'Transportifying' my arse…
'Merchandise' also my arse…
…The technical term for this shit is drug running; or if would be if we were actually 'transportifying the merchandise' for as soon as Mal figured out what Badger was trying to pull he told him where to shove his 'merchandise'.
Mal might have a stubborn streak a mile wide, and a stupid streak that comfortably challenges it for breadth, but his honourable streak has them both beat and he doesn't have, or want, nothin' to do with drugs.
It's probably the one thing the entire crew agrees upon.
Of course, Badger comes over all aggro and threatened to ruin Mal and 'all who sailed with him'. Don't ask me where he gets this shit, probably the same deep, dark abscess he dug his accent up from.
Abscess? Abyss? …Abscess?…Abyss?
I know that one's a festering pustule and the other is a deep, dark hole but I can't remember which. On consideration, both are appropriate so I guess I'll make do.
Anyway, Mal smiled politely and had River threaten to pull Badger's intestines out through his ears. I reckon' she was going to do her whole 'I can kill you with my brain' schtick, except that it's not particularly effective if you don't know her; so, someone obviously had a chat with her about it, probably Zoë.
It certainly wasn't her idiot brother who still appears to be of the opinion that his sister is a delicate flower who'll shatter in the slightest breeze. . .
Just as well he was too busy banging Kaylee like a drum the other evening to pay any attention to the outside world 'cos River came out drinking with us. For someone so small she drinks more than a Roman legion; she also swears like a pirate and, according to her, flies like a butterfly and stings like a bee - whatever that means.
So… threats of violence.
Badger did a passing impression of completely unimpressed when River, who probably weighs as much as an underfed trout, threatened to rearrange his innards. The little crapper was also most uncomplimentary towards Mal and started to provide commentary about how he was getting a woman to fight his battles for him…
… Or he was until he caught the look on Zoë's face and wisely decided to shut up.
Not even that frothing psychopath, Niska is crazy enough to cross Zoë. Last time he threatened Mal, he sent Zoë a bunch of roses and a note stating how deeply apologetic he was for inadvertently hurting her beloved husband, in their last interaction; and that he would be most eager to provide a measure of financial recompense for her pain.
I'm quotin' this shit, by the way. Ain't no way I'm havin' a piece of that flowery garbage, not even to get into a high-priced whore's panties. Then again, I'll think on it, as it might be useful… it's all about priorities.
Anyway, Zoë didn't have to move. I think River moved – well, her leg that is - about eight inches, and Badger, well he dropped about three foot; reckon he'll be searching for his balls for the next week - somewhere in the vicinity of the back of his throat, I imagine.
Almost felt sorry for him. Almost, but not quite.