The morning sun warmed Karen's face as she stirred in bed, and for a second it was as if Keith's arm was around her, and she delighted in the dreamy sensation. But then, the harsh reality that was the same all the time replaced the warm feeling of bliss, and Karen rose to face the new day.

"Hey, how are you? Good morning," said a bright Andy, who was standing at the counter when she walked into the kitchen, making coffee with Lily.

"Fine. Good morning to you too," Karen said sleepily. "How'd you sleep, Lily?"

"Good," Lily said, coming to sit next to Karen. "Where's Lucas? I didn't see him last night."

Karen looked to Lucas's closed door. Last night, Lucas had come in at about 10:30, emerged from his room after a few minutes, said a few, hurried words of goodnight, and disappeared. He hadn't been asleep though; Karen had seen the strip of light from beneath his door and had even heard him moving around before she went to sleep at 11:30. Sometime during the night, when she had gotten up for a snack, she found his light still on. Looking in, she saw Lucas asleep sideways on his bed, contents of his closet strewn about him, and a shoebox beside his head. She had woken him up, and minutes later, when she went back to bed, he was asleep again, this time right-side up in the bed.

"Why don't you go wake him up, Lily? He's in his room."

"OK!" said Lily excitedly. As she ran off, Andy sat down in the chair she vacated.

"Coffee," he announced, handing her a cup.

In Lucas's room, Lily cautiously approached the mountain of sheets and pillows and blankets, somewhere in the midst of which Lucas was.

"Lucas…" she whispered.

"Boo!" Lucas shouted, jumping up and throwing the pile off of him. He grabbed a screaming Lily around the middle, and hoisted her up before she could run off.

"No! No! No!" she screamed, cackling madly.



"I got you," Lucas growled.

After a few minutes of tickling and laughing, Lucas finally set Lily down and she went running into the kitchen, still laughing.

Lucas followed her, coming into the kitchen just as Lily was dragging Andy outside. Lucas sat down next to his mom.

"She's energetic this morning," Lucas said, gesturing towards Lily through the window. She and Andy were throwing with a basketball back and forth.

Karen smiled. "Yeah… So, what happened last night?" She asked curiously, shifting to face him.

"Just going through some old stuff. Found those letters from Brooke."

"Brooke?"

"Yeah. Last night was a weird night, full of surprises."

"Like what?"

"Just stuff. New developments in my life, if you will."

"Stuff. As in stuff with Brooke and Peyton?"

"Yeah," Lucas said, scratching the back of his neck, not even asking how him mom knew. "I just don't know what to do about all of it."

"Well, what's confusing you?"

"Before, I thought I was in love with Lindsey, but everyone thought I loved Peyton. Now, I don't love Lindsey, Peyton's confusing me and Brooke said she loved me last night. It's insane."

Karen raised her eyebrows. "She told you she loved you?"

Lucas mentally swore. How his mom managed to drag things out of him he never would know. "No, she told Jamie that the reason she and Owen didn't work out is because 'he could never have been the man she would always be in love with' and that that man is me."

"Hmm. And why does that have you confused?"



He thought for a moment, realizing the truth behind his mother's words. Why was he confused that Brooke loved him? Sure, he could say that having different people love him was confusing, but his mom wouldn't buy that, and neither would he. "I guess, because of the way I feel towards her." Karen leaned forward.

"You mean, you like her, but as a friend."

Lucas shook his head, staring at a spot on the floor, as if deciphering his answers from it. "Not entirely. It's something strange: she's more than a friend, but past that, I don't know. There's a part of me that wants to be with her, but a part is holding back because she hasn't been interested in me for years."

"But how do you feel about her?"

"I don't know, alright!" Lucas was suddenly on his feet, not angry, just unsettled. "I don't know if she's just a friend, I don't know how she really feels about me, and I don't know if I love her!"

Karen, used to these rare outbursts from her son, remained quiet, but a satisfied smile flitted across her face for a fraction of a second before Lucas could tell that it had been there for sure.

"What?" he asked when she didn't say anything. Lucas sat down as he waited for her to say something. This time, he caught the quick smile.

"I didn't say anything about you loving her."

Silence.

Karen switched tactics in an attempt to solve the enigma surrounding her son's confusion, which she was sure he didn't know the answer to himself. "Luke, I know that isn't the only thing holding you back from talking to her. What else is there?"

"I guess everything that's going on with Peyton."

"Peyton?"

"Uh-huh."

"So, do you love Peyton?"



"Who are you, Doctor Phil?" Karen raised an eyebrow, but repeated her question.

"How do you fee—"

Lucas stood up again, this time the force sending the chair flying backwards. "I don't know if I love anyone!" Karen stood up as well, going to where Lucas stood with his back towards her, leaning on the counter. The muscles in his arms were showing through the skin, and the veins were pulsing in his wrists as he gripped the edge of the sink.

"What did you feel with Peyton?"

Lucas was taken aback. No one had ever asked him that question in such an outright manner before. "I guess I felt… complete. I just identified with Peyton.We could talk for hours, without any fights or yelling. It was simple, we talked about our favorite bands, or her art, or my writing, and we just got each other. It was so easy, and that's why everyone said we were meant to be. And I think we are."

"And Brooke?"

"Brooke," Lucas laughed, "Brooke was staggering. We had fights, occasionally, only to makeup a few seconds later. It wasn't angry fights, really, more just tension. I don't know why we were ever tense, I felt completely natural with her, but we still got into the meaningless little things. Once we, even argued about whether The Hills was scripted or not. But she was mind-blowing. Stunning, overwhelming, strong-minded, tough-as-hell Brooke Davis, the same Brooke that could be curled in my arms, totally vulnerable and open, just minutes later." Lucas seemed to be talking to himself now, thinking aloud, skaing his head, smilng and remembering simpler times. "But most of all, Brooke was alive. And she made me feel alive. We didn't go together, we didn't match, but I loved it all. And I loved her. More than anything."

"Then you should go after her," came Andy's voice simply. He and Lily stood in the doorway, having come in right as Lucas was talking about Peyton. Lucas looked at him, but it was more than just a glance. He seemed to be considering him, considering something. Then Lucas looked back at his mom.

"What do you think, having said that?" Karen asked Luke.



"It's not that easy," Lucas whispered hoarsely to Andy, ignoring his mother's question. The one he didn't know the answer to.

"Well, it should be. Going after one and making the wrong decision is better than going after neither and not getting hurt. And from what I've heard, you could be with either Brooke or Peyton and still be happy. You just have to decide which one would make you happier. But you have to take the chance."

There was silence in the kitchen.

"Who's Brooke, your girlfriend?" Lily sang.

"There's something I have to do," Lucas said finally, nodding and exiting the room.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"So, yeah, there's this guy here, a guy who's interested in signing with the label."

"Mia, really?"

Peyton was leaning against her desk in the office, cell phone to her ear. Mia had just called from Atlanta, and had excitedly told Peyton about a young, unsigned artist she had met. He said that he had heard about the label, and how it sounded different than the big industry labels he had approached. So, he had gone to Mia's show, snuck back stage and asked her about it.

"Mia, what's his name?"

"Um, I didn't get it, but he said he might be up your way on a stop over flight soon, so he may see you."

"That's great!"

"Yeah, it'll be the second artist," Mia said.

After a few more minutes of unimportant banter, Peyton and Mia finally said good-bye. After the phone clicked off, Peyton took a deep breath and looked around the room.

Open. Warm. Comfortable. Alive.



Her office in TRIC possessed all of these qualities, by Karen's design, probably. Its airy space and floor-to-ceiling windows. But in her time spent there, Peyton had managed to add her own brand of edginess to it: old albums as wall art, her decision to keep the unfinished, rusty looking walls and floor, the vintage furniture, the shafts of light that filtered through the old windows and seemed to highlight every dust particle that wafted through the air. Within a few short weeks of Lucas giving it to her, the office already felt like home. Hell, she even slept here occasionally.

Reminding herself that she had to get some actual work done, Peyton went back to a list of possible bands. She couldn't wait forever on the mystery artist from Atlanta.

"Hmm…Suspected…End of it all...Detonation…ok, huh, Air Eclipse…"

"Air eclipse?" asked a quiet, hoarse voice from above her.

"Crap," Peyton breathed, dropping the demo CD and falling back into her chair. "Luke, you scared the hell out of me." She grinned up at him, laughing in relief. He smiled softly back, the way he used to. But somehow, the smile didn't reach his icy blue eyes. Or was she just being paranoid?

It didn't matter. Everything felt right, right now. They were in TRIC, which they shared, in a way. He had come to see her, as he had promised last night. He was asking her how the bands were going. He was brooding, obvious from the way his hair stood out in all directions and with Lucas brooding, along came Peyton to brood with him.

Everything was right.

"Sorry," he apologized simply, but when their gazes locked unseen emotions were transferred, and Peyton felt his sorrow and remorse and a bittersweet feeling she wasn't used to with him. He was usually so black and white, instead of a thousand shades of grey. They didn't need words to communicate.

Well, maybe just a few.

"Luke, I'm really happy you came by," Peyton started the conversation. She steeled herself for what she was about to do, to connect with Lucas once more in that magical way they once had and restore themselves to all the glory they had 

had in high school as a couple. They completed each other, and Peyton was tired of feeling alone. She needed to steel herself because she was so used to feeling alone and being independent that it would be a bit of a shock to be with him again, and it was hard to give up that bad-ass attitude she usually carried. But she had to do it. On a whim, she reached out and wrapped her arms around Lucas.

"Peyton," Lucas sighed into her hair in the same soft voice, gingerly accepting the hug as though his ribs were broken. As Peyton pulled away, she took in his genuine face, crowned with his messy blonde hair and icy blue eyes that complemented the deep blue dress shirt that hung loosely over his body. She was overcome, and decided to take a wild shot in the dark.

Before they were so far apart that Lucas could have foreseen her intentions and it would have been awkward, Peyton stretched up and kissed him.

The night at the basketball appreciation party…the hotel when her father went missing…the school shooting…the state championship…everything they had melted together. Peyton eased in, and memories of them swirled into a fierce storm of fantastic shapes and colors that whirled past her closed eyes, becoming a manic gale of undefined contour and reminiscences that seemed to culminate in this single moment…

And then he pulled away.

"Peyton." Lucas murmured her name for the second time as he stared at a spot on the floor. "You're not making this any easier."

"What?" asked a confused Peyton, as she watched him turn away and run his hands through his hair. For a brief, ridiculous moment, she wondered where Lucas had gotten that particular trait. He certainly hadn't done it when she first met him.

"You're not making this any easier," Lucas muttered again, louder than before even though he knew Peyton had heard him. He still faced away from her.

"Lucas, making what easier?" Peyton pressed warily, touching his shoulder softly and cocking her head to meet his averted eyes.

"This!" Lucas shouted, suddenly turning back to face her. "Us! You and me! Your— your— campaign— to be with me! I want it to stop!"



Peyton was shell-shocked, and remained silent as he stalked to the other side of the room, rubbing his face and hair. She had been expecting a heartfelt speech after their kiss, like the ones Brooke used to tell her about in senior year, not a savage outburst scorning their relationship. Her body turned on automatic. "Lucas, I'm sorry, I moved too fast, I can wait, like I said before, I can sacrifice—"

"Sacrifice?" Lucas's voice took an incredulous turn. "Peyton, sacrifice is what Keith did at the school that day. Sacrifice is what Jake did the first time, turning away from everything he knew for the sake of his daughter. I can understand forgoing one's feelings for the betterment of all those around them, like Brooke did before, but 'burying' your feelings for me does nothing, and then to parade it around as if you expect a medal!"

Lucas's every word was a shard of ice, like his eyes, that whistled through the air and ripped Peyton to shreds. She was strong, yes, but not faced with a situation as alien as this. Peyton dissolved, and she sank onto the couch with tears running down her face.

When he saw normally strong Peyton like that, Lucas softened, realizing what he had just said. "Peyton, Peyton, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that." He crossed the room in two steps and was in front of her.

Swallowing, she said, "I think you did."

"No, I didn't. I never meant for it to come out like that, and I never meant to hurt you." The line reminded for an instant of something he had said a long time ago, to another girl, and she had sadly responded with something that had stuck in his head since then.

Peyton didn't respond with anything but more silent tears.

"I just, I needed to tell you that I can't do this," Lucas decided that there was no point in hiding his true intentions any more, no point in masking his reason for coming here. "Since this whole- triangle from hell started, it's caused nothing but trouble and strife and drama in my life, and in yours. I came to tell you that I'm not going to be a part of it anymore."

Peyton finally looked up at him. "I know! And I get it and I just want to know why we can't just get out of it together, and leave Tree Hill, and never come back. We'll be fine together!" Her offer was serious: Tree Hill held nothing but broken, horrible memories of an old life. Lucas sat down next to her.



"Peyton, you know I can't do that. No matter where I go, Tree Hill is home. My home." She simply looked up and shook her head, incensing Lucas to stand up again.

"I've thrown away so much for us, and look where it's gotten you and me! I lost Lindsey and—" He paused, not knowing how to continue.

"Brooke?" Peyton guessed, tears welling again. How dare he insinuate that she hadn't given up things for him. Her friendship with Brooke, for example. Her relationship with Jake and Jenny.

"Yeah," Lucas said, defeated.

Peyton nodded. "You mentioned her earlier. Is she what this is about?"

He evaded the question. "Like I said, I've thrown it all away for nothing…"

"Nothing? I'm nothing?" Peyton stood from the couch as her voice rose. She was fighting that nagging suspicion in her mind, fighting against that which was becoming more and more plausible…

"Peyton, you're important to me! But--"

"I was next to you Lucas; I was next to you when all you're dreams came true."

"I wanted you next to me, at the time. But you weren't. Brooke pushed me in your direction at the championship game. Brooke was there when my book was published, she was always there. And I want her to be." He finished with a sort of firmness as he came to the point of his visit, waiting for the inevitable.

"So she is what this is all about," said Peyton with incredulous disbelief in every word. "The one who came in after me, the one who stole you away from me."

"Peyton—"

"You said it was me, Lucas! At the game that night, you said it was me and I didn't need anymore words because I felt it. And I know you felt it too." She was reverting to her fall-back, her safety blanket in those few words at the State Championship. She shook her head torpidly, still disbelieving.



When Lucas next spoke, it was with a quiet tone and guarded tongue. "And that night, remember when I disappeared for a couple hours? I drove to Brooke's. I didn't see her, I just sat in my car. I sat in my car out in front and allowed the silence to slow the thoughts in my head. The silence absorbed me, and soon, I thought about everything, because I wasn't trying to think at all. And that's when I realized what a mistake I was making. I should have been fighting for Brooke, like she fought for me. You may say that she didn't fight at all, that she tried to push me away, but you know it's a lie. She fought every instinct she had, every instinct that told her to never open her heart again, much less to me. She fought against my ultimatum after I caught her with Chris. She fought against all the people who said that we weren't right for each other. And the amazing thing is, she did it without even realizing it. She fought for us without realizing it."

Peyton turned away, masking her pain with a bitter sarcasm. "Well, I can certainly see why you're a writer: that was a very eloquent explanation."

"Why the hell do you always do this?"

"Because no matter what you thought at the time, I was still next to you when your dream came true. You told me so." Lucas saw that she was going to stand by that until the end, and he turned away with a depleted sigh.

"I may have wanted you next to me," he whispered to the wall, for it was much easier to talk at than Peyton. "But she was the one by my side. Our ship sailed, Peyton, it's too late. It was a high school romance, and yes, maybe we were meant to be together. As friends. But with Brooke, it's all or nothing, and I want it all. She's always been there, and I need her to always be. I'm sorry, Peyton."

He reached for her crumpled form, her shoulders that were bowed from heartbreak and by extension, reaching for her heart that had just been wrenched to pieces. But, just as he had done during the kiss, she pulled away. She closed up, in order to salvage what was left.

"Get out." Peyton parried all of his protests with the two small words. She didn't even look up until she heard the swish of the opening door, and then she heard it slam. It echoed with a resounding finality, as if it did more than just close the door between her and Lucas.

Eventually, the echoes of the door faded.



Cold. Painful. Numb. Lifeless.

The silence was deafening.