Disclaimer: Owning Naruto would be AWESOME. Yet, I can't seem to make that happen.
Warning: Language.
- ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔ -
Fuck.
I was having a dilemma. A fucking huge one. I was sitting on my bed, just staring at the wall blankly before falling onto my back with a plop.
Fuck.
The two choices could really (and I mean REALLY) fuck up the future. There are both the same amount of pros and cons with both and I don't know what to choose.
Fuck.
I could stay silent about the knowledge I have and many people who could've been saved die, or speak up and try and save some people, messing up the only future timeline I know.
Fuck.
If I stay silent, then no one will blame me for the deaths yet I'll be drowned in guilt, but if I say I know stuff, people will assume I know everything and hate me if I let specific people live.
Fuck.
I can have guilt take over me or I can be taken into interrogation and be tortured for the information I have on everyone.
Fuck.
I can end up feeling so guilty and possibly feel so bad that I end up killing myself or be hunted down by Danzo or even the Akatsuki and killed so I don't tell anyone their plans.
FUCK.
I will be given the choice of who I would want to live and die. I'm the person that decides everyone else's fate. Me and me alone. I will be held responsible for whatever I do.
FUCK!
I'm at a dilemma. I could chose to save my own skin but at the price of others, or put myself in risk to save people that were supposed to die.
FUCK!
I ended up just staring at the ceiling with this look of utter defeat. I'm going to suffer either way, aren't I?
FUCK-!
"What are you doing?"
I looked over at the door I didn't realize even opened. Mary stood at it with books in her hands and bags under her eyes. Mary has spent every single second cramming for school. Every. Fucking. Second. She is so determined to become a ninja, even after she found out herself that it was hard work. She has tried a little bit of everything and she just completely and utterly fails at everything. It took a blow to her ego. I tried to help her multiple times on things that she seemed to be stuck on but she always wanted to do it herself and claimed that, 'As a main character, she would be able to figure it all out herself'. She said that two weeks ago and she still fails at everything.
"Panicking about the future."
"So, basically the norm."
"Exactly." I muttered as she walked near the couch and dropped all her books onto the coffee table, after she had to clear it off of rouge nails and bolts, then collapsed onto the couch and passed out.
I've been avoiding all serious conversations with Mary, trying to be upbeat and positive with her. It's kind of an act as I don't want her to know that the whole story that she thinks is wonderful and eye-catching might not be as cool as she thinks. She might not want to become a ninja anymore, which is okay, but not recommended as a lot of shit is going to be going down now. I don't want her to feel responsible for the deaths that will hang over my head. She's just a kid, not an adult like me. I should deal with this myself, I shouldn't include anyone else.
I don't think I'll be able to handle this on my own. I really don't. With the Chūnin Exams that are coming up, who knows what will be off and what will stay the same. There are so many possibilities that could go on and I won't be there. I can't be there.
Teams of three. Not four.
Only teams of three.
Sasuke and Naruto have to 100% go as well as Sakura. They are all necessary to go and they all have to be on one team during this. I cannot afford them not going. Yet... there is so much that can go wrong if I end up not going.
I'm supposed to be a stealthy person, not upfront and close range fighter. I might have to become one with all the drama about to happen. Hmm... I might look into learning a bit of defense justus as I probably will feel more comfortable with that... Maybe a little bit of both?
Argh! With the shit about to happen, I have to convince the Hokage to let me participate! I also have to try and look at other jutsus and shit! I have five days before the Chūnin Exams! I need to try and get ready! I have so much on stake here and I'm having a mental breakdown!
FUCK!
- ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔ -
"What is taking him so long?" Naruto groaned. He got no reply as Sakura was reading this big book that I can guess was medical stuff, Sasuke was staring off into the distance trying to look all cool and I was just drawing little picture in the dust on the ground. I would have been using my phone right now, but I'm scared that another 'ANBU visit' might happen.
"Naruto. You know that every time Kakashi calls us to a team meeting, he's always late. Always. Why don't you bring something to distract you?" I questioned.
"I SHOULD'NT HAVE TO BRING ANYTHING! HE SHOULD JUST COME WHEN HE SAYS TO MEET UP!" Naruto screamed as he plopped down next to me on the ground. He pouted like a little kid that was refused their ice cream. I grinned.
"Come here, I'll make the little baby feel happy again!" I grabbed his shoulders and hugged in really tight with both arms as he grunted in my grip.
"Ah! Charlotte! Let go! I'm not a baby! You're the same age as me!"
"No, I'm not! I'm a year older than you! I'm your senior so refer to me as 'Senpai'!" I teased.
He tried to squirm as I giggled at his attempts. "NO! That's weird and I'm not doing it!"
"Come on! Just one time! Just say, 'Please stop, Senpai! You're so much more awesome than me! Believe it!' And I'll let you go!"
"No! I won't fall for it again! Not after the land of waves incident!"
"Just once! Senpai, Senpai, Senpai!"
"How about: No, no, no!"
"What did I just walk on?" Kakashi stared at us with a raised eyebrow. I had Naruto in a headlock at this point and was ruffling his hair with the wooden arm. Sakura had this hidden (but not really hidden) shit eating grin on her face as Sasuke was smirking. I let go of my victim with a smile as Naruto rushed and hid behind Kakashi.
"Help! She's become evil and she trying to make me do things I don't want to do!"
"You know you want to! You're just in denial!"
"Denial, my ass!" Naruto hissed.
Sakura and I burst out into a fit of giggles as Sasuke and Kakashi just chuckled. Naruto grumbled and readjusted his hair that I messed up. "So, what did you call us here for Kakashi?" Sakura mused as she closed her book. Kakashi gained a serious expression as he handed us small pieces of paper.
"These are your verified ID's that will allow you to participate in the Chūnin Exams," The team looked happy as I just stared at the paper with a distraught expression. "But..." Kakashi paused as the team calmed down and looked at him with their full attention, "They only allow teams of three, not four. One of you will have to opt out for your teammates."
I sighed and ducked my head into my knees. I had known that it was just teams of three, but I was kind of hoping that the 'Mary-Sue' gods would give a blessing so I wouldn't have to worry about it. Man, why didn't I want to be a Mary-Sue in the first place? I get awesome powers and nothing ever happens to me as well as everyone loves me. As long as I wasn't a Pity-Sue, everything would have actually been fun... not stressful beyond belief.
"Argh! I call not it!" Naruto screamed as he held up his arm in the air, like a school kid who knew an answer.
"I'm not opting out either." Sasuke glared at Sakura and I, like we were going to suggest otherwise.
"Well... um... what do you want to do?" Sakura hesitated as she looked right at me. She knows that I would prefer to go, yet I can tell that she wants to go too. At least, she is being polite about it.
I stood up from my spot, dusting off my butt, and smiled at Sakura, "Thank you, Sakura, for asking me first, but you all can go as a team. It'd be rude of me if I were to just flat out say, 'I'm going, screw you!' now, wouldn't it?" I glared at the boys at my statement and they looked off to the side, kind of ashamed of just them blurting out.
"W-wait! Are you sure? I thought you wanted to do that Chūnin Exams!" Sakura asked.
"Yeah, you were complaining to me that you were going to do it. Isn't that why you wanted to get released early? You changed your mind?" Kakashi mused.
"Pfft. Fuck no! I'm still participating!"
"Huh?" My team just looked at me with such confusion before they all turned to look at each other to see if anyone else understood. "What… how? It's only teams of three… you can't go in as a one man team either." Sasuke asked.
I feigned a hurt expression, "You have no faith in me! I'll find a way! I always do! Now…" I turned to Kakashi, "Come on!" I grabbed his wrist and started to drag him away from my confused team.
"H-hey! Where are we going?" Kakashi asked by the sudden action.
"To the Hokage, of course! I need to convince him to let me participate!" I declared.
- ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔ -
"No."
"What?! Why not?!" I screamed.
"I cannot make a simple exception for one single person! These rules have been the same for years! I cannot let you become a one person team while the visiting nation's teams have to follow the rules too!" He explained as he rubbed his face with his hands. He was surrounded by paperwork that cluttered everything and looked incredibly stressed.
"But, I have to participate!" I complained.
He glared, already frustrated with me. "I said no and that is final." Distraught crossed my face as I turned to Kakashi, looking for some help. He just shook his head as he agreed with the Hokage. I looked between them as I grew panicked. T-they don't realize that I HAVE to do this! They don't know anything and I can't tell them! Argh!
"…Listen, Charlotte, I know how excited you were for this, but… you can wait next time. There's no guarantee that they'll even pass this year so next time you can do it if you want. I'm sure the boy's wouldn't mind." Kakashi placed a comforting hand on my shoulder but I shoved it off.
"No! I have to do it this time! Not next time! THIS TIME!" I yelled.
I have to! There's no guarantee what Orochimaru will do different! What if he doesn't end up giving Sasuke the curse seal and just flat out kill him? What if he ends up killing them when they are trapped in the genjustu, watching their own deaths? What if Naruto ends up turning into the Nine-Tails and Orochimaru doesn't seal his chakra before he reaches the full on one-tails mode? Gahh! So many things can go wrong! I can't afford to not go this time! I have to go now!
Kakashi and the Hokage seemed stunned at how badly I was taking this. They looked to the other to see that they shared the same expression. I started to feel my breathing speed up as I thought of all the possibilities that could happen if I don't try to get the story back on track to at least the same ending.
Kakashi placed his hands on my shoulders again as he lowered himself down to me, "Breathe. You have to breathe." I looked him in the eyes and slowly calmed myself down. "Now… Can you tell me why you are freaking out so much?" The Hokage had his full attention on the scene and I didn't like it one bit. Kakashi noticed my hesitation as he commented, "You can take your time. We aren't rushing you."
"Uh… I can't tell you." I bit my lower lip as I backed away from Kakashi. I can't tell him in front of the Hokage as the old man could send me to interrogation if I say anything close to suspicious. If Kakashi was alone… then, maybe? Probably not all of what I know, but enough that I wouldn't feel like everything was weighing down on me and that I was going to have a heart attack any moment. Damn, I sure wish I still had my computer. I would just work until my brain is numb and then forget about my situation.
"…You can't tell us?" The Hokage repeated as he stared at me with studying eyes.
I noticed that the mood in the room turned tense and I began to fidget as I didn't like the attention on me. "Hehe… yeah. Never mind, Kakashi, let's go! Sorry to bother you, but look at the time-!" I tried to scatter to the door in a hurry, but Kakashi wasn't having it as he tugged me from my collar.
"Yeah… no. Tell us the truth, now." Kakashi spoke in such a serious tone that I felt like all my anxieties un-bottled at once. All they knew was that once second, I was staring at them with this worry face before it morphed into full on tears. The Hokage stood up from his seat in shock as Kakashi froze like the anti-social introvert he is. "Uh…"
I was sobbing like a full on mess as everything that I had been holding back to feel like I had everything under control, released. You have to give it to me though as I did hold in most of my emotions for about a year and a half. I, also, was 19 when I came here at first, meaning I was a late teenager coming out of full on teen rebellion phase. During this year and a half, I was taken to a new environment, studied my ass off to become something I never wanted to be, had to get used to new customs, having no one take me serious, losing my fucking arm, finding out that I'm dead and that I'm not going to ever see my family again and that they have to mourn me, not knowing that I'm actually alright and have that the people I have gain to love and trust in this world as they are the only ones to have reached out in some form of way to show me I'm not going fucking bonkers be thrown into a situation where they might end up dead with me having nothing to do about it. Oh, and I was threatened by this douche bag that I can't even touch as he is stronger and more experience in more ways than one and can assassinate me at any moment if I fuck up.
Yeah, I think I can have a little pity-party since I'm overwhelmed beyond belief and I'm going to end up possibly dead from all of this.
"Dear, please calm down. We are not meaning any harm, but we are curious as to why you need to participate." The Hokage attempted to soothe and it worked a little, but what really got me to stop was that Kakashi looked so confused as to what to do. He was going to put his hand on my back to rub it, but didn't know if that would be okay, then he tried to do it to my shoulder but he thought otherwise, so he just ended up giving me a pat on my head. Just a single pat. One solid pat. No more. I ended up sniffling out a small giggle at him as I started to calm down. My breathing evened out a little more until it was just small hiccups that came from my throat.
"Now… are you better now?" The Hokage's tone turned soft as he waited patiently for my response to which I nodded my head. "That's good… now if you cannot tell us what is wrong, then can you tell us why you are holding this information from us?" I bit my lip and stayed silent, though that didn't work as the Hokage frowned, "I cannot help you if you don't explain what you need help with, dear."
"Uh…well, I can't tell you everything… not because I don't trust you, per say, but more of your reaction." I admitted. The two of them nodded their heads in understanding and then remained quiet, waiting for me to continue. "Now… one of the reasons I can't tell you would be because I could be put into danger."
"Danger? What do you mean?" Kakashi asked.
"So… there are two groups of people who would kind of want me dead if they even were aware I knew shit on them. Actually, three now that I think of it." Yeah, I forgot that Orochimaru would want me dead if he knew I knew of the invasion beforehand.
"Will you tell us who these people are?" The Hokage's answer was met with silence. He just sighed at me, "We can't help you unless you tell us."
"No, I'm not a tattle-tale and also, you'll just press me for what I know if I tell you who they are!"
"Charlotte, we won't-."
"No, you will! Or at least the one person you will! The other one, you have no clue even exists and the other is someone where you will be curious nonetheless!"
"Charlotte, please-!"
"I'M NOT A SNITCH!"
"Charlotte! We need to know who these people that are threatening you are so we can protect you! We can't do that if you can't tell us!" Kakashi barked.
I snorted. "Please, two of them don't even know that I got shit on 'em, but the last one did actually threaten me but it's not because of the dirt, but more of, 'Keep in your place' kind of shit."
"What happened?" The Hokage questioned.
"Eh… they broke into my house and snapped my computer in half."
"Now you have to tell me!" Kakashi sternly commanded.
"NO! I AIN'T A SNITCH!"
"These people are trying to kill you! Why are you protecting them?!"
"ARGH! I JUST CAN'T TELL YOU! ALSO, SNITCHES GET STITCHES! DON'T YOU KNOW THE RHYME KAKASHI?!"
"Enough!" The Hokage's voice boomed through the whole room as Kakashi and I stopped our argument. "Charlotte… Are you in immediate danger by these people?" I shook my head. "Then, that is a discussion for another time. Now, as you are limited in you telling us anything, then tell me in the form of yes and no's, is that okay?"
"Yes."
"Is anyone in immediate danger in the Chūnin Exams?"
"Yes."
"Can you say who?"
"No."
"Can you say who is endangering them?"
"No."
"Are you wanting to participate to stop them from getting hurt?"
"Yeah."
"Will you end up getting hurt if you go?" Kakashi added in this question himself.
"Eh… probably."
The Hokage walked over to his seat and sunk into it. "…Charlotte, with the information you just told us, we might have to postpone the Chūnin Exams all together." Panic spread on my face. No! Team 7 have to participate in the Chūnin Exams! Sasuke has to get his curse mark and Sakura needs to have her fighting moment! The Hokage saw the panic and sighed, "… I assume you don't want that… Do you think you'll be able to handle it?"
"…Yes?" I hesitatingly spoke. Who knows if I'll be able to even stop the mayhem that's about to happen, but I'll try at least.
"You don't seem confident." The Hokage pointed out.
"Well… people's lives are on the line. You can't really be confident as there are things that can go wrong."
"True, though I must ask: Do you really want to do this alone? If you tell us the truth, then we can handle the situation properly and you do not have to worry about it." I thought about his offer, and for a second, it sounded tempting. I almost was about to just spill everything, but I held myself back from doing so. Certain things need to happen to progress the story and this is the part where shit starts to go down. I mulled over the outcome if I told them as Kakashi and the Hokage both stared at me waiting.
"Not now… later. I'll be ready to tell you after a certain something happens. I'll explain… some details but not all. Know that I will be holding back some information for a reason and that somethings I can only explain to a certain degree, but I will tell you. Both of you. I promise that and you have to just take my word on it."
They both nodded in understanding, though Kakashi didn't seem to like how the conversation ended. "I see… I will see what I can do, though it is really limited on how many strings I can pull. I cannot give you special treatment, keep in mind. Is there any more information you would like to give me before heading off?"
I thought for a second as I looked down. What else could I need? Actually…
"The event I'm talking about is going to happen during the second test so in the first test, make sure Ibiki doesn't pull a fuck you on everyone and fail them like he did with his little bro." I placed my hands on my hips to punctuate my sentence. The Hokage's eyes grew wide for a second before asking, "How… how do you know Ibiki will be in charge of the first test?"
I grinned as I held my finger to my lips. "That's to be explained later~!"
I skipped to the door and walked out, but not before the Hokage turned to Kakashi and said, "Do you have to deal with her like this all the time?"
"Yeah… she's always like that."
"I pity you, then."
"I do the same."
- ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔ -
BAM! DONE! I didn't get all the points down that I wanted to in this chapter but there is a lot more to write before the actual test, but I promise that the written exam will take place next chapter and we will leave it off on Charlotte going into the Forest of Death. About how she will be able to take the test, that is for next chapter.
But, yeah, Kakashi and the Hokage got the brunt of Charlotte's breakdown, which is a good thing for them as they get some info about her, but bad for her since she kind of put herself into a corner. But, she doesn't really have a choice, huh?
Also, a little hint: Shit 'bout to go down.
Anyways, this chapter was fun to write actually. I really enjoyed it! :D That's why I'm uploading a day early! I'm still updating again on Friday, though... unless I feel really excited to write the next chapter... which might happen.
And 4,000 words… again. Why do I do this to myself? I'm making my hands bleed.
Anyways, see you next time~!