1-11-5-0-13-5-0-19-12-5-5-16-25
Excuse me… I- *beep* -san?
"Yes?"
My mom thought me never to jump from tree to a tree with strange men.
…Why are you smirking?
"Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm sure that you know far more about me then I know about you."
Tsk… Stupid cabbage-lover know-it-all.
OI! Don't stare at me while jumping on twigs that can break under our weight at any time and send us to bone-breaking embrace of mother Earth!
"… Scared of heights?"
Scared of falling!
"I won't drop you."
Are you getting some perverted pleasure from having an upper hand, Mr. Rouge Ninja of the Year?
"It's quicker and safer this way."
If you say so.
"..."
...
"..."
Why not walk? I won't run.
"Just be quiet. We'll be there in a minute."
...Fine, ignore my discomfort.
"..."
I rumble when I'm uncomfortable. I can't help it!
"..."
I take that the silent treatment is a 'yes, go on' in standard Uchiha dictionary. You leave me no other choice so I shall sing you the song of my people called '10 little Aka-*beep*' aaaaand here it goes:
Ten little Aka- *beep* went to hunt Jinchu- *beep*
Saso- *beep* got grounded by his Gran,
and Hid- *beep* was buried alive, damned.
How much Aka- *beep* was left?
Eight!
Eight little Aka- *beep* went to hunt Jinchu- *beep*
Kaku- *beep* was off-ed by White F- *beep*- 's son
and Dei- *beep* had himself blown!
How much Aka- *beep* was left?
Six!
Six little Aka- *beep* went to hunt Jinchu- *beep*
Ita-
Ooops, spoiler alert!
"..."
Hey, why'd you stop?
"The bodies are bellow us."
Really? Aaaaa, you monster! I actually looked down!
"I won't let you fall, trust me."
Oh, y-yeah? And why-y should I?
"If what you said was true, Naruto won't be able to come back, thus not be able to help my brother. I do not wish for that to happen."
Oh.
"Will you start then? That... Narrator jutsu?"
I- *clearing throat, embarrassed* I will, but I wish for you to hear me out first, because there are some things you need to know.
"..."
*sigh* Okay, once I start narrating you can't talk to me or stop me. Treat my presence as that of a story teller from children's' books. If you interrupt me – and by 'interrupting' I mean 'attacking' - the story will get broken. Believe me when I say that you really, really, do not wish for that to happen.
"I suppose there would be consequences?"
Those three would either die or forever inhabit the bodies of their hosts.
"And what about you?"
Me? I'm no different from them; I'll either stay like this or, well death would mean someone would know I'm gone… I guess I'd… Vanish? Disappear? Fade out? Experience evanescing first-hand?
"..."
*shrug* I won't let it happen so does it matter?
"No. Is there more?"
They cannot see me, or talk to me since I'll be busy narrating, so you'll have to tell them what happened and how they can move on.
"Alright."
I must warn you to be extremely careful around them. Not that they'll attack- Okay, they might attack you, but not to cause you any bodily harm- no, scratch that. I've meant they won't attack you to kill you or wound you, except for maybe your pride-
Listen, just watch your ass like a pretty boy in prison.
"..."
Fan girls, ya know? Scary little things, so do tread carefully and keep in mind why you need to do this.
"Is that all?"
I... think so...? *beep* -chi-san!
"..."
Good luck.
...Okay, I can do this. I got this! F- *beep* yeah! ... I don't, but I can make it so that I will get it, and then all would be fine... Probably. *sigh*
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or its characters. All the rights belong to Mr. Masashi Kishimoto. Persons mentioned that do not belong in Narutoverse are my own, and any resemblance to real persons is purely coincidental.
This is a fan fiction, made for entertainment not personal gain. Enjoy!
Sun was already sinking toward the horizon over crystal clear summer sky. Forest was void of human presence, which was a rare occurrence in these times of distrust between great ninja nations. This particular place was haunted by its bloody past, hiding its scars under moss and leaves of climber plants. Lush vegetation hid it almost too well, but those with a keener eye could spot rusty shuriken lying all over the place or kunai sticking out of tree trunks like pins.
Itachi Uchiha was a man with such eyes and his appearance disrupted the short-lived harmony of the place. He moved swiftly across branches, coming to a sudden halt when crimson eyes fell on a rather peculiar item.
Underneath the tree he was standing on, a piece of bright orange color could be seen. From his perspective it seemed like nothing more than a strip of cloth; still, the eldest Uchiha knew that the sight was not what it seemed.
When he spotted this anomaly earlier and came to investigate, he confirmed that it was definitely something he didn't expect to see. What shocked him wasn't just the identities of the shinobi, but also the state they were in. Frozen, unmoving, not breathing, yet alive and seemingly unconscious.
He scanned the area looking out for the signs of the attacker. Finding none, he dismissed that idea and searched for any possible trap or its trigger in hope it would help him figure what happened here. Hitting another dead end, he set out on a search of a wider area, looking for someone or something that could've caused this.
Luckily, he didn't waste much time, and soon had found out what had rendered those three useless and left them vulnerable in the wild.
Right now, Itachi Uchiha was putting down all the traps that he had set around the site for protection. Seeing that none of them had been activated in the short while he was away, he felt a rush of relief.
There was one difference that he noticed and processed carefully; blonde hero of Konoha wasn't 'frozen' anymore. Judging by the gentle rise and fall of his chest, the boy was fast asleep.
Uchiha already decided not to approach them until they woke, just to be on the safe side. From his place high up on the treetops, he moved twice more before he found an ideal lookout. The branch he choose hid him well but at the same time gave him a good view on the small clearing bellow, where one and only Uzumaki Naruto was right now drooling on the grass.
Amused by the sight, Itachi leaned his back against the tree, and waited, from time to time scanning the area for possible threats.
Sun sank lower and lower to the horizon as the forest bathed in the vivid sounds life. Then, only four hours before sundown, finally...
"What- no, why am I here...? Why do I sound like... a man?" Came a confused question from behind the rock.
"Aaa, my ass hurts... in all the wrong ways..." Complaint came from the bushes on the left.
"Oh, just great... It's one of those dreams where you get lost in the wild and attacked by some kind of a bea- Eh...? W-what is t-t-this?"
"What is what?" The bushes shook in movement. "And who are you anyway?!"
"I'm S... or I was."
"S? It's me, A! ...or I was! THE HELL IS THIS? WHY AM I DRESSED LIKE THAT B-"
"Guys, relax."
"MY HAIR IS PINK SO HOW CAN I- WHO ARE YOU?"
"A, chill out. It's just me, G. And this must be a dream, so don't burst a vain." The voice from behind of the rock sounded again, this time coming off as amused.
S chuckled, relieved. "Yeah, it must be."
"I don't know about you, but for me this is a FREAKIN' NIGHTMARE!"
"Well, I'm not overjoyed either, but I guess it will be a good story for laughs later..." G tried to calm A down a bit.
"I'll take this as an opportunity. A," sun-kissed blond jumped to his feet, "please allow me to go find Sasuke and rape him. You can watch."
"NO!" Pink haired girl screamed, jumping out from the bushes. "SASUKE IS MY HUSBAND AND HE'LL MAKE ME BABIES! HOW DO YOU- Oh... S, you're... Oh, my my... All the possibilities~"
"Right, ... dattebayo?"
S blinked and both girls-turned-main-characters started to giggle like fan girls they are, as another figure emerged from behind the rock.
"Why do I have to be Sai?" G wore a pout uncharacteristic and unseen on the face of the newest member of team 7. S flashed her-turned-him with a thousand kilowatt smile, holding her-turned-Naruto's thumbs up.
"Looking good there, G."
"I'm Saaaa~i! I'm not looking g- Hooo, damn he sure has nice abs..."
Naruto's smile only became bigger, although it seemed impossible earlier. On the other hand, Sakura's face was displaying a rather strange mix of emotions. She was angry, unsure, jittery and excited all at the same time, but over all frustrated because she didn't know what to do first. So many stuff to do during uncertain amount of time. Dreams are fleeting desires of heart, broken off so easily...
But, then, those two...
"Hey, you think I could do it?"
"Hm? What?"
"Stop fondling yourself and concentrate, you pervert."
"Pot calling kettle black."
"Oh, hush! Now, tell me what'cha think, could I do it?"
"Do what? Sasuke?"
Naruto's jaw dropped, but S quickly recovered, and still not quickly enough to stop the next part:
"If A approves, I don't see why not. You've read enough yaoi to know all the steps- Oh, and if A says yes, could I watch too? SasuNaru is my favorite ship in the anime, so I'd really like if I could see 'real action', if you know what I me-"
"G!"
"What?! A can watch and I can't? That's not faaaair, Dadaaaa~"
"You perverted idiot!" Sai was now sporting a small bump on the back of his head. "I've meant the shadow clone jutsu! Tsk."
Naruto turned around, ignoring the whines of 'it hurts' and 'idiot Dada', closed his eyes and relaxed his posture. Breathing in an out, he raised his hands and recreated the hand signs for the jutsu. It came with a bit of a shock when five seconds later another Naruto appeared in a cloud of smoke.
"Damn, nigga."
Sai stopped his rant, eyes wide as dinner plates, while two Narutos danced and spun around in small celebration.
"I did it! I did it!"
"Cool~ Do Rasengan next! Ra-sen-gan! Ra-sen-gan!"
"Fine, fine! ...Just let me do one thing."
A was pulled out of her musings when the clone appeared, but she just stood silent and watched as the scene unfolded in front of her.
After a victory dance, one of the Narutos got all serious, his shoulders straight and stiff. The answer on the loud request from a rather thrilled G was dismissive and given without much thought. The original Naruto circled around the clone, watching it from all sides, examining him, searching for flaws. Five turns later, S had, almost bashfully placed a hand on the clone's chest.
"What are you doing?" G was blinking innocently, sitting cross-legged on the ground.
Clone stared at the original, eyelids flattering before gulping down and blushing profoundly.
"Do as you wish, but I wanna-"
"Hush," the original put a finger to his lips to silence him. "I'll be gentle, I promise."
"A-alright," clone stuttered, embarrassed.
"THAT SOUNDS SO WRONG!" G rolled on the ground while A just stood there, her mouth agape.
"That's a good boy," S ignored all of the howling laughter from the background, gently caressing the clone's cheek.
"Why do you still continue to-" Sound of a zipper being pulled down stopped all rational thoughts in G's head. "You serious?!"
A was beet red now, her thoughts going into overdrive. How to write this down? How to express the way original's eyes glinted, or clone's small gasps? How to describe gentle shivers that came after insecure caresses of fingers pulled down along exposed chest? How to put into words all the blushing, lip licking, jittering, eye locking, nodding, and... was- Was that a moan?
Writer in A's mind screamed as her perverted mind rejoiced about the sights and all new information it picked up from this, this... make-out session? Both sides, however, didn't even notice when she joined dumbfounded Sai on the ground.
"D-Don't... touch me there... It t-tickles..."
"It does? Where...? Here?"
"Aaanhh~ Y-You idiot... You didn't touch there before, s-so of course it's not that..."
"I know that," original whispered hotly in other one's ear. "I just wanted to touch you there~"
"An underhanded excuse? P-Pervert."
"Just as much as you are, dobe."
On the ground, A chocked on her own drool, which brought her back to her senses.
"What am I doing?! I must find Sasuke and take advantage of him!" She was suddenly yelling and getting up to her feet, wearing a determined look on the face she detested as much as he liked the youngest Uchiha.
"Huh?" Sai looked up, blood running from his nose and down his lips and chin. "You said something?"
"Watching Naruto grope himself is fun, but I want to exploit this as much as I ca-"
"Nnnnnnnghhh~"
"You like this? How cute," original purred against the clone's neck. "All teeth and nails, and rough, sweaty... Where would you like it? On the ground? Against the tree? I could tie you up... and explore you like a cave in Skyrim - up and down and all over in search for treasures..."
"Y-You are too much..."
"Nah, you are... If I'm not careful I might get lost in your deep, hot and moist caverns~"
"S-Stop- Don't- Not in front of them-"
"I don't see anyone but you~"
Clone blushed an even deeper red, his eyes pleading the two stunned shinobi standing not more than few steps further. Moments later, it shuddered and rolled his head backwards, closing its eyes.
"I- I'm starting to feel funny," it breathed out, raspingly, biting down on its lip. "Something is feeling weird d-down... in my s-stomach."
Sai never before displayed such a colorful palette of emotions as he had in that very moment. The nosebleed now raged, ample and steady, down his face and onto the green grass, coloring it red. His face looked paler, but his cheeks were now smeared in gentle shade of pink. Whole of his slim frame shook in excitement and expectation, right leg jittering under the left.
A was shocked out of her mind, since it still grasped the fact that it was actually S who was controlling Naruto's body, and that she was using this situation to grope on the poor Jinchuuriki boy from Hidden Leaf.
That was not fair! She wanted to grope someone too, but in that body... No one liked stupid Sakura. Okay, Lee did but... yuck. Just, no.
And there was also the fact she had spent all this time ogling two Narutos going at it... Maybe if she wished hard enough, Sasuke would appear and take off his clothes and kiss Naru- NO! He can't do that! Not with... this one, at least. The submissive clone would suffice, though. Yeah, just like the one that S now had on his knees right now.
Wait, how far was she planning on going with this?
"C'mon, tell me you want it."
"You are m-my master~"
"Yes?" Original urged him to continue with a gentle, yet purely sadistic smile.
"Dada!" Sai squealed like a girl he was - technically, he really was a girl right now - his eyes firmly shut and covered with hands. "STOP THIS!"
"Why should I?" Question was followed by a joyful cackle. "Does this bother you, son?"
"P-please don't pull my hair," clone whimpered.
"I'm showing off your delicious neck to the world; it wasn't my intention to hurt you, precious," S put a peck on the clone's forehead, a smirk forming on her - in truth, Naruto's - face as she looked at the fidgeting Sai. "Is the sight too stimulating, Sunshine?"
"Do you feel weird down there too?" Puffed out the clone, blushing, now also looking at the pale shinobi. That question, though, produced a more desirable reaction.
"IT DOESN'T! BUT YOU SHOULDN'T DO STUFF LIKE THA-"
"Stuff like what?" Original pulled the clone to his feet, embracing him and hiding his face in the crook of its neck.
"Like hugging, and touching, and biting, and licking, and HUMPING ON EACH OTHER IN PUBLIC! DON'T YOU DARE GETTING NAKED RIGHT HERE AND NOW WHEN-"
"When you actually wanna see it happen?"
"I wanna see!" A admitted, quickly.
"WELL-! I would, but-"
"That was enough for me. You?"
Clone nodded in agreement, smiled toothily and disappeared in a cloud of smoke. S rearranged her clothes and sat down where she stood, cross-legged, ignoring the shocked expressions of her schoolmates.
"What was... all that?" A was first to break the silence.
"A tease."
"And you... You stopped?! Why? Why?!"
"We don't have cigarettes here, so why bother?" S shrugged, plucking grass around her legs in boredom.
"That's your excuse?"
"I'm going to kill her. Here, A, hold my scroll while I bitchslap this idiot."
"Oi, oi, no need for domestic violence. I just wanted to try this out since I've always wondered if Naruto did this with his clones-"
"Of course he didn't! We all know that once the jutsu is released, all of the memories and experience come back to the original!"
"Always so quick to jump to conclusions... I've meant trolling others with the teasing. Or maybe seducing a date or something..."
Silence, but then a gigantic scroll went flying...
"OUCH! Et tu, G, mi fili?"
"You deserved it!"
"It was…" S raised her right fist in the air. "Worth it!"
Scroll – currently, safely held in Sai's hands - was now flying like an official airline, since it had established its point of destination as Naruto's face.
"Don't! You! Dare! Pull! A! Luffy! On! Me! Idiot! Dada!" G yelled between swings.
"I- I wouldn't even think about it!" S tried to dodge the oversized scroll in Sai's hands. "Who better than I knows that you're all hot for Law, not Luffy."
"OH MY (G)ODA! There's no point in arguing with you, is there?"
"Nope."
Sai sighed and the scroll disappeared in smoke, followed by a strange popping sound. Naruto lowered his guard a bit, but not completely; he seemed as if he had some experience with similar situations.
"Are you two done?" A was pissed off, hands crossed angrily under her breasts. "I really don't have time to waste on you two going all S&M on each other!"
"Wha'?"
"I'M NOT SUBMISSIVE! I'VE NEVER ONCE BEEN SUBMISSIVE IN MY LIFE! NOT EVEN TO A TRAFFIC LIGHT!"
"Ahahahahahaha, nice one Dada!"
"Always wanted to say that."
"I know, I know…" G was now wiping the tears from her eyes, while A looked more and more like… Sakura PMS-ing? Background got all purple with blue wiggling lines, and a bright red anime vain popped out, pulsating from time to time. Yeah, right there on Sakura's pronounced forehead, which meant only one thing.
The shit was going down. Really fast.
"I need to find Sasuke. You hear me? I NEED TO FIND HIM. Right NOW!"
Fast as lightning, sounding like a thunder from up close, and making legs numb like an mind-blowing orgasm – that was the force behind Sakura's fist hitting the ground. Only the built-in reflexes of the bodies they occupied saved G and S from getting caught in the aftermath of A's rage. Earth cracked and dust rose like water ripples all around the enraged pinkette who panted heavily, then coughed and gasped like an asthmatic having an attack.
"Hey, A, you alright?! A!"
"I'm-" another series of violent coughs, "I'm sorry, guys… I'm not myself… Mentally, no… Literally!"
"Maybe you should eat a Snickers," G stated blankly.
"Very funny," A rolled her eyes, dusting off her clothes.
"Oh, my, a comeback worthy of a troller! You made Dada proud today, Sunshine," S joke-cried.
"It's okay, A. No one was hurt and that's what matters," G ignored the blonde idiot still faking tears as well as A's reaction. "We should talk about what do we do next, so come here… Ground doesn't look all that safe around you."
"Fine," A agreed with a small shrug and jumped twice before landing not far from the two who were already – in tune with their inner laziness – sitting on the grass. Slightly drained from her earlier lash-out, she sat down too; 'can't beat them join them' seemed like a right strategy around that fake father-son duo.
"So…" G hugged her knees. "What do we do?"
"Uchihas?" S was quick to chip her 5 cents in.
"Don't say it like that!"
"I agree."
"Huh?"
"I agree. Let's do them."
"A!" G sounded flustered. "We can't just go around and rape men!"
"In my dream – yes we can! Especially if the men in question are dark-haired lumps of pure essence of sexiness."
"Yeah, I know! But, it's against the law-"
"She wants to say they'll struggle-"
"I like them feisty!" A squealed, little hearts flying around her.
"Look, G, later on we can always say we were worried for the continuation of Uchiha family line," S fought the case.
"YES! LET'S MAKE UCHIHA BABIES!" A was too eager to describe.
"See? She wants to help the noble cause. Why wouldn't you, son? Don't you like Itachi?"
G hid her face in her knees, blushing like mad, mumbling something that sounded like 'yeah'.
"I'm sure Itachi will like you too."
"But I'm a boy," G whined, pulling on her – or better say Sai's – cheek.
"I want twin boys first!" A (trapped in Sakura's body) was actually somewhere closer to cloud nine.
"So what? A wig and three beers, and you'll be a girl to that light-weight."
"Even after six beers, he'll see the difference!"
"He has a bad sight."
"He has a Sharingan!"
"Well, I don't need one to know he's gay!"
"Whoa!" A heard that one… no surprise there.
"What was that?" Naruto was on his feet.
"Huh?"
"Guys, didn't you hear that sound like crackling of burning wood?"
"Hey! Don't try to change the subject now!" G frowned.
"Seriously, I can even smell it now! What?! Don't stare at me as if I did something wrong." Silence. "...Maybe I should go check it out."
"I'll go with you!" A was on her feet too.
"Eh, no, no, you better stay here, A. I'll just go over there quickly and see if the wood's burning or something, then come back-"
"You don't want me to go? But what if Sasuke is there!"
"No way. He's always either chasing Orochimaru's ass or Naruto's-" Then it downed on her. "Oh, yeah… I'm Naruto now."
A winked and urged S to start walking. "I'll make sure I'm always behind you so if Sasuke ever came after your ass, I catch him first!"
"But, but… A, you see, I- After checking I wanted to… relieve myself of extra fluids… You know, to water the grass, err~"
"Can I see it?"
"What?" Naruto's whole frame shrunk inwardly a bit.
"You know… That," Sakura's eyes suggestively moved lower.
"NO!"
"Why not? We're all girls here."
"But I have a man's body!"
"Which isn't yours so any shortcoming is strictly his. No need to feel shame if its… unsatisfying."
"I'm not showing you Naruto's package and that's that!"
"But I need to know! C'mon! Make a small sacrifice for my art!" A followed after outraged S deeper into the forest and through the foliage.
"Don't follow me," came a muffled bark.
"I just need to go to the toilet too," was the response.
Above, in the safety of the leaves, Itachi Uchiha took out one of his kunai and carved a few signs on the tree bark. After finishing, he moved to another tree, leaving the note that clearly said: "I'll do this once."
Down under, A looked and made the startled S make a beginner's mistake; she pulled up the zipper too quickly.
Blood-curling scream that filled the forest after that sent the birds flying over the sunset sky…
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