This fanfiction was started back when Zuko being a supremely oblivious idiot who wouldn't know what to do if Mai dropped naked on his lap was a valid interpretation of his character, and I will keep him as a supremely oblivious idiot who wouldn't know what to do if Mai dropped naked in his lap. Damn.
-
"Hello prince Zuko!"
Zuko only heard vague noise. He nodded mechanically in response to the Joo Dee's greeting and walked past her.
In spite of the fateful events that occurred a few hours ago, Zuko felt relieved as he paced endlessly in the many corridors of the Earth Palace. He'd finally done what was right. He'd finally returned to the straight and narrow after three years of dangerous foolishness.
"Hello prince Zuko!"
Zuko waved his hand dismissively at the new Joo Dee and then returned promptly to his musing.
He'd deprived his nation of a victory over the northern Water Tribe by siding against his countrymen and Zhao instead of with them. Granted, the admiral had hired pirates to assassinate him, but he did allow the Avatar to escape out of selfishness when he impersonated the Blue Spirit, so Zhao had some kind of right to do it.
"Hello prince Zuko!"
Zuko didn't even hear the third Joo Dee and walked past her without noticing her presence. He continued to wander until he found himself in an empty room with a balcony. A little fresh air wouldn't hurt.
If the admiral's death weighed on his conscience, it was nothing compared to the soldiers' fate. He knew they were nameless redshirts nobody really cared about, but he cared about them; he had been banished for this very reason after all. And he was sure he was the only one caring about the soldiers he knocked off the ramparts in the thirteen episode of the first season, too.
Nevertheless, now that he was redeeming himself by joining his sister, perhaps karma would cast a favourable eye upon him from now on.
"Hi Zuko!"
Zuko's blood left his face in an instant, leaving something as cold as the iciest waters of the poles. He ever so slowly turned his head towards the newcomer, hoping that delaying the moment he saw her would make her disappear. Just as she entered his eyesight, she jumped on him and hugged him.
Zuko already regretted having chosen to stay on the balcony. The only escape route available implied dozens of broken bones at best. The other route was blocked by someone he'd hoped not to see before he became fire lord, a position that would allow him enough muscular and handsome bodyguards to distract Ty Lee and thus earning their name and at the same preserving his dignity.
"…Hi, Ty Lee," Zuko said through clenched teeth. "How… nice… to see you again." He swore he could hear his jaw creak with the effort.
"Isn't it a wonderful night?" was the acrobat's sole response as she hugged him tighter.
Zuko didn't answer and merely looked up when Ty Lee did.
A moustached Dai Li agent walking on the wall stopped walking, waved at them and then returned to his patrol.
Ty Lee's mouth hung open for a moment, but before long she giggled. "Wasn't it awkward and funny at the same time, Zuko?" Her gaze shifted from the leaving Dai Li agent to the stars above them. "Zuko?" she repeated when no reply came.
That was when she realised that the firebender had somehow managed to slip out of her hug without her noticing and had vanished.
She giggled again. "I love it when they're hard to catch."
-
Mai scrutinised a long green dress with intense distaste. She put it back in the wardrobe which came with the guest room offered by the tricked Earth King and took another one out. Outrageously yellow. She shoved it back in the darkest and most forgotten corner of the cupboard. At least, pink seemed to be inexistent in the Earth Kingdom fashion, but it reassured her only slightly.
She had told her friends – or nuisances, if you asked her the truth – she would spend the rest of the night looking for an attire actually practical for her knives, but Azula's knowing smirk and Ty Lee's refrained titter proved they thought it wasn't the only reason. Indeed, Mai was trying to find an outfit Zuko may like, preferably the least Earth Kingdom-looking possible since his time as a refugee must have sickened him. She understood him too well.
But it still infuriated her that she remained predictable as soon as Zuko was involved when he was the very reason she chose to appear impassive in the first place.
The sudden opening and brutal closure of the door brought her attention on none other than Zuko, who slumped against the doorframe, panting heavily. All of sudden, Mai was infinitely thankful that none of Ty Lee's habits had rubbed off on her, to be more accurate the mania she had to undress herself before even having chosen which clothes to wear. She just was not ready for getting walked in on in her underwear, let alone completely naked.
Though she could make an exception for Zuko...
Unfortunately for Mai, her mind started to associate her current ideas to the point of making her picture Zuko walking in on a barely clothed, if actually clothed, Ty Lee. The following scenes unfolding in her mind caused her to blush and very audibly swallow a lump in her throat.
Zuko opened his eyes and stared at the source of the noise. As he observed the strangely familiar girl, he hoped he didn't jump from the frying pot into the fire. His limbs ached from running too quickly, but he wanted to not look completely scared and desperate. So he got up. "Hello," he uttered in the calmest manner he could muster. "You're not going to… make out with me or stalk me for days, are you?"
Mai's right eye twitched almost imperceptibly. "No," she said, more nervously than she'd have preferred. "Why would I?" It wasn't like she'd repeatedly thought about doing that back when they were children. "…Who would do that?"
"Mad girls I think," Zuko replied. "That one guy was annoying too," he added under his breath.
Mai could feel the innocence she prided herself to possess – unlike Ty Lee – vanish as the mental image of Zuko and a potentially handsome boy sharing a passionate kiss.
"…Your nose is bleeding."
Mai widened her eyes and mechanically swiped the blood off her face with her sleeve. Before she could react, Ty Lee's voice resounded in the nearby hall, though she was too flustered to recognise it.
Zuko however was not, so he settled for an acrobatic escape through the window. He somehow managed to trip on the railing in the process and eventually ended head first in a pond two floors lower.
Ty Lee opened the door at the exact same time Zuko recovered and disappeared in the gardens faster than a crush of Azula's chased by the princess. She looked around, saw Mai and found her looking like a statue even more than usual, shrugged and left after closing the door.
Mai's impure thoughts – but then why did they feel so good? – finally left her mind and she could reason again. Disappointment and anger ultimately dawned on her when she had realised she had missed a chance with Zuko because of something she was too distracted to notice. And worse, that he didn't even recognise her.
"I hate this place."
-
Azula was sprawled on the throne sucking her thumb and daydreaming about the deaths of the Avatar's friends when one of the side doors cracked violently and collapsed inwards, startling her enough for her to jump off the throne and tumble down the stairs leading to the throne.
Being Azula, of course, she made it look badass.
Zuko ran to her and grabbed her shirt, lifting her off the ground. "SAVE ME!"
Azula just widened her eyes and before she could even think about voicing the beginning of an answer, Zuko looked towards the broken door, dropped her unceremoniously and dashed behind one of the huge pillars of the room.
Ty Lee soon entered the scene, wearing a smug smile. "Have you seen Zuko?" she asked, not even wondering why Azula was spread out on the floor. Probably not caring either, too. After all, the princess remained fully clothed.
Azula looked up at Ty Lee, then at the pillar Zuko was hiding behind (successfully, to her great surprise), then at Ty Lee again. She mechanically shook her head and Ty Lee shrugged and left the throne room.
She didn't believe Azula, naturally, but there was a big chance the princess would make the situation even more amusing. With a little luck, Mai would even get involved. The hunt would be much more enjoyable if she had some competition (preferably not from Azula, though).
Once he was sure the nymphomaniac had disappeared, Zuko ran back to his sister and helped her up. "You must help me!"
Normally, Azula would have enjoyed the idea of Zuko being constantly scared to death, even if it was by someone other than herself. But she recalled a certain dream and most certainly did not want to deal with the screams Ty Lee wouldn't fail to produce at least twenty times a day if she got her hands on her brother. Managing a pregnant acrobat was also out of the question.
And let's not even begin with suffering Mai's angst once she found out. Though that was in the best case; for all she knew, Ty Lee would share her loot with Mai and the princess absolutely refused to have her days and nights wasted away because of constant squeals of pure bliss.
So, instead of savouring Zuko's torture, she sought to end it. "And how could I help you?"
"Let me sleep with you!"
Her only answer was a strangled choke.
"She's still scared of you right?" Zuko went on. "If I sleep in your room, she won't dare to abduct me once I sleep!"
Azula let out a sigh of relief. "You scared me for a second. Alright. You can sleep with me. But you'll lose any part of your body that touches me, understood?"
Zuko nodded. This was a perfect plan. Nothing could go go wrong.
Famous last words.