Near to You
{'cause near to you, I am healing, but it's taking so long}
Chapter Ten: been away so long I hardly knew the place
Nathan's lips against her bare shoulder, trailing up toward her neck, woke her from a deep slumber. "Morning, beautiful."
"Mm," she purred appreciatively, rolling over and cupping his face in one of her hands as she kissed him. "G'morning, baby."
His lips brushed hers in a series of light, lazy kisses. "We've gotta get up and get ready to go."
She squeezed her eyes shut and stuck out her lower lip in a playful pout, though she was serious about the words she spoke: "I don't want to go."
"Come on," he said encouragingly, smiling gently as she squinted at him, skeptical of his enthusiasm. "It's Thanksgiving. I know you'd love to be home for the holidays. And don't even try to deny that you miss it there."
"I like being here with you," she whispered, cuddling close to him. "Here, away from all our history. It's…it's safe, and it feels so good."
"It's gonna be okay."
She buried her face in his t-shirt. "Don't make me go," she pleaded, her voice muffled.
He needed to be credited for his patience. "You can choose to do whatever you want about whatever you want, and I'll support you. But in the end, I know you, and I know you're going to go. Brooke needs you and you're not going to let her do this by herself."
Peyton sighed deeply. "If she didn't need me, I definitely wouldn't be going."
"I know. But she does."
"How are you so calm?!" she cried, sitting up in bed and throwing her hands into the air. "We're going to Tree Hill. Tree Hill."
"I'm aware of that," he chuckled.
"Yeah, well, are you aware of who lives in Tree Hill?"
"Yes, Peyt. My slightly crazed mother, my criminal of a father, my ex-wife, your ex-boyfriend, and my son."
She smiled weakly, admitting, "I do kinda want to see Jamie…"
Nathan grinned. "It's all going to be fine, babe. We go, we have fun, we come back to our lives here with each other." He cupped her chin gently in his hand, forcing her to meet his gaze as he searched her eyes. "Are you really that nervous about seeing Lucas?"
"And Haley," she said emphatically, grasping his free hand in both of hers. "Nathan, do you remember how I told you that I wanted to keep us just between…us? Ethan knows, and Brooke…well, caught us, but…I am so happy with this, with you and I. Bowling dates and pizza on your living room floor and waking up next to you in the morning…" She appealed to him with her eyes. "I don't want anything, or anyone, to ruin that, to ruin us."
He smiled fondly at her, tucking her curls back behind her ears. "Peyt –" he began, using a voice a bit more tender than she was accustomed to from him, but he was interrupted when Brooke knocked and opened the door without waiting for an answer.
The brunette was fully dressed and smiling brightly, happy to be heading home. "Rise and shine!" she chirped. Her eyebrows flew upward and she smiled slyly. "Well, hello, Mr. and Mrs. Scott," she commented as if impressed. She bounced down the hall, out of sight, calling over her shoulder, "Let's move, lovebirds! The plane takes off in three hours!"
Peyton sighed once more and bit her lower lip, peeking at her boyfriend through her eyelashes. "Do you think I'm crazy for worrying so much?"
"No. You're cute."
"Cute?" she questioned in protest, scrunching up her nose.
"Yes. And you want to know why?"
"Please," she said dryly, "Enlighten me."
He adjusted his position a bit, pushing the blankets aside and making sure he could look her in the eye. He clasped each of her hands in one of his and she held on tightly.
"You're cute because you're worrying about nothing. No matter where we go or who we see or what they say, we're going to be okay. I…" He took a deep breath and spoke confidently. "I love you, Peyton. And nothing, no one, is going to change that."
She stared at him breathlessly for a moment, surprised by her own reaction to his words, the sudden vulnerability and joy she felt. "You've never said that to me before," she whispered.
Nathan released her hands, kissing her forehead and wrapping her up in his arms. "I know. I know it's a big deal. But I do, I love you. You've talked about how happy I've made you, and you've done the same for me. I love you for that. I love that you, of all people, coach cheerleading, and I love that dress you wore last night and I love that you don't point out all the stupid things I do. You're beautiful and a great teacher and the best girlfriend, and I should've known that all along. I love you."
Peyton didn't reply at first, simply leaned in and kissed him softly, closing her eyes and melting into him. "I love you, too," she murmured earnestly, knowing in that moment that it was true. "Stupid things that you do and all."
He cracked a teasing grin. "If, when we get home, you still want to keep our relationship on the down low…then that's okay, I'm fine with that."
Giggling, she demanded, "Down low?"
"Shut up," he sighed good-naturedly.
"You'd do that for me?" she asked quietly.
"Anything," he said simply. The alarm clock went off, its annoying, incessant beeping filling the room. He turned to shut it off, sliding his legs over the side of the bed and throwing off the blankets. He pressed the 'off' button and turned to look at her over his shoulder, winking as he teased, "Mrs. Scott."
{x}
She tapped her foot impatiently against the tiled floor of the airport. "Shouldn't we be boarding by now? Maybe the flight's cancelled. What time is it?"
"Thirty seconds since the last time you asked, honey," Brooke replied lazily without looking up from her magazine. She sighed and lifted her gaze to meet Peyton's eyes. She looked sympathetic as she glanced back and forth between Nathan and Peyton. "Am I totally torturing you guys with this trip?"
"No," Peyton rushed to assure her, not wanting her best friend to feel guilty for needing her. "Of course not. We're fine. This is going to be…great."
Nathan wrapped an arm around her shoulders and kissed her temple. "That's my girl," he whispered, proud and amused all at once. "You almost sounded convincing."
She elbowed him lightly.
A voice filtered through the airport, announcing that their flight was boarding. Brooke hopped up to go, but Peyton moved slowly, gathering her things at a snail's pace and pausing to check to make sure she had her cell phone.
"Come on, P. Sawyer,' Brooke whined, hurrying off toward their gate, anxious to get home.
She felt Nathan's hand close around hers. Shooting him an apologetic smile, she sighed, "Sorry if I'm freaking out about this."
He simply shrugged, unconcerned, flashing her his very best grin. "Just another thing for me to love about you."
Kissing him gently, she sighed again, resting her forehead against his. She opened her eyes and smiled. "We're gonna be okay," she said firmly, and she meant every word.
He pulled her close as they walked quickly to catch up with Brooke, growling against her ear, "You know, I've always wanted to join the mile high club…"
She laughed and blushed, shaking her head in amusement and biting her lip as she pretended to consider the likelihood of his gaining a membership today. Of course he had.
{x}
"I hate economy class," Brooke huffed as she shifted in her seat, trying to get comfortable as she stretched out her legs.
"Don't be a snob," Peyton told her lightly. "This is fine. At least we're all sitting together."
"You get cookies in first class," the brunette told her, pouting.
Nathan, sitting in the aisle seat of their group of three, rolled his eyes and laughed. "I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'll see if I can snag you some cookies from some unsuspecting person's tray, Brooke," he added teasingly, kissing Peyton's knuckles before he released the hand he'd been holding.
"Thank you," Brooke said, narrowing her eyes at him, nonverbally scolding him for mocking her. The moment he was out of earshot, she let her magazine fall closed and said, "So, you two looked really cozy this morning."
"We've been over this. We're dating."
"Sleeping together."
"Well…yeah." Peyton furrowed her eyebrows. "Okay, not to imply anything bad, but since when have you disproved of sex?"
Brooke rolled her eyes. "You're not just 'sleeping together'," she sighed, making lazy air quotes. "You're practically living together. You've got stuff at his house, he's got 'his' side on your bed…"
"Are you going to tell me you think it's crazy? Because, like I said, we've already had this conversation."
"No. No, Peyton, I'm not trying to make you second guess anything, I just…I don't know. I guess when I walked in on you guys this morning, I realized that…this could actually be a permanent thing. I mean…" She looked hesitant. "You could make things, like, really permanent, someday."
Peyton cringed at the word she chose and Brooke winced apologetically.
"Sorry. But…you know what I mean." She studied her friend. "Does that scare you?"
She shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe it should but…for now, it's serious, but it's still fun, and I'm really happy, Brooke. And I think that's what really matters."
"Yeah. You're right."
"Um, but while we're on the topic…"
"Yeah?" Brooke asked eagerly, eyes gleaming as she sensed the possibility of impending gossip.
Peyton rolled her eyes, smiling affectionately. "I, um…well, we were wondering…if you could keep this to yourself?"
"What…you and Nathan?" she asked, eyes wide. "You want to keep it a secret?"
"Just for now," Peyton stressed pleadingly.
Brooke shrugged. "Your relationship, your choices. I'll do whatever you two want – it's not my information to tell."
"Thanks," she said with a relieved sigh.
The brunette bit her lip. "Are you sure about this, P. Sawyer? I mean…you know Tree Hill. Nothing that's secret stays secret for long."
"Well, if you keep your mouth shut, it will," she retorted.
"Meow," Brooke commented, raising her eyes and making claws with one of her hands.
"Sorry," Peyton sighed. "I just…"
Broke waved her apology away. "I know, hon. Consider it forgotten." She winked and reopened her magazine as Nathan walked down the tiny aisle and rejoined them.
He slipped into his seat and leaned in to speak close to her ear. "I thought you were going to come find me."
"I was talking to Brooke," she whispered back defensively. When he raised his eyebrows, she sighed and confessed, "Okay, I'm sorry, I chickened out. I guess you're just going to have to join the mile high club all by yourself." She shrugged blithely, taking pleasure in tormenting him.
"I kinda just did," he told her huskily, and he jaw dropped.
She slapped his chest with the back of his hand and hissed, "Nathan!"
He shrugged as well, grinning cheekily. "You're just going to make sure that doesn't happen again on the way back, aren't you?"
"I don't think so, bud," she said firmly, pulling away from him.
But he grabbed her hand before she could move too far, clasping it in his own and holding it against his chest, over his heart, and whispering in her ear until her cheeks turned pink and she wouldn't have been able to say no if he asked again. She looked downward, giggling to herself as Brooke muttered to herself about how irritating their flirtation was, and she forgot everything she'd been worrying about.
{x}
Her anxiety set in again the moment they touched down in Tree Hill.
"Breathe," Nathan reminded her as Brooke led the way through their hometown airport.
She shot him a quick smile and reached for his hand. "I can't believe we're back…" she murmured as she sighed. "It is kind of good to be home." Her smile widened. "I bet you can't wait to see Jamie."
He grinned back at her. "Yeah, I really can't."
"Then we'll go there first," she said decisively. "You shouldn't have to wait, not now that you're here."
His eyebrows flew up. "You want to go to Haley's house first? You'd do that for me?"
"Anything," she shrugged, smiling softly, repeating his sentiment from hours ago. "Besides, I know it's hard for you, too. And I know how much you want to see him. And I know…what it's like to miss your dad."
He kissed her forehead in a silent show of acknowledgment and sorrow over that fact along with gratitude that she was willing to make sacrifices for him. "You're pretty perfect, you know that?"
She burst out laughing. "Far from it," she corrected him, "but I do want you to be happy."
"Nathan!" Brooke called from the revolving belt of luggage. "I see my bag!"
He chuckled, grinning at his girlfriend. "Duty calls."
Peyton laughed, releasing his hand and watching him appreciatively as he walked over to assist her best friend. It was strange, being back in Tree Hill with Nathan and Brooke. They were her oldest friends from the place she'd grown up – there had been a simpler time when it had just been the three of them, and it gave her faith that things would work out now. She and Nathan had found their happiness elsewhere. It only seemed appropriate that they'd travel back home with Brooke so that she could find hers.
{x}
"Hey!" Peyton called, a wide smile on her lips as she let herself into the house that had once been Nathan and Haley's, but now belonged solely to his ex-wife. Even though she had her reservations over what Haley would think or say or feel once she learned of Peyton's relationship with her ex-husband, and even though she couldn't help but worry about how Nathan would react to the sight of the woman he'd once promised forever to, she was happy to be here, about to see one of her oldest friends. The conflicting emotions didn't even surprise her – considering the varied relationships in their small circle of friends, she was almost accustomed to it.
She dropped her purse and kicked off her shoes near the door continued, "Does Haley James, best musician in the world, live here? 'Cause if she does, she better get her butt down here right now!"
Brooke slipped her feet out of her heels, following Peyton further into the house. "Tutor Mom!" she called toward the stairs.
Haley emerged down the staircase, her face lighting up the moment she saw them both. "What're you doing here!?" she squealed excitedly, rushing down the rest of the stares and over to them, engulfing each of them in a super-tight hug. When she pulled back, her eyes were gleaming with unshed tears.
"Hales," Peyton said softly, touching her friend's cheek. If Haley started crying, Brooke undoubtedly would as well, and she wouldn't be far behind.
"God, I'm sorry, it's just so good to see you both!" she gushed, and the three girls found themselves tangled up in another group hug.
"Who is it?" Jamie's voice asked. He came into view only moments later, and his face lit up just like his mother's had, making both of his aunts grin.
"Hey, baby James," Peyton called, waving.
"Get over here and hug me, Jamie Scott!" Brooke contributed.
His attention, however, was focused behind them. His jaw dropped and the hugest smile bloomed on his face as he cried, "Daddy!" He practically flew down the stairs, running past Haley and in between Brooke and Peyton to launch himself into Nathan's arms.
"Hey!" Nathan said enthusiastically, wearing a smile filled with an equal amount of joy as he pulled his seven-year-old son into his arms. "Look at you!"
"I grew!" Jamie declared proudly as Nathan set him back down. "Didn't I, Mom?"
Haley lips twitched up into the briefest of smiles as she regarded her ex-husband. Peyton's eyes darted between them as her heart fluttered nervously.
"Hi, Nathan," Haley said softly, clearly shocked by his presence there.
He cleared his throat awkwardly. "Hey."
"Tell Dad how much I grew!" Jamie demanded impatiently, looking at him mother imploringly.
Her smile widened the moment she looked at her son. "A ton," she said dramatically, teasing him.
"I'm going to be a good basketball player, right?" Jamie asked Nathan eagerly, his eyes shining. It made Peyton's heart ache as she thought about how much it hurt father and son to be separated from each other for such long periods of time.
"You're gonna be the best," Nathan told him earnestly. "Why don't you go outside and warm up, then we'll play a game and see what you've got, okay?"
"Awesome!" Jamie cheered. "Hi, Aunt Brooke, Aunt Peyton," he added over his shoulder as he rushed outside.
"Hi and bye, kid," Peyton called after him fondly, a laugh in her throat. "He missed you," she said softly to Nathan.
He smiled softly in return, wordlessly thanking her for understanding just how much the distance hurt him.
Brooke coughed in a way that was clearly fake and forced, reminding Nathan and Peyton that they weren't alone. Haley gave her an odd look and smiled purposefully. "Um, so…all of you are here!"
"Um…yeah," Peyton shrugged. "Brooke wanted to come home for Thanksgiving, and I wanted to be with her and, it, um…it turns out that Nathan's teaching…at the same school I do. So…we convinced him to come, too."
"You don't need to worry about us crashing," Brooke added, taking some of the attention away from Peyton's awkward little speech. "Nathan's got his beach house with all those empty rooms."
"Right," Haley nodded. "But you know, you two can stay here, if you want. I've got room, and I've missed you!"
"I would love to!" Brooke jumped at the opportunity. "But then…Peyton should probably stay with Nathan, just to be fair. He shouldn't have to be alone, not during the holidays." She turned to her friends. "That's okay, right?" she asked, batting her eyelashes innocently. "It won't be weird or anything?"
Peyton glared at her. "No," she replied through gritted teeth, green eyes flashing. "Why would it be weird?" Though she was mad at her friend for goading her, she had to admit that Brooke had smoothly arranged for them to have some space for themselves.
"Great!" Brooke clapped her hands together in approval. "So it's settled." She beamed at Haley. "You look great, the house looks great…and Jamie…he seems perfect."
"He is," Haley sighed with a proud smile.
"He's growing so fast," Peyton contributed, feeling the pain of this fact on Nathan's behalf.
"He really is," her boyfriend agreed, his eyes focused on Haley as he tried to smile. "Too old to call us Momma and Daddy now, huh?"
"Too cool," Haley agreed with a sad, forced smile of her own.
Peyton felt her heart seize up when their eyes remained locked in silent communication, a wordless conversation that could have been solely parental or could have been something more. She repeatedly reminded herself not to be jealous. They were going to be fine. He'd said so and she'd said so and that's what was going to happen.
Brooke, sensing Peyton's discomfort with the intimacy of the moment, opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted when a girl Peyton didn't recognize came rushing into the house. A quick glance at Brooke confirmed that her best friend was baffled by this strange person's appearance as well; Nathan appeared equally confused as he subtly shrugged at her.
She was about their age, with hair somewhere between the realms of brown and blonde, pretty eyes, cute outfit. She looked a little frantic and was teary-eyed but somehow appeared happy even through all of that. "Haley!" she called joyously.
Smiling in gentle confusion, Haley said, "Lindsey, hey, what's…"
"Sorry, we didn't realize you had company…" she trailed off, suddenly realizing that there was a roomful of people staring at her. Her eyes drifted over to Nathan, seeming to recognize him as Haley's ex, before her gaze settled on Brooke. She also seemed to recognize the brunette, probably due to Brooke's exceptional success. Peyton expected this person, whose name she didn't even know, to glance over her without a second thought, but instead the girl's eyes widened and she seemed to stop breathing momentarily. She stared at Peyton for a long, stunned moment, and Peyton caught Haley's quiet gasp of realization.
Peyton turned to her old friend, hoping for an explanation, but she's was cut off by a voice she recognized all too well, happiness evident in its intonation: "Guess who's engaged?!"
She wasn't sure how she managed to connect all the dots to quickly in her baffled brain, but less than a second later her eyes fell on the new girl's left hand, and she saw a ring so familiar that her heart slammed to a halt against her ribs.
She was unaware of everything going on around her. Brooke, Nathan, Haley, and the new girl she had no name for swam out of focus in every way as she caught her breath. She looked up, desperate to fill her lungs and find something to focus on, and found herself face to face with the boy she'd once loved so very much, with the man whose proposal she'd said someday to, with the author whose work had haunted her for years.
Luke. She wasn't sure if she said it or if she just thought it, but either way, the anguish was easily readable in every bit of her body language, and she saw all the shock and regret and torment in the way he looked back at her. She stumbled backward a bit but didn't tear her eyes away from him.
He was engaged. He was engaged to this other girl and he'd given away the ring that Peyton had always thought was meant to be hers.
If she'd been able to see or hear or think anything other than him and his name and his ring and this girl that was not her, if she'd been able to turn around and meet her boyfriend's eyes, she would have seen the anxiety and the barely disguised hurt on Nathan's face.
She would have known that he was wondering whether or not they were going to be okay after all.
A/N: No one got last chapter's song! The line was from The Postal Service's Such Great Heights. Iron & Wine did a cover. Guesses for this chapter's song? Thoughts on the content? Review!