Udate time! Hope you enjoy.

Cindy.

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"What Sam? What did Dad say?"

Sam's fingers continued to fiddle with the blanket that was draped over him. Fresh tears spilled from his eyes and he took a deep breath then lifted his eyes to his brother's face.

"Sam?" Dean queried, fearful of what he would hear.

Sam took another deep breath and softly began to speak.

Sam's eyes flew open wide, his breathing coming in short, spastic pants. Pain blossomed across his chest as a knife blade was drawn slowly and deliberately from right to left just below his collarbones. He was stretched out tight on the hated table and his head rolled away from where his tormentor stood. A voice reached his ears and Sam gasped when it wasn't the voice he had expected to hear. He rolled his head back to the left and tears instantly began to fall when he saw who was cutting him.

"D-Dad?" Sam whispered brokenly. "W-Why?"

John dragged the knife once more across Sam's chest, this time just below the first cut, slicing deeper then before and cutting at an angle so he sliced up to the previous cut, thus removing the flesh and muscle as he went. He smiled down at the restrained young man, a small chuckle rumbling deep in his throat.

"You want to know something Sammy?" John asked, his eyes filled with hate and disgust. "The day I found out that your mother was pregnant with you was the day I knew my life had changed forever. That the happy life I knew was over."

Sam blinked up at the man, his heart nearly exploding with grief and sorrow at the hate he saw in the dark, shadowed eyes. His tears continued as John began to speak again.

"I'd come home from another twelve hour day at the shop and Mary was so excited. She told me that she was pregnant and I just lost it," John said, the blade slicing a third time across Sam's chest, taking another strip of flesh and musle away.

"I asked her how she could have done that to me. Why she had to ruin our perfect life. We were living paycheck to paycheck, but we were happy. I demanded that she get an abortion, but she refused. She said we'd figure it all out. I knew the minute she told me that the baby she carried was wrong somehow. I don't know how I knew, but I did. I knew she carried a freak inside of her and I was right."

Sam's eyes widened at the revelation. He no longer felt the pain from the knife on his skin, the pain in his heart was so much worse. "No…you're not my dad. H-He loved me…"

"I hated you!" John screamed as he dug the knife in deeper. "You were a mistake! Dean was my perfect son. The only son I needed and wanted. Your conception ruined our family!"

"N-No…it wasn't my fault…" Sam cried softly.

"It was your fault Sam! Everything was your fault! I lost my beautiful Mary because of you. Dean lost his mother and any chance for a normal, happy life! That's all you do Sam. You suck the life from everybody around you. Your mother, me…Jessica. We're all dead because you were born. If your mother had listened, we'd all still be alive…happy. If she had ended that vile pregnancy…"

"But…you told Dean to…you told him to watch out for me. To protect me."

"Because I thought it was what your mother wanted Sam."

Sam cried out as the knife moved over his ribs, slicing straight to the bone. His head swam with the pain, but it wouldn't end. He willed himself to lose consciousness, but still the pain assaulted him. The pain in his flesh and the pain in his heart.

"W-Why did y-you fight me when I wanted to go to Stanford?" Sam gasped, his vision beginning to darken.

"I wanted you to go, that's why I told you not to. I knew if I was against it, you'd do it just for spite. I prayed that with you unprotected, you would fall victim to some predator, human or not, but you couldn't even do that right. No, it was your girlfriend who died instead. You left her alone knowing what would happen. You dreamt about it for days and still you left like the coward you are."

"N-No…you're wrong…my dad loved me. He d-did…"

"You were a mistake. An abomination. It's only a matter of time before you kill Dean too."

"No!!"

Dean sat on the edge of Sam's bed, speechless at his brother's revelation. He heard a mumbled curse from behind him and turned to see Bobby standing in the doorway, the icepack in his hand. It was obvious from the look on the older man's face that he had heard what Sam had said and that he was well and truly pissed. The two men's eyes met and Bobby nodded as he stepped up and handed the icepack to Dean. He moved closer to Sam and gently patted his shoulder. Sam flinched involuntarily, but then he looked up apologetically, his face a picture of misery.

Bobby smiled warmly before turning and leaving the boys to talk. Once the man was gone, Dean turned his attention back to Sam. His brother's chin rested on his chest and his shoulders shook as he cried.

"Sammy," Dean whispered, tapping Sam gently on the knee. "Look at me, please."

Sam looked up slowly and brought his hand up to brush the tears from his cheeks. When Dean was sure he had his brother's attention, he continued.

"It wasn't Dad…you know that right?" Dean queried softly.

"I…I guess…I don't know. I'm just so confused Dean. It looked so much like him and sounded so much like him…I just…" Sam started.

"What Sam?" Dean asked.

"Dean…Dad was…he was never the same with me, you know? He didn't look at me the same way he looked at you. It's like I could never please him…"

"Sam…"

"No Dean…you know its true. You were there. There were times when…when…" Sam stammered, his eyes dropping.

"Sam…Dad loved you. That was not Dad. That was Alastair. Demons lie and you know that," Dean said, his hand gathering Sam's hand into his.

"But, sometimes they don't…not if the truth hurts more," Sam whispered.

"Sam…Dad loved you so much. You maybe couldn't see it, but I could. He was so proud of you…"

"Then why didn't he tell me Dean? Why couldn't he just show me just a little bit of that? All I ever saw was his disappointment."

"I don't know Sammy. It was just his way."

"Not with you Dean."

"Sam…"

"I'm sorry. You deserved his praise. Dean…you were the son he wanted…needed. Maybe I was selfish. I know I'm a freak, just like he said. An abomination. I can see why he didn't want me…"

"God damnit Sam! That wasn't Dad! Dad loved you! He wanted you!" Dean shouted, his eyes widening when he saw the sudden look of fear on his brother's face.

"'m sorry…" Sam whispered as he scooted down on the bed and turned on his side, his back to Dean.

Dean brushed his hand through his hair, mentally cursing himself for his outburst, Castiel's words running through his head.

"Sammy…I'm sorry. Please…look at me…please?" he pled.

Sam slowly turned onto his back and his sad eyes stared up at his brother.

"Sam…nothing that Alastair said or did while wearing Dad's face was the truth or what Dad would have done. He loved you more than anything. He never would have asked Mom to have an abortion. Never," Dean said, his eyes pleading with Sam to believe him.

"It wasn't just Dad…" Sam said softly.

"What? What do you mean Sam?" Dean asked, a knot forming in his stomach.

"Mom…uh…she was there. A-After Dad left…"

"Oh Sammy…it wasn't her."

Sam continued as if he hadn't heard Dean, his eyes staring off as if he was seeing something other than the room he was in. "She said she should have listened to Dad. She said she could feel the evil growing in her, but she couldn't do anything about it. She said…she said I killed her…"

"Sam…you can't possibly know how much she loved you…you were too little, but I know. I saw how she glowed when she held you. She couldn't stop looking at you…touching your little feet, kissing your wiggly toes. She would just beam when you'd wrap your tiny hand around her finger. Dad too…" Dean insisted, rage burning through his veins at the demon who dared to put these horrible thoughts into his brother's head.

"But I did kill her Dean. She'd be alive if…"

"Don't Sam. She died because of something she did…not you. Look, I never wanted to believe there was anything but light and goodness with Mom, but you received the demon blood because of her."

"Dean…it was for Dad…"

"I know that Sammy, but she brought Azazel to your nursery that night…"

"No…don't say that Dean. It wasn't her fault," Sam cried, moving to sit up, but hissing as he grabbed his shoulder.

Dean pushed Sam back down and placed the icepack on his shoulder.

"Well, it wasn't yours either Sam."

"Dean…do you really believe Alastair was lying?"

"Without a doubt Sammy. You are wanted and you are loved. By all of us…"

Sam smiled sadly then opened his mouth and yawned. Dean reached out to pull the blankets up when he noticed his brother's eyelids begin to droop.

"Get some sleep kiddo. You're beat," Dean instructed softly.

"Dean?" Sam asked softly.

"Yeah?"

"Are…are you going to be here when I w-wake up?"

"Of course Sammy. I'm not going anywhere kiddo."

"Thanks Dean," Sam said, his eyes closing and his breath evening out.

Dean slumped his shoulders as the words that were said to Sam slammed through his mind. He wasn't sure if he could leave Alastair for Sam to destroy, his fury was so encompassing. The demon was going to pay for what he'd done to Sam. For what he'd done to him.

Dean stood and went to the chair by the door and pulled it over next to Sam's bed. He sat on the chair and settled in. He was not going anywhere that his brother wasn't. He gazed upon the peacefully sleeping man on the bed, prepared for the nightmares that he was sure would come. When they did, he would be there. Sam would not have to be alone in this. He would never have to be alone again.

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Well, that was just wrong. Sick and wrong. Alastair must die! Please review.

Cindy