Sorry for not updating for so long...!!!
Chapter 3
No secrets? Everyone needs secrets. "So what about this one?" I ask her. Emily says nothing. She just starts strong down my hips and up again. I love her soft hands, I delicate fingers.
"Naomi..." I smile, the way she says my name makes me feel so special. "I wanna tell people..." What? "That you're gay?"
"I wanna tell people about us..." WHAT? Nonononononono...I stay silent. I know she's looking at me, getting more and more disappointed. "Come to the college ball with me...like we are together..." I sounds like it had taken her everything to ask that. No...please I'm not ready for this...I sigh. "I don't want to do that" I say. My voice sounds cold because I want to hide any emotion like fear or guilt.
"Why not?" She asks me...Damage done.
I turn back to her. At least that I own her, I guess.
"Ems, it's nobody's business" I tell her. Now she gets angry. "Why? Who cares what other people think?" I do... "Emily" I hate it when she looks hurt like that, trying to sound angry, but all she is is disappointed and hurt. I turn on my stomach, trying to explain my actions.
"I'm...not like you." - I'm not that brave. "I'm not sure...like you are..." I say instead. "What aren't you sure of?" she asks, again scared, hurt. I shrug my shoulders. "Can't thinks ever be complicated?" ...I can make them!
She doesn't understand. "Fine, you like boys too..."
NO EMILY, I'm just fucking scared of getting hurt by you, by your sister or anyone else, who might hurt me if I hurt you, which would hurt me too...but instead of saying this and answer that "Maybe" I sound calm but inside I'm fighting, a battle between my stupid heart and my stubborn head. I can't look at her so I watch the ceiling.
"Maybe I only like boys... apart from you..." Well, at least I told her that I like her, right?
But Emily sees it differently. "Oh, that's fucking great! You are so in touch with yourself, aren't you?" We turn around so we lie back to back. I'm biting my lip. I hate doing this to her, but I'm not ready to go out there. What if I'm just an experiment for her...?
"Come to the ball with me?" She says, asks. I close my eyes. I can't...I shake my head slowly. I guess she understands my silence and I feel her getting up from the bed. No...please. I roll my eyes. She's so over reacting. "Don't do that?"
I turn around. "No, you don't do that! I'm not your fucking experiment!" She's getting dressed. I StèTZen myself on my elbows and look at her. I don't know what to say. She looks really pissed. "Where are my fucking...oh where are my fucking shoes? Oh fuck it, keep them!" I want to tell her so badly that I'm sorry but I just don't know how. She looks at me "I'm tired, so sick and tired of it" And she really does look tired. Still I can't find my words to say something. What do I want to say? That I'm sorry...? Right now, it wouldn't be enough. Or maybe... but she shrugs. It's to late, I know.
"We're still holding hands through a catflap, aren't we" she says, a statement. What does she wants to hear from me? I have no idea... "Have fun in Cyprus" she says with tears in her eyes. Then she turns away and goes out of my room, the shut of the door feels much heavier than it might have been if any one else would have been going out there.
I feel like crying. Taking a deep breath I hold back the tears. I fall back into my bed and all I can think of is that stupid red head who made me feel all this. I'm so confused. I can't hold the tears anymore and I cry myself to sleep, snuggle into the pillow, which still smelled like Emily.
The next morning I wake up, my eyes burn. The pillow under my head is wet, guess I was even crying in my sleep. It was a mistake. I have to talk to Emily. Quickly I get up and take a shower.
As the hot body is running over my body I remember Ems' soft hands touching my already burning skin. I think about her moans and my "fingers do their walking" down my body. Shortly before I push them inside me, the water turns into cold and I scream out in shock. "Sorry honey, I think the couple from before needed all the hot water." I can hear my mum shout. "Fuck" I scream.
I'm getting dressed, put on some make up and leave the house.
15 minutes later I'm standing in front of the house, where I've been sitting at the doorstep for 2 and a half hour, where I slept hidden in Emily's bed, without touching her, were I sneaked out in the early morning, which no one noticed, not even her. I'm scared...I'm scared like shit. I look at the windows on the first floor. I finally find my courage and move closer to the door when suddenly an woman bursts out of the house. We nearly bump into each other. I apologize, putting on my nice, polite I'm-just-a-friend-of-your-daughter-smile and look closer at the woman who starts to talk.
"...okay, I'm always in a rush." Oooooookay....I'm not sure what to think about her.
"Oh I'm sorry, I don't think we've..."She's looking at me closer. "Uhm...Naomi, I'm a friend of Emily's." Suddenly Mrs. Fitch looks schocked...What? Is it my name, or the fact that her daughter has actually friends? She looks at her watch and invites me in. "Oh...I thought you were in a r..." "NO, no...It's really fine, they are all still in bed. Come in." I'm scared like shit, why is she looking at me like this? And what does Naomi, if she's scared? Riiiiiiiight. "I should go..." I say, polite smile on my lips. Mrs Fitch steps forward. "Please"..Oh I know these brown eyes. Fuck, I need to talk to Ems.
I follow the woman inside the house. "Sit down, please." My smile is gone, with crossed arms I'm standing in the kitchen, slowly moving to the table. We sit across from each other and the false smile on Mrs. Fitch face is also gone. "I just..." I just want to speak to Emily, but the oldest Fitch woman interrupts me.
"Emily is really impressionable." Silence. She looks at me if I should have a clue what she is talking about....well I don't. "What?"
"She's the younger twin."..."Alright" There must be a huge WTF??? above my head.
"And that means that she's always somehow in her sister shadow. I don't know why that is, but it is. Katie is always in charge and I think that Emily wants to ...I don't know...do something to feel that she's...like..."
"I don't know what you are talking about..." And I really still don't have a clue... Emily didn't..no...no, she wouldn't...
"Yes you do" Mrs Fitch tells me, look at me as if...I don't know, have a disease. "So I want you to stop, putting ideas into her head, okay? She's not gay."
"I'm not gay!" It's like a reflex. "Right, then there's nothing to worry about then, is there?" I want to say something, but she keeps talking "because they are the apple of their dad's eyes. He loves them (...), you know?! Just the way they are, normal, happy twins and they are more alike then you'll ever know. "
"You sure of that?" Now I know, why Katie is like that, and I admire Emily for her courage and honesty and I feel ashamed for me being a coward. "I want you to disappear now, Naomi. Don't screw her up, okay?" Oh my god, how could Emily tell her family about us?
"Goodbye, Naomi!" I can't believe this woman. I actually jump from the chair and nearly run out of the house.
I send a text message to Emily. She always writes back, no matter how mad she is, but after two hours of nothing, I get scared. What if I really lost her this time?
I went to school but all I can think of is that red head. I have an important exam in the next hour , but I can't concentrate. I think I've send her 50 messages the past three hours and I tried to call her, but her phone was off. Now I'm ringing again but she won't answer it. SHIT! She just shut her phone off again.
Now sitting in front of the exam I feel like crying. I miss her, her voice, her looks, her smell...I loolk at my phone, but there is still no answer. Fuck it, I grape my stuff and leave the classroom. Totally ignoring the teacher's question.
A/N:...yeah..and guys...that thing called reviewing - it really works...makes me write much better.... so please... don't just do alerts and stuff.... write me what you think!