Ahh! Seventeen reviews! That's a lot for a small story. I love you all so much for reviewing! It really makes my day when someone is so kind as to review.
And no critique? I doubt my stories are perfect, but I wasn't expecting just praise! Please, please tell me what I can improve on.
Here's the last chapter. I've really enjoyed writing for the Hunger Games section, so maybe I'll do it again. Look forward to it, guys!
Oh, and for all who are (going to be) unhappy with this chapter, I'll take a vote and see if people want me to put in an alternate ending.
Hugs and kisses!
XX
The feeling was constricting me.
The feeling that nothing else in the world mattered right now except love. The words I said to Peeta just moments ago have me breathless. I can't breathe, not because the wind was knocked out of me, but because I'm choosing to.
When I breathe, I can taste the love in the air.
And it hurts like nothing ever could.
I get to my feet with tears in my eyes, wishing the hurt to stop. I don't remember a pain like this. It's a deep sort of pain…. The kind that will leave you only when you accept it's there to stay.
I hold my fist up to the bathroom door, wishing for a moment that Peeta would come out without me having to knock. I don't think I have the strength to knock. It hurts just to breathe.
But Peeta doesn't come out, and I let my arm fall back down to my side. Standing there, I try my hardest not to focus on my thoughts. They are mainly about love, but the confusion is too much to deal with. I need a while to think.
I go to bed without any more thoughts about love…about Peeta. The last thing I think before I fall into a slumber is that Peeta is in love with me for a reason I will never see.
And that I have to find my reason before I see his.
XX
I wake up in the morning well past noon. The train is stopped, and I assume we're refueling. Rolling onto my side, I close my eyes again and try to sleep longer.
I try not to let myself think about anything that happened last night. My mind is still numb, but my thoughts are still there. Love is still there, and I want nothing more than to make it go away completely.
Falling asleep proves impossible, though, because the steady motion of the train was a comfort to me. It's gone now, though.
I get up and prepare a hot shower with plenty of incense. I turn the water to the highest temperature I can stand, trying to force my mind to focus on the pain instead. It doesn't work, so eventually I give up.
While I'm dressing, there's a knock at my door.
"Hey, we'll be there in an hour. Look pretty," Haymitch says. His words are slurred, and I wonder why he could possibly feel the need to drink when we are an hour from District 12.
After I'm finished dressing myself in a deep crimson top that cuts off at my shoulders and simple black pants, I try for a minute to put makeup on. There's a large selection of it in a drawer, and I feel the need to look nice for the last picture of Peeta and I.
After a few minutes of poking and prodding, however, it becomes clear that I have absolutely no idea how to put makeup on my face. So I instead settle for a bit of lipstick and a few red jewels below my eyes, since they're easy to figure out.
I sit on my bed for what feels like eternity, waiting for the train to jerk to a stop. I refuse to see Peeta before I have to. The love welling in my chest won't contain itself around him, I know. It's purring like a kitten just thinking of him.
When the train finally begins to slow, I force myself forward. When I see Peeta, I tell myself, I will force myself to stop. When my hand closes around his, I will force myself to cling lightly. And when we kiss for the cameras, I will force myself to remember Gale.
Because I can feel something else now.
I can feel Peeta, soft and light with eyes of warm sand, pulling at my heart with leaps of adrenaline and spikes of lust.
And I can feel Gale, with deepness so rough and ragged, holding my heart with warm hands. I can feel Gale so deeply it scares me; his consistent warmth haunts me.
I move out into the hall with caution on high alert.
XX
I can hear the camera flash in my face, but I don't register it. Peeta's lips are locked with mine, and the heat of his lips are lighting me on fire.
I feel his shock when I pull his head into mine. He is astonished at my passion; a passion he has been searching for for his whole life. I realize, absently, that this is what I have wanted my whole life as well.
This love.
This rush.
This kiss.
I wonder, for a moment, if the reason I know it now is because I'm finally safe. Safe from the Capitol, safe from hunger, safe from the Games. I'm safe at last, and the absence of danger is mind numbing.
Because I lived off danger.
"Peeta," I whisper into his ear, winded, "do not let go of my hand. No matter what."
His eyes are questioning, but he agrees. His grip tightens, and I know he's ready.
When we move forward, I forget the world, because all I want right now is Peeta.
The next few minutes pass by in a painful rush. I hug my mother and Prim, and I can feel their hurt when I finally push them away. I say goodbye and thanks to Haymitch and Effie, to the camera man who has let us see our picture, and I blankly meet the eyes of Gale.
My heart is as cold as stone when I meet his eyes.
Holding Peeta tighter, we both watch as the excitement moves away. The District is quiet, for the most part, and everyone begins to take notice of the storm overhead.
Charcoal black clouds are stationed overhead, with muffled booms of thunder shaking the air. People move into their homes, celebrating without care, and shaking their heads at Peeta and me.
Out in the storm.
Holding each other.
They think we have no reason or sense, but I tug Peeta forward and prove him otherwise.
We make our way to the fence. It's rusted over and bent, but otherwise unchanged from what I remember. I try to listen for the humming of electricity, but it's impossible to hear over the rain.
Because it's begun to pour now.
I don't have to tell Peeta twice. He follows me under the fence, his eyes just as set as mine. We're on a mission, together, and who's leading the mission is a mystery to the both of us.
XX
I'm pressed against a tree.
"I'm in love, Peeta," I say.
I'm pressed against his lips.
"I've always been in love, Katniss," he says back.
The lust in both of our eyes is pressing our hearts to the very edge.
I don't hesitate when I jump.
I'm idly aware of the rain freezing me to the bone, but I ignore it. My tears and sweat are disguised completely in the downpour, and I wouldn't ever wish for the rain to go away.
I can't remember a time when I've felt so alive. I'm screaming in protest, but the edge of it all is invigorating. It's so deeply painful, but I'm so deeply in love.
My heartbeats are rapid and agonizing, but I will them to keep going. Peeta is talking words that I can't hear, and I'm saying them right back. His lips are locked in mine at times I won't ever remember, like we're stuffing secrets down each other's throats.
We crash and collide in a mirage of joy and ecstasy.
I kiss him with passion, again and again, and I don't remember ever feeling this way.
It goes on and on, and I never want it to end.
I truly am the girl on fire.
XX
"Rain, rain, go away,
You can never take her day.
It's working, my little sun ray,
I didn't want to say
Because rain, rain
loves to stay
Today, today is his day."
Peeta and I sing under the trees of mist. Idyllic rainbows arch their way over us, creating a spectrum of radiance. Our voices collide in imperfection, but I don't care anymore.
"I live to sing, sing,
sing the rain away.
He wants to take this day,
but I keep on saying
Don't cry, little sun ray
Not today
Not today.
Today is your day,
and I want to say,
I want to say,
Rain, rain, go away,
you will never take her day."
The song is eerie and cold. It clashes violently with the scene before us.
Peeta's voice is rough and low. He cannot sing to save his life, and I can hear the birds flittering away in protest. I don't say anything, but this bothers me deeply.
The song ends, but the echo stays. It's imprinted on the forest walls, and I suddenly don't want to see it.
The lust is gone.
I realize, while endless waves of pain wash over me, that I'm not in love with Peeta.
Our song never felt so cold.
XX
The birds have stopped to listen.
My heart has stopped to cry.
The song is soft and sickly sweet, but I know how it ends. I feel the tears leak from my eyes with painful force. Peeta has gone, but I almost feel his ears still listening.
"Rain, rain, has come to stay,
to stop us from being this way
Break through the clouds,
my little sun ray
Make a wish
Give me your hand
We'll go down a hole to wonderland
Because without our song
you can't sing along
and the clouds can't ever be gone."
The chilling melody is sharply broken by my sobs.
I have never known something so immoral.
I've broken the only important heart while being truthful to millions.
And to me, it can't get more wrong than that.
"Please, please,
go away
You can't make me feel this way,
I've done my best
Done all the rest
I've put your clouds up to the test
You've won the battle
I've lost the way
I'll come again another day."
Everything feels so wrong.
The lyrics are new and chilling, but I know the song so well. The place and time I knew it I can never say, but I know it isn't new today. The song is always the same as long as the melody stays true.
The voice is my favorite in the world, even though I've never heard it sing before. It's deep and rich, standing tipi-toe on the fine line between saccharine and unsettling.
I know this voice so well. I know every aspect of change in it. I know when it's mad or sad. I've whispered to it at night.
I have never known this voice so beautiful.
XX
When Gale steps down from his tree, I find my knees too weak to stand. His feet merely brush the leaves on the ground as he moves, ghostlike, across the space between us.
The only sound for miles is the sound of my tears.
"I followed you here," he whispers.
I forget, for a moment, what tears feel like. I think they're all used up.
"I'm so sorry," I whisper.
He kisses my forehead with trembling lips. I can feel the hurt in him, resonating around my head, and I can taste the bitter love again.
"I lied to you. I told you me and Peeta were a lie."
"You never lied to anyone."
I shake my head in shame. It's too hard to think.
"Yes," I say. "I said I loved him. I don't love him."
I don't think I would ever be able to explain it to him. How I showed him, through words and actions, that I didn't love Peeta. I told Gale that it was a hoax, and it would all be over soon.
I lied to him. And only a while ago, I lied to Peeta. I told him in a moment of euphoria that I was in love with him.
I was wrong. Inside, I knew it all along. I was in love with Gale, and Gale alone. What I felt with Peeta, I can never know. I just know now that I don't feel it anymore.
I'm in love with Gale. But how can I say that to him now?
Love isn't enough to undo what was done.
I say it anyways. "I'm in love with you, Gale."
He looks at me with eyes that I know are searching for the truth. The truth hurts the both of us.
"I know you do," he whispers. "But you can't."
The answer was nothing close to what I expected.
"Why?"
"Because you have a life to live out. You're supposed to be in love with Peeta, and even though the cameras have stopped rolling, there will be more years to come. You have to be in love."
I can feel my eyes begin to prickle. It only takes a moment for them to begin flowing.
Everything Gale says is true. I can't be in love with who I want to be, because it would risk the safety of everyone. I'll have to marry Peeta, love him, and be with him every second of every day.
Because we're star crossed lovers, and that's all that's keeping us alive.
"You made your own future, Katniss. From the very moment you called out Peeta's name, you became everything that shouldn't be."
The question still burned in my throat, no matter what he said. "Do you love me, Gale?"
"No," he says.
Because he must not give me hope.
Because he has to play along.
Because I made fate unbearable for both of us.
Because, right now and forever more, I belonged with Peeta.
I finally break down completely. I crumple to the forest floor and sob into the wet dirt. It smells like home, yet I have never felt so lost in my life. Everything I've looked forward to, everything I've always wanted, has just come crashing down.
My whole body trembles as I begin to rain.
I feel the weight of the earth sink besides me, because Gale's feet are no longer weightless. They are as heavy as titanium.
"Rain, rain, go away,
You can never take her day.
It's working, my little sun ray,
I didn't want to say
Because rain, rain
loves to stay
Today, today is his day."
We do not touch. We do not look at each other. I rain harder as we sing together, and the birds stop to listen.
The whole forest stops to listen to the two most glorious voices in Panem.
"I live to sing, sing,
sing the rain away.
He wants to take this day,
but I keep on saying
Don't cry, little sun ray
Not today
Not today.
Today is your day,
and I want to say,
I want to say,
Rain, rain, go away,
you will never take her day."
The eerie chill of the song forever echo's in the forest.
I think it knew that it was the last time it would ever hear our voices together.
XX
Oooh, the ending gave me chills!!! For those of you who need a quick little explanation:
Katniss had a heavy make out session (I'm going to call it that) with Peeta because she felt love, but didn't know who it was meant for. Gale saw, and told Katniss that they could never be together because she had to be with Peeta for the sake of her safety. So, Gale and Katniss are in love, but she must be with Peeta. Gale (who is a very good singer, apparently) and Katniss sang in the forest. The End.
The twist ending really surprised me, too, because I had absolutely no idea what I was going to do for this chapter.
I MIGHT make a sequel, about Katniss's life of pretending.
The songs are mine. I made them up completely, and I really surprised myself. They're not that bad! The meaning was perfect for the story, too.
Please review! It'll help the sequel!
-Alien