AN: Moonlight update next, me promise!!

Chapter Six: Lady Softness

"You fiend!" cried the fair Lady Jimena, the back of her hand resting daintily on her forehead as she swooned, "You absolute fiend!"

"Perhaps," Lambert crooned, bringing an arm to wrap around his ladyship's girlish waist, her skirts fluttering as he bowed her down in what looked like the ending move of a tango, "But admit it, my dear, you desire it so."

"No, no I mustn't!" She protested weakly, "I'm a goddess, and you're so despicable and uncouth-"

"Darling, not even your eyes can deny my dark desire," Lambert said, "From the moment I unsheathed my sword you were completely powerless-"

Lady Jimena made a weak attempt to push him away, her low-cut bodice drawing attention to certain attributes as she did so, "No mere mortal can deny your malevolent charms. From your obsidian eyes to your well muscled torso, you are the living embodiment of Adonis! But, lo, this does not mean that I cannot resist you!"

Lambert let her go, and she twirled dramatically away, bracing herself against a pillar… dramatically.

"But, fair Lady Jimena, I know you wish for my sword in your sheathe!"

She gasped, pulling out a white lace doily and dabbing her neck with it, "But my lady-like softness surely cannot bear the sight of such a sword!"

"My beauty, you shall take it and like it!"

She finally surrendered, and Lambert put his antique weapon in the custom made sheathe that was an heirloom of Lady Jimena's family.

"There we are, now it won't rust," Lambert said matter-of-factly, hanging it on the wall before the phone started ringing.

---

Lambert woke up, blinking away sleep before he realized that he had passed out on the bear skin rug after a night of irresponsible Hawaiian Punch consumption, "Not even my sex dreams have sex in them…" he groaned, finally flipping open the phone, "Hello?"

"LAMBERT YOU WASTE OF OXYGEN, THE BOARD MEETING STARTED TEN MINUTES AGO-!"

Lambert rolled his eyes, hanging up the phone without a seconds' remorse, "Stupid Atrox," he mumbled, clutching the head of the stuffed polar bear before drifting off to sleep, hoping that Lady Jimena would reappear in his dreams…and that she'd be wearing that terribly low-cut bodice.

---

The Atrox growled in absolute fury as he chomped down on the end of a cigar, this was the tenth time he had called his number two number two (Stanton was his number one number two) and all he had gotten for an answer was a whiny 'Go Away!' and a dial tone.

"I must say, this is terribly irresponsible of my dear colleague," came a voice like chimes as Adamantis, his number three number two (one would wonder why he just didn't rank them sequentially, but this was the Atrox, supreme being of evil, and he was right at home with confusing organizational systems), leaned over his seat, his fingers steepled.

"Terribly irresponsible," came the fat Regulator to his side with a monocle, who the Atrox was pretty sure was his number 64 number two, and he wondered how the hell he had even gotten into this meeting.

"Surely he's aware of how important these board meetings are every fiscal quarter," Adamantis purred.

"Surely," echoed the Regulator.

The Atrox frowned, noticing that his number one number two was suspiciously absent as well, "Adamantis?"

"Yes, my liege?"

"Go find my number two," he said crossly, "And then beat Lambert's ass."

"Of course, my master."

There was this long, stifling pause as Adamantis looked squarely at The Atrox, as if waiting for further orders. The fat Regulator to his side did the same.

"What?!"

"…which number two, my lord?"

---

Jimena swore as she hung up the phone. Where the hell was everyone? She had tried calling all of the Daughters of the Moon and so far she had not met any success. When she called Vanessa, she had only heard some muffled giggling and Barry White music. With Serena, some drunken babble about a little boy crying and a pantsless dead man. And Catty…a shudder raced down Jimena's spine when she thought about all the sordid things she had heard when she called Catty.

She sighed. She really could use some help with the Lambert problem. It had been months since that creepy adventure involving Cupid, the love arrow should have run out by now. Yet it hadn't. He was threatening her boyfriend, her abuela said a creepy man stole her address book, and she was sure that he had gone as far as to kill an adorable kitten and leave it on her doorstep. Sicko.

Perhaps…perhaps she should channel Selene and use her own meditation to solve the problem. Maggie had always told her that most solutions come from within.

Taking a deep breath, Jimena settled into a meditative pose…

And was immediately surprised to see a blue hippy appear on her left.

"Holy shit!" Jimena swore, jerking out of her lotus position and nearly suffering a heart attack as she felt a breeze. Quickly, she looked at the figure next to her, recognizing the older looking woman with a kind smile and a pair of crocheting needles.

"Maggie?!" She exclaimed, certainly not expecting her long dead mentor to show up making tiny baby socks.

"Why hello my dear," she said calmly, the picture of serenity.

Jimena's eyes narrowed in suspicion, "I thought you were dead?"

"Oh, I am. Quite so," she said, finishing one of the little socks and immediately working on the other, "It was a most remarkable exit, if I say so myself. The Atrox was all 'blah blah blah' and I was all 'if you strike me down now I will only become more powerful than you ever imagined' and I dissolved into the Force-er, I mean pure energy."

Jimena felt a very stupid look crawl onto her face, "The Atrox said 'blah blah blah'?"

Maggie gave a delicate peal of laughter, looking over her successor from the ridge of her reading lenses, "Of course not. I was simply paraphrasing. He had his traditional, melodramatic diatribe that lasted forever. One could say he bored me to death." Another fit of giggles.

Jimena began to entertain the notion that dissolving into energy had left behind a lobe of Maggie's brain, "Um, why are you here?"

"Oh yes! I had plum forgotten!" Maggie said, setting down her baby socks and giving a level stare to Jimena, "I'm afraid there's going to be a spot of bother for you all-"

"A. Spot. Of. Bother?"

"Most certainly. As it turns out, Lambert Malmaris is quite besotted with you. Normally, a Follower being in love with a Daughter would be cause for great romance and angst spanning about thirteen or so books, but as it turns out, he is quite unattractive and therefore it goes against The Rules for him to have a romantic subplot," Maggie said gravely.

"Ugh, I know. The creep killed a kitten and left it on my doorstep."

"How unsettling."

"For sure."

Maggie frowned, "That, and the fact that another one of my Daughters is dancing the horizontal tango with a fuck ugly Follower-"

Jimena went a little green at not only hearing about Vanessa and Karyl doing it, but hearing it from the mouth of a tidy little grandmother figure.

"-I fear that our existence is in jeopardy. The Daughters of the Moon are in danger, Jimena. In danger of breeding hideous children and having relationships with total creepers." Maggie began to crochet again, far more nervously now.

Jimena frowned, "But…what should I do?"

"You must trust in the Force, er, powers of Selene. It is the only way. Follow your instincts, and do not stray down the dark path of the Followers."

"But what if I fail?"

"You cannot. Imagine a future Daughter of the Moon with Lambert's receding hairline."

Jimena nodded, feeling the heaviness of the situation for the first time, "Then I will try my best."

Maggie shook her head, finishing a scarf, "Do, or do not. There is no try."

Jimena's eyebrows furrowed, "…I'm pretty sure I've heard that pearl of wisdom before."

Maggie gave another giggle, "Oh, of course you haven't!"

"No, I meant that I had-"

"Anyways, you must protect the Daughters of the Moon from their own hormones," Maggie said with finality, "If you want, I shall accompany you in spirit on your quest to prevent the dark future from occurring."

"That'd be helpful," Jimena said softly, "I can't help but be a little afraid of Lambert-"

"Do not fear. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. Suffering leads to-"

"The Dark Side." She cut off, having seen this movie before.

Maggie blinked, owlishly and the silence stretched between them.

Jimena stared at her flatly, "That is what you were going to say, isn't it?"

Maggie coughed, "No it wasn't."

"I bet it was."

"I made a scarf for you!"

"…thank you."

"Don't want you to catch a cold, my dear."

And thus began the partnership of Jimena and the Jedi Master, er, Magna Mater in the quest to defeat the Unattractive Love Interests.

---

Catty gave a rather irritated huff as she lounged about on her dad's easy chair, absolutely hating the first twenty minutes of her bimonthly visit. Nefandus was such a drag, there was nothing to do except be nefarious and wear terrible outfits and any eye candy usually had chunks falling off them.

Not only that, but her dad was at a board meeting. She had a father that was one of the most evil creatures known to man, yet he still managed to spend all his time in the office like every other dad on the planet. She huffed, crossing her arms. She was almost eager to get back home, where her granola mother and her harem of boy toys would at least make things a little more interesting-

The door opened, and Catty straightened in her seat.

In walked her father, Adamantis, followed closely by one of his Regulator lackeys that Catty hated because they were so uncute. This one had a handlebar mustache.

"Hey Adamantis," she said in the typical apathetic teenager voice, picking at her nails.

Adamantis finished hanging up his cloak on a short servant, "Atetra? What are you doing here?"

"Catty," she corrected for the millionth time. GOD did her parents have terrible taste to name her Atetra Adamantis. She shuddered, that was almost as bad as being called Malevolent Dazzle or Sinister Sheen. Hello bad eighties hair band.

"Do not take that tone of voice with me, young lady."

Catty scowled, "I'll take whatever tone of voice with you I want!"

"I am your father-!"

She stood up, "THE DAY I CALL YOU FATHER IS THE DAY I DIE!"

Adamantis rolled his eyes. Children today, "Honestly, Atetra, neither of us wants to be in this predicament. If I would have known that screwing your mother sideways would have-"

Catty turned green, "Oh my god, you did not just say that about my mother!"

Adamantis shot her a level look, "And I'm to assume that you have innocent virgin ears?"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you dress like a harlot. Put on the damn robe Reginald sewed for you with his own sausage resembling fingers."

"That robe is tacky!"

Reginald gasped. He may not have a heart but he did have feelings.

"Oh, excuse me. I wasn't aware that being coated in body glitter was haute-couture."

"Oh my god, you totally don't get it! I'm an ARTIST, dad. Those are ARTISTIC!"

Adamantis snorted, "Truly? I must look at all of my Rembrandt paintings for teenagers in mini skirts."

"You are such a pretentious prick!"

Adamantis merely rose one eyebrow, "…and?"

"Guh! You so don't understand me!" Catty cried, running towards the exit.

Adamantis sighed, adopting a deadpan tone, "My darling, wherever are you going?"

"I'm RUNNING AWAY dickmunch!" She shrilled, before slamming the door, deciding that the noise wasn't loud enough, and reslamming it before vanishing into the darkness.

"Oh please, don't deprive me of your ever so charming personality," Adamantis protested…in a terribly sarcastic manner.

After a few moments, Adamantis exhaled a heavy breath, "Reginald, whatever is that smell?"

"Sorrow, milord, with a dash of teen angst and a hearty dose of paternal resentment," Reginald said cheerfully.

"Ah," Adamantis said, wafting the air in front of him, "Delicious."

He sighed, "Well, I suppose you better send someone after her, or something."

Reginald saluted, "Of course milord."

"Wonderful. I shall be searching for that blond headed fool."

Reginald squinted, there were an awful lot of blond fools in the Followers.

"Stanton." Adamantis clarified, and a darkened aura covered his face, "And I shall destroy him and Lambert, making me next in line for the throne."

"Mauwhauwhauhwa," Reginald chortled.

Adamantis looked at him, a sneer on his face, "What on earth was that?"

"…maniacal laughter, milord?"

"How sentimental of you."