Chapter 6

I remained silent for a long period of time. Edward did as well, and I didn't need Jasper's power to feel the sadness radiating from him.

Edward simply gazed at me with his impossibly sad eyes, and his face a failed attempt at the mask he wore last fall after my birthday.

"Edward," I began, my voice barely a sigh. "You know you couldn't possibly be happy with me forever."

He began to shake his head, attempting to dissuade my thought process. I floated to his side, my feet inches off of the floor as I did so. "This," I gestured to my suspended feet, "is not natural. You shouldn't love this."

Edward stepped gracefully towards me, enveloping me in his arms. I hid my face in his shoulder, unable to return his hug. His silky voice murmured in my ear, "But I do."

I sobbed without tears, completely taken aback by how much he loved me. And how much he shouldn't love me. I floated through his body, hovering a couple of yards away from him. "That wasn't natural, either." Stay strong, Bella, I told myself. I couldn't let myself be swayed by his logic; I knew what I had to do, which ideas I must stick with.

Edward once again followed my path, though this time he did not hug me. He simply stood in all his glory, his hands by his side. He gazed at me with such a passion, a passion I could not answer. If I were to budge on my stance now, surely I would only harm him further.

"Bella," he said, his voice full of raw emotion, "what about me? I stopped myself, an unnatural creature, from loving you. We both know how wonderfully my avoiding you worked out," his voice was sarcastic; his eyes were intense.

Would my act of leaving Edward follow the same path? Could this possibly backfire? I shook my head, of course it wouldn't. "Edward," I warned. "How would this work, me staying with you as I am now?"

Edward began to pace, his eyes deep in thought. A few minutes passed, so I repeated my question. "Well? How would it work?"

Edward turned to me, his face full of desperation. "I don't know," he murmured to himself more than me. He locked his gaze with my own, "I don't know, damnit," this took me by surprise; he hardly ever swore. "But at least we'd be together. Bella, you have to understand me when I say I need you, that I love you."

He cautiously walked to my side, his hand gently resting on my cheek. "You have to understand," he repeated once more.

I held back a sob. "And that is exactly why I need to leave. Why I need to move on to whatever is next, waiting for me up there."

I broke out of his grasp, standing at the other side of the room. "I'm hurting you more, staying here. It is absolutely impossible for me to be with you, Edward. It simply can't be done! I'm hurting you!"

"You're hurting me by leaving," Edward said sadly, remaining across the room from myself.

"I'm hurting myself more," I said, echoing his sad tone. "I'm so sorry," I sobbed.

Edward rushed to my side, his hands keeping me close to him. He gazed at me, his eyes passionate and in pain. His lips locked with mine, and my hands unconsciously wove themselves into his hair. It was as if this kiss was his last attempt to dissuade me, as if the passion should stop me.

And it almost did.

I broke away from this kiss, my mouth next to his lips. "I love you Edward. So much." My voice was unbearably shaky as I spoke to him.

I sobbed once more, and turned from him, heading towards his window. I gazed back at him, and the sight broke my heart.

Edward stood, his eyes sad, and his face wore an expression of defeat. I sob once more; this heart broken god looked as miserable as he did because of me. I took in a shaky breath as I left his room.

I made my way up to the clouds, anywhere I might be able to move on. Though, I thought ruefully to myself, after that last act, I might as well fly directly to hell. I gazed over my shoulder at the Cullen house, and almost slapped myself.

How could I be doing this to Edward? I questioned myself.

This was what was best for him, I told myself in response. I was hurting myself, and him, for the possibility that he may live a normal vampire existence, without my interference. He could find some vampire woman more beautiful than I, someone more deserving of Edward's love.

That someone would never be me, and never should have been me. I never really did deserve him to begin with.

I sighed, reaching a large cloud. A handful of people, all in white, gazed at me as I approached them. I noticed they were not the same people I had seen my previous visit.

I coughed gaining one of the people's attention. He walked to my side, extending his hand. "I'm Joe," he said kindly. I took his hand hesitantly, shaking it lightly.

"Bella," I smiled to him. Joe smiled in return, revealing a few laugh lines as he did so. His graying black hair blew slightly in the wind, and I released his hand. "May I ask you a question?"

"Go ahead," he smiled.

I grinned timidly back at him. "Do you happen to know how to cross over?"

Joe frowned. "I don't, but I believe I saw someone who did. Madeline, her name was. She sat by herself on the cloud, and closed her eyes. Then, all of a sudden, she disappeared. We wondered if she had perhaps fallen off of the cloud, but of course that wasn't likely as we could all fly."

I pursed my lips, wondering if this was the same Madeline I had known. "Thank you, Joe," I smiled at him, which he gladly returned. As he made his way back to the group of people, I sat on the edge of the cloud. My fingers drifted through the odd surface of the cloud, and a sad smile found its way onto my lips.

I breathed in deeply, closing my eyes. An image of Edward haunted my mind, and I was forced to recall my sacrifice.

"I'm so sorry, Edward," I whispered into the air, as if he could hear me.

I opened my eyes, peering at my surroundings. I was no longer on the cloud.

Instead, I easily recognized the meadow as my current location. The sun shined down on my skin, and I gazed down at my body.

I wore a dark blue blouse and jeans; I was no longer in the white dress. I watched the wind force the various flowers and blades of grass to shake, and I shivered, not out of coldness, but out of awe. The meadow was more magical than I had ever seen it, holding a bittersweet appeal.

I carefully stood up, and walked towards the small stream I had often heard in the distance as a human. Examining the edge of the water, I discovered that shapes were starting to form in the dark blue stream.

Like I was watching a television, I saw Edward sobbing tearlessly in his room, with Alice trying in vain to comfort him.

"I don't need help," he pushed her away for the tenth time.

Alice gazed at him sadly, leaving the room and closing the door after her.

I watched it happen in horror. My effects of my actions had finally reached me, and I could find no reason that could justify my actions. Was I some kind of sick monster? How could I possibly do that to Edward? I kicked at the water, effectively discontinuing my view of Edward.

I ran frantically around the meadow, trying to find a way out of this place to reach Edward and try to redeem myself, but, of course, it was too late.

I was stuck in some sort of nightmare.

----------------------------------------------------

AN: So, this chapter made me tear up a little bit. I'm so sorry! And, if any of you were curious why Bella is being so irrational, she is trying to be selfless. By leaving Edward, she thinks she is helping him by forcing him to love another. And she believes this because she is (1) a ghost, and not able to be with Edward and (2) she has awful self confidence, as we have learned from Ms. Meyer's series.

So, I just posted the preface to my first all human story for twilight! EXCITEMENT IS IN THE AIR! Anyhoo, feel free to check it out, I'm kinda really excited about it. It's an idea I've had for a while, and could easily grow to be as long, if not longer, than my other still-in-the-works story, "No Sunlight". It is called "Somewhere only we know". (Just sticking with the song-title theme!) So, lovelies, I am telling y'all this because I will now be splitting my writing time between: (not one, not two, but...) THREE stories! :O

My brain has failed to develop my hyper-link-giving skills, so, if you are lazy and don't want to google or search through the fanfic archive, check it out on my profile.

I'll be updating each pretty regularly, at least weekly if it's a good week, and at most bimonthly (if I have some paper to write or something...) We'll see how it goes.

Thank you so much for reading this! Expect more to come soon!

And please, if you have any comments or questions or thoughts about this, please let me know!