A/N: Wow, thanks for all the amazing reviews! I love opening up my email and seeing the "Review alert" thing, and it's even better when I read all the praise, so thank you very much. They really pulled me from a dark place the other night.
Anyways, going back to the earlier thing I said in another chapter, about how I said that my fic was kinda straying from the essence of the show? Well, I believe that right now, we've had too much seriousness. Therefore, we'll be seeing some comic relief soon (at least, I hope it's comic), and some Naley, which is all drama free for the moment. Hang in there, we'll have some non-couple stuff in a while and some drama free stuff as well.
Finally, read and enjoy! And review! That would be nice too!
She leaned into the kiss, angling her head slightly falling deeper and deeper into his lips. He put his hands on the small of her back and held her tight. She did the same, placing her hands on the back of his neck. The kiss was full of passion, and hungry, but was still slow and meaningful and natural, unlike some of the ones that they had shared in high school. This was a kiss that was full of longing and a hidden, pent-up need for one another.
Finally, they pulled away when the need for oxygen became too great. But they stayed embraced, resting their foreheads together. She stared at his swollen lips, then raised her hazel eyes to his icy blue ones. This time, he could read that captivating gaze, see the unspoken question on her lips:
What are we getting into?
Brooke stirred in bed, the morning sun shining through the tall window. She had always loved this time of day, with the silence and pristine stillness. Brooke smiled, she was truly happy today, she didn't care why. It was a beautiful feeling, something she had not felt this strongly for a long time. She had finally kissed Lucas...
It lasted for all of about a second. The realization of what had happened last night hit her with the force of a truck, jolting her from bed. She had kissed Lucas! She ran downstairs, shock burying her happiness. She jumped the last two steps, swinging around the banister to get to the phone. What the hell had happened last night, in her moment of temporary insanity? Had Lucas gone home? Had he stayed here? Had they done more than kiss? What—
Brooke had just picked the phone up when she heard them in the kitchen. "And, your Aunt Brooke—"
Brooke set down the phone and walked into the kitchen, forcing a calm over herself. Jamie was sitting at the table across from him, laughing at a story Lucas was telling him. They turned to see her with matching smiling faces. "Good morning Jamie," Brooke said through a forced smile, "I need to borrow your Uncle Lucas for a moment. We will be right back." Without warning she snatched Lucas by the ear and dragged him into another room.
"Aunty Brooke, did you really write 82 letters?" Jamie's voice was full of awe from the other room.
"Lucas! What the hell is wrong with you?" Brooke voice had dropped to a dangerous whisper.
"What are you talking about, Brooke?"
"Why the hell would you kiss me?" She waved her arms around dangerously, and Lucas leaned back in alarm.
"Brooke, I want to be the one you can lean on. I-" Brooke interrupted him.
"Lucas, Peyton loves you! I can't step in front of her for my own feelings. I won't." Brook's voice had lost some of its edge; now, she just seemed unsure of herself. "Lucas, I feel like we are going behind Peyton's back. Have you even seen her recently?"
"Yeah, Brooke I have; when I told her it wouldn't work out," Lucas said strongly. Brooke took a step back, unsure of what she was hearing. "It was a few days into Haley and Nathans vacation," he continued, "I was digging through my closet one night, and do you know what I found?" Brooke shook her head, knowing what it was but not wanting him to continue. "82 letters. 82 confessions of not only love, but vulnerability. 82 chances that you gave me to take advantage of you, but you put yourself out there anyways. You were so beautiful in that moment, and so open, I fell in love with you again." He shook his head in wonder. "And then we broke up, but they were always with me. Do you know why, five years later, I still have them?"
"Because… you never clean out your closet?" she guessed, trying (and failing) to make light of the situation.
"I kept them to hold onto you, even if it was subconsciously After High School, I felt you slipping away. You were always there, all the time I was with Peyton. You were there then, you're here now, and you always will be with me, in my heart. And I told Peyton so."
She stood there, her eyes searching for his face, looking for something but she didn't know what. Maybe some hint of a joke, maybe the truth, she had no idea. She shook her head. "Luke, really, you're not in love with me, you just think you are—"
"I told you that I fell in love with you at that moment when you handed me the letters. The other night, I re-read them all, and it happened all over again. I know Brooke. I'm sure."
Silence.
"Brooke, I want you to listen to this," he said, holding out his iPhone. Tentatively, Brooke put the headphones in.
A slow, sweet melody washed over her, one that was unknown to her, accompanied by the smooth voice of the singer—
Pouring over photographs.
I'm living in your letters.
Breathe deeply from this envelope
it smells like you and I can't be
without that scent. It's filling me
with all you mean to me.
Then Lucas took the headphones out of her ears. "See, Brooke?"
She ignored his question. "Who is that?" she asked, nodding at the phone.
"Dashboard Confessional— Living in Your Letters. Fits, huh? There's a reason it's one of my top played."
Brooke shook her head again, trying to push the sentiment out her head. She glanced towards the kitchen. "Lucas, can you stay with Jamie the rest of the day?" Tears began to fall from her eyes, tears that she realized had been there the whole conversation, "Nathan and Haley are supposed to be home today, and I cannot do this right now. Just, I can't." She backed towards the door, and when he didn't say anything, she left.
Lucas walked back into the kitchen listlessly, and Jamie noticed.
"What happened, Uncle Lucas?" he asked innocently.
Lucas looked at him appraisingly for a long moment before he answered.
"Jamie, I need a favor."
She slid down against the door of the sleazy motel room she had just rented, running her hands through her hair. How could he say something like that? How could he say something like that now, when all the evidence has been pointing to the contrary? Tears ran down her face like razorblades. She hadn't been able to handle it when he told her. She had gotten out of there as quickly as possible. She had been on the road since, not going anywhere in particular, but just driving. It calmed her, made her focus on other things. The wind flowing over the windshield and drying her tear-stained face. It was her release. For as long as she could remember, she had been doing this. Not running away, but trying to avoid the pain by escaping it. And this was the worst pain she had ever felt.
All the memories, everything she had had with him. Cookie dough. Prom. Derek. State Championship. The Mixtape. "It's you." Almost running him over with her car. The first glances, the first real looks where loved passed between them. The night in the motel room, when they were looking for her dad. A motel room, she decided, that looked a lot like this. This thought brought a new wave of memories washing over her, and fresh tears of pain sprung to her eyes.
How could he love Brooke?
What happened to True Love Always?
It wasn't meant to be, Peyton..., said the snide little voice in the back of her head. Or were Lucas's words just playing over and over again in her mind?
She had to do something. She had to go somewhere. Peyton had learned long ago that the only way to help heal pain was to do things. She paced the room like a caged tiger, trying to think of some way out of this nightmare. She loved Lucas. She had always only ever loved Lucas.
Are you sure? The voice asked silkily. She let loose a small scream of frustration and left the room, slamming the door shut behind her.
Peyton climbed into her comet, throwing it into reverse and slamming on the gas. She had to move again. She had to get out.
The sleek white jet had just begun to unload its passengers. Lucas and Jamie stood expectantly in the waiting area, Jamie fidgeting with excitement, Lucas motionless. Even a moment like this couldn't lift his spirits from after Brooke had left. But he had a plan, one that caused a small bubble of hope to rise in his chest. If all went well, that bubble would be twice its size by tonight. But there was no time to think of that. Nathan and Haley had just descended the stairs, and were on their way over, arm in arm, happiness shining through their faces like beacons.
"How was it?"Asked Lucas after hugs and hellos had been exchanged, and they were on their way to the baggage claim.
"Beautiful" replied Haley, "And it--"
"Rained a lot, too," Nathan said with a grin. Lucas and Haley laughed.
"I don't like the rain," Jamie said.
"I do," Nathan said with an even wider grin.
Haley shot her husband a rueful smile. She looked torn between being pleased with herself or embarrassed. "Where's Brooke?" she said to Lucas.
"Yeah, I gotta talk to you about that… but for now, tell me more about London." He whispered the first part, but then raised his voice.
They strode through the endlessly milling crowds and joined the throng around the baggage claim. As they waited for their bags to come around the conveyor, Haley took Lucas to one side.
"What's up with you? You seem distracted," she asked worriedly, "Oh no. Did you talk to Peyton?"
He shrugged. "Sorta. But she is not who I need your help with." Haley raised an eyebrow, then both when she heard Brooke's name.
He quickly summarized the whole story, finishing with a plea for help. "Please, all I need you to do is talk to her. She won't listen to me. Nathan can help too, if you can think of a way to include him." He gave her a desperate look.
"Lucas, I want you to be happy, and I'm not sure that you know what you want right now. Lindsey just left—"
"Haley, all I know is that I want to be with Brooke. I want to be closer to her than we are right now; it's like she's keeping me at an arms length no matter what she does."
"Um, you ever stop to think about the reason for that?" Lucas looked away, and Haley withdrew her harsh attack, and she spoke softer. "You just gotta realize those things, Luke."
"Haley, I know. Believe me." He shrugged, not knowing how else to say it.
"Are you completely sure? I don't want Brooke to have her heart broken again, and let's face it; you have a bit of a track record." Haley fingered her necklace worriedly and glanced to Nathan and Jamie. Jamie had just climbed onto the conveyor and Nathan was trying to pull him down. He seemed to have it handled, so Haley turned back to face Lucas.
"You know what she said to me one night when I came over? She talked about how alone she felt, and that's when I realized how I didn't want her to feel that way, and I wanted to be the one to fix it. And I will be, whether I have your blessing or not."
Haley sighed in defeat. "Ok. I'll help, because I want you to be happy. But I swear Lucas—"
"I promise."
"Ok, then."
Lucas just smiled.
"Hey, Millicent it's me, I just wanted to talk to you," Mouth said, wandering in circles outside the studio. "When you get this message, just call me—"
"Well, it's obvious you wanted to talk to me, you've called three times already," came Millicent's laughing voice. Mouth smiled.
"I just wanted to ask you if you were doing anything tonight,"
"Other than my date with you? I just have to see a couple more guys, and then my night will be over."
"Ha ha. Well, if that's the case, then I guess the other guys will have to miss out. Because I got two reservations to that restaurant you like, and they're at eight. And after, I have a bit more set up, just for us. And by the time you go see all those other guys, I think it'll be a little bit late. Unless you like getting home at three am. Then everything will work out."
On the other line, Millicent was smiling and nodding and agreeing occasionally, letting Mouth do all the talking. In the end, she heard him say, "So, does this sound good to you? Or do those other guys have something better?" He joked.
"Well, I guess not. Will you pick me up at seven thirty?"
"Of course. And I promise not to drop you in the river this time."
"That's too bad, it was really fun," she laughed.
As they discussed the remainder of their plans, Brooke grinned and pretended to rearrange some papers on the counter so she could listen in better. The two were standing in C/B right before closing, checking off the last of the inventory. Millicent hung up the phone and looked towards Brooke's smirking face.
"What?" she asked. Brooke smiled even wider, although it wasn't an entirely innocent face.
"Other guys? Milli, I think I'm starting to rub off on you! That was a very Brooke Davis thing to say!"
Millicent just laughed. "So, Brooke," she said presently, after the fun had subsided and a more serious tone pervaded the shop. "You haven't really said anything all day. Which, to be exact, is not very Brooke Davis at all."
Brooke half-smiled, re-folding a shirt that was askew from the rest of the pile, using it as a distraction. "Nothing, it's ok."
Millicent cocked her head. "Brooke."
"Milli, nothing," Brooke insisted. But Millicent saw Brooke jump hopefully when a sweatshirt-clad man walked past the front door of the shop. More importantly, she saw Brooke's disappointed slump after the man walked by without even looking at the shop. It wasn't anyone Brooke knew, just a man resembling a ghost of Brooke's past. Or maybe, present? Suddenly, Millicent realized something in the late afternoon sun.
"Is it Lucas?"
Brooke ignored her. "Um, ok, Millicent, I think everything's done," Brooke said, looking around the shop and idly rocking on her toes, "I guess you should go get ready for that date with Mouth, huh?"
"Uh yeah, I guess…" Millicent agreed slowly, reluctantly allowing herself to be ushered out the door. "Don't you need a ride home?"
"Me? Oh, no, I'm fine. I'm just going to hang out here for a while, then head home by way of a cab or something. But, right before your date can you swing by and lock up?" Brooke pleaded.
"Yeah, of course. Are you sure you're going to be ok?"
"Yeah, yeah I'll be fine. Now, go have fun!" With that, Brooke sent Millicent on her way. As soon as her car was out of sight, Brooke sank to the ground, sliding down with her back pressed against the door and her hands covering her head.
Everyone could tell; what was she going to do?
Dashboard Confessional— Living in Your Letters
I'm always assuming the worst,
but you're going on nonetheless
and there's nothing to cushion your heart led fall.
Letters from further away
keep pulling me close to home.
And there's something to cushion my callous sighs.
And I know that you hope for
longer good-byes
embracing for forever
and falling in your eyes.
(In your eyes, your eyes)
Pouring over photographs.
I'm living in your letters.
Breathe deeply from this envelope
it smells like you and I can't be
without that scent. It's filling me
with all you mean to me.
(To me)
Continually failing these trials
but you stand by me nonetheless
and you won't let me sink
though I'm beggin you, I'm begging you
Phone calls from further away
and messages on my machine,
but I don't ever tell you this distance
seems terrible.
There is no need to test my heart,
with useless space.
These roads go on forever,
there will always be a place, for you.. in my heart
So I'll hit the pavement
it's gotta be better than waiting
and pushing you far away
cause I'm scared.
So I'll take my chances
and head on my way up there.
'Cause turning to you is like falling in love when you're ten.