Derek's family ended up going home a couple of days later, and things were back to their version of normal. Spencer would pop in to the coffee shop a couple times a day, and they had a couple more sleepovers. Derek also had the pleasure of explaining New Year's Eve traditions to Spencer.

"So, it's about kissing?" Spencer asked.

Derek shook his head, handing him a cup of coffee before sitting across from him in the coffee shop, relaxing. "It's not just about kissing. People have New Year's Eve parties and it's tradition to stay up until midnight, watch the ball drop, and if you can, have a midnight kiss."

Spencer raised an eyebrow, confused. "So do you kiss someone who matters, or is it just a 'well, you're here, so we might as well' sort of thing?"

Derek laughed to himself. "I don't know about you, but I don't want to be kissing any strangers."

Spencer gave him a small smile. "Me either. And spending the holiday with you could mean that I don't need to spend the night at JJ's party she's insisting on throwing."

"See? Spend the night with me and time away from the big sister. What do you say?"

Spencer clicked his tongue. "I say 'I think I'm ready for you to teach me about a new tradition'."

Derek grinned. "Looking forward to it. Tomorrow, I get off at 2:00. Come by my place around 3:00?"

"Want me to bring Chinese food?"

"Sounds perfect."

The following afternoon, Spencer showed up at Derek's apartment, a large brown bag in hand.

"I wasn't sure what I should get for Chinese food, so I sort of grabbed some of everything good," he explained, stepping inside and setting the bag on the table, unpacking it.

"Fine by me," Derek said, closing the door and walking over, looking through. "So, JJ's having a New Year's Party?"

"Unfortunately." He walked to the kitchen, taking out some plates and forks. "The phrase 'I already have plans' slipped out, and then that afternoon you told me we could spend it together, so technically, I wasn't a liar."

"Good thing. What were you thinking we should do tonight while we wait for midnight?" he asked, taking out some chicken fingers and putting them on his plate.

Spencer clicked his tongue. "I may have brought some movies that would make for a good marathon?"

"And what's your definition of 'good', dare I ask?"

He put up a finger, going through his bag and holding them up. "Does Marvel suffice?"

"I believe it does."

Shortly before midnight, Spencer turned to Derek.

"So the tradition is the midnight kiss, correct?"

Derek nodded. "Yes sir."

"So whoever it is can be your first kiss of the new year, and it's supposedly a symbol or a sign of good luck for the coming year?"

"...Yes?"

Spencer thought it over, furrowing his brow. "But what about your last?"

Derek looked at him, confused. "Excuse me?"

"Well, technically, shouldn't someone who matters to you be your last kiss of one year and the first kiss of the next?"

Derek shrugged slightly, grabbing the remote and switching over to the TV to watch the ball drop. "I suppose so."

Spencer moved closer, checking the timer at the bottom of the screen and tilting his head up, capturing Derek's lips with his.

Derek smirked, pulling back. "And that was…?"

"Your last kiss of this year. You're welcome for it not being your dog," he said, patting Derek's cheek.

Derek chuckled. "Thank you." He watched as the clock counted down to midnight, and when it finally stopped, he bent his head down, pressing his lips against Spencer's and smiling. "Happy New Year."

"Happy New Year," Spencer said, grinning. "Now, do you really want me driving home at midnight, when New Year's Eve is second to the Thanksgiving holiday with the most drunk driving incidents?"

Derek shook his head. "Of course not. Go get your bag, I'm going to take Clooney for a walk."

"Fair enough."

Over the next couple of weeks, Derek saw Spencer a lot more often than he usually did. It was quickly becoming clear to him that Spencer was definitely not handling his time away from school well at all. He would show up at the coffee shop more often than he usually did, and linger around, watching Derek work or reading a book to pass the time. When Derek would suggest watching some Doctor Who or movies at home, Spencer would say he's seen all the episodes or had no interest, then go back to reading.

Penelope walked up to Spencer's table one afternoon, setting his drink in front of him. "Should I get you an application?"

"...Excuse me?" he asked, tucking a bookmark into his page and looking up at her.

She took the seat across from him. "I've seen you in this coffee shop more than I've seen Hotch in the past week, and he runs the place. What does that tell you?"

He thought before shrugging. "Emily's in town and didn't tell you?" he suggested. "Maybe he's taking time off to be with his son?"

"Both possible outcomes," she said. "Though I think your reasoning for being here is the delicious piece of chocolate behind the counter."

He closed the book. "And so what if it is?"

She got up, patting his head. "You keep enjoying the view, I'll keep a smile on my face and stay cheery."

He gave her a thumbs up before opening up his book, going back to it.

When Spencer wasn't at the coffee shop, he was spending his time at the library. He would come back to the coffee shop with several books in his bag, before heading home to read them, and more likely than not take another trip to the library later in the day. One time when he'd come in with a stack of eight books, Derek joked that he'd read those in no time, then finish the entire library in a week. Spencer mock laughed at this, telling him he'd be staying away from the romance novels and the teenage novels with vampires or werewolves, as he couldn't quite understand that trend.

There were some days where Spencer would bring Derek lunch, either homemade or bought, and he'd spend his lunch with him. More often than not, it would result in a conversation that ended with one of them suggesting the other should stay over that night. Because of this, they were going out on dates more often and getting to know each other even better than they already did. Derek knew it had only been four months, but it already felt like he knew Spencer forever and was ready to be with him so much longer.

One afternoon while Spencer was at the library, Penelope turned to Derek.

"So how goes it?" she asked, wiping down the counter.

"How goes what?"

"You and the loverboy."

He set down the coffee pot he was cleaning, turning to her. "Why do you ask?"

She sighed, setting down her coffee pot. "Because I'm bringing Sam to the coffee shop in a couple of days to show him where I work, which means you can finally meet him?" she offered.

He smiled to himself. "Well, if I finally get to meet the mysterious Sam, I suppose you can know a few details."

"And what's your definition of a 'few'?" she asked, making air quotes.

He shrugged. "Everything's going really great with us." He picked up a sleeve of cups, restocking them. "He met the family, they absolutely love him, he's spent the night a few times a week for the past month or so, we go on dates pretty often, and it's just… it's really good."

"You said the same thing about that girl you dated a few years ago to 'try it out'," Penelope reminded him. "What makes this different?"

He took out some lids, clicking his tongue. "I don't know how to explain it. He's just… special."

"And by special, you mean?"

"I mean, I know it's early and all, but I see Spencer lasting a really long time."

She stilled, tapping her fingers against the counter and nodding. "I see."

He raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

She shrugged slightly, wiping off the counter and throwing her rag in the sink, washing her hands.

"You're staying quiet?!" he leaned against the counter. "Seriously? I've known you for years and never known you to stay quiet on any subject, let alone my love life. Come on, out with it."

She cleared her throat, straightening up and looking over at him. "I mean, you've only been with Spencer for a few months. How do you know it's that serious?"

"...Because I do?"

She sighed. "I'm just saying. He's been serious with someone before and it didn't end well, so I wouldn't put all of your eggs in his basket."

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

She licked her lips before continuing. "It's not a good subject, but his name was Julian, he was you a few summers ago, and it didn't end well, so getting too serious doesn't sit well with him. I mean, this could be different, or it could all be the same. I don't know. I just figured you should know."

Before he could ask another question, she busied herself with cleaning up around the shop, which left Derek to think about what she'd said.

When Spencer had come in for a drink a couple of hours later, Derek turned to him while Penelope made his drink. "Can I ask you something?"

Spencer shrugged. "You can ask me anything," he said, handing him his credit card.

Derek tapped it against the counter for a few seconds before swiping it. "...Who's Julian? You've never mentioned him before."

Spencer paused, then glared at Penelope, before turning to Derek. "Tonight, dinner, your place? I'll bring it and I'll explain everything."

"...Okay?" Derek said, handing him his drink.

Spencer gave Penelope another look before holding his drink up, walking out of the shop and closing the door behind him.

Later that night, Derek was sitting with Clooney when there was a knock on the door. He walked over, opening it, and Spencer pushed past him, setting bags on the table.

"I wasn't sure what you were in the mood for," he started, unpacking the bags, "so I guess I just went with what I thought you'd want."

Derek closed the door. "Hello to you too." He walked to the kitchen, sitting across from Spencer. "You okay?"

Spencer nodded slightly. "I'm fine, I'm great, I'm fantastic." He walked into the kitchen, taking out silverware and glasses, grabbing a bottle of wine from the fridge and setting everything on the table. "Is Penelope working tomorrow?"

Derek shook his head. "I'm working, but she has the day off, why?"

"No reason." Spencer sat back down, opening his tray and picking up his fork. "We'll talk after we eat, fair?"

"... I guess. If you don't want to, we don't have to."

Spencer shook his head. "I said we would, and I said I'd explain everything. I'll do it."

Derek looked at him, confused, before shrugging. "If you say so."

After dinner, Spencer sat on Derek's couch with a glass of wine, occasionally tapping his finger against it and sighing, thinking to himself.

"...Everything okay in here?" Derek asked, sitting beside him.

He nodded, swallowing. "Have you ever had something in your past that should just always stay there, more specifically, a someone?"

"Unfortunately, yes." He reached out, taking the wine glass and setting it on the table. "Does this have anything to do with what Penelope mentioned to me earlier today?"

"Yeah," Spencer put plainly, clearing his throat and setting the wine glass down. "It's about Julian."

"...You don't need to tell me," Derek assured him. "You're entitled to your past. Everyone is."

Spencer shook his head slightly. "I don't keep secrets from the people who matter to me, even if that means bringing up… him."

"I'm guessing by the way you said 'him' that this really didn't end well?"

"That's correct." He swallowed, pushing his hair back behind his ear. "It was a couple of years ago. I was young and I was naive when it came to relationships, well, I still am." He took a sip of his wine, setting the glass down. "He was in my Sociology class and asked me to study with him one night, which I found odd, considering we were both at the top of the class, but I did it anyway. It turned out that was just a line so he could ask me out away from the classroom environment." Spencer smiled to himself. "It was definitely weird, but I accepted."

"I guess you're just a magnet for being asked out in odd ways," Derek said, hoping to lighten the mood.

Spencer gave him a small smile. "Yeah. At first with Julian, everything was perfect. He'd set up these great dates, we got to know each other, and we just got along really well. It was a perfect relationship."

"Okay, obviously this has an unhappy ending, unless you have him on the side or something?"

Spencer cleared his throat. "No, he's not… he's gone. Well, not gone, but… not around anymore." He sighed. "We were together for about a year-"

"Come on, about a year? You don't have an exact time?"

"I do, but that's not important. We were together from the start of the second semester until right before Thanksgiving and I…" he chewed on his cheek, "we… I gave him everything. It wasn't even two days later when I called him repeatedly and there was no answer. I tried texting him, and there were no responses. I checked his schedule on Blackboard with Penelope's help, and he wasn't enlisted in the school anymore. A few days after that, I checked my mail, and there was a hand-written letter from him. To sum it up, he basically told me 'well, thanks for everything, but there was someone else all along, you were merely just a hobby - oh, and by the way, I'm married to her, that's why everything was always at your place'. He moved halfway across the country with her and their kid because she had a great job offer, and I never heard from him again." He wiped his eyes, sighing, before looking back at Derek. "Can you understand it now? Why I couldn't just let you in? Why this took so long to become something? I'm so sorry I let him ruin everything for me but," he swallowed, "he really made me believe that I mattered, and that I was the only one he needed, and that I was the only one he had. I know you're not him, Derek, but I can't help but think that everything went so well with him and he ended up hurting me. That's why I didn't know what to do when you asked me out or how to respond after our first date."

Derek leaned over, wrapping his arms around Spencer and rubbing his back. "I'm not mad," he assured him. "And I can't blame you for your past. Stop kicking yourself."

"But-"

He shook his head. "No 'but's. There's no reason to apologize or feel bad for your past."

"You sound like you speak from experience."

Derek pulled back, sighing. "Let's just say you're not the only one with a crappy past."

Spencer raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"I've been cheated on. I've been cheated with-"

"Seriously? Someone would cheat on you?" Spencer asked, looking at him. "But, you're you…"

Derek shrugged. "I guess 'being Derek Morgan' isn't good enough reason for someone to stay loyal. Being cheated on sucks, and being the person somebody cheats with sucks just as bad, because then you realize you indirectly hurt someone else."

"Believe me, I felt that pain. Even though he probably never told his wife about me, if she ever found out, I wouldn't want her to think I knew and still did it, you know?"

Derek nodded slightly. "I feel you. I'd think the same thing."

"It's definitely the worst feeling," Spencer told him.

Derek shook his head slightly. "That does suck, but the worst part of it all is probably my childhood."

"...How so?"

He cleared his throat. "Well, you know I lost my dad when I was young, so I turned into a little shit. I was a horrible person with no real direction of where I wanted to go in life. Until he came along."

"...He?"

Derek wrung his hands together. "He was the leader of the youth center in my city. He kept me in sports, I cleaned up my act, I turned into a better kid, but unfortunately, it came at a price."

"I'm afraid I don't understand?"

Derek clicked his tongue before closing his eyes. "That man took everything from me. He's why I had trouble trusting anyone in life. And I never reported it. I never told anyone until other kids stepped forward and said it, because I was scared of what he could do to me. He gave me so much, but he made sure there was a lot in the line if I ever tried to say something."

Spencer thought it over before it dawned on him. "I'm so sorry."

"So am I," Derek said. "It took me years to trust people and know if they were being genuine and sincere. I don't trust people easily. I didn't even open up to Penelope right away. It was too hard. If someone was nice to me, I assumed they wanted something or they were going to take something from me. But I made a promise to myself that I would never let him take anything from me again."

Spencer reached over, rubbing his back. "We got some bad cards, didn't we?"

Derek nodded. "That we did."

After the two of them calmed down, Spencer turned to Derek. "What brought this on?"

"Hm?"

He pushed his hair back, sighing. "Not that I didn't enjoy opening up to each other and getting to know each other better, but why did Penelope bring up Julian to you in the first place?"

Derek shrugged slightly. "The two of us were talking during a lull at work earlier and the topic of us came up. I mentioned how I saw this relationship lasting, she tensed up and got quiet, then told me that Julian had happened. No details or anything but she just said something about you two not working out, so I figured I'd ask you. Little did I know that would start the talking and therapy session from the depths of hell."

Spencer thought about it before he realized what Penelope's reasoning must be - she knew. JJ had to have told her about grad school, and she wanted to deter Derek from thinking too seriously about their relationship.

Derek paused, eyebrow raised. "Everything okay in the genius brain over there?"

Spencer cleared his throat, nodding. "Fine, everything's great." He pointed to Derek's bedroom. "It's late, do you mind?"

"Not at all. Warning you now though, I work tomorrow and that alarm is going off pretty early."

Spencer shrugged. "I have something to do tomorrow morning, so I'll get up with you."

Derek grinned. "Wow. Then I guess I'll have the coffee ready."

"Probably a good idea."

The following morning, Spencer sat at the kitchen table while Derek was making the coffee. He yawned, stretching, before resting his head against his arms, turning it to watch Derek.

"You awake yet?" Derek asked.

Spencer shook his head slightly. "Not even close," he mumbled, eyeing the coffeemaker and sighing.

Derek smiled to himself, picking up the pot and pouring two cups, setting them on the kitchen table and pushing Spencer's over by the sugar container. "Better?"

Spencer put up his finger, adding the sugar and stirring it in before taking a sip. "Much," he said, running a hand through his hair and looking over at him. "Early shift this morning?"

"Yup, opening until 2:00 p.m. I'm sure it'll be a dull one without Penelope," he explained, taking a sip of his coffee.

"I'm sure you'll survive."

"We'll see," he teased. "What's in the plans for you this morning?"

Spencer shrugged. "Meeting up with a former classmate to talk, then going to the library, then possibly a stop at the coffeeshop with some lunch for my boyfriend."

"I think that sounds like a fantastic day. Need a ride?"

Spencer shook his head. "I drove my car here last night so I'll just drive myself."

Derek checked the clock, sighing. "I should get going to work." He opened a drawer in his kitchen, taking out a spare key and setting it on the counter. "Lock up when you leave?"

Spencer nodded, getting up and grabbing the key. "No problem."

Derek gave him a kiss goodbye and let Clooney out one last time before he headed to work. Shortly after, Spencer packed up his things and said a goodbye to Clooney before getting into his car, starting it. He pulled up in front of his destination and parked the car, taking a deep breath before getting out, walking inside and knocking on the door repeatedly.

Penelope groaned, burying her head in her pillow. "Sam, I swear to God if you're married and that's your pissed off wife hunting you down, I'm going to kill you for depriving me of my much needed beauty rest."

"You're already beautiful and don't need it, kitten," he said, kissing the back of her head.

She sighed. "Cute, but I'll still kill you," she mumbled, getting up and pulling on her robe, slipping on her slippers and sighing as the knocking got louder. "God damnit. Can't a girl have a day off in peace?!" She walked to the front door, opening it. "Can I help you?!" she snapped, before realizing it was Spencer.

Spencer pushed past her, walking inside and crossing his arms, looking at her.

"Obviously that translated to 'come on in, I'm accepting guests right now'," she said, closing her door. "And what is this?"

"What were you thinking?" he snapped. "Did you fall and hit your head, have a momentary lapse of judgment, or are you just a complete imbecile who I never should've trusted?"

She closed her door, scratching her head. "It is way too early for this game so I'm just going to say 'huh'?"

He cleared his throat. "One word ought to jog your memory. Julian?"

"...Oh," she said softly, sighing and sitting on the couch.

"You had no right whatsoever bringing him up to Derek. My past is not something for you to advertise. I don't tell Derek about how you nearly went to jail for hacking a few years' back and that's why you didn't show up to work for a few weeks. Know why? Because it wasn't my business to tell. I don't take people's pasts and use them against them because that's wrong. You should know that."

She swallowed, nodding. "You're right. And I'm sorry."

"What would possess you to do that in the first place?"

She sighed. "Derek was talking about a future with you, and I don't want to see him heartbroken. So before you continue ranting and yelling and waking up my entire apartment building, I need you to answer a question for me."

He raised an eyebrow. "I'm listening."

She patted the spot beside her, and Spencer sat down. "Do you see a future with Derek? Do you want to be with him and love him forever, or is he just a fling you're having before you take off next year?"

He exhaled, looking down at his lap. "With Derek, I figured it'd be one date and he'd get over whatever feelings he had for me. But then on that one date, I realized that I really, truly do love him. I want to be with him and I don't want to lose him. I never expected to feel this way about him but now that I do, I don't want to feel this way about anyone else ever again. Just him."

She reached over, rubbing his back. "Derek feels the same way, believe me, and he wants you to be happy. But you need to make your mind up and soon. You need to figure out what you want to do and keep Derek in the know so he doesn't end up blindsided and hurt in the end. If you truly love him, you need to keep him informed."

Spencer sighed, clearing his throat. "But when he was working with his houses, he told me that he had trouble letting them go, but knew he had to because someone else needs to enjoy them. What if that applies to this situation?"

She shook her head. "You are not a house, Spencer Reid. You're a genius and sometimes a major pain in my ass, but you're a human being and you mean a whole lot to Derek Morgan. He wouldn't just let you go, and that I can promise."

"If I go, I lose Derek. If I don't go, I lose the opportunity, and I don't know if I should do what I want or what I should."

She rubbed circles on his back. "Luckily, you've got some time to think about it. But just promise me you'll do your very best not to break his heart. I've put it back together plenty of times before, but I really don't think I could after this one."

He nodded slightly. "I promise I'll try my best not to break his heart."

She leaned over, wrapping her arms around him and squeezing. "I love you, kiddo. Even if you are a pain in my ass and woke me up at the asscrack of dawn on my day off."

"I'm sorry. I was just so mad that it happened. I got in the car this morning and next thing I knew, I was in front of your building."

"No harm done." She pulled back, ruffling his hair. "This is your freebie card. Do it again and I may actually murder you."

He smiled, resting his head on her shoulder. "Consider it noted."

Her bedroom door opened and when she heard footsteps, she winced. "Spencer Reid, may I introduce you to Sam the mystery man?" she said, motioning toward him.

Spencer grinned, waving to him. "At least I get to tell Derek I met him first."