TAINTED BLOOD

CHAPTER Five

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Everything had happened in a flash of stabbing pain.

"Nooooo!" Dean rushed to get to his brother, for the second, or was it the third time that day feeling utterly helpless. "Sam!" Dean dropped to his knees, sliding across the cold marble floor the last few inches.

De-De-Dean." The word slipped out slowly as Sam struggled to raise his head.

"No, just don't move." Dean muttered, weighing his brother's condition with his eyes. Sam stared vacantly off to his left, bleeding badly from the chest wound, and having a lot of difficulty breathing "Cas!" Dean shouted shrilly. Catstiel!" he shouted again. "Don't be a dick. Where are you? Make this right!" Dean's hand hovered over Sam's chest, knowing there was nothing he could do.

Sam choked, his hand brushing blindly against a jean clad thigh, weak fingers unable to take hold of anything.

"Sam! Sam." A nameless voice called to him. "Sam, please," the voice coaxed.

"Dean," Sam breathed, suddenly conscious of his brother leaning over him. "Uhgggg.," His lip's trembled as he zeroed in on Dean's fear-filled face.

"Easy, everything's going to be okay, Sam."

"Liar." Sam turned his head away and coughed, feeling warm blood spread across his chest.

"How many times do I have to tell you it's not healthy to let a demon posses you." Dean's tone was gruff with fear.

"Oh, yeah," Sam tried to laugh, but something stuck in his throat and he choked again instead.

"This is your second offense," Dean spoke softly, desperate to keep Sam talking. "Remember the rules." He rubbed his thumb over Sam's cheek. "Three strikes and your out. Next time…"

"Won't be a next time."

"What? What are you talking about, bitch!" Dean's entire body tensed, his face flushing a deep red, anger reflecting in his eyes. "Don't. Don't you do that. I said it's going to be okay. Cas can fix this."

"No. Let you down," Sam said, tears slipping out of the corners of his eyes.

"No. No." Dean tried to ignore the sporadic in and out pants. "No you didn't let me down, and you're going to hold on." Dean slipped a hand under his brother's head and raised him upward -- eye to eye. "This isn't like walking out the door and heading off to college. Hate to go, Dean, but I got a law degree to earn. Send me a postcard once in awhile. I'll be back -- Arnold Schwarzenegger, bullshit." Dean's words were harsh with fear. "I can't lose you -- not again -- not like this.."

"Dean." It was getting harder for Sam to breathe, and darkness was creeping in. "My fault, not yours. I'm the one who ignored everyone's warnings. Snuck out, drank her blood, let you dow…" Sam swallowed. "Cold. It's cold." His head lolled to one side.

"Hey…hey…hey." Dean gently lowered his brother's head to his lap, quickly shedding out of his leather and lay the jacket over him. "Non of this is your fault. You could never let me down. It's all me. I did this to you."

"Dean, no." Sam shook his head weakly. No. You…you stopped Lucifer. I'm proud of you. I thought …" Sam grimaced. "I thought I had her in my control, had the power to stop this. Dean…" Sam drew in a small breath.

"Sam," a whisper. "Hold on." Dean gathered Sam up into his arms.

"I can't do it, Dean. I can't."

"Yes you can." Dean stared in horror at the blood and gore pooling under Sam's body. "You can," he repeated, a squeamish sick feeling filling his gut.

"You did everything you could for me, Dean. Always did." Sam's throat worked convulsively "Now you…now you have to let me go."

"Samantha, stop being so melodramatic -- You're not going to die! Castiel!" Dean yelled, staring into the pale face. "Damn you, Sam! Don't you do this"

"Dean, stop pretending and promise me." Sam shuddered. "No more." He took in a deep breath. "No deals. I can't. I won't --have you go to hell again."

"I won't promise you that, Sam. I'll make whatever deal I have to make."

Sam opened his mouth to protest, but no words would come.

"No talking, man. I'll do all the talking. You're not dying on me, bro! Not by my hand!" Dean yelled as if saying it loud enough would make it so.

"Destiny did this to me, Dean, not you." Sam's pallor was slowly turning from pasty-white to off- purple. "Not much time. Tell me…" No more deal making. Let me hear you say it."

Dean shook his head no, tears rushing down his face.

"Dean," Sam choked. "Pl-please," his voice getting weaker. "I need …just say it."

Sam waited expectantly, pleadingly, puppy dog eyes shining. A cloak of silence hung between them. Sam stared unblinking up at Dean, his heart fluttering and skipping beats, disconnected, drifting like sand being pulled away by ocean waves.

"Sam," Dean gasped breaking the silence. "You with me?" Frantic fingers groped for a pulse.

"Still with you," Sam whispered.

"Don't do that." Dean lowered his chin to his chest.

"Promise me, Dean."

If their roles were reversed, Dean suspected Sam would have the guts and the strength for such a pledge -- he did not.

"Sam." Dean raised his head, and gave a small shake denying the promise.

Sam whispered something Dean had to lean forward and strain to hear. "You're my brother." Sam blinked. "You did it," he gasped, scowling in pain. "You did what dad told you to do. Thank you." Sam's eyes rolled up in his head toward the right for a second, then blinking again.

"Don't you do that." Dean grasped Sam's hand, and squeezed. "Don't you dare. You're not going to say some cheesy goodbye to me." Dean's eyes wide with fear.

Castiel suddenly appeared at Dean's side.

"Do something," Dean ordered, feeling the angel's presence, never taking his gaze off Sam. "Pray, use your holier-than thou-mojoe," Dean begged.

Castiel lay his palm to Sam's head, and they locked gazes. The angel sat silently for a while stroking Sam's hair, a stern look on his face.

"Don't worry," Castiel told Sam. "You are close."

Sam nodded, giving the angel a weak smile, but then gasped for breath.

"What the hell does that mean?" Dean yelled. "Sam, I won't let you die."

"You can't stop this, Dean," Castiel said, compassionately.

"Help him!" Dean screamed the words so loud Castiel flinched as if he had just taken a physical punch to his face.

"Dean." Castiel sat back, his face blank of all emotion. "It is not my place."

"Of course it's your place!" A burning rage built inside of Dean's gut. "You're an angel. You can do this. You have to do this!" Dean reached over, one-handedly snatching a fist full of Castiel's coat. "Friggin' do this! You owe me!"

"I am sorry." Castiel diverted his gaze to the floor.

"Dean," Sam whispered. "He can't. It's my…"

"Dude, " Dean released Castiel, staring into Sam's eyes. "If you say destiny so help me..."

"You'll clock me?" Sam grinned, but Dean could see his brother was fading.

"Not funny." Dean winced, feeling the warmth leaving Sam's body.

"It's a little funny." Sam tried to inch his way up a little.

"Take it easy, Sam."

"Dean," Sam breathed out, collapsing limp against him.

"Don't! Dean snapped angrily. "Sam!" He wrapped his arms tighter around his brother. "Don't. Please," he whispered. "Don't. Sam?" Dean continued to stare into his brother's eyes, a dark, empty room -- blind to this world.

"He is gone, Dean," Castiel said softly.

"No. No he's not." Dean shook his head, tears welling in his eyes. "He's not dead. Sam." He gave his brother a violent shake. "You hear me, jerk? You're not dead."

"He is at peace."

"No," Dean choked on a sob.

"Everything lives, Dean. Everything dies. Everything is connected to the light, but only those who can see will find their way to that light."

"What light? Where was this light when I was in hell?" Dean's lower lip trembled. "I told Sam I would protect him. I wouldn't let anything ever happen to him. I promised him, when he was just a baby, promised myself." Grief burned a hole in Dean's heart bigger than any hellhole ever could. "Where?" He turned his attention to Castiel. "Where is this peace? Where? In heaven? With your God?"

"He is your God too, Dean."

"Bullshit!" Dean's jaw twitched

"You still do not believe in him?" Castiel cocked his head questioningly.

"Oh, I believe in the son of a bitch, alright! The guy just has it out for me, and my family!"

"Dean, God is not vengeful."

Dean turned to Sam, stroking a long piece of hair out of his brother's sightless eyes, and tracing a finger down the side of his face. Sam's skin was already cold, and the pain of that reality was more than Dean could stand.

"Sam." He buried his head against Sam's chest, a single sob escaping his lips. "Want to know what I believe, Cas?" Dean didn't wait for an answer. I believe…" Dean stood in a flash of rage. " I believe your God gets his kicks out of playing with us like cheap chess pieces."

"Dean." Castiel stood.

Dean stomped over to the alter, with one sweeping hand sending the wood crashing to the floor.

"I believe…your God is a coward, hiding behind a white silk rob, sitting high and mighty in his chair. Safe and sound behind his pearly gates. Watching the rest of us run around down here so jacked up it's no wonder more than half of us end up in hell."

Castiel stared in silence.

"Show yourself!" Dean looked upward, shaking his fist. "You can't! Can you! Send your angels, destroy your demons, kill my brother. Take away everything I ever lived for, ever cared about -- ever loved." Dean turned to Castiel. "Is that your God? A God who won't use his own powers to save his only son?" Dean indicated the broken stain glass.

"Dean, that is blasphemy," Castiel warned sternly. "God wants you to trust him. Have faith."

"Faith in what? Death? Destruction? Hell?" Dean knelt down nabbing a large shard of glass. "What should I do, Cas? Tell me! Kneel? Kneel before a God who doesn't give a crap about me or my family?" Dean's tone was thick and his vision blurry. "You want me to wish to a God who never listens? Who could care less if we live or die? Do you really think he cares about you, Cas? Ordering you blindly around? Sam's dead. And you and your God did nothing to help him."

"I am sorry." Castiel shook his head.

"Sorry, this." Dean placed the shard to his throat.

"No!" Castiel pointed a finger.

The colored glass shattered, falling from Dean's hand as he staggered backward in a daze

Dean sucked in air that seemed to evaporate before it ever reached his lungs. In defeat he, moved back to Sam, dropping to his knees.

"Sam," he cried, lifting his brother's limp body back into his arms. If you won't let me do it myself, you do it for me." He looked to the ceiling begging to a God he knew was there. "Take me, too. Just take me. Take me to where he is. No more bullshit. No more hunting. No more demons -- just," Dean sobbed. "No more living on the run. No more anything." He rested his forehead against Sam's. "There's nothing left," he said, broken and bitter, Dean rocked his baby brother in his arms.

"Dean." Castiel crouched next to him. "Ask him. You must ask God into your heart."

"I can't. It won't bring Sam back." He tugged Sam closer, hurting so deeply even the tears couldn't come any longer.

Castiel held out his hand. "Take my hand, Dean. Pray with me."

"Why? Why should I?" Dean shook his head.

"Because, I promised Sam that you would."

"What? What did you say?" Dean swallowed a huge gulp of air.

"Dean, take my hand. You must learn to see the world through new eyes. Pray. Sam wanted you to pray. To fill the empty hole hell made in your soul."

Dean looked at the weight that was Sam's body in his lap. If hell was rock bottom what was this? Whatever this was he'd reached it. There was no where left to go. No one to turn to. He was lost. At least in hell he knew where he was. Here in a black void of nothingness the depth of darkness -- was -- there were no words. With no where else to go, Dean reached his hand out, and Castiel grasped it in both of his. Fear, shame, guilt, love, devotion, honor, heaven and hell gripped Dean's heart and squeezed. The aching in his soul almost killing him.

"How, Cas?" Dean asked.

"Close your eyes."

Dean hesitated.

"Trust in him, trust in yourself, Dean. Search for that light you once carried inside you so long ago. It is still there, Dean. "

Dean let out a long breath and closed his eyes

"Let go, Dean. Let go of everything earth bound. Do not let hate hold you." Castiel was quiet for a moment. "Let go of Sam. See with your heart -- not with your eyes. Unchain your soul, Dean Winchester. Let it all go. Everything -- you are everything."

Dean ground his teeth, desperate to let the pain, hate. and fear go. He'd carried the load all his life. Castiel was whispering words Dean didn't understand -- words soft as sparrow's wings. Dean searched deep within his heart. Searched for a way to transcend all that was ugly in his life. Stripping away the evil of hell until he found that light, small as it was.

"God," he uttered the word out loud, embracing what he had cursed.

For what felt like eternity, Dean and Castiel sat huddled around Sam, eyes closed, hands clasped, head's bowed.

Someone took in a deep breath breaking the silence. Dean felt a familiar presence, but was afraid to look -- could he believe?

"Open your eyes, Dean."

"I can't. I don't want to see him like that."

"Dean?" The heavy weight in his lap stirred.

"Sam?" Dean's eyes shot open wide. "Sammy!" He shouted, beside himself with joy .

"Dean?" Sam's eyes fluttered open.

"Cas? Sam? I…I can't believe it."

"Dean, yes you can. You believed. You left everything behind gave yourself over --believed. That is what he wanted of you."

"Thank you." Dean looked to the shattered glass. "I owe you."

"You owe nothing," Castiel informed. "Sam will recover in time," Castiel said, nodding at Sam. "You are a good man, Dean Winchester. We will meet again, when it is you time." And with a flapping of wings -- the angel of the Lord was gone.

"I was…I was dead… wasn't I?" Sam licked his lips. "But?" Sam took in a breath. "Dean? The word barely a whisper. "You didn't? Did you make a…" Sam's eyes fell shut in utter exhaustion.

"No, Sammy. No deal's." Dean moved a piece of sticky, damp hair off Sam's forehead. "Not this time. Only by the grace of…" Dean looked upward. "God."

TBC….