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Disclaimer: I don't own South Park, I never will...blahblahblah.
Cartman was just about to go into the lunch line when he felt someone tug on his collar. He turned around, to see Wendy. Cartman tried to look disgusted, and he did just a fine job at that.
"What do you waunt, ho?" he asked casually, slowly walking over to the line. "What I want," she replied, correcting the way Cartman said 'want', "is to give you this article about obesity." she handed over three sheets of paper printed out from the internet, and then cutted Cartman in the line, but he didn't even notice.
"What do you mean, article about obesity? I'm not fat!" Wendy raised an eyebrow. "I'm seriously, ho!"
The sad part was that Cartman honestly, and truely, felt he wasn't the slightest bit obese. "I'm big-boned and full 'a muscle!"
He said the last part so loud, it caused the whole elementary cafeteria to burst in a roar of laughter. "Oh my gawwwd, fuck you!" Cartman grabbed a purple lunch tray, piling many plates of food on.
He took a seat at his regular table, which consisted of Stan, Kyle, Clyde, Token, Craig, Butters, Kenny, Tweek, and Jimmy. However, there was an extra seat; Kenny had died earlier that day.
So Wendy took a seat, right across from Cartman.
Kyle glanced over at him, and Cartman looked like he was gonna burst with either anger, or shock, or any one of those things Cartman has that might be called 'feelings', if you could actually believe he had some of those.
"Cartman...um...you gotta come with me back to homeroom. I forgot something." Stan looked away from Wendy, and said, "I'll come with you, Kyle. And Wendy, too."
Cartman really wanted to puke. And for a change, he was slowly eating his food.
"Nah, it's okay, it's Cartman's...um... lunch money I borrowed from him yesterday." Stan raised an eyebrow, as Kyle had brought his own Kosher lunch yesterday. Figuring it was something personal and that his best friend was lying, he nodded. "'Kay. Anyway, what were you saying Wendy?"
Cartman got up, grabbing one of his many cookies from his tray and followed Kyle out the cafeteria. "Okay, Jew-boy, what did you want me out of there for?" He chomped on his cookie, causing crumbs to fall out of his mouth and Kyle to crinkle his nose in plain disgust.
"You were gonna fuckin' explode in there! We'd both get caught." Cartman rolled his eyes. "I have self-control, you know."
Kyle stared at him for a minute.
"Yeah....sure you do." He tried to convince himself it. "Anyway; I have a great plan that'll get me and Stan together and you and Wendy together!"
"We'll pretend to date each other!"
NO, this is not turning into an CartmanxKyle, so it's not gonna end up like that. It's just a small part of the plan.