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Just Let Go
Act 2
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Warning: Scene of Drug Abuse :x Reader discretion advised! :XXX
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I dashed down the staircase of Hisoka's apartment, the wooden staircase echoing loudly behind me. I cringed at making such a loud racket so early in the morning, but as I burst through the main door and stumbled onto the sidewalk, I realized I needn't have worried. As luck would have it, Hisoka's apartment was located on the entertainment street of Ryuuseigai, King's Cross. 4 am here is like the evening rush hour in York Shin. Clubbers and workers finishing night shift were spilling out of bars and heading for the afterhours. Roadside kebab diners were doing brisk business. Smoke gushed from the stream of yellow taxis trawling down the street. The slushy snow wasn't spoiling anyone's fun, evidently. The streets were so crowded it might prove troublesome to make my way home on foot…
Before I had taken a few steps, a promoter grabbed my sleeve. I was standing in front of Club X, a famous strip joint. "You there sir, you look like you need a friend! Come on in, our girls are gorgeous; our boys are hot, come on in! Whatever you prefer, we provide~~" Without missing a beat, he continued speaking in a different language. " また、少年たちが; また、女の子が!"
The heck? The pimp thinks I'm Japanese?
"Sorry, I'm from Padokia."
"Pedo-?!" He gaped.
"I said Padokia."
"Ohoho, Pedo~~" He slyly wagged his finger.
"No! PADO!" Can't this guy speak English? "Get away from me! Ugh!" I shoved away his clinging arm and pushed forward.
"We have pedo too!! 10代の若者も!!!" He yelled desperately at my retreating back.
Pervert…
Damn, the road was simply packed with strip joints and sleazy pushers. I ducked into an alleyway, hoping to continue my journey down a quieter side street. I saw a short guy getting sick at the back, he leaned against the wall, breathing hard. I would've left him alone, but that mop of turquoise hair covering his face was unmistakable. He looked up, and I saw a huge gleaming eye, as big as saucer. And he recognized me too.
"Doctor!"
"…"
"Dr. Illumi"
I chuckled, scrutinizing the little punk with greater interest. I couldn't remember his name, but if he called me doctor he must be one of my clients from my acupuncture clinic. Pasty skin, greasy hair, dilated eyes. The normal appearance of a guy who's had too much to drink. His health was in no danger, but he ran the risk of getting mugged on his way home.
"You remember me, I'm Korotopi! Ya gotta help me, Doctor. I'm wasted."
I sighed, working for free ain't my cup of tea but I did swear the Hippocratic Oath in order to get license. Without wasting words, I rapidly hit the acupuncture spots on his forehead, valley of his lips and landed a sharp chop on the back of his neck. Korotopi fell to his knees and retched some more.
"Blearghhhhhhhh! blearrrgh ghhhhh!"
"Oi, my shoes."
"Ahh…I feel much better now. Thanks buddy." He managed to get to his feet unassisted, leaning against the wall.
"You're welcome." I turned to leave.
"Wait!" He pulled up a locket in the shape of an inverted cross from under his shirt and sprinkled something onto my palm, then onto his own. "Here, take a bump, my payment. I'm outta cash tonight, this is all I got…but please, you gotta do me a favor and help me get back home tonight, Doctor."
I stared at the white powdery substance on my hand, disgusted yet highly tempted. Korotopi quickly took his hit and his eye completely disappeared into the shadows. He looked so happy he was positively purring.
"What's this?" I asked suspiciously.
Silence. Maybe he didn't hear me. I repeated my question. Silence again….
The eye finally cracked open a slit. "Yeah?"
"What's this?"
"This is white powder, hehehehe."
"Baka! What kind of white powder?"
"The best kind, hohohoho."
"…"
I pouted. His answers were far from intelligent. I should have asked him before he took it, I guess. I felt lonely again, and thought of Kuroro. Shit, if this can help me forget… a nihilistic grin spread over my face. Since we were alone in an alleyway, in the middle of Ryuuseigai, why the hell not?
I took it.
I tasted it.
I felt nothing.
"Gee…Thanks" I said, disappointed. "Alright~ Let's get you home!"
I adjusted my schoolbag, looked at him then turned towards the exit of the alleyway. Suddenly, I felt clammy fingers brush my neck, then slide down my spine. I jumped in shock. I never knew Korotopi was so inclined-?!
"...."
"I got more at my place, Dr. Illumi." Korotopi whispered. He may or may not have winked; his hair was in the way. He grabbed my palm and pressed his body close to mine. Although he was shorter and weaker than me, not to mention hideous, on some level he possessed a warm body and its heat and weight was highly pleasurable to me….
Desperatism.
I was desperate for every shred of human contact, no matter how cheap.
I closed my eyes, a name seeped agonizingly out of my lips. Kuroro…
Luckily, before I could do anything foolish, a group of youths rushed down the alleyway, chased by cops. I returned to sanity. "Fuck off", I said, shoving him off, then dragged him by the collar back to King's Cross.
The street was teeming with yellow cabs. Gleaming golden headlights, pulsing engines, steaming exhaust. I quickly waved a cab down, opened the door, then shoved the drunken fool inside. Just as I slammed the door shut Korotopi sprang to life. "Hey!" He cried, pushing his head through the window, "Won't you come with me?"
"…"
"We can have breakfast together! I'll buy you a Sausage McMuffin!"
I slapped a twenty dollar bill on his face.
"Here's your cab fare."
Korotopi's eye widened, then filled with tears.
His little fists clutched me.
"I'm in love with you Dr. Illumi!
"…"
"I always have been!"
"…"
"I'm desperate!"
"My sentiments exactly." I whispered, turning my back on him.
All I heard was a pathetic whine "Wehhhhhhh~~" as the cab sped away.
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I walked a few steps forward, feeling a little weary. Then leaned against a lamppost. Everything looked so blurry before my eyes. The shophouses, the snow and the purplish orange sky all seemed to melt together like raspberry twirl ice-cream. I heard the harps of angels in heaven. Sweet euphoria was hitting me hard and I sank to my knees, cheeks pressed against the frosty metal. Uh-oh…my skin froze and got stuck to it. What should I do? Should I lick myself free? Will my tongue stick to the lamppost like in the movies? I laughed stupidly, holding on the lamppost as if for dear life, hands rubbing it up and down as I laughed until my sides hurt. God, if only I could be holding Kuroro now…
I heard the wheels of a car slow down in front of me, crunching the snow at an abnormal rate. I cracked open an eye, frowning. Five ugly mugs stared at me with excited eyes from the windows of a car covered by a white "hat" of snow. They seemed to be arguing over something.
"He is!"
"No, he's not!"
"He is – look at the way he's feeling up the lamp post."
I quickly retracted my guilty hands.
"He is!"
"No, he's not!"
Ouch! My face was still stuck! I grimaced.
"He is – look at the way he's smiling at us!"
I pulled my face away, the skin ripping loudly. YOW! It was so painful I fanned frantically at it.
"He is – look look, he's waving at us to stop!"
I glared through my tears of pain.
"Look, he's looking over now, ask him."
I scrambled to my feet, hugged my jacket closer to me and strode off, but the car started following me.
"Are you-?"
"No."
"Are you a-"
"I said no."
"How do you know what I was gonna to say?"
"…"
"…"
"How much does your ass cost?"
"…" I grabbed his face with my right palm until I heard a satisfying crack.
"Weehhhhhhh~" The driver sped off with a pathetic cry.
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"Excuse me, sir, but I saw what you did."
Oh shit, a police officer. What's he doing in Ryuuseigai?
"…"
"Prostitution is illegal."
"…"
"Why are you solicitating for customers so openly?
"…"
"Feeling desperate?" He guffawed.
"Excuse me, but I have to rush." I said softly.
"Wait." He stepped forward and blocked my way, then lit up a cigarette at his leisure.
"…"
"Quiet, are we?" he commented. He took a deep drag of his cancer stick, then blew it towards my face.
"Aww, did I just ruin your mood?" He smirked, then his voice lowered menacingly. "Answer me, what drugs are you on?!"
"High on life."
"Yeah right!! Who did you buy it from?!"
"I didn't."
"Stop lying! I saw you!!" He jabbed his cigarette towards me.
"Really?" I wasn't enjoying our conversation so I decided to end it. I peered into his face.
"Huh? What's happening? Your eyes...."
"Always look like that." My lips twitched.
"They're so big…"
"…"
"They're so black…"
"…"
"They're sucking me in…" His expression began to widen in fear.
"Look all you want."
"Eee-eeehh…" cold sweat broke over his forehead.
"You're smoking your cigarette the wrong way buddy." I whispered hypnotically. "Walk ten steps away, flip it around and suck on it."
"Yessir."
"Good evening."
I waved for a cab and got in. I'm too tired to walk anymore. As it pulled away, I heard a strangled cry.
"Wehhhhhhhhh!!!"
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I don't believe in empathy.
I don't believe in compassion.
I don't believe in acting like a crybaby.
...
The man that I love is in love with someone else.
...
Wehhhhhhh!!!
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I'm a licensed acupuncturist from Padokia, now a final-year physiotherapy student at York Shin University. I live in Ryuuseigai, a slum-like suburb north of York Shin. The cheap rents enabled me to get hold of a large loft space which I converted into a small clinic. Since I operated out of where I lived, my overheads were minimal. I soon gained a reputation of being the best acupuncturist in York Shin for the best price. At the same time, I gained the reputation of being cold and businesslike. That's completely true. I don't see the point of chatting with my clients. To an acupuncturist, the world is composed of silvery streams of energy in constant flux. If I see a blockage, I kill it with my needles. That's my job. Killing and healing in the same gesture. It's entirely physical. Talk, belief and prayers do not influence my rate of success.
So I found it really odd that I attracted so many clients from outside the mainstream. New Age types who believe in holistic healing. Many of them belong to obscure religious denominations also known as cults. That was how I met Kuroro. A leader of a highly reclusive Dark Arts Sect called the Spiders who only accept 13 members at any one point. He is also excessively devout to the extent that he tattooed a blue cross into his forehead…
The world sure is filled with all kinds of people~~
Surprisingly, though, Kuroro and I became good friends. He was the first person I knew outside my family who could also see the colorful aura around living things known as nen. Besides that, we were pretty close in age and lifestyle, even status, I thought. Until I realized just what a popular figure he was….he was The Kuroro, a celebrity community leader whose genius in organizing NGO initiatives around the world has benefited countless economies. Avid supporter of civil rights demonstration, works for the World Hunger Project and instituted numerous welfare reforms. He founded the Ryuuseigai Urban Renewal Fundraising Project and is its largest donor every year.
A hero who exists for the betterment of all humanity on earth.
He'll never be attracted to an antisocial jerk like me...
Damn him, I love him!
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He's here right now.
I felt his aura as soon as I walked into the stairwell. I instantly charged up two flights of metal stairs. On the third, sitting on a ledge with a huge luminous window pane behind him, was a young man reading a book. His features were silhouetted from the side, making them glow weightlessly. Especially his huge shining eyes and small, sensitive nose and mouth. He was wearing a dark blue suit trimmed with leather at the lapels and cuffs, straps and buckles at the bottom of his pants construction. Underneath he wore a grey cashmere hoodie with snowy white fur. The luxurious strands softly diffused the light so that his regular features became even more delicate.
He looked up from the book when he saw me approach. "Good morning, Dr Illumi" He said with a gentle smile. "Where did you go so early in the morning? From your aura…" he laughed. "You're still floating on cloud nine?"
How did he know? He's so intuitive, I'll have to be careful he doesn't find out about my night with Hisoka…
"Dior Homme… I wasn't aware you used cologne."
"Why are you here, Kuroro?" I asked somewhat gruffly, taking out my keys and quickly changing the subject. "Manage to create Peace in the Middle East?"
"No but I threatened to burn them in hellfire unless they promised peace."
"That's ironic..."
He was standing beside me and I could see there were dark circles beneath his eyes. His aura flickered with exhaustion, although that special charisma was always there, that says hey world here I am! "But I did chair a young writer's contest and uncovered a few budding poets. I'd rather spend time with real kids instead of childish egos trapped in aging bodies!"
I chuckled, feeling a blush spread over my cheeks. "Baka." I scolded.
"Eh, your place is as sterile as ever, you need to go out more." Kuroro commented, looking about. Except for books, incense burners and needles, my room was empty of all decorations. I was a clean freak who preferred everything either functional, or it shouldn't be there. "Tonight's a good start." He teased in his cold calm voice.
"Sterile? I happen to like it sterile. By the way, what happened to that book I lent you? Hurry up and return it."
"Yeah, yeah, I'll bring it next time ok?"
I brought him to my sleeping area on a landing above the clinic. He instantly flung his jacket and bag on the floor and before I could say anything, he had jumped into my bed and burrowed deep under the covers. "Sorry but I really need to catch some sleep."
I frowned a little, his clothes looked dusty but I didn't bring it up. "How long do you intend to sleep? Don't you have to go for some meetings later today?"
"Two days. I want to sleep for two whole days! I'm supposed to give a speech at some awards tonight. But I'm not going. Screw it, I had enough of human beings for a year. This is the first time I've managed to be alone in two weeks, I'll go crazy if I keep this up. I came here so I could avoid seeing anyone."
Huh? Don't I count as…someone, too?
"That's pathetic. People would laugh if they realized what an introvert you really are." I joked.
"What's wrong with being an introvert?" he mumbled, curling up under the covers as if exhausted. Only his silky black hair peeked out, spread like a small cloud over the grey linen. I gazed at him, feeling my cold empty apartment filled with unusual warmth.
"Hmmm…Illumi. In my bag." He murmured.
Eh? I fumbled through his bag, happy that we were so close this meant nothing to us. I saw a book wrapped in a blue envelop with gold sticker. Ah, Kuroro must have found a rare book. I removed the sticker and slowly pulled it out. The title emerged bit by bit…I could hardly believe my eyes.
Delayed Death Touch: Instructions to the Coroner of Padokia.
"UWAHHHHH!!" I screamed in joy. "Where did you get this?! I never thought I'd ever find this!" Secret ninja techniques about the pressure points, which are different from acupuncture points. These techniques are crucial for martial arts. I touched the precious olive-green cover with trembling fingers. From Padokia, no less. I couldn't even find it back home in Padokia!!!
"I wandered into a used bookstore and happened to see it."
"Awesome! Thanks! How much was it?" I looked fondly at the lump under the blanket.
"Don't worry about it. It's yours…for taking me in."
It's a present? Kuroro…you always give such thoughtful presents…you make me feel so happy that I can mean so much to you. But I can't help feeling bitter at the same time. Why are you coming to me…instead of "her".
"Why don't you go to Pakunoda's place instead?" I already knew his answer, but I couldn't bite back my neediness. "Wouldn't you feel even more comfortable with your dream girl?"
There was no flinching, no sighing…Nothing, only the soft sound of breathing drifting up from Kuroro's form. Just as I thought he wasn't going to reply, he finally said, "Pakunoda has family to take care of. I can't disturb her."
I grabbed the book and slid onto the floor beside the bed. "Oh really? Well if she's that close of a friend, she'll still let you stay over, wouldn't she?"
"I'm not as masochistic as you seem to think I am, Illumi….Paku's attention is completely fixed on her little brother…her happiness consists of making Kurapica happy. Oh, such a true, loving bond…so beautiful it makes me sick."
So you know she doesn't feel the same way you do…
"But in the end, I don't mind. As long as I still have your place. I feel the most comfortable being with y- zzz zzz zzz"
"The most comfortable."
Nice words. Let's hear it again: "The most comfortable" Although it was a petty thing to do, I purposely asked him about Pakunoda, just so I could hear those words from him…
"The most comfortable."
Before I knew it, I heard a deep, regular snuffling. Zzzzz, zzzzz, zzzzz, zzzzz, Oh! Did he fall asleep already? He sure can fall asleep fast…
I started to rant at Kuroro inside my head. "When you say you seek me out when you don't want to see anyone…do you have any idea how sad that makes me feel? Frickin, stupid, idiotic and retarded, jerk, BAAAKAAAAA. I'll assassinate you."
Kuroro has no idea I that I love him. If he knew, he would never be as insensitive as to do this to me. I shut the book and stared up at the ceiling …Face it, Illumi.
If he found out you love him…he'll never visit you again.
I know. I know. That's why I'm scared to say anything to him. If I confess to him, it'll ruin what we have now. I don't think I'll be able to stand being cold-shouldered by him. If things are going to turn out that way, then I'll rather not say anything at all.
That's your answer, Illumi…..
Don't ever let Kuroro find out you like him.
I won't let him find out I like him.
I mustn't let him find out.
I wasn't able to control the overwhelming rush of emotions. I drew my legs tightly to my body, overlapping one foot over the other. I hugged the book close to my chest and buried my face deep into my crossed wrists. If only it's Kuroro hugging me so tightly. Wouldn't you take me in too?
Baka…
Hurry up and notice me, Kuroro–
To be continued...
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A/N: Wow, another long chp! I hope it was interesting? Let me know how it went...Reviews are appreciated. Thanks! The second half the plot belongs to the creator of Junjo Romantica, the wonderful Shungiku Nakamura! ^^