A/N:

Let this be known: I don't do drugs so this is all just going off research

Any block of text (they'll be at least a paragraph-ish) that is separated and in italics is a trip. There is one "good" (happy, Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds kind of ) trip and one VERY Bad trip. Use your discretion: read both, read one, read none. The plain text is important for the narrative. For Mark to start healing I had to do this chapter, not just say it happened. This IS Rock bottom for Mark, it gets better from here on out.

Oh, and I don't mean to imply all Beatles fans do acid (I'm one and I wouldn't touch LSD with a 70 foot pole) but some probably do, and my O.C.s are and do.

This chapter is dedicated to Macbeth2 – she's been a fantastic reviewer . Oh, and Yahoo answers- the best thing for research on LSD trips ever.

Don't own. Well, except Beth-Ann and Kay. Their mine. But I'm not sure anyone will want them after this.

XXX

Mark never does return to the loft after Roger dies. He lives a vagabond existence, at first crashing on Maureen and Joanne's couch. What is supposed to keep him from losing his mind ends up not working at all. Maureen keeps patronizing and babying him, Joanne becomes his unofficial warden, following him out. He his encouraged- sometimes forced- to go to Life Support. Again, what should be helping is making matters worse.

Paul makes promises: life will get better, he will move on. He will slowly but surely return to normal.

Mark nearly strangles the older black man. He gets up and leaves in a huff instead. Roger always said Mark would never last half a day in jail. Mark wanders the streets for a while, waiting for Joanne to arrive and guide him back to the 'safety' of her apartment . The fifteen minutes she takes to show up are plenty for Mark to think.

Paul's attempts at reassurance are lies. Nothing but lies. The normal Mark knows- has known since he was 18 and moved in to the loft - is gone. He has to create a new normal. And, it can not have anything to do with the Alphabet-City Avant-garde. It can't have anything to do with Avenues A,B,C, or D, at all. If he had his way he'd leave New York City all together but he can't think of anywhere else to go. He can't afford Long Island, though he's heard it's quiet. But suburbia isn't his thing. Santa Fe – too many memories, even though he never went there. Plus, money is an issue. He can't leave New York at all . He wouldn't last in the Bronx. Roger once mentioned moving to Brooklyn when Benny had been in a real snit about the rent. That's it. Brooklyn. He'll find a job in Brooklyn and start over. Start the bloody fuck over.

He has his camera, scarf, and...he checks his pockets...enough money (he sold all of Roger's stuff except the guitar...he'd write for that) to get something to eat, maybe a crappy hotel for a while. And, subway fare. Joanne isn't due for another five minutes. He runs back in, to Paul's small office. The counselor is bent over paper work, his short dark dreadlocks are hung over his face. But when Mark knocks on his door frame, Paul brightens and stands.

Mark shakes his head. "No time. Paul, look. You're gonna say that I'm being irrational. And maybe I am. But I need a fresh start after all this."

"Not irrational. Lots of people that loose people close to them get fresh starts."

"I mean, right now. Joanne is coming to walk me home, and I just don't want them to worry. Let her know I'm heading to Brooklyn. I'll write or call when I get settled."

Mark is out the door before Paul can even stand up. Small and fast, he is down the block and only faintly hears the cries from the counselor. Paul starts to run after him, as does Joanne who has arrived at precisely this moment. They chase after him for blocks on foot – Paul curses himself for not driving that day but finally Paul tells a sobbing Joanne that Mark has to this for himself and she's not at fault.

Mark's small, and his camera is heavy but he keeps on 'til he gets to a subway station. He pays the fare and waits. His once rational mind is all but lost. At this point, it seems perfectly natural. He needs to start over, and he has to get out of the East Village. Brooklyn is the only other place he can consider finding a job and new roommates. And he couldn't tell Joanne or Maureen. They'd try to keep him under lock and key.

Or place him in a mental ward, which is where a small part of him feels he belongs.

XXX

He's in Brooklyn a week, staying in a Holiday Inn when he sees it. "Now hiring". It's a neat little bookshop, about a block and a half from the hotel, and Mark is drawn there.

The woman – at least Mark has to assume she's a a woman, she has a womanly form- behind the counter is short but butch. Very butch. Where Joanne still exudes some femininity, this lady is a little frightening. Spiky purple hair, piercings and tattoos don't help.

"Can I help you?" She asks.

"Um..yeah." Mark can't help but notice her nearly completely tattooed and rather muscular arms. "The now hiring sign?"

She nearly hops over the counter. "Can you read? Can you work a calculator? Can you count money?"

"Yeah...all three."

"Awesome. You are hired. I need a fucking day off."

"Um..I hate to be rude...Ms..."

"Holy shit, I'm a dip-shit. I'm Beth-Ann. Just Beth-Ann. And it pays...um...well, what do you think it should pay. I've not a had an employee in a while."

"Um..I just need to make a living wage. I'm... not from here." Not a lie, exactly. He's from practically the opposite end of the island, and it feels like a life time away.

"Oh...well...hey, do you need a place to stay? Me and my girlfriend live above here and we have a spare bedroom. Hell, how bout that? I'll pay you $100 dollars a week, and let you stay in the spare bedroom, rent free."

"Deal. Names Mark."

"Awesome. Mark, you are in charge. I'm going out, here's the key to the apartment, and one to the store. I'll let Kay know your coming up. I've got a piercing to get to." Beth-Ann speaks ridiculously fast as she throws two keys on the counter.

While she's gone, Mark gets a feel for his surroundings. It smells faintly of incense but that only partially hides the pot smell. It's obvious the few customers that come in don't mind the smell. Mark also notices the rather...psychedelic is a good word... color scheme. Something tells him that they don't just sell books and 25 cent honor coffee here. He briefly wonders why they haven't just opened a head shop, but pushes it out of his mind. Who is he to question a job and a free roof over his head?

He hums along with the music coming from the tape player. The Beatles. He only knows little bits and pieces of a few songs. As the afternoon wears on, he starts to listen to the lyrics more intently. He becomes enamored with "Eleanor Rigby" and rewinds it. Something in Paul McCartney's voice and the haunting string quartet really get to him. And the third time he listens to it, the lines start to sink in. "All the lonely people, where do they all belong?"

"Where do I belong?" Mark asks. He doesn't belong in the East Village any more and Brooklyn doesn't feel like home either. It goes without saying he's lonely. These thoughts hit him, and he begins to sob. Deep painful heartbreaking sobs. It is in this state that Beth-Ann finds him in when she gets back from her piercing after her business instincts tell her to check out how the new guy is going.

She comes around the counter and holds him tightly. "Shh....Mark...it's okay...whatever it is...it's okay."

Finally, Mark calms down enough to speak coherent sentences. "It's not okay. It's never gonna be okay again."

"Holy shit- you've really been through something." Beth – Ann doesn't exactly know what to do. She's just met this man and he's sobbing out that nothing is ever going to be okay again. She bites her lower lip, thinking she has one solution to his problem but A: he could be a cop – though if he were he'd have arrested her for sure- she reeks of pot. B: she's not sure how to bring up her solution and C:what if he thinks her a horrible person for even suggesting such a thing. She only means to offer her solution as help but some people say it'll destroy someone as messed up already as Mark obviously is.

"You have no idea how much." It briefly occurs to Mark that this is stupid to be pouring his heart out to a stranger like this but he needs the connection with someone new – someone who has never seen April's pale skin even paler in the bathtub compared to the blood around her, who has never had to eulogize a fantastically amazing drag-queen, never had to witness Roger's final goodbye to his love, film the will of a best friend, and hold the hand of a best friend while death comes to claim the last link Mark has to sanity.

Beth -Ann just sits there quietly. She decides that she will invite Mark to try a new way of expanding his horizons but not today. First, she has to get him to a better mental state another way. Or at least get him to check the baggage.

XXX

Over time, something like a month that seems an eternity to Beth-Ann, Mark spills his story. It's in pieces and never comes out at the same time, never in the same place, and rarely sober. Pot isn't the only thing in ready supply. Alcohol is nearly as common as water and where Mark should be weary of turning to substances to cope, he just can't care anymore. Either he drowns his pain or it drowns him.

Finally, one night, a month and half after arriving, Beth-Ann deems him ready to take a little trip.

Mark wants to object but what comes out when offered the little tab is "What the hell."

Kay agrees to watch. She's better at talking people out of things than her partner.

"Remember, if thing get way too much, just call out to me. I can talk you down from just about anything. I can't promise it'll work right away- sometimes it takes like a half an hour. But just go with it. Where ever it takes you- go. Don't fight it. Oh, and, unless you absolutely need a sober voice, talk to Beth-Ann. She may not be seeing the same thing, but she'll be on the same level of reality as you are."

Mark just nods. He takes the little tab and lets it dissolve on his tongue. He closes his eyes and waits for the magic to happen.

XXX HAPPY TRIP STARTS HERE XXX

The first thing that happens is he feels the floor below him turn to sand. It's warm and inviting and feels so good. Freakishly good. It doesn't even surprise him when penguins march out of the wallpaper. He takes Kay's advice and just goes with it.

"Marky...come and play Play-Doh with me." Beth-Ann. "It feels so good and it laughs when you poke it. Like the Pillsbury Dough-Boy."

The sand has turned to warm water and so Mark swims to Beth-Ann. Her hair gives off a smell- grape jelly and he feels that he should be able to taste it. He grabs at it but misses because his hand is suddenly very small. He opens the Play-Doh container and takes out the green. It too smells- not a smell Mark can define though. It just smells green. Like grass and mint and something just distinctly green. He pokes the green blob. Not only does it laugh but he can distinctly see the laugh. It hangs in the air. He does so again and again. The laughs form blocks and he begins to build with them in the water.

"Beth-Ann- look what I made. I made an underwater igloo. Come with me and explore."

"Can't right now, Marky-Boy. I'm trying to get into the container and it keeps shutting on me."

Mark accepts this and goes about exploring his underwater palace, until it melts. He vaguely hears the phone ringing but that's somewhere in the 'other realm'. He hears Kay saying 'He's not here right now'. He laughs. Silly Kay. Of course he's not there. He's here. Were everything is right.

XXX NARRATIVE RESUMES HERE XXX

The magic is fantastic and Mark wonders why he didn't try this earlier. He doesn't remember much about his trip the next day. But he does know that he feels worse than his worst hangover and it confuses him. Yesterday had been so happy and beautiful. That much he remembers.

"It's simple. This reality we live in when we aren't tripping is only a surface reality. You just unlocked a whole hidden part of your brain. We only use like 10% in normal life. Now that unlocked 90% has to readjust to being silent." Beth-Ann explains as she re-shelves some books the next morning.

"Any way to get past this feeling?"

"Nope." Beth-Ann pours him yet another cup of coffee. "You just learn to live with the hangover. You'll be back to 'normal' tomorrow but today, expect to feel like shit."

He just silently accepts it, pushes his glasses back up on his nose and stirs more sugar into his coffee. He realizes he will deal with the hangover if he gets to experience that feeling again. He may not remember the details but he does know that he felt so much better than he had since … well ever really but especially since he found April's body in the tub. He must have that feeling of warmth back.

His next two trips, which take place in as many months, are just as magical as the first. More so because Kay gets to join. A third person to the mix makes it so much better.

Then, despite all warnings to the contrary, Mark one day decides he should go on a journey by himself. It's about four months since his first trip, going on six months since he arrived in Brooklyn. He's been having nightmares about his fallen friends, and needs an escape. Acid is that escape.

Kay and Beth-Ann are out. Beth-Ann is minding the store, and Kay is getting a tattoo done. Mark takes his just purchased tablet and prepares himself for the magic again.

XXX SCARY BAD TRIP STARTS HEREXXX

It starts out happy enough. The floor becomes some state between liquid and solid, the walls melt away. Only this time, they don't melt into colors or just nothingness. They melt into the freakiest things Mark has ever seen in his life. Purely terrifying creatures that are not anything Mark has ever experienced in his waking life. But one has vibrant, fire-engine-red hair, one carries a pickle tub, one is at least part feline, one wears a beanie and one has piercing blue-green eyes. They come at him and come at him, but before they reach him they each disappear in horrifying ways. The red headed one dissolves into a pool of blood that mixes in with the floor. He tries to escape but the blood grabs his ankles and starts to pull him under. The one carrying a pickle tub burst into flames, which in turn starts to engulf Mark. He tries to scream but the one with the piercing eyes starts to strangle him. To Mark's horror, even when that apparition disappears in a 'poof' of musical notes, he finds he can't breathe. The one wearing the beanie burst into flames but continues to smolder for a while. The part cat one trips him and Mark falls under the floor. He thrashes around and screams for help. None seems to be coming and he knows he is going to die.

XXX NARRATIVE BEGINS AGAIN HERE XXX

Sick of getting the brush off every time she calls to talk to Mark, Joanne calls in some favors and finds the address of Beth-Ann and Kay. She and Maureen take a cab to the bookstore and march in.

"Hi, can I help you?"

"Are you Beth-Ann Silver?"

"Maybe. Whose asking?" Beth-Ann is a dealer as well as doer of LSD so she is always suspicious.

"Look, my name's Joanne Jefferson, and this is Maureen Johnson, my girlfriend. Our friend Mark Cohen has been living with you for six months and we just wanted to check on him. I don't know how much he told you but he really went through a hard time a few months ago."

Before Beth-Ann can react, she hears the thrashing upstairs and the screaming. "Oh shit" She whispers. She dashes out of the store and to the apartment. Joanne and Maureen are right on her heels.

They find Mark fighting off invisible to them but oh so visible to him demons.

"Fuck. I told that fucker not to do that by himself." Beth-Ann goes to Mark and takes him her strong arms.

"Do what?" Maureen has a sneaking suspicion what is going on but she plays dumb.

"Acid. He's in the middle of an apparently horrifying trip."

Joanne's eyes go wide and she acts on impulse. She pushes Beth-Ann out of the way and takes the filmmaker in her arms. Maureen takes the other side.

"Shh...Mark. Come back down. It's just Joanne. And Maureen. Nothing is gonna hurt you."

Mark whimpers incoherently and allows himself to be cuddled and cared for. Maureen and Joanne will fight the creatures for him.

They sit like that for hours. Mark eventually comes back to reality. He begins to sob and tremble as what just happened hits home.

"Come on, Mark. Jo and I are gonna take you home and get you better. But without this stuff." Maureen whispers.

Mark just nods. Joanne calls a cab and the two girls get Mark's stuff. They pile in the cab and Mark lays his head across Maureen's lap.

When they arrive at Joanne's apartment, Mark is too exhausted to say anything. He just lays on the couch, and sinks into a dreamless sleep, feeling that this is where he belonged the whole time.

XXX

A/N: Now we begin the upward slope. I'll update as quickly as I can.