Near to You
{'cause near to you, I am healing, but it's taking so long}
Chapter Four: old teenage hopes are alive at your door
"Rebel, rebel," Nathan commented teasingly, winking at her as she walked into the gymnasium. "I hear that this campus is officially free of all and any copies of An Unkindness of Ravens."
She returned his smirk with a cheeky grin of her own. "You hear right," she confirmed, unable to ignore the way his eyes traveled over her body, taking in her clingy black pants and fitted red t-shirt. Was he checking her out?
He stepped forward and reached out, playfully tugging at the hem of her shirt as he examined the logo emblazoned upon it. "I don't know how the Headmistress would react to having a cheerleading coach who's a walking beer advertisement, Sawyer."
Feigning disinterest, she shrugged, disguising the way she shivered when his fingertips grazed her hipbone. "I've never obeyed the rules well." She paused, biting her lower lip. "But you know that."
Nodding, he agreed: "I did. I do."
With a half-smile on her lips, she blinked innocently up at him. "You won't tell on me, will you?"
There was something deeper than she was used to in his smile, something meaningful hidden away. Something told her that she'd put a name to it soon enough. "Nah, I never would. But from what I've seen from you, lately, Peyton, I'm pretty sure you can hold your own."
"Stop," she protested. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt so shy around him. Nathan Scott did not embarrass her.
He wouldn't drop it, insisting, "I'm serious. I'm proud of you, Peyton."
She let her eyes travel around the gym, arching her eyebrows pointedly. "I'm proud of you, too, Nathan."
A group of teenage girls walked into the gym at that moment, stopping short when they spotted Nathan and Peyton. They started talking quickly and giggling nervously, huddling together as they spoke.
Both Peyton and Nathan took steps back and away from each other. She rubbed the back of her neck, slipping her hand into her hair. "That's definitely going to quiet those rumours…" she muttered sarcastically.
"Why are you worried? I thought you were a rule breaker."
"I am." She looked at him for a long moment, trying to understand the implication of her own words. "I'll see you around, Coach."
Nathan smirked. "Looking forward to it, Miss Sawyer."
{x}
"You think you've got it?" Peyton asked, a little bit breathlessly, as she regarded her squad.
They giggled nervously and shrugged.
"Maybe?" Mia offered.
Peyton laughed. "Okay, let's try it from the top with music. I'll do it with you," she promised, walking over to her iPod dock and selecting the song.
She'd stolen a couple parts of the routine from various cheer camps and high school competitions, and she knew it so well that she could do the moves without really having to think. She called out helpful words during the trickier parts, offering up some direction, but otherwise allowed herself to zone out.
Nathan was watching. He was standing in the doorway of his office, his eyes following her every move. She could feel the pressure of his gaze on each singular part of her body before his eyes moved on, and the sensation felt her flying into a flashback.
It's ninth grade; she's openly sarcastic and secretly scared. She fingers the hem of her short blue skirt and misses her mom. It reminds her why she's there on the basketball court with some of the most brainless girls in the school. Some guy makes a basket and the crowd goes while; she cheers because that's what she's there to do, dimly realizing that the scorer is absolutely gorgeous but ridiculously aware of that fact. As she shakes her pom-poms, Brooke leans over and whispers mischievously, Nathan Scott so totally wants you, P. And as much as she wants to pretend that she doesn't care, she knows who Nathan Scott must be and she finds that she's blushing.
"And kick, step…" she guided her squad as the routine wound down. Feeling daring and a little bit lost in the past, she caught Nathan's eye, winking as she popped her hip. His blue eyes glimmered madly and she realize that, this time, she just might totally want him.
{x}
"Hurry up!"
"Stop rushing me!"
She planted one hand on her hip. "It should not take you half an hour to peel five carrots."
"I don't want another injury!" he protested, holding up his bandaged thumb for emphasis and adopting a wounded expression.
Peyton nudged him out of the way, her hip bumping his, and snatched the peeler out of his hand. "It's painfully obvious that you're not used to feeding yourself," she informed him.
He leaned back against the counter, relaxing. "Well, I don't have to worry anymore, do I? You'll take care of me," he added, confident in his assertion.
Her eyebrows flew up. "You think so, huh? Well, if I'm your chef, what'll you be for me?"
Nathan smirked self-assuredly, gesturing to his body. "Eye candy," he said as though it were the obvious answer.
As she scraped the carrots slices off the plate and into the pan where her stir-fry was coming together nicely, she rolled here yes. "I'll forgive you for that only because you've already acted as my bodyguard."
His lips curved into a frown. "Don't think like that."
She glanced over at him, surprised by the seriousness of his tone. "Like what?"
"Like you need saving. I know you've been through a lot of shit and I get that that's got to be hard to deal with. But you can take care of yourself. I know that you don't want me to say this, Peyton, but…I think one of the reasons losing my brother devastated you so much was because you thought you needed a protector, and he never let you down in that aspect."
Shocked, she stared at him, having to blink several times before she got her bearings. She forgot about the food as she dumbly said, "I loved Lucas." It was the first time since their separation in L.A. that she'd ever said those words in the past tense.
"I know you did," he agreed readily. "Just like I loved Haley. But for the majority of the time she was in my life, Haley was my wife. And for almost all the time you knew Luke, he was your saviour." Nathan paused as though he was carefully choosing his next words. "After the accident and the divorce, I had to remind myself of who I was before I was Haley's husband. I don't mean what a jerk of a guy, I just mean…who I was before she was part of the definition of me. I needed to remember who I was." He took a step closer to her, smiling slightly. "Where's old-school Peyton Sawyer, huh? The girl who never took my crap and tried valiantly to get me to change even when I was a lost cause? She didn't need anyone to save her; she could save herself."
Startled, she could do nothing but stare at him. Nathan wasn't one for meaningful speeches packed with insight, and she was struck speechless in the face of his words.
The fire detector went off and she realized that she'd allowed things to burn. For a few moments they rushed around, opening windows and fanning smoke as they tried to silence the incessant beeping.
When it finally ended, Peyton was standing over the sink, staring down at the pan which sizzled under the steam of cold water. There were tears in her eyes, a strange mix of gratitude and defensive anger. "I ruined it."
Nathan's voice was uncharacteristically soft. "Let me take you out to dinner."
"I thought…I thought I didn't need saving," she replied brokenly. The words were meant to lighten the mood, though they didn't.
"I'm just trying to feed you."
She sighed. "I thought I was going to take care of you." She leaned too much of her weight into the tap as she turned it off, and it squealed in protest.
"So start tomorrow," he said gently.
"Nate…there are already all these rumours about us…"
He grinned when she said us. "Maybe I like it. I thought you were a rule-breaker, Sawyer."
Though reluctant, her smile was genuine, matching his. "Do you remember our first date?" she asked impulsively.
"Sure. You told me my shirt was ugly and that you'd break my arm if I tried anything."
She shook her head in disbelief at her own past self. "Why did you ever want me?"
"Because you were gorgeous," he said naturally, shrugging. "And because you made me work for it."
Incredulously, she asked, "You enjoyed all the bitchiness?"
Nathan smirked devilishly. "It was hot."
Rolling her eyes, she couldn't help but laugh. She loved his brutal honesty. Shoving the bag of carrots at his chest, she ordered, "Peel me some more of those, and fast this time, you slacker. I said I'd make you dinner and I'm going to."
"There's the girl I've always known," he said approvingly before teasingly announcing, "The bitch is back!"
Peyton endured his torments good-naturedly as she hunted for another onion. "And you think that's a good thing, do you?"
She didn't miss the lascivious look that passed over his face.
"Hell yeah, I think it's a good thing."
{x}
"Hey, stranger," Ethan greeted her casually when she walked into the staff room the next morning.
"Hey," she said softly in reply, her tone apologetic as she took his mug and poured him a cup of coffee. "Have I been distant lately? I'm sorry, E."
He shrugged, waving her words away. "Don't worry about it. I know you've had a lot going on lately."
"Nathan and I are just friends," she said instantly, shooting him a subdued glare.
Ethan held up his hands in surrender, his eyes twinkling with a resigned sort of amusement. "Nice to know. I was referring to the sexual harassment, but thanks for letting me know your dating status."
Peyton groaned, covering her eyes with her hand momentarily. "You're welcome," she muttered, at a loss for any other response.
"You want to tell me what's going on?" He offered. She thought it was noble that he was willing to be her confidante even though her problems had the potential to hurt him.
She perched next to him on one of the couches and sighed. "I might have a crush," she admitted.
"Might?"
"Ethan," she growled, "I love you and everything, but please shut up."
He chuckled knowingly. "Sorry."
"I can't…I can't be into him."
Ethan shrugged. "Why not?" he asked rationally.
"Because! He's my ex-boyfriend from high school. He's divorced from one of my best friends and they have a kid. He's going through a lot with his career right now. He's the brother of the boy who I thought, for a long time, was my soulmate."
"You do realize that most of that is irrelevant, right?"
"Ethan," she sighed exasperatedly.
"I'm serious. Look, Peyton…when I read Ravens, I got to know the story of you and Lucas. You and Nathan had about a paragraph for your story to be told, and it sounded pretty destructive."
"Lots of fighting and lots of sex, right?" she asked wryly.
"Pretty much, yeah. And I guess…what you need to ask yourself is whether or not that was all your relationship ever was."
She sighed, staring off into space. "That's what we always said. He was the star of the basketball team and I was the one cheerleader whose affection he actually had to earn. He said Haley was his first love and I said Lucas was mine. Nathan and I…it was two years of one-night stands." She hesitated. "It was like we were waiting, even though we didn't realize it, you know? He was waiting for the good girl to come along so that she could change him into a good guy, and I was waiting for the boy who'd fix my car and my heart at the same time."
"But…?"
Her fingers knotted together as she admitted, "But maybe…I did love him. Does that even matter? Haley was better for him. Lucas was better for me."
Ethan furrowed his eyebrows. "Look where you are now," he reminded her. "Maybe they weren't better for you after all."
She grimaced. She'd hoped not to spend the rest of her life pining over Lucas, but of all the guys in the world to fall for, Nathan would have been the last one she'd thought of. "Isn't there a rule, somewhere, that forbids this?" she demanded desperately. "Colleagues dating?"
He rolled his eyes. "Do you really think I'd have tried to hard to take you out if there was?"
She blew out her breath in frustration.
"Peyton…I've been trying to win you over for nearly two years now. I think I know you pretty well, and if you have feelings for this guy…then it's got to be serious."
"Nathan and I can't date," she cried, struck by the ludicrousness of the idea. "First of all, I'm sure he doesn't see me that way –"
"Whatever you need to tell yourself."
Ignoring him, she continued, "And he's been great to me lately, but he sucks as a boyfriend. He never even took me out to dinner unless I nagged him about it, he never –"
"Hey, there you are!"
Peyton glanced up, jaw dropping, to find Nathan walking toward her. "H-hey," she stuttered. "When'd you get here?" she asked nervously.
He gave her a strange look. "Right now," he said slowly, frowning. He sat next to her, his hand resting in the space behind her so that if she leaned back, his arm would be around her. "Hey, Ethan."
"Nathan," Ethan replied by way of greeting.
"So I was thinking," Nathan told her, "you made me dinner last night, so I owe you. Let me take you out."
She opened her mouth but no sound came out. Unable to keep from smirking, Ethan muttered something about setting up for a lab and rushed out of the room.
"What do you say?" Nathan asked eagerly, his eyes meeting hers. She remembered playing around in the ocean with him, his arms around her waist, giggling under the summer sun. It hadn't always been a vicious cycle sex and fighting.
"Sure," she said, hoping that he couldn't sense the pounding of her heart. "That's only fair."
{x}
Peyton glanced around the restaurant as she took a sip of her wine, wracking her brain for conversation topics. She had nothing. He'd said she looked beautiful and she'd thanked him. They'd talked about the high school they taught at and the high school they'd attended. They had ordered their food from the French menu. And now she had nothing to say.
Nathan studied her across the candle-lit table with four different forks at each place setting, biting his lower lip momentarily. She had a feeling that she looked as awkward as she felt, sitting there amongst the middle-aged couples, listening to piped in classical music. It sounded like Beethoven.
"I'm sorry," he sighed after drinking the last of his own wine in one gulp. "This is weird, isn't it?"
She smiled in relief. "Um, well…yeah. It really is. Nate, this was…really sweet of you to think of and I'm sure very…pricey…but this…this just isn't what we do, you and me."
He smiled, standing up and offering her his hand. "Let's get out of here."
{x}
"No way should he have gotten a free throw for that!" Peyton cried indignantly, staring at the TV screen in disbelief.
Nathan chuckled as he handed her another beer. "I cannot believe you watch ESPN."
She shrugged. "Side effect of hanging out with the Scott family for a little too long," she told him teasingly.
He grinned and glanced around them as the network went to commercial. "This doesn't exactly feel like me paying you back for dinner." It was past nine o'clock and the pizza they'd ordered had just arrived, dripping with grease. They were sitting in front of the floor, leaning back against Nathan's couch, as his cushion's still hadn't arrived, and watching a basketball game.
Peyton frowned slightly. "What're you talking about? You don't have to pay me back for anything."
Instead of replying, he said, "Do you remember Valentine's Day in ninth grade?"
Squinting, she searched her mind before finally admitting, "Not really. Should I?"
He shrugged, smiling sheepishly. "You got so mad at me that day. All the other girls had boyfriends who took them out to dinner at fancy restaurants and bought them flowers, but I just showed up at your house after basketball practice and asked if you wanted to rent a movie."
"Oh, my God," she murmured, the memory coming back to her.
"You must've yelled at me for an hour."
"It was not that long," she protested.
"Oh, yeah, it was," he told her firmly. "And somewhere amid all that cussing, you told me that you were ready."
She smirked, partially embarrassed. "But that you weren't getting anything from me if you didn't learn how to treat me."
Nathan nodded. "So the next day I picked you up and took you to the beach house, and we ate those liqueur-filled chocolates leftover from my parents' anniversary and went swimming even though it was freezing cold."
"And when we got inside," she continued, picking up the story easily where he'd left off, "You lit the fire and gave me roses."
He smirked suggestively. "And you gave me…you."
Peyton rolled her eyes, pressing her lips together to keep from smiling. "Why are we talking about this now?" she whispered. She had a serious case of butterflies.
Nathan shrugged, glancing away from her for a moment. "I guess I just…Maybe the whole restaurant idea was stupid, but…this time, I wanted you to know that I've learned how to treat you."
Her heart rate skyrocketed; her breathing was shallow as his eyes bored into hers. "Nathan…" she breathed, confused and delighted all at once.
And it was just like before, in a dimly lit room with a little bit of alcohol in her system. Where there had once been nervousness, there's only anticipation, and where he'd once gently tugged a towel down so that it no longer covered her shoulder, this time it was a blanket. And just like all those years before, it's his lips crazing the corner of her mouth and his husky voice whispering in her ear, trying not to be presumptuous.
"We don't have to do anything you don't want to do…"
A/N: Thanks so much for reviews! I'm having a lot of fun with this and I'm glad that all of you seem to be enjoying it as well.
For the record, the title of this story comes from A Fine Frenzy's Near to You. The first chapter's line is from Justin Timberlake's Cry Me a River, the second from Stars' The Beginning After the End, and the third chapter's name comes from Daft Punk's Harder Better Faster Stronger. Anyone have guesses for this one? ;)